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Episode 497 – I Can’t – You Can – Take It
Today we have Shelby. She is 38 years old and from Windsor Ontario. She took her last drink on December 23rd, 2023.
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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul seeks to soften the entry point to AA and simplify the first three steps. For many the steps are intimidating. They are nebulous, part dogmatic and for some there are simply too many God or higher power references. But the do make it clear many times that this God (higher power) is of your understanding. You can even use a red stapler as your higher power – they will fully support you.
The first three steps of AA:
- We admitted we are powerless over alcohol
- We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
- We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Which can be broken down to:
- I can’t
- You can
- Take it
Paul says he feels the most powerful part of AA isn’t the God stuff, it’s the group. The group is always stronger than the individual.
I can’t, the group can. Here you go. I’ll see you all again tomorrow.
[10:18] Paul introduces Shelby:
Shelby is 38 years old, lives in Windsor Ontario and works for a car manufacturer on the assembly line. For fun Shelby enjoys all sports, camping and hiking.
In high school Shelby was very athletic. When she was 15, she decided to focus on hockey and made it onto a junior team. She learned about hockey culture and part of that is drinking and partying. Due to traveling and playing hockey Shelby didn’t have time to drink much during high school.
While attending a development camp for hockey, Shelby had an injury that put her on the side lines. Throughout her time at Ohio State, doctors would tell her she was fine as she continued to suffer injuries that eventually required surgery. Shelby had dreamed of going to the Olympics and never considered she might not be able to.
She left school early and felt like a failure. Shelby knew her drinking was already an issue, and she needed a change of scenery. Shelby says she didn’t have an identity outside of being an athlete. Alcohol and being social became a distraction for her and she avoided playing hockey for a long time.
The older she got; the more Shelby didn’t feel like she had accomplished anything. Life after being an athlete was tough for her. Around 30 years old she realized she needed to make some healthy changes. She accepted an offer to play hockey with some friends and ended up getting coaching opportunities afterwards. She decided to do it and since she was getting back in shape, she decided to quit drinking for three months which led to almost two years.
After losing a close uncle, Shelby drank after his funeral. She continued to drink for a few years and tried using moderation techniques. At an alumni game, she was not able to play due to an unhealed injury. She showed up drunk and ended up losing her coaching job. After this she decided to quit drinking again.
Since quitting this time around, Shelby has started attending therapy. This has helped her uncover some of her issues. She does not care for AA and says in the beginning it was hard doing things that she used to do while drinking. Shelby deals with cravings by going for walks, listening to podcasts and using her quit drinking app. She enjoys doing things that she missed out on when she was younger. Shelby also looks forward to trying new things and traveling. Her clarity is so much better, and she loves that she knows she can make plans and keep them.
Shelby’s parting piece of guidance: start today and start small and take it slow.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up.
I love you guys. We can do this.
