Kris Oyen, Author at Recovery Elevator

RE 582: What Are We Connecting To?

by Kris Oyen | Apr 13, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Ron. He is 67 years old from Milwaukee, WI and he took his last drink of alcohol on February 19^th, 2026.

This episode is brought to you by:

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[02:57] Thoughts from Paul:

The village, the community, the tribe, has been completely destroyed in the last couple hundred years, and this messes with us big time. Okay, the opposite of addiction is connection, but what exactly are we connecting to?

The big one here is yourself. If you’re disconnected within, everything in your outside world will be fractured also. The next big one is when you connect with others. But even after that, probably the biggest connection is the one with nature.

There’s no coincidence as our war against nature intensifies, so do ailments such as addictions, chronic pain, depression, and anxiety disorders. We are being called home, and it’s a beautiful thing. So how do you build this connection with nature or the natural world?

I’ve got good news for you. You are the natural world. So, this separation is false from the first place, and it’s a mind-created fiction. So go outside, read a book outside, download the Merlin Bird app, and learn the birds that call your neighborhood home.

[08:04] Paul introduces Ron:

Ron is 67 and lives in Milwaukee, WI. He is the president of a large restaurant company. He has been married to his wife for 12 years, has two grown children, five grandchildren and two dogs. For fun Ron enjoys travelling, reading, golf and time with family.

Ron says he first drank when he was a teenager, but it was very occasional. He says that most of his adult life, he did not have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol until he was around 52 years old.

In 2010, Ron was going through a divorce and opened a sports bar. He spent a lot of time there buying and drinking shots while interacting with customers. Ron says going from a non-drinker to a daily drinker happened very quickly.

Ron’s drinking went unexamined. He was professional, he was doing well and it wasn’t impacting his work. He was working out, running marathons, everything on the outside looked functional. Around 2012, Ron realized he was having too many hangovers and tried many forms of moderation for eight years.

In 2020, Ron decided to quit and did it for 13 months. Although he was mindful during this time, Ron says he was a dry drunk and didn’t have the layers of tools that he would need to maintain sobriety. Alcohol was continuously around and he became tired of being the only person who did not drink. It only took two weeks for Ron to end up right back where he was.

Ron and his wife began golfing and drinking a lot during the pandemic. His wife went from being a moderate drinker to being a heavy drinker. In 2024, Ron began to notice she was having a challenging relationship with alcohol too.

Ron’s wife’s drinking habits were different than his, but they began having some issues communicating and connecting. He started talking to her about moderation, but those efforts didn’t work for her. She decided to check into a 30-day inpatient program and within three days, Ron says he saw his wife come back spiritually. It was then that Ron knew he had to quit with her.

Ron’s last drink was the day before his wife got home from rehab. This time he is using more resources and has additional accountability with his wife. He began reading and listening to podcasts and by the time she got home he was ready. Ron and his wife have started going to counseling and are doing the work together and individually. Included in their recovery is attending AA, SMART recovery and Café RE. Ron realizes how important community is on the recovery journey.

Ron’s parting piece of guidance: lean into people.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down,

We got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 581: The BEST Way to Feel Better

by Kris Oyen | Apr 6, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Lidia. She is 41 years old from Seattle, WA and she took her last drink of alcohol on August 31^st, 2025.

This episode is brought to you by:

[01:40] Thoughts from Paul:

Some of you may have seen the title of today’s episode which is The Best Way to Feel Better. And that’s why you’re tuning in – to feel better. Maybe you’re in early sobriety and you’re not feeling good.

Paul shares with us how the best way of feeling better has taken place in his life. It comes when he may be having a bad day but has an interview with a new guest scheduled. There have been a few times where he was hoping that they wouldn’t show but has discovered that within the first few minutes of talking with them – he feels better.

The best way to feel better is to talk to another human being. Talk to someone you trust, maybe make an unplanned visit to a friend’s house. There is a reason they call it the 10,000-pound phone. Because the mind (or addiction) wants you alone. Just knowing this makes it easier to pick up the phone.

[06:09] Paul introduces Lidia:

Lidia is 41 years old, and lives outside of Seattle with her husband, their daughter and their dog. For fun, Lidia enjoys hiking, puppy yoga, her daughter’s Girl Scouts and the local community theater.

Lidia was born in Warsaw, Poland to young parents and says alcohol was a big part of the culture. She recalls having her first drink to celebrate her second or third birthday. When she was six, she and her mom immigrated to the US. Her mother worked a lot, which left Lidia to fend for herself a good bit.

During her teen years, Lidia would attend summer camps where it was easy to find older kids to buy her alcohol. The closest relationship she had was with

Throughout the teen years and college, Lidia says she was good at drinking and wore it as a badge of honor. After reaching adulthood, the drinking was a daily occurrence finding any excuse to drink whether at home or out with friends. Alcohol was correlated with fun at this time in her life.

Lidia met her husband when she was 27. They were both members of a rock-climbing community and became climbing partners. It wasn’t long after meeting that they ended up married and having their daughter. This was the first time that her relationship with alcohol was threatened because she felt they needed to be more responsible with a child.

Lidia used alcohol to cope with postpartum depression. The first red flag first showed when she realized she was drinking and driving with her daughter. Lidia didn’t know much about recovery or how to support herself through it, so she was full of shame and guilt. Eventually she told her husband and ended up enrolling in an IOP, attending AA and got sober for four years.

Because Lidia had quit for her daughter and not herself, she began to have resentments and felt like she wasn’t having any fun. Since she related fun with alcohol, she went back to drinking. It was then that others were watching her and she assured them she was fine. Lidia began trying to hide her drinking because she didn’t want to feel the judgment.

Last summer, Lidia was told by her husband that she would lose her family if she continued drinking like she was. They chose a quit date of September 1^st and for motivation, Lidia registered for an RE trip to Costa Rica which was five months away.

The first 30 days went well for Lidia. The pink cloud arrived and she started feeling better physically. Month two found her crashing a bit and she began learning how to slow down. Going forward, Lidia is looking forward to spending more time with her daughter and the Girl Scout troop, getting involved in the local community theater and celebrating all of her wins, big and small.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we’ve got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 580: Sensitive People

by Kris Oyen | Mar 30, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Harvey. He is 71 years old, lives in Fort Myers, FL and took his last drink on January 18^th, 2026.

This episode is brought to you by:

Café RE – THE social app for sober people

Registration for our annual Bozeman retreat begins on Wednesday April 1^st. This event takes place August 12^th-16th. This retreat is all about fun, laughter, smiles and silent disco. We didn’t quit drinking to not have fun! Musical guest Uprise will be back and it’s going to be another awesome year.

[03:54] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares with us and excerpt from Shannon Alder regarding sensitive people. See if this rings true for you:

“Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they will end the friendship. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing and the ones that often become activists for the broken-hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.”

Would you consider yourself a sensitive person? It isn’t a bad thing at all, because you feel. And look out, it’s the sober, sensitive person through their healing that heals others. That’s the work we are doing here.

[08:01] Paul introduces Harvey:

Harvey is originally from Brooklyn but has lived many other places and currently spends his time between Virginia Beach and Fort Myers, FL. Harvey met his wife in 1980, and they have been married over 40 years. He works part time for CNN audio and just celebrated his 71^st birthday.

Harvey took his first drink when he was 16 and says it wasn’t the “a-ha” moment that many others have had. In college, weed was Harvey’s drug of choice until it stopped working for him. He was able to quit easily but alcohol proved to be different.

In 1987 after a move to LA, Harvey and his wife got into the wine culture. It wasn’t until two years later that he began to question his drinking and realizing he often woke up not feeling well. This began a tradition of Dry January where Harvey and his wife would quit drinking to let their bodies heal but never because they thought they were alcoholics.

In 2011 Harvey had his first turning point in his drinking. He was apparently hiding his drinking from his wife. When she confronted him with the empties he was hiding, he decided to go to an addiction counselor. They recommended AA and Harvey attended daily until he attempted to work the steps. The Higher Power aspect soured him.

Harvey went back out for more field research. Over time his wife was growing tired of his drinking and he eventually decided in 2024 to get back into recovery and discovered Recovery Elevator and Café RE when seeking alternatives to AA. He says he jumped right into the community and hasn’t left.

Going forward Harvey is doing this for him and not just for his family. There have been a few difficult bouts of field research, but Harvey is committed to continuing his recovery. He acknowledges that he is coming to the acceptance phase of his grieving of alcohol. Harvey is exploring new hobbies, specifically music. He intends to continue going to Café RE chats, walking and being open to more opportunities to have fun.

Harvey’s parting piece of guidance: don’t put it off till next month or to Monday. If you’ve made the decision that you want to quit, do it immediately.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we’ve got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 579: Don’t Question the Decision

by Kris Oyen | Mar 23, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Butch. He is 49 years old and is from Indianapolis, IN and took his last drink on November 1^st, 2025.

This episode is brought to you by:

[02:33] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares and excerpt from an interview with Steve-O, who has 17 years of sobriety.

Steve-O said the worst thing would be to kinda have alcoholism. To kinda have a drinking problem. Because kinda is where people live for 20 years. Kinda is how you blow your 40s. Kinda is how you show up halfway to everything that matters. For your kids, your marriage, your job, your actual life. And then wonder why nothing ever feels real.

And while you’re busy deciding whether it’s really that bad, the years are passing by. The other side of what Steve-O is saying – he isn’t just describing a trap, he’s describing a clear escape plan. By being here, you have already made the call. Maybe it’s still messy and maybe it’s still early and maybe some days you’re not sure what you’re doing. But you are here fully.

We are done with “kinda”. You’ve made a decision, now don’t question that decision. The years that are left are yours, listeners. Now you can show up for them.

[07:31] Paul introduces Butch:

Butch is 49 and lives in Indianapolis with his wife and their cat named Ezra. For fun he is learning to play the bass guitar and recently started blogging.

Butch says he had his first drink in high school and found it helped him cut loose, relax, be funny and he really enjoyed it. His drinking was mostly off and on until he and his girlfriend were out on their own in his early 20s and nobody other than his wife knew he was drinking so much. He had responsibilities but struggled to hold down a job. After about a year and a half, Butch was able to reel it in to just binge drinking on weekends.

Over time Butch was spending more and more time drinking by himself in his basement and not having the energy to do much the next day. He would then try and tell himself it would only be one or two drinks, but that never happened. It wasn’t until his early 40s that he started to question if he had a problem. His wife at the time wasn’t very supportive of him when he asked for support with his attempt to take a break from alcohol, so he continued to drink.

Soon after this marriage ended, Butch got remarried in 2022. A few weeks later he quit drinking for seven months and says he felt great physically and mentally. It was a trip to Vegas on his birthday that he found himself drinking again. Butch says he moderated while on the trip, but after coming back he found himself slowly drinking more and more even though his wife wouldn’t allow him to isolate like before. Eventually Butch started feeling the anxiety coming back and just wasn’t feeling good about his drinking. He is approaching 50 years old, has anxiety and physical pain and was just ready to stop.

Around his recent sobriety date, Butch burned the ships with his family and friends. They have all been very supportive of him. He woke up the morning of November 1^st and was ready to give it another try. Within the first few weeks he started exercising and eating better, he and his wife would go for walks and go to bed early. He was feeling great again.

Butch never spend much time at church before being married to his current wife so they have been going regularly. Prayer and AA has been helpful to Butch. He has no plans of drinking again but knows it’s “one day at a time”. Some of the resource and recovery tools that Butch uses are podcasts, books and has recently started blogging in the health and wellness space but there is a lot of crossovers with his recovery. Butch is off of anti-anxiety medications, looks forward to travelling more, learning to play his bass guitar and hopes to get a car to work on soon to keep himself busy.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down; you’ve got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.