by Kris Oyen | Sep 18, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 448 – How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control
Today we have Jen. She is 48 from Boulder, CO and took her last drink on May 12th, 2021.
Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:48] Highlights from Kris:
Today’s question comes from Dale in Virginia. He wants to know “how do I learn to let go of things, and stop trying to control?”
Kris feels that two themes that come up over and over in recovery are surrender and acceptance. He says there are different types of control and while some of it is normal and can be healthy, trying to control things such as other people and how they feel about us is not healthy.
Kris shares his insights about this topic and shares with us: “when I have unrest on the inside, it presents itself on the outside. When I find that inner peace, I can extend it to the world around me”.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:50]: Kris welcomes Jen:
Jen joins us from Boulder, CO area and recently celebrated two years alcohol free. She is married and they have two kids and a dog. For fun Jen likes to be active outdoors and spending time with recovery friends nearby, fabric arts and yoga.
Jen didn’t drink when she was young because she learned that some family members quit drinking because they couldn’t control it. She drank very casually because she didn’t want to develop a problem, but over time peer pressure found her drinking more frequently. In grad school there was more binge drinking and hangovers. She and her husband drank only socially prior to having kids.
Jen went back to work shortly after having her first child and realized that she was missing out on a lot, so she became a stay-at-home mom. She bought boxed wine to try and save money and discovered it was too easy to refill the glass. Jen wanted to be a fun mom and used alcohol to feel less bored. Over time Jen started finding herself drinking after everyone went to bed.
After a situation that found both her husband and children concerned about her, Jen started to try quitting drinking. She had already been reading quit lit and listening to podcasts. She was able to make it over 100 days but decided to attempt moderation. She found that after a while the attempts to control how much she drank became frustrating. One day while listening to a podcast episode, she had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit drinking for good.
Jen feels that her husband quitting drinking shined a light on her drinking. She would make excuses to have drinks outside of the home.
Jen quit drinking the day after her birthday. She decided to join Café RE and started going on hikes with fellow RE members, hosting chats and giving back to the community. Jen finds “playing the tape forward” very helpful in addition to listening to herself and discovering what she needs. She enjoys reading self-help books instead of quit lit. Finding connections with other people and creating deep friendships was an unexpected perk Jen received in recovery.
Jen’s plan for recovery moving forward: working on her spiritual and self-discovery practice.
Jen’s parting piece of guidance: “play it forward” it is one tool that has never wavered for her. Keep your mind open and try a variety of things for your recovery.
[01:03:47] Kris’ outro:
Kris shares a story about a recent vacation with his family and how it relates to his expectations and control.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.
I love you guys.
Episode 448 – How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control
Today we have Jen. She is 48 from Boulder, CO and took her last drink on May 12th, 2021.
Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:48] Highlights from Kris:
Today’s question comes from Dale in Virginia. He wants to know “how do I learn to let go of things, and stop trying to control?”
Kris feels that two themes that come up over and over in recovery are surrender and acceptance. He says there are different types of control and while some of it is normal and can be healthy, trying to control things such as other people and how they feel about us is not healthy.
Kris shares his insights about this topic and shares with us: “when I have unrest on the inside, it presents itself on the outside. When I find that inner peace, I can extend it to the world around me”.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:50]: Kris welcomes Jen:
Jen joins us from Boulder, CO area and recently celebrated two years alcohol free. She is married and they have two kids and a dog. For fun Jen likes to be active outdoors and spending time with recovery friends nearby, fabric arts and yoga.
Jen didn’t drink when she was young because she learned that some family members quit drinking because they couldn’t control it. She drank very casually because she didn’t want to develop a problem, but over time peer pressure found her drinking more frequently. In grad school there was more binge drinking and hangovers. She and her husband drank only socially prior to having kids.
Jen went back to work shortly after having her first child and realized that she was missing out on a lot, so she became a stay-at-home mom. She bought boxed wine to try and save money and discovered it was too easy to refill the glass. Jen wanted to be a fun mom and used alcohol to feel less bored. Over time Jen started finding herself drinking after everyone went to bed.
After a situation that found both her husband and children concerned about her, Jen started to try quitting drinking. She had already been reading quit lit and listening to podcasts. She was able to make it over 100 days but decided to attempt moderation. She found that after a while the attempts to control how much she drank became frustrating. One day while listening to a podcast episode, she had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit drinking for good.
