RE 199: This Mindset is Key to Sobriety

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Asaph, with over 6 weeks since his last drink, shares his story…

A link to the mentioned Russell Brand podcast episode with Gabor Maté.

Gratitude, what is it good for?… everything.

Gratitude is a topic that needs to be continually covered in recovery. It’s a box in recovery that will never be checked, because it is ongoing.

How do we create a mindset of appreciation? Apply some conscious attention to the things in your life that are there for you, whether it be people, or your left elbow. Don’t take things or people for granted. Remove or avoid the sources of negativity in your life.

Gratitude is good for our brains. It positively stimulates the hypothalamus. We can’t function without grace. We are wired to be a grateful species.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things in our lives, but what about the not so good times? Gratitude can help us get through life’s challenges. In fact, we can even become thankful for them. Challenges and obstacles become our teachers and often send us on paths we wouldn’t always go down on our own.

We can, and must, find joy in everything.

SHOW NOTES

[11:58] Paul Introduces Asaph.

Asaph is 37 years old from Windsor, Ontario. Sober for over 6 weeks. He was raised in a cult called “The Children of God”. He lived in India, and had 5 children. He and the wife split, and that’s when he began to drink heavily. He’s a waiter, though he pursues art as a professional career.

[16:15] Give us a little background about your drinking.

He began to hit the bottle hard when his marriage fell apart. He was around age 31 when he had his first drink. He left the cult around 28. He remembers alcohol being a guide, allowing him to be himself. When he explored recovery, he learned that he had a lot in common with other people. He tried to moderate, etc. He would black out and swear that he would never drink again. He found himself going against his word.

[23:13] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?

He feels that he had many. He realized that rock bottom was a moment when one decides that enough is enough.

[25:20] How did you finally end up quitting?

His sister helped him sign up for rehab. She convinced him that he had a problem. He had many relapses. He realizes that he can learn from them.

[30:30] What are some of the lessons you have learned in relapse?

We need one person to be 100% vulnerable and honest with. He needed to get out of his own head a bit. He finds it spreads into other relationships as well.

[32:45] What is a typical day in your recovery look like?

He listens to recovery podcasts. He enjoys Cafe RE. He recognizes when he wants to feel isolated. His default setting is alone. He needs human contact to keep a more positive perspective.

[35:51] Have you figured out why you drank?

It was his default coping mechanism for everything.

[37:10] What have you learned about yourself in recovery?

His recovery is directly connected to his entering the public world. Drinking became the way he discovered the outside world. He wants to get his business up and running. He feels like he can do anything that he puts his mind to.

[39:40] Have you had any cravings and what do you if they appear?

He believes cravings don’t last more than 20 minutes. They used to paralyze him because he thought they were forever.

[40:50] Rapid Fire Round

What was your worst memory from drinking?

Woke up half drunk and he knew that he was powerless to a bottle of vodka by his bed.
Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?

When he lost his driver’s license. He looked back in hindsight and he realized that something worse could have happened. The moment was gradual.
What’s your plan moving forward?

He will continue to do what works. He uses Cafe RE. He wants to surround himself with people and books that continue to inspire him.
What’s your favorite resource in recovery?

A million little pieces by James Grace. Black Castle. My Fair Junkie.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?

The idea that you can put the shovel down whenever you want to.
What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?

If you relate to a lot of the bullet points when you google what a alcoholism is like, you probably have a drinking problem.
You might be an alcoholic if…“.. you are drinking in the middle of the night because you feel you can’t go without it.”