by Kris Oyen | Jul 24, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 440 – How to Undo Trauma
Today we have Kathy. She is 31 from Dillworth, MN and has been clean since June 13th, 2016.
Thank you to all of the Café RE chat hosts. You all do a great job!
We have an exciting new sponsor for the podcast! Go Brewing has an amazing lineup of NA beers. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off your order.
[02:06] Highlights from Paul:
Before we get started, how is your summer going? How is sobriety going? How is your AF clock going? How is your life going? Regardless of your answer to all those questions, Paul reminds us that we are not alone. Recovery Elevator is right here with you every step of the way.
A recent study of baboons revealed that establishing robust social connections in adulthood, is so beneficial to the animals that it can mitigate the consequences of traumatic experiences during their early years. There’s that word again. Connection. In addition, researchers have found that once these connections are made, the baboons report living longer lives.
We have learned, are learning – that building connections helps us depart from alcohol. When we first enter an actual relationship with the molecule alcohol. It’s a wonderful courtship, but we soon realize that alcohol gave us wings, and then took away the sky. We must replace the connection we had with alcohol with something else.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[09:39] Kris introduces Kathy:
Kathy just celebrated 7 years of recovery. She lives in Dillworth, MN, she works in care coordination with the F5 Project and has five children ranging from 5 to 18. For fun she hangs out with recovery friends while doing a variety of activities.
Kathy’s parents were both addicts and she was in the foster care system early in life. She would spend her childhood moving in and out of foster homes. When she was 12 she ended up living with her brothers and stepfather because her mother went to jail. Kathy wanted to be like her older brothers and started drinking to have a good time.
It didn’t take long for her drinking and drug abuse to get out of control. Kathy ended up getting pregnant at age 16 by a man she didn’t know well. She says she no longer had parental support. She quit all substances through her pregnancy and had a goal to be a different mom than her own. She was unable to stay quit and felt a lot of guilt and shame surrounding it.
Kathy was not able to stay clean during her second pregnancy and after having the baby she spent a lot of time stealing to support her habit and her children. She ended up trying rehab at one point but was unable to stay sober for very long.
Kathy feels she didn’t have great parenting skills and ended up losing custody of her children due to the drug abuse. Some felonies found her in jail and she tried to use this as an opportunity to get clean. After losing a close friend, Kathy asked her stepfather to bail her out. After about two months of using again she decided to get clean because that is what her friend would have wanted for her.
She was able to get into inpatient treatment and felt this time that she was truly ready. As soon as she arrived, she went to a drum ceremony where she felt her spirit being awoken. She started learning about how her trauma affected her which helped her shed her shame. After treatment Kathy lived in a halfway house for a few months and upon getting out had her third child.
Kathy started going to school for social work and was able foster her nieces who she has now adopted. She loves her current job as care coordinator and giving back to others.
Kathy’s plan in sobriety moving forward: to keep on giving back, anywhere and everywhere.
Kathy’s parting piece of guidance: You have control over your actions, and you can train your brain to be and do better.
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Recovery Elevator
It all starts from the inside out.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jul 17, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 439 – Developing a Spiritual Practice
Today we have Liz, she’s 38 from LaVale, MD and took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.
Thank you to the Café RE chat host, you all do an incredible job!
Athletic Greens
[02:22] Highlights from Paul:
This is not a religious podcast. Paul feels that religion and spirituality are not two sides of the same coin.
When we drink alcohol, spiritually, our electrical current to the universe is severed. In fact, in many cultures, the name alcohol literally means, soul sucking spirit. Then mentally, the chemical alcohol turns our brains into tepid soup. After that, we have the physical component – pancreatitis and liver failure come to mind.
What is spirituality? What is a spiritual practice? We are connecting with the self. We are connecting within. You become more ocean and less wave. In short, spirituality is connection with the self, which then leads to a connection with nature, the universe, a higher power, and some may call it God. Why do we drink? Why did we drink? To get this sense of connection.
Paul shares many examples of spiritual practices and reminds us that we don’t have to wait for the normal order of healing in order to implement some these. We can start right now.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:03] Paul introduces Liz:
Liz is from a small-town Maryland. She is married with two kids; she is a registered nurse and attending school as she is working toward her master’s degree. She enjoys spending time outdoors: kayaking, hiking, camping, being a soccer mom.
Liz grew up in a tightknit family and was the youngest of three sisters. She first tried alcohol with a cousin when she was in 6th grade. She didn’t really enjoy it and thought it tasted terrible. She wasn’t a big drinker in high school, just the occasional party.
She drank like everyone else during college and worked in the service industry. It was normal for her to be the last person drinking at parties, but she worked and went to school with little issue.
Liz’s drinking escalated when she began nursing school. She was already married with two kids and struggled balancing it all. She used alcohol as a stress reliever. Her first job after graduating was in the ICU working night shifts. She would drink after her shifts and tried to hide the amount of drinking from her husband. She still didn’t feel she had a problem. Liz says her moderation attempts found her feeling more stressed and caused mood swings.