Jen feels that her husband quitting drinking shined a light on her drinking. She would make excuses to have drinks outside of the home.
Jen quit drinking the day after her birthday. She decided to join Café RE and started going on hikes with fellow RE members, hosting chats and giving back to the community. Jen finds “playing the tape forward” very helpful in addition to listening to herself and discovering what she needs. She enjoys reading self-help books instead of quit lit. Finding connections with other people and creating deep friendships was an unexpected perk Jen received in recovery.
Jen’s plan for recovery moving forward: working on her spiritual and self-discovery practice.
Jen’s parting piece of guidance: “play it forward” it is one tool that has never wavered for her. Keep your mind open and try a variety of things for your recovery.
[01:03:47] Kris’ outro:
Kris shares a story about a recent vacation with his family and how it relates to his expectations and control.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Sep 11, 2023 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 447 – Can You Be Addicted to Alcohol and Not Be An Alcoholic?
Today we have Stephanie. She is 35 from and took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.
Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
If you are not yet a member and would like to joining click the link Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:43] Highlights from Paul:
Paul and Kris are going to be doing a ten-part intro series where we answer questions from listeners. If you have a question that you’d like us to answer on the air, send them to info@recoveryelevator.com.
Paul shares one of his biggest regrets since starting the podcast and also answers the first question from Brady in South Denver. He asked, “can you be addicted to alcohol and not be an alcoholic?”
Paul begins his answer with “The Answer is yes. And no. And a little bit of yes, and little bit of No. Welcome to a world full of paradoxes.”
Next week we will hear Kris answer the next question: “How do I learn to let go of things and stop trying to control?”.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[09:23]: Paul introduces Stephanie:
Stephanie is 35 and she is from Connecticut, currently living in Washington State. She works as an accountant and as a server at a restaurant. She has one son and a dog. Stephanie enjoys reading both for fun and for a podcast she has: So, What Are You Reading?, and she has recently picked up paddleboarding.
Stephanie had her first drink when she was 16 and had a bad experience and said she wasn’t going to do it again. She drank very sporadically until she moved to Washington with her son’s father. After they broke up, she moved into an apartment on her own and felt like alcohol was her only friend. She progressed from wine to harder alcohol over time and began to try and put parameters on her drinking.
After a while, Stephanie realized that drinking wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing. She started recognizing that she wasn’t present for her son. Her anxiety was terrible, and she had issues with remembering things from the night before which made it worse. But Stephanie says she enjoyed the chaos that came with the drinking escapades, even though it was making her life harder than it needed to be. She got to the point that she didn’t want to do anything.
When Stephanie’s current boyfriend did a Dry January in 2021, Stephanie joined him but says she white knuckled through it and drank as soon as February 1st came. That was when she started questioning what the point of drinking was. She had some very negative events in her last year of drinking to the point that on January 1st, 2023, she decided enough was enough.
During the first 30 days she binged on podcasts and YouTube videos. She started journalling, doing puzzles and playing board games with her son. Stephanie has been able to get into grad school, is able to plan vacations and try a lot of new things. Reading, exercise, and time outdoors have become very important to Stephanie.
Stephanie’s favorite resources: The Sober Café (Facebook group), Recovery Elevator and other recovery podcasts,
Stephanie’s parting piece of guidance: if alcohol is impacting you in a negative way just take it out for 100 days.
[49:27] Closing thoughts:
If you’re not ready to quit drinking, none of the information we covered today is going to land, if you are ready, it doesn’t matter what we cover. Focus on the similarities and not the differences.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
I love you guys.
All is fine, and all will be well.
by Kris Oyen | Sep 4, 2023 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 446 – Go Easy on Yourself
Today we have Jonathan. He is 44 from Grand Forks, ND and took his last drink on May 17th, 2008.
Our six week Ditching the Booze mindfulness course starts Monday, September 18th and meets on Monday nights at 8:30 PM EST. This course is included with Café RE membership and is for Café RE members only.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:24] Highlights from Paul:
Straying from the sometimes-complex intros, Paul urges us to go easy on ourselves.
