Kris Oyen, Author at Recovery Elevator

RE 508: Your Job is to Have Fun

by Kris Oyen | Nov 11, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 508 – Your Job is to Have Fun

Today we have Fanny. She is 39 years old and lives in Wilmington, NC. She took her last drink on February 3^rd, 2021.

Recovery Elevator is going back to Peru in October 2025. On this 10-night, 11-day trip of a lifetime, we will be hiking the Inca Trail and participating in two service projects. Registration opens January 13^th and closes May 30^th in order to secure tickets to the Inca Trail.

Sponsors for this episode:

Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month

Sober Link – $50 off of device using this link

[01:43] Intro:

Better Rhodes recently sent Paul a couple of drinks to sample, and he shares that they were all fantastic. Gone are the days when O’Doul’s was the only alcohol-free option around. Paul says his favorite was Hiyo.

Better Rhodes – code RECOVERYELEVATOR15

[04:05] More thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares an article called Benefits of Play for Adults that shares the importance of being playful as adults. Remember that as a child, you were naturally playful without alcohol. Somewhere along the way we forget how to be playful and then we link alcohol with having fun.

This is great news for healing. Just like some of us have goals to hit a certain amount of steps in our day, you should aim to have at least a certain amount of laughs. Laughter is the best medicine and some of the side effects may be a boost to your immune system, release of endorphins, reduction of stress and anxiety and improvement of mood.

Your job, listeners, is to have fun. The healing pathway will contain challenges, but overall, it cannot be more stressful or boring than when you were drinking. You need to have fun and please don’t take yourself too seriously at any moment on this journey.

[09:48] Paul introduces Fanny:

Fanny has lived in NC most of her life and recently proposed to her fiancé who she plans to marry in March. For her profession, she says it’s all things food. Recipe developer, food writer and content creator. For fun, Fanny enjoys outside activities such as biking, hiking and walking her dogs.

During high school and college, Fanny says she drank like any other college kid and always enjoyed a party. Over time, Fanny found herself using alcohol to push down negativity and some lingering questions about her sexuality.

When Fanny moved to California for a while, she said drinking was fun again. She says she learned a lot about herself there including that she didn’t want to be an actress, her real passion was food, and she found herself wanting to return to North Carolina.

After moving back, Fanny met someone, and they eventually married. Drinking was a big part of their lifestyle. They moved to Illinois for his job right before the pandemic and found themselves isolated without family and friends. Fanny says the drinking ramped up and there were some incidents that gave her a lot of guilt and shame. They eventually divorced and Fanny moved back to NC.

Fanny started a relationship with a friend from college who expressed their concerns over drinking because their ex had an issue. Fanny assured her that she was not like she was in college. After a two-day bender, it was Fanny’s girlfriend that helped her call her parents and get some help. Fanny was able to find a rehab in Western NC with the help of her therapist.

Fanny says the first few days were tough, but eventually she settled in and became a sponge trying to learn everything about the addiction. Through her rehab she was exposed to several different recovery modalities and found she enjoys Recovery Dharma the most. She really identifies and enjoys the Buddhist perspective on recovery.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives the set up fee

RE 507: Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

by Kris Oyen | Nov 4, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 507 – Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

Today we have Jason. He is 56 years old and from Minneapolis, MN. He took his last drink on December 31^st, 2021.

Sponsors for this episode:

Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month

[01:06] Intro:

In today’s episode you are going to hear Jason say that he doesn’t identify as an alcoholic. How many alcoholics do you think have been interviewed on the podcast? Paul says the answer is zero.

Zero because whenever people hear the word alcoholic, the first things that come to mind are homeless, living under a bridge, brown paper bag. Zero guests have fit this description.

Studies show that only 5% of alcoholics are actually homeless, living under a bridge, etc. However we are all walking the same path regardless of how far it takes us.

It’s never too late to get help, and we’ve got your back. The real villain here is alcohol, not the addict. In 2024, you can be alcohol-free, you can be sober, you can be sober curious, you can be an alcoholic in recovery. At the end of the day it’s all about getting honest with yourself.

