Kris Oyen, Author at Recovery Elevator

RE 540: I Wish

by Kris Oyen | Jun 23, 2025 | Podcast

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Today we have Natalie. She is 55 years old from Palmdale, CA and took her last drink on June 4^th, 2023.

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[02:28] Thoughts from Paul:

This week’s intro is about acceptance. We may wish we were a little bit taller, we may wish we were a baller, and we may wish that alcohol wasn’t marketed as being good for us when it’s a class one carcinogen. We may also wish that we could drink normally, but many of us cannot.

The thing about acceptance is that it is not about giving up, it’s about waking up to the fact that that’s just the way it is. When we finally stop wishing against reality and stop bleeding energy into a fantasy world of how things should be then we can start working with what actually is.

Acceptance is not about admitting defeat or giving up, it is acknowledging the truth which doesn’t care about your feelings, but it will set you free.

When you accept that alcohol isn’t your friend and that you can’t drink normally, that’s not rock bottom, that’s solid ground and something real to stand on. Life isn’t waiting for you to figure out how to drink responsibly. It’s waiting for you to square your shoulders and start accepting that you’re exactly where you are right now.

[07:36] Paul introduces Natalie:

Natalie is 55 years old and lives in Palmdale, CA. She says her most important job is being a mom to her autistic 15-year-old son. She enjoys spending time and going on adventures with him. Recently she has started volunteer work at a food bank and being of service in AA.

Natalie didn’t enjoy alcohol when she first tried it and says that she was mostly a social drinker for many years. In her mid-30’s, she sought help with her sleep issues. She was prescribed Ambien and really liked the idea that she could take something and check out quickly. Over time it progressed to where she was drinking and taking the drug. Natalie began to rely on Ambien more and more as she travelled frequently for work.

Life got very stressful for Natalie after her son turned two and they realized he didn’t have speech. That began a year of doctors, assessments and therapy and her reliance increased. Natalie would doctor shop to try and get more of the drug and resorted to her ordering it online and getting mass quantities in order to feed her habit.

Natalie started attending NA and after she had about 60 days, she received the diagnosis that her son was autistic.

When the COVID lockdown happened, she realized that she would have a hard time getting Ambien and she says that she changed from being an addict to an alcoholic. Natalie quickly became a daily drinker, often starting in the mornings. After her son was able to return to school, Natalie began a routine of dropping him off and then getting and drinking two bottles of wine before passing out until it was time to pick him up.

Moderation was something Natalie struggled with. Her husband we getting increasingly upset with her and she would make attempts for a few days to cut back. Her husband, who is a normal drinker, ended up quitting to try and help her make the decision to quit as well.

After a rock bottom trip in Las Vegas, Natalie decided it was time to quit. She found an AA meeting that she could attend right after dropping her son off at school. Natalie started attending daily and got a sponsor. She feels her relationships with family and friends has improved and even just day to day interactions with strangers are better.

Natalie says “when you leave the rooms of AA, there are people that you will never meet and that you do not know that will be better off for you having been in a meeting that morning. That their day and their life is actually better because you took care of yourself in that way.”

Recovery Elevator

Rule 22. Let’s lighten up and not take ourselves too seriously.

I love you guys.

RE 539: Why Aren’t You Drinking?

by Kris Oyen | Jun 16, 2025 | Podcast

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Today we have Brooke. She is 47 years old from Pittsburgh, PA and took her last drink on September 27^th, 2024.

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[02:02] Thoughts from Paul:

When we get asked why we are not drinking, Paul shares that we should be turning the question around and asking them why they ARE drinking.

We can ask them questions like why they are spending $12 on something that can erode their insides and leave them with a hangover the next day. Or ask them why they are drinking a Class 1 carcinogen and is linked to seven different kinds of cancer?

Or another direction to go with this “why aren’t you drinking” question is that you don’t have to explain yourself or justify anything to anyone. In fact, be the catalyst. Be the one that switches the question in your community. But don’t shame people. Don’t say it with an aggressive tone but say it with presence and say it with love.

This isn’t about shaming anyone and it’s definitely not about you being right and others being wrong, but it’s about reclaiming the narrative. When you flip the question, you give others permission to question the script they’ve been handed. You become part of the change simply by standing in your truth.

[07:19] Paul introduces Brooke:

Brooke is 47 and has lived in Pittsburgh for 23 years. She has been married for 25 years, and they have two young adult children ages 22 and 20. She works in a test kitchen. For fun, she has pets, loves to garden, and has property to horseback ride on.

Brooke was the youngest of three girls. She and her family moved around a lot because of her father’s work and when she was 13, they moved to California.

When she was 14, Brooke was groomed into a relationship with her volleyball coach that lasted for two years. There was alcohol involved in a lot of their relationship, Brooke says. Brooke grew tired of the secret relationship and wanted to be a normal teenager with friends her age.

Brooke got a DUI when she was 18 which derailed some plans she had for college. She didn’t think she had a drinking problem but learned not to drink and drive. Brooke got a job working for a ceramic studio and met her husband soon after. After they married, they moved to Pennsylvania where her husband was from and began a family.

Having a newborn and not having any friends in a new place proved tough on Brooke. She and her husband were normal drinkers prior to this, but Brooke began drinking wine almost every day. There were a few occasions when she would drink too much and conversations would be had about it, but over time they would be forgotten, and it would happen again.

Tired of the cycle she was in, Brooke decided to quit and go to AA meetings. She says she didn’t go enough to become part of the community and after three years just stopped going. Brooke remained sober for another year after that. One day she randomly decided to have a drink and concluded that she could be a normal drinker. It worked for a while, but the cycle eventually returned.

After a night when Brooke had to be walked home by a neighbor, her husband confronted her. Brooke knew that words weren’t going to work and that she needed to take action to get this under control. She has learned to accept that she cannot drink and lives in that truth.

In recovery Brooke has learned that she loves yoga. She has always been a fan of recovery podcasts and still listens to them frequently. Brooke hasn’t attended AA and says that she isn’t against it, but her life is full now.

Brooke’s parting piece of guidance: if you’re here listening, just stay curious.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down; you got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 538: How to Let Go Part II

by Kris Oyen | Jun 9, 2025 | Podcast

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Today we have Kimmy. She is 34 years old from Montrose, Colorado and took her last drink on April 3^rd, 2017.

This episode brought to you by Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Café RE – THE social app for sober people

Here are some upcoming events at RE:

Bozeman Retreat from August 6^th-20^th, 2025

Peru in October (registration closed)

Dry January 2026

Ukelele Course in February 2026

Costa Rica in February 2026

AF Songwriting Course in March 2026

[04:12] Thoughts from Paul:

A few weeks ago, Paul did an intro titled “How to Let Go” and then told us that had no idea how to let go. Since that episode, he has started looking at this from another angle.

Paul shares that there was a time in his life that he would drink over things that he was unable to let go of. He says that progress has not been in letting things go, but it has been in his reactions to events and happenings in life.

When drinking everything was a knee jerk reaction with no space between the stimulus and the response. Recovery has taught him how to pause, to wait, to gather his thoughts before responding to an event or trigger.

One strategy with this is to not add a good or bad label to whatever happens in life. What seems like an unfortunate life event now may later turn out to be a great thing. Our reactions to life in general are the key to letting go. If we lean into the space between stimulus and response, and remain neutral to all of life’s unfolding, there will be less that needs to be let go of.

[08:59] Paul introduces Kimmy:

Kimmy grew up Big Fork, Montana and grew up riding horses and competing in barrel racing and rodeos. She says overall she had a good childhood.

Kimmy says that she had her first drink when she was 17 and feels that drinking was a problem for her right from the start. Several events that happened in her teens drove Kimmy to use alcohol to cope with her feelings around them. She would take shots of her mom’s liquor and then drive 30 minutes to school already drunk.

After leaving college, a friend of Kimmy’s said she was moving to Telluride for ski season. Kimmy went with her and while the friend left after the season was over, Kimmy stayed because she enjoyed it there.