Despite all of our agricultural, scientific, and technological innovations, this is the hardest time it has ever been to be a human being. Rates of addiction and overdoses are soaring. Dr. Gabor Mate’s book The Myth of Normal shows how our out of balance culture is creating mountains of unrest and disease.
Life is already a challenge and living in the modern world without substances to slow down the prefrontal cortex, it is even harder.
Go easy on yourself. Life is going to kick your ass at some time or another. Don’t let that Bruno voice in the head make it any worse. Once that voice starts chirping about how you should have done XYZ differently, and how you’re doomed for eternity, locate the true you and tell that Bruno voice to step aside, and you’ll take it from here.
Be sure to start your day with words of compassion. Compassion for you, those nearest to you, the animals outside your window, and for those who are still struggling with alcohol.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[8:11]: Kris introduces Jonathan:
Jonathan is 44 years old and lives in Grand Forks, ND. He has worked in the restaurant industry most of his life and is also the managing director for the office of Recovery Reinvented. For fun Jonathan likes to spend time outside and cook. He is married and they have three daughters.
Jonathan says he had a good childhood with a lot of parental support. He feels like his exposure to alcohol as a teenager was normal. He says drinking never got in the way of his grades or playing sports. While in college Jonathan started working in bars and restaurants where drinking is part of the culture. His drinking increased and he ended up dropping out of school.
Jonathan realized early on that his drinking looked different from his peers. He witnessed others being able to stop with a few drinks after work whereas he would just go to the next bar or go home and keep the party going. He didn’t think he was drinking to mask anything, so he didn’t have a problem, he just really enjoyed drinking.
While Jonathan was doing well in his career, his drinking increased. He opened his first restaurant when he was 27 and was very successful. People were starting to tell Jonathan that he should cut back but he struggled to do so.
Jonathan had a meeting with his business partner and his father where he was told that things needed to change, or the partnership was going to end. This is what it took for Jonathan to seek treatment. He went to inpatient treatment for 30 days. While there he went from feeling like this was a temporary change to realizing that he needed it to be long term. He started seeing the similarities with others instead of the differences.
Jonathan completed 30 days and continued with outpatient treatment. He made the decision to be transparent with his recovery. He feels that helped him stay accountable and sober.
Jonathan’s favorite resource in recovery: I Am Sober app (he likes seeing how much money he has saved).
Jonathan’s parting piece of guidance: “Everything that is good in my life today is in my life because alcohol is not.”
Recovery Reinvented
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down, we have to take the stairs back up
You can do this.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Aug 28, 2023 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 445 – Keep Dancing
Today we have Cindy. She is 54 from Kure Beach, NC and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2023.
We are doing an East Coast Café RE meet-up tour! NYC on Wednesday August 30th, Philadelphia Saturday September 2nd, and DC on Tuesday September 5th. For questions about the event please email info@recoveryelevator.com
This is a reminder of the suicide prevention hotline 988, which was launched one year ago. This number has fielded 5 million calls, texts, and chats in the past year alone and has saved countless lives.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[03:23] Highlights from Paul:
After recently watching a social media video featuring a sober influencer dancing, Paul decided to challenge this individual to a breakdancing battle. Meanwhile another sober influencer viewing this video stated that watching this video made him want to drink.
Let’s zoom out for a second.
The Tik Tok user, with millions of followers, said that watching videos of this person dancing – made them want to drink. To summarize that in two words it would be: Stop Dancing.
Then we have Paul who challenges this person to a sober break dance battle. We can summarize this statement in two words: Keep dancing.
So, listeners, keep on dancing, and never stop. If you don’t know your metaphorical or literal dance steps, stick around. The knowledge will return. If someone tells you that your dancing makes them want to drink, then that is 100% their problem. When you dance, it gives others permission to dance. You don’t need alcohol, it won’t make you better, and you’ll remember all of it.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[08:52] Paul introduces Cindy:
Cindy is 54, grew up in Maryland but currently lives in North Carolina. She has been married for 23 years and they have two children and a dog. She works as an operating room nurse and recently got a master’s degree.
