by Kris Oyen | Dec 19, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 409 – The Cost of Inauthenticity
Today we have Jeremiah, he’s 35 from Denver, CO and took his last drink on April 27, 2022.
NYE Sober Prom in San Diego on December 31st. We have Athletic Brewing, Sip Clean, Sound Soda and Crumbl Cookies sponsoring this event, open to Café RE members only.
Registration for REStore is now open! https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
Highlights from Paul:
Being inauthentic creates a lot of pain which many of us have tried to address it by using alcohol. We often choose survival over authenticity by putting our basic needs over expressing or being ourselves. Sometimes we have to be inauthentic to fit in.
Dr. Gabor Mate’s book “The Myth of Normal” says “the perceived need to be what the world demands becomes entangled with our sense of who we are and how to seek love. Inauthenticity is thereafter misidentified with survival because the two were synonymous during the formative years.”
It has been studied that being inauthentic can lead to physical disease. And Dr. Sarno has concluded that back pain is not structural but represents repressed emotions, mostly rage.
How can we be authentic? It is a practice and a balance. There are two sides to the coin: saying no to BS and doing more of what you enjoy. Paul challenges us to ask ourselves where we are not being authentic? What BS are we putting up with?
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[9:28] Paul introduces Jeremiah:
Jeremiah took his last drink on April 27, 2022. He grew up in Wisconsin but currently lives in Denver, CO. He’s 35, single and has two dogs and loves all varieties of outdoor sports.
Jeremiah didn’t drink in high school but started drinking when he went to college. He was able to do well in school and work and went out a few nights a week drinking like a “normal” college student. After graduating he moved out of state, got married and says his drinking was drastically reduced. Even throughout other life changes including a divorce his drinking wasn’t out of control. After getting a DUI he was ordered to take classes that he didn’t feel that he needed and was able to quit drinking for over a year with relative ease.
He initially saw the pandemic as an opportunity to focus on healthy and productive endeavors. He soon started to feel very isolated, and depression and anxiety started to set in. His doctor put him on an antidepressant and Xanax which he started to abuse and mixing with alcohol. He attended an IOP for Xanax with no intention of quitting drinking initially. After a big relapse he realized he was no longer in control of his drinking and decided to go to inpatient rehab.
He wishes he had gone into rehab sooner where he finally felt relief and realized that he needed to make some changes. He made the decision to quit his job and moved back to Denver where he took some time off and started doing things that he used to enjoy. He feels that his hobbies are just as important to his recovery as the community that he has found in AA and Café RE. He has found that through his hobbies and mindfulness he is better at living in the moment. He looks forward to the future and plans to do more hiking, travelling and hopefully one day have a family.
[48:25] Paul’s summary:
Gen Z and many others are waking up to the fact that alcohol is shit. Just like Big Tobacco had their moment with catchy icons helping us believe that smoking was cool and good for us until people started dying, Big Alcohol has also spun a similar story – that it is good for our health and social life. But we are waking up and just like domestic tobacco sales went to shit, I imagine the same is already in motion for Big Alcohol.
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
This isn’t a “no” to alcohol, but a “yes” to a better life.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Dec 12, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 408 – Focus on the Good
Today we have Bret, 42, from Fort Lauderdale, Florida and he took his last drink on September 17th, 2022.
Registration for REStore is now open! https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
Highlights from Paul:
Paul urges us to focus on the good. There is plenty of bad news out there but ruminating on issues that don’t directly affect us can be detrimental. While suffering is part of the human condition, there is always something to be thankful for. He says that it is on the super challenging days where our recovery work is so important.
Like Odette said in the newsletter recently – “watch our thoughts – if a thought isn’t inline with your new alcohol-free life – let it go”.
Author Jay Shetty in his book Think Like a Monk classifies thoughts as a seