by Kris Oyen | Feb 6, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 416 – The AF Beverage
Today we have Mike, he is 59 from Newport, OR and took his last drink on 1/27/2022.
Shout out to one of our sponsors – SoberLink – click the link for a promo code for RE listeners.
Our six week Sober Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele starts this Saturday! There is still time to sign up. If you need a ukulele, use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off.
Thank you Café RE chat hosts! You do an amazing job!
[01:34] Highlights from Paul:
When quitting drinking, the thinking mind creates 99 problems or obstacles, but what to drink when we ditch the booze shouldn’t be one of them. Exploring AF beverages in recovery should be fun.
Paul gives us the three key pillars (the drink, the temperature, and the glass/cup) along with many great tips on combining these elements to make the perfect AF drink.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:31] Kris introduces Mike:
Mike has been sober for 323 days at the time of recording. He lives on the Oregon coast and after leaving the restaurant business three years ago, he now manages a deli. He enjoys writing and walking on the beach which he lives very close to.
Mike started working in the restaurant business as a cook at the age of 15-16 years old. He says that alcohol comes with the restaurant industry. It was customary to drink with customer and coworkers, it was part of day to day life. No one really commented on his drinking because his family was on the west coast and he was attending college on the east coast. Everyone he associated with at the time drank as well.
He did some soul searching after he had gotten a divorce and took some time away from alcohol, but it was hard to sustain. The long hours and drinking we beginning to take a toll on him mentally and physically. He started making rules around his drinking but always broke them.
When he was 40, he got married again and they had a child. He says alcohol was a problem in his relationships and was starting to affect his job as well. He tried outpatient rehab and attending AA on his own but when that didn’t repair the marriage, he stopped going. His drinking increased and he got a few DUIs that included court ordered meetings and counseling. He was just checking the boxes by going, but ended up learning things on the way even though he wasn’t ready to quit drinking. He enjoys research and looks at that as time he used to research quitting drinking. He reflected on his journals that he has kept throughout his life and realized that he has always had issues with alcohol but didn’t listen.
He joined Café RE in September of 2021 after his girlfriend found Recovery Elevator and suggested it to Mike. He feels that quitting drinking this time is his choice which has made all the difference for him.
When Mike first started his current AF journey, he would keep track of any cravings that he would have in a notebook that he carried with him. He says by the time he finished writing it down the craving had mostly left. His friends know he has quit which has made socializing much easier. He enjoys AF beer and isn’t bothered by being around alcohol at events and when out playing pool.
Writing and processing his thoughts has been an instrumental tool for Mike in recovery. He works on his sobriety every single day and shares his reflections with the community daily since he quit.
[52:00] Kris’ outro:
Kris reflects on “sandpaper people”. This quote from the book Us by Terrence Real helped him change his responses and reactions to these types of people. Even subtle positive energy can have an impact on those around me.
“This world does not belong to us; we belong to on another”.
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Thanks for being here RE and remember,
We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys
by Kris Oyen | Jan 30, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 415 – Dopamine
Today we have Jorie, she is 31, from Westford, VT and took her last drink on 9/19/2020
There are two spots left for our next sober travel trip to Costa Rica from April 12th-21st for more information click the link Costa Rica 2023. The deadline to register is February 24th.
Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts in three weeks on Saturday, February 11th so you have plenty of time to pick-up a ukulele.
[02:01] Highlights from Paul:
We hear a lot about dopamine in recovery. All humans have dopamine, but our dopamine systems all work differently. It is the chemical that drives us eat, find warmth, shelter, find a mate and is also known as the pleasure molecule.
Living in a world of abundance rather than scarcity finds us with an overwhelming number of dopamine-triggering stimuli for nearly all of us in one way or another. Many of us reached the point in our drinking where we no longer drank to feel good but drank just to feel normal. This is all tied to dopamine and how it is processed by the body. Dopamine is important to keep us going, but we must find healthier ways to get it.
Check out the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, it is a great read on the topic.
We have partnered with SoberLink – there is a promo code for RE listeners.
[09:14] introduces Jorie:
Jorie is 31 and was born in raised in Vermont. She enjoys running, playing hockey and loves to write which she says helps her stay in the present moment. She’s an athletic trainer at a local school, runs her own business and supervises sporting events. She is also part of a co-ed hockey league in her spare time.
Jorie didn’t start drinking until after college. Her parents divorced when she was young. Her father had a drinking problem, but her mother did not drink. She was never interested in drinking, she worked hard in school and played sports, so it didn’t fit into her lifestyle. She was in a long-term relationship since she was 18 and they got married when she was 27.