Liz went to inpatient rehab and was able to stay sober for six months. She started attending AA and using the tools she learned in rehab. Her relapse happened on a soccer trip after another parent called her out for not drinking which triggered her. She now feels that her lack of planning or having a network contributed to the relapse as well. She lost control of her drinking. Over the next few years, she spent a lot of time in treatment and trying to figure out what was causing the issues and what needed to change.
Liz got a sponsor with AA and started the steps right away after her last drink. She sometimes gets cravings but plays the tape forward. She knows that if she drinks, she will not be able to be there for any of her family if they need her. Liz made a post on Facebook about her recovery and received a lot of love and many messages from people regarding their own struggles. Liz says that she feels so much freedom now that she is alcohol free and has found her higher power.
Liz’s favorite resources in recovery: AA, recovery podcasts
Liz’s parting piece of guidance: don’t ever give up, no matter what happens you can wake up the next day and keep going.
Cafe RE Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee
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Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jul 10, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 438 – Expectations
Today we have something different lined up. Instead of one interviewee, we’ve got a panel of sober rockstars who have been kicking ass and taking names in this field for a while now. You’re going to love it.
Recovery Elevator welcomes our newest sponsor, Athletic Greens.
[02:33] Highlights from Paul:
We are full of expectations. Both for ourselves and other people. Top of that list is we expect happiness in a world where nothing is guaranteed. We have been conditioned throughout our life that any discomfort represents failure, and a certain product, drink or pill will end the suffering.
How do we let expectations go? It’s impossible. All you can do is become aware you are expecting something different for yourself or other people.
Another reason why expectations are dangerous is it throws gratitude right out of the window. We also expect the earth to keep providing the natural resources needed for our survival, which are never guaranteed. We definitely need to approach sunshine, fresh drinking water, clean air, and shelter from a stance of gratitude opposed to expecting them to be delivered to us because we deserve them. More on that next week.
“The days in which my gratitude exceeds my expectations are really good days” – Ray Wylie Hubbard.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:54] The interviewees introduce themselves:
Laura Cathcart Robbins, the host of “The Only One in the Room” podcast and author of the book Stash: My Life in Hiding.
Eric Zimmer, the hose of “The One You Feed” podcast and creator of a program called Spiritual Habits.
Paul Churchill, the host of “Recovery Elevator” podcast (who we all know and love).
Gill hosts the Sober Powered podcast and is also a chemistry professor in the Boston area.
Gill wants to talk about early sobriety and what the experience was like for each guest.
[14:33] Laura has almost 15 years in sobriety. She shares that her first month of sobriety was spent in rehab. She hated it and felt resentful of those that enjoyed it. She attended a lot of recovery meetings and felt sentenced and never felt like she fit in initially. Laura remembers the early days often and knows she doesn’t want to return there.
[17:18] Eric first got sober from heroin when he was 24. He stayed sober for about eight years but returned to alcohol for a few years. He has since gotten sober again and has been sober for 16 years. What Eric remembers about early recovery is that just quitting substances wasn’t enough. He was plagued by the war that went on between using and not using and he feels that after some time in recovery, the turmoil subsides.
[20:08] Paul had a moment of clarity during a wedding he was DJ’ing where he was extremely drunk and had to ask a colleague to finish. He quit drinking a few days later and planned on going to rehab. He decided to wait and try recovery with AA and spending more time in nature.
[22:48] Gill is three and half years sober. She quit because it was affecting her mental health. She was scared to share her issues with anyone initially, so she did the first few months in recovery by herself.
The guests continue to share their experiences around their early sobriety, their readiness to quit drinking and reflect on what helped them in recovery then and what continues to help them now.
Connect with Laura – The Only One in the Room Podcast
Connect with Eric – The One You Feed
Connect with Gill – Sober Powered
Cafe RE Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee
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Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up, you can do this.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jul 3, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 437 – Inner Conflict
Today we have Mark who is 45 from Connecticut and took his last drank on January 15, 2023.
Thank you to all of the Café RE chat hosts. You all do a great job!
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[01:55] Highlights from Paul:
It is impossible to avoid conflict in a human life. All attempts to avoid it, will only result in more conflict. It built into the human experience. After all, we are reconciling the Yin to our Yang on a daily basis. Somedays the dark side says take a seat, and the next day, we welcome the light.
Addictions take hold when is there is intense inner conflict. When parts of our personalities are out of balance. Or when parts of us are screaming for attention because we are in pain. In addition, this inner imbalance is a representation that the whole of society is out of balance causing many of us to question “what the hell is going on?”. Your individual unrest is not separate from the whole.
And how do we solve the “what the hell is going on” question? We do the inner work. We face this inner conflict. We learn from it. We recognize what the addiction is trying to force us to do.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:39] Kris introduces Mark:
Mark is 45, lives in Connecticut has five months alcohol free at the time of this recording. He is married and has two dogs and a cat. He works in marketing and customer experience. For fun Mark loves to hike, ski and garden.
Alcohol has been part of Mark’s life for as long as he can remember. At a very young age his dad gave him a sip of his beer and Mark liked it. Mark didn’t drink much until his senior year of high school when he came out as gay. He and his brother would go to the local bar on the weekends in an effort to connect with others like them.
Mark’s drinking progressed throughout college, but he had the “work hard, play hard” mentality and tried to limit his drinking to the weekends while being productive during the week. This continued through the beginning of his career. At many of his work events, it was seen as abnormal to drink more than two drinks. Mark found himself always wanting to leave these events in order to go find more alcohol. Later at another job the culture was different where everyone drank like Mark wanted to. Alcohol was always present in his day-to-day life, so he didn’t need to hide it.
The consequences of Mark’s drinking started to impact his life. He was drinking daily and even more on the weekends and vacations. He became fearful as he had more experiences of blacking out. Mark feels that the fear came from not being comfortable with himself. After being able to stack some sober days, he realized the fear came from self-loathing. As he started evaluating how he ended up drinking so much he realized he had become a people pleaser but drinking made it harder and harder to live up to expectations. He started feeling shame around his drinking.
Mark started his journey by trying Dry January, listening to podcasts and reading books. Mark found himself in a cycle of gaining some sobriety time and then getting derailed. He reached the point where he didn’t enjoy drinking anymore. Mark sought out a therapist who helped him recognize that he was doing it alone and pushed Mark to attend AA and find community. He struggled to connect with AA and decided to try Café RE. Once Mark realized that this couldn’t be done alone, he was able to push his fear aside and explore recovery with a community.
Mark’s plan in sobriety moving forward: to continue making connections, making sobriety a priority every day.
Mark’s parting piece of guidance: don’t give up and be willing to try everything. It will be scary but it’s worth it.
Cafe RE Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee
Recovery Elevator YouTube
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We took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jun 26, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 436 – Our Road Ahead
Today we have Lacey. She’s 34 from Illinois and has been sober since May 15, 2020.
Recovery Elevator welcomes our newest sponsor, Athletic Greens.
[02:16] Highlights from Kris:
We feel it is important to use these first few episodes of Season Five to set a foundation for the upcoming year. Kris shares the RE mission statement and talks about what each of the six key themes means to him.
To recap, our mission statement: we offer hope through community and connection. Partnering sobriety seeking individuals with other likeminded people.
Over and over and over again, you’re going to hear us, and our guests, talk about the importance of connection. It’s not because it’s the only thing we know how to talk about; but simply because it’s THAT IMPORTANT.
Recovery Elevator’s Six Themes:
- We are inclusive
- There is no right or wrong way to do this
- Connection
- Don’t just quit drinking
- We need to remain open
- We must pass along what we learn to others
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[09:30] Kris introduces Lacey:
Lacey is 34 and lives in Illinois. She is an instructional designer. She is married and has two cats. Lacey loves walking, camping, cooking, and doing crafts. She is part of a community theater and enjoys volunteering at the local animal shelter.
Lacey was young when her parents quit drinking, so alcohol was never around. She feels the mystery made it more interesting to her. She first drank with theater friends in her sophomore year of high school. This was the first time that she felt included in something.
After a falling out with some friends in senior year, Lacey found another friend group that not only drank but did other drugs. She felt like she needed to join in in spite of feeling apprehensive. Cocaine and alcohol went hand in hand for Lacey. She had to have alcohol to deal with the downside of the drugs.
In her 20’s, Lacey started identifying as a partier. She loved being able to drink and stay up all night and she wore it like a badge of honor. Lacey started doing more drugs because they helped her keep drinking.
After some time, Lacey started trying to moderate and find the right balance of the drugs and alcohol, but always ended up failing. She feels she had the dueling personalities during this time. Her mornings were full of anxiety from all of the behavior from the day before.
When Lacey started having health issues that the doctors couldn’t determine the cause of, she came to the realization that her substance abuse may be a contributing factor. In denial, Lacey continued partying even harder until she hit her breaking point and realized that she needed to stop for good.
It was not “one and done” for Lacey. She drank on vacation and then when she came home, she decided to join Café RE if she could make it 30 days. She struggled to embrace sobriety. She started feeling better after six months but thought she could handle drinking again. She then used Covid as an excuse to keep drinking and ended up back where she started. The day after she quit, she got an accountability partner who has become her best friend.
In recovery, Lacey is finding more time to do things that she used to love. Her friend group has changed, and she is ok with that.
Lacey’s favorite resources in recovery: her accountability person, Marco Polo and connection.
The best advice Lacey has received: if you are researching whether or not you have a drinking problem, you do but it’s not a death sentence. It’s ok, embrace it, it will be so worth it.
Cafe RE Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee
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Sobriety Tracker iTunes
You’re the only that can do this RE, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