After having multiple rock bottom moments, Kimmy tried different techniques to quit drinking or moderate. They all backfired, she says. Eventually she turned to her faith in a moment of surrender. She didn’t quit drinking instantly, but over time grew to see that alcohol was no longer doing anything for her.

Kimmy took her last drink at the end of the ski season in 2017. It was one beer, and she isn’t even sure she finished it. She was able to quit and after nine months told her father, who also drinks, and he was so proud of her she just wanted to keep going.

Kimmy says working has been a big part of her recovery as she currently has four jobs. She stays close to her faith and although she doesn’t attend church, she reads her bible frequently. Kimmy has goals now and shares that she didn’t really have any after getting derailed by some events in her teenage years and turning to alcohol. It has taken time, but Kimmy is getting back to riding and competing and sees this current year of sobriety as a year of redemption as she looks forward to improving in these endeavors.

Recovery Elevator

It all starts from the inside out.

I love you guys.

RE 537: Alcohol-Free Barn Dance?

by Kris Oyen | Jun 2, 2025 | Podcast

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Today we have Santino. He is 37 years old from Taunton, MA and took his last drink on May 24^th, 2022.

This episode brought to you by Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Exact Nature use code RE20 to save 20% off your order

Recovery Elevator has merch! We have hoodies, patches, shirts, tank tops and bracelets. Help us keep this project going and shred the shame!

Last call for registration to our sober travel trip to Peru. Registration closes tomorrow June 3^rd.

A study on the state of restaurants revealed that 40% of restaurants in 2025 plan to dedicate more space on their menus for alcohol-free drink offerings. And Door Dash reported an 82% jump in non-alcoholic beer orders in 2025 alone. Things are changing and they are changing fast!

[03:29] Thoughts from Paul:

On episode 527, Paul talked about how Gallitin County, Montana is the drunkest place in America. Ironically, this is where much of this podcast is recorded, and this is where Paul got sober. We are reminded that quitting drinking can happen wherever, whenever, regardless of how drunk we think our cities/counties/states are.

Recently Paul read in a newsletter about a local event that said, “come join us for a night of alcohol-free country line dancing, swing dancing and two step”. Paul reached out to the organization putting it on and they thanked him for his support and said that they believe that country, swing and line dancing shouldn’t be exclusive to bars.

We at Recovery Elevator couldn’t agree more. Rule 22 for the win!

[08:18] Paul introduces Santino:

This is Santino’s fourth appearance on the podcast. He first appeared on episode 397, and then returned for episodes 449 and 491.

Santino is 37 years old, has been married for 10 years and they have two children aged six and almost one. He is originally from the Midwest but currently lives in Massachusetts. Santino is currently working on writing a memoir regarding his childhood.

Drinking got out of control for Santino in his late twenties when he realized he was becoming a daily drinker. Trying to moderate didn’t work as the line in the sand got further and further away for him and he was drinking in isolation. Santino says before he could reconcile with the fact that he didn’t know how to stop, he had to first define what an alcoholic was.

Santino had dabbled in AA in the past while in active addiction as well as during a court order after a DUI. He never identified with it because he wasn’t ready to quit. After reconciling that he had a problem, he started going to AA regularly and participated in the meetings. Santino really resonated with the idea of a higher power.

The first six months into his recovery Santino says he struggled with shame. Coming to terms with his past is something that he knows he will be living with indefinitely.

Santino works in the addiction field and understands that relapses can be part of many people’s recovery. And while he feels that relapse isn’t a bad thing but is greatly stigmatized.

Santino says the most profound healing that took place when he stopped drinking was his perception of himself. He stopped putting so much stock into how other people viewed him.

To put his years of sobriety in terms of themes, Santino shares that the first year was “darkness” the second year was “climbing” and the third year so far has been “practice”.

Since Santino’s last interview he has welcomed his second son, continued to work on his relationships, still has the same job with the homeless and people with addictions, and working on being the best dad he can be to his two sons.

Santino’s parting piece of guidance: you have to treat sobriety like you would treat anything else delicate in your life. It requires carefulness, it requires mindfulness, but it also requires full vulnerability.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down. You have got to take the stairs back up.

You can do this.