The pandemic really opened her eyes to her relationship with alcohol. She realized how uncomfortable it made her to think about alcohol not being an option to cope with things. Jorie and her brother challenged one another to quit drinking over the summer of 2020 and they almost made it three weeks. That experiment helped her to further review her drinking and she started realizing that she really tried to avoid being uncomfortable for a long time. She began reading books associated with recovery and discovered Recovery Elevator where she listened to other people’s stories and recognized that we don’t have to hit rock bottom to question our drinking.
When she quit drinking, she initially felt a lot of anxiety and fear. She felt guilt that she craved alcohol, she felt shame for listening to podcasts for hours. She wants to live her best life and realizes that alcohol will impede that. Jorie does not want to see a rock bottom and is focusing on her growth in sobriety. She feels stronger in her job and in her relationships and really thrives on focusing on the present.
For Jorie, recovery takes effort and continued learning is important.
[46:49] Paul’s outro:
In the book Dopamine Nation Dr Anna Lembke talks about a 30 day dopamine fast. It isn’t always that easy, but it is necessary to help us heal. Over time and with work, we can live a life without the temptations to the dopamine system.
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
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Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up
I love you guys
by Kris Oyen | Jan 23, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 414 – You Won’t Regret Not Drinking
Today we have Emily, she is 44, from Phoenix, AZ and took her last drink on March 10th, 2019
There are about four spots open for our next sober travel trip to Costa Rica from April 12th-21st for more information click the link Costa Rica 2023. The deadline to register is February 24th.
Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts Saturday, February 11th.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
[02:34] Paul’s thoughts:
Paul doesn’t make many promises on this podcast but feels he can 100% positively tell us that we will never regret not drinking. You won’t regret the extra $20 you save; the planet won’t regret the gallons of water not used after “breaking the seal” or the trash drinking creates. Your family will never regret you not drinking. Your pets, your plants, your job, your community. Your hobbies, and your goals as well as any one of the 70 trillion cells in your body will not regret you not drinking.
It takes bravery and courage to take this path but listeners, you will not regret ditching the booze. You can do this.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[08:30] Kris introduces Emily:
Emily has been sober for almost 4 years. She lives in Phoenix AZ with her husband, two daughters and two cats. She currently works in music education and loves to play music, paddleboard, and listening to podcasts.
Emily had little exposure to alcohol growing up. Her father was a recovering alcoholic, which wasn’t talked about much. She took her first drink at the age of 19 at an Army officer training program event. She was very nervous and insecure in new social settings so accepted the offer to drink and ended up blacking out.
She was excited to fit in but had a huge sense of shame because she didn’t remember what happened.
Drinking was a problem for Emily right from the start. It was never just one she always binge drank. Throughout college and her career, she was able to mostly uphold her dual life – had it all together but on the inside was struggling with fears of not fitting in and fears of abandonment.
Emily’s husband was also in the military and was deployed frequently. She used alcohol to self soothe when she felt isolated. They were moving around a lot which gave Emily a chance to start over every time. She didn’t have to worry about who she alienated or upset with her drinking and just moved to the next town.
Emily reconnected with her father when one of their moves took them to the area where he lived. She enjoyed the opportunity they had to get to know one another and spend time together. When her father died unexpectedly, her drinking ramped up again.
Over the last few years of her drinking, she ended up resigning from her job and took a work from home position. She found herself drinking more and it was affecting all of her relationships. Emily decided to change her relationship with alcohol after a painful experience that happened with her kids. Within a few days of the event, she walked into her first AA meeting and that was her quit date.
Emily started with AA and an IOP program. She attended a lot of meetings and found a sponsor that helped her learn how to stop punishing herself and stop worrying about being abandoned. Being willing to do what her sponsor suggested helped her recovery. She was able to start playing music again and has started being a sponsor herself.
[51:20] Kris’ outro:
One of the beautiful things about recovery is finding parts of ourselves that we thought we lost. Emily has reconnected with her love for music and her song “Am I Alright?” as the outro today.
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Remember, we took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up
You can do this
I love you guys
by Kris Oyen | Jan 16, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 413 – Grit, Grace, and Gratitude
Today we have Matt who is from Atlanta and took his last drink on November 15th, 2022.
Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts Saturday, February 11th.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
[02:35] Thoughts from Kris:
Turning 40 found him thinking more about longevity and being able to be healthy later in life. He has struggled with his physical health the past few years but gave himself a pass because his mental and spiritual health was more important at the time.
Now, five years later and several stops and starts, he realizes he needs to treat his nutrition and physical health goals like another form of recovery. Much like sobriety, he felt he shouldn’t do it alone and reached out to a friend in the health and wellness world and asked for help. Together they set some small, attainable goals rather than a strict daily routine bound for failure.
He talks about the virtues of “grit” “grace” and “gratitude” and their relation to our recovery.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:21] Paul introduces Matt
Matt has 31 days at the time of this recording. He feels great making it past that milestone after many stops in starts over the past four years. Matt was born in Atlanta and moved to Utah in middle school. He was an avid skier and baseball player in school and currently enjoys going to the gym, running, and playing in a local rock band.
Matt was young when he first tried sips of his parents’ drinks. Other than a few parties, Matt didn’t drink much in high school. It wasn’t until joining a fraternity in college that his drinking really got going. He considers his drinking as binge drinking and did not drink daily however, he started developing panic attacks and having issues with his grades at school.
He buckled down and cut back on partying during his senior year and graduated. He got a good job right after college and wasn’t having any more panic attacks. He typically only drank on the weekends and didn’t feel he had a problem because work was still going well and, on the occasion that he got a hangover, he would take a break for a while.
Some consequences came when he lost his job a few years ago and his drinking really ramped up as a way to cope with it. It took him a while to realize he was drinking to cover up his feelings and started using more and more. When things at home weren’t going well Matt agreed he needed to address his drinking and started attending AA. He was stuck in the cycle of addiction with many stops and starts.
It was 31 days ago that Matt took himself to inpatient detox so that he could start the healing process. He was ready to commit to not drinking and working on getting his life back. Initially he feared judgment from others but felt relief when he got there. After four days, he feels he had a moment of clarity and started to feel better and really dove into his recovery. Matt believes in radical honesty and accountability now and is working with his wife to earn her trust back while helping her understand what addiction is like. He went back to AA, is working the steps with a sponsor and he enjoys helping newcomers. He is feeling like this is a rebirth for him and is happy to live a life without alcohol. He has a clear idea of the person, husband, and father he wants to be.
[46:35] Kris’ outro:
Kris encourages us to look at ourselves and ask if a different approach could help us with our goals that we may have been struggling to reach. Our egos want to protect us but if we pick the right people to have on our team, it can be a game changer.
Change is hard, but so is letting something keep us from our best life.
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
You’re the only ones who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jan 9, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 412 – Get Connected
Today we have Brad who is 35 from Fort Wayne, IN and took his last drink on 8/31/2018
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
On Saturday February 11th we start the 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off.
[3:19] Highlights from Paul:
Human beings are wired for connection, we need it to survive. It’s up on the list with food, clean water, and shelter. Paul shares several statistics surrounding chronic disorders with the biggest one being mental disorders and loneliness. Loneliness has been compared to smoking in how it affects our bodies and is considered to be unhealthier than inactivity or obesity. Our addictions are symptoms of our disconnection.
Are we doomed? Paul says no. There is a remedy – get connected!
The ability to connect is a skill that we acquire naturally as kids/young adults but connecting later in life isn’t as easy. Here are some steps to help with connecting:
#1 – leverage your decision to quit drinking
#2 – Connect – Go to AA, join Café RE, meet with other sober people
Connection isn’t always human to human. Animals can help too. Paul credits Ben in saving him and helping him get sober. We (the community) are what help him stay sober.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:25] Kris introduces Brad:
Brad is from Indiana; he is married and has a daughter and two dogs. He works in sales and enjoys spending time with family and friends, playing golf, and being active with his church.
Brad didn’t really drink much until his sophomore year in college when he had an opportunity to go to school in London. When he returned, he continued to go out frequently to bars and parties. He didn’t see a problem as he was still doing well in school and graduated with honors. He found the transition between college and finding a career to be challenging. Due to his colleagues being older than him, he felt a little isolated socially so he would continue to spend time with friends that were still in college. This found him drinking more and more frequently.
He met his wife at a bar and in the early days of their relationship they socialized often. He always drank more than her and it wasn’t until they moved in together that he would recognize that his drinking was a problem. He would try to quit for a while, but it didn’t last, and he considered his drinks a reward for working hard. It started causing issues in their relationship.
Brad was starting to have some negative consequences from his drinking but still wasn’t ready to quit. It wasn’t until he was forced to face the consequences of a DUI and an ultimatum from his wife that he explored recovery. His dad took him to his first AA meeting where he got some encouraging words from members at the meeting and chose to continue going and working the steps. He says it felt great to find a community which is still important to his recovery.
At first, he approached his recovery as just not drinking. He quickly learned that he needed to do more internal work. Brad is open about the fact that he doesn’t drink. He has lost a few relationships which hurt at first, but it showed him his true friends. He finds acts of service important to his recovery. He uses HALT to help him deal with the cravings which he says he has very few of these days.
[57:30] Kris’ outro:
There are more conversations about being sober curious happening outside of the recovery space. The idea of looking at your drinking is becoming less taboo. Sure, the time of year has a lot to do with it but having the conversations is what’s important. Look for the right times to share, you can help others with your experiences.
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
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Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down but we’ve got to take the steps back up.
I love you guys.