[04:16] More thoughts from Paul:

Drinking can be challenging in the first 30 days. Paul shares with us a piece about this that uses an analogy comparing our brain and neurotransmitters to toy boxes and toys.

During recovery, our brain is resetting itelf now that the alcohol is halted. This will take time. A couple of week to a couple of months. Go slow, be kind to yourself and let the body heal. Your part is not drinking, and the universe solves the other part which is time.

[07:36] Paul introduces Jason:

Jason has lived in Minnesota all of his lfe, currently in Minneapolis. He is married with two sons, 14 and 12. He works in sales. Jason says for fun, he is getting into golf and he is a pilot who enjoys flying for fun as well as for business.

Jason says he had his first drink as a junior in high school. It wasn’t a remarkable event but he ended up becoming a typical drinker: parties and weekends, etc. He got married when he was 21 to his first wife, and she did not drink. Therefore Jason didn’t drink much during his 20s. The company he worked in sales for, had a big drinking culture that Jason started to get more involved in. Around the same time his marriage wasn’t working out and he found himself divorced and drinking more often afterwards. At the time it didn’t feel out of control although in hindsight Jason feels it was excessive – almost daily and every weekend complete with hangovers.

In his 40s Jason met his current wife who is a social drinker. His drinking continued, but he did begin to question it. He began to try a lot of methods of moderations, some of them worked for him but it became exhausting after doing it for about five years. On December 17^th of 2021, he had decided he was going to quit. He says he drank a lot for the first week or so after that as a reminder to himself of how bad it was.

On New Year’s Eve, Jason had two beers and ended up dumping out half of his third. He was done. Jason said the first month went well and the biggest thing he missed was having something to look forward to. Once he made the decision it wasn’t that hard for Jason.

Jason shares that he read a lot and listened to podcasts which really helped him. He mentions the book Almost Alcoholic which helped him identify that he was in the middle ground with his drinking. Jason has had no desire to return to drinking and his cravings were few and far between over the last nearly three years. Going forward, Jason wants to find more hobbies and things he enjoys doing with his kids. He enjoys the subtle calm that is in his life now.

Jason’s parting piece of guidance: you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic for quitting to be the best option for you.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down, we got to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

We can do this.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives the set up fee

RE 506: Drink Yourself Sober

by Kris Oyen | Oct 28, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 506 – Drink Yourself Sober

Today we have James. He is 33 years old from Birmingham, UK and he took his last drink in May 30^th, 2023.

Café RE is now off of Facebook and we have our own app. If you’re looking for accountability with others who are ditching the booze or have already done so, we’d love to have you.

Sobertopia – a platform for all things Alcohol-Free

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[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

Today’s guest James said something that sparked a dormant memory for Paul, which was to drink yourself sober. Paul shares how in the summer of 2014, he knew he was quitting drinking, it was just a matter of time. He was reading quit lit and the alcohol was no longer working for him.

Trying to expedite the quitting, Paul drank with the intent to give himself more reasons to quit. Even though he does not recommend anyone do this he shares this as a reminder that paid that we listen to, embrace, and no longer run from can be one of the best teachers. It can shine light on where not to go. And pain is also the crack where the light of healing enters.

As Paul has mentioned in a recent episode – it takes what it takes, and he had to embrace the pain and even purposely step into it more in order to start the healing.

[08:52] Paul introduces James:

James is 33 years old; he works in administration at a university. He is a musician in a few bands and has been doing a lot of touring. He also enjoys reading, walking with his partner and spending time with his cats.

James shares that he doesn’t remember his first drink but remembers a few occasions in his teens where he went overboard when there was free access to alcohol. He says it was clear from the start that he was “all or nothing” when it came to drinking.

Between ages 18 and 26, James worked in bars and was around alcohol a good bit. He also got introduced to other drugs but saw his usage of alcohol and drugs just part of the lifestyle. Both James and his partner had transitioned to 9-5 jobs. He says he took the lifestyle with him, but she did not. This contributed to them drifting apart. Since he was able to work hard and party hard, he didn’t see an issue.

After moving to another town alone, James says there was less of a balance between work and play and on a few occasions feels he should have lost his job. If anyone ever spoke to him about his drinking, he would brush it off as he was just living in the moment and as an artist the struggle would benefit his work.

Off and on, James would moderate and was able to quit for a bit in 2020. After a little over 100 days, he felt like the monotony of the day-to-day got to him and he started drinking again. He didn’t care much about his job and was somewhat relieved to be able to go to gigs with the bands and not worry about not drinking.

He ended up moving back to Birmingham and reconnecting with his partner. They moved in together with the rule that he wouldn’t bring that lifestyle home. James started the job he has now and started only drinking on the weekends or at gigs with the band. Over time, he recognized that alcohol was creating a lot of problems for him and it was no longer much fun.

On May 31^st James decided he had to let it go for good. It wasn’t his first rodeo, so he knew what to expect. Accepting that nothing worth doing is going to be easy was helpful for him. He is making living amends with his partner and says it means more to him than he can put into words that she has been there for him through it all. James treats every day like day one and checks into sober communities often. He says he scared himself straight and keeps a mindfulness around cravings and that drinking one help anything.

James’ parting piece of guidance: If you’re thinking about it, you probably need to. There is no shame in falling and picking yourself back up.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 505: What is Recovery?

by Kris Oyen | Oct 21, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 505 – What is Recovery?

Today we have Dave. He is 46 and lives in Boston. He took his last drink on March 5^th, 2023.

Sponsors mentioned in this episode:

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There are two spots left on our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam. This upcoming January 9^th-20^th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.

On January 1^st, 2025, join us for Dry January. We meet 14 times as a group during the moth and the session days are Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays.

And in February, we are doing out first ever alcohol-free Singer/Songwriter course. In this six week course you’ll learn all about the song writing process, hear from professional musicians about how they write songs, and you’ll write and perfect your own song during the course. Experience with an instrument is recommended to required as this is not a “how to play and instrument” course.

[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares that when he first began his alcohol-free journey, the word “recovery” was loaded for him. He initially didn’t want anything to do with it and didn’t really understand what it meant.

In a post from Café RE a member named Adam shared a little about what recovery means to him. Paul expands on that commenting about what recovery means to him as well. Russell Brand sums it up pretty well by saying we are “recovering the person we are meant to be.” We have no chance of doing this with alcohol in our lives, or at least, many of us don’t.

There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze and take what you want and leave the rest. Paul says he isn’t suggesting building your own program from scratch at the beginning. Pick a program or community and give it your all. If there is something that scares you, that’s where you need to go. Recovery is uncomfortable at first, but definite worth it.

[08:36] Paul introduces Dave:

Dave was born and raised in the Boston area. He has been married for 20 years and has two girls that are 16 and 13 years old. He enjoys all things sports including golf and spending time supporting his daughter who plays hockey. He also enjoys reading and exercise.

Dave grew up in a tight knit family with a father that had chronic illness. He says that his father’s illness as well as the illnesses of other family members really shaped his life, and he never felt safe.

Dave witnessed his parents drink, but never saw them drunk. He avoided drinking throughout high school as a rule follower and it created anxiety for him when he did.

In college, he did drink a bit on the weekends, but nothing crazy. Dave says once he recognized that the drinking stopped some anxiety, that is when a problem developed. He would drink casually on the weekdays and more on the weekends. As life began to be a little more stressful after having kids, every social even revolved around having drinks. Since drinking helped him feel safe, he started doing it more frequently over time.

A health scare had Dave thinking about his drinking for the first time. He didn’t quit right away but did start seeing a therapist and talking about it. He decided to quit for a while, but never committed to it long term. Dave started drinking again and it increased gradually over time. Over the next few years, it increased in quantity and frequency.

Another health event 18 months ago found Dave realizing he needed to commit to quitting. His first week was really tough with anxiety and poor sleep. Podcasts and therapy along with joining Café RE were very helpful for Dave. After several months, it was his wife that helped him realize that he is now a non-drinker. For Dave the top three benefits of being AF are a clear mind, presence and confidence.

Dave’s parting piece of guidance: Just do it and stay with it.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, got to take the stairs back up.

You can do this.

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