Cindy recalls first having alcohol late in high school. She was very social throughout college and enjoyed drinking a lot. She traveled a lot after college and knows that she drank but didn’t have any major consequences. Cindy says she and her husband drank but she doesn’t recall it affecting her life much. Happy Hour after work was very common for her due to the stressful job she has. Even after an incident where she was able to get out of a DUI, she still didn’t recognize that she had a problem. The drinking increased but Cindy always thought it was her husband that had the problem, not her. There were no attempts to moderate and no consequences, so the drinking continued.
Cindy started wondering why she wasn’t happy because she had a good life. Since she felt it was her husband that had the issue, Cindy started attending Al-Anon. When she returned from a travel nursing job, she realized how terrible she was feeling. She had been drinking every night, driving drunk often, and started having some consequences. Soon she found herself in an AA meeting where she had what she considers an awakening of sorts. She felt like she had found people that understood her.
Earlier this year, a podcast episode Cindy was listening spoke of living an authentic life. This really resonated with her, and she realized alcohol had to go. She started attending AA regularly after her last drink and is learning to deal with her feelings and learning from them. Cindy utilizes many tools to process how she feels and knows that alcohol is not the answer.
Cindy’s favorite resources in recovery: recovery podcasts, being active in AA
Cindy’s parting piece of guidance: If you are contemplating stopping drinking, think about why you are drinking.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
I love you guys.
Go big, keep dancing, because eventually we’ll all go home.
by Kris Oyen | Aug 21, 2023 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 444 – Alcohol Consumption by State
Today we have Chad. He is 51 from Southern Indiana and took his last drink on March 25th, 2022.
Follow Recovery Elevator on Instagram! We’re starting to put more video content on the platform so check it out!
Join us Saturday August 26th in Boston, MA for a day of service in collaboration with The Phoenix. Learn more about the event here.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:47] Highlights from Paul:
Something heard often while interviewing guests is “you don’t know what it’s like to grow up in Wisconsin, Texas, in Las Vegas, in Trenton, New Jersey, or you don’t know how much we drink in…” fill in the blank. So yes, it is ubiquitous, but there is a front runner.
Check out the full list and see where your state ranks: Alcohol Consumption by State
In 2012 British researcher Dr. David Nutt was tasked by the government to put harm scores on 20 of the world’s most harmful drug. Alcohol came in at #1 beating out crack, heroin, meth and cocaine.
Paul shares some stats about the costs of alcohol use disorder in Montana. You can see stats for all of the US here: Alcohol Abuse Statistics
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:48] Kris introduces Chad:
Chad has been sober for a little over 15 months at the time of this recording. He is 51 and lives in a small town in Indiana. Chad is married, and they have three children. He works for the government. He enjoys talking recovery, umpiring softball, and cycling.
Chad’s parents divorced when he was young. He never felt like he fit in at either of his parents’ homes and was a people pleaser doing whatever he could to fit in. Chad moved in with his dad when he was 13. After an ankle injury he was sidelined from sports, and he ended up finding a new group of friends that dabbled in drugs and alcohol. He says he struggled through high school and was looking at the military instead of going to college. He was looking forward to having some structure that he didn’t feel he had growing up between two households.
After graduating, Chad spent the summer partying and started basic training in August. He was sent to Germany after more training, and they drank a lot there. He started to notice that he needed to drink just to feel normal. He ended up leaving after one deployment and realized the military wasn’t for him.
Chad left the military and went into construction work. He and his wife hadn’t married yet, but she was pregnant, which was frowned upon by her family. Four years after having their daughter they got married and while they got a house together and continued to grow the family, Chad drank to deal with his stressors. It got to the point where Chad couldn’t do anything without a drink in his hand. He says drinking took a front seat to everything else. On days when he could not drink, he was starting to have symptoms of withdrawal. He began to hide alcohol and his tolerance grew.
After a bad blackout and confrontation with his wife, he felt terrible and realized that he needed help. His wife encouraged him to seek inpatient treatment which is what Chad was hoping for. With his wife’s support he found a rehab that helped him a lot. He was able to talk to therapists and realize that he wasn’t alone. After 30 days in rehab, Chad started AA, started reading more books about recovery and has found Zoom meetings and listening to the RE podcast very helpful.
Chad’s plan for recovery moving forward: Dig deeper into his recovery and be of service.
Chad’s parting piece of guidance: A life worth living can be found in sobriety. You’re worth it, give yourself a chance. “No” is a full answer.
Cafe RE Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
We’re the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
