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Episode 449 – How to Make it Through Your First Sober Concert?
Today we have Santino. He is 35 from Taunton, MA and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022.
Our latest Ditching the Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
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[03:05] Highlights from Paul:
Today’s question comes from Kelly in our Café RE Up Group. The question is “how do you make it through your first sober concert?”
The first of eight fantastic tips include giving yourself a little alcohol-free time before going to a concert. Once you’ve got some time under your belt, and the cravings are in check, then you can hit the green light on concerts. Regardless of how many days you have, if you are feeling squirrely the dray of the concert then sit it out. Sobriety is the priority.
Paul then shares several tips to include:
- Always have a non-alcoholic beverage in hand.
- Do not volunteer to be the DD.
- Make sure everyone you are attending with knows your intentions.
Some of the best parts about sober concerts? You will remember it. You will save money. You won’t get a DUI on the drive home.
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[10:14]: Paul introduces Santino:
Santino is a repeat guest and has maintained his sobriety since his last appearance on episode 397 where he was on day 43.
Santino is married and has one son. For fun, he loves going outside in nature to go hiking and go to the beach, but he also says that there is fun in everything since quitting drinking.
Santino had his first drink as a young teen. His mom was a single parent for a while, and he feels that he may have started drinking because the absence of his father bothered him. He learned that alcohol became a friend to him, and he feels like he used it for connection with his father and in contrast, to disconnect from her mother.
Santino joined the Air Force out of high school and found alcohol to be part of the culture. Between his early 20s and his early 30s he started deliberately planning his drinking to include before going out and drinking alone. Santino says he used a lot of rationalization that he wasn’t as bad as other people when it came to how he drank. He often pushed off having to think about it.
There wasn’t much hiding it from his spouse initially because they both drank. His hiding became more intentional as time went on, specifically after his son was born and during the pandemic. He found himself being sneakier about it. Santino started struggling with mood swings and being less communicative and didn’t want to address the fact that he needed help to quit drinking. He started to realize that this was going to destroy his family and he needed to rip the band aid off and address it. Once he addressed it with his wife, he felt freedom but was also worried about the process.
In the early days of his recovery, Santino and his wife began counseling to work on rebuilding their relationship. Santino also found that he started to feel healthier in general, was getting better sleep and did not miss the hangovers at all. Santino has been able to save money which assisted him with paying off some credit card debt he incurred while drinking. As a parent, he feels more centered and present with his son.
He attends AA frequently, listens to podcasts, and surrounds himself with others in recovery.
Santino’s parting piece of guidance: give yourself grace in all the moments that you feel that you don’t even deserve it.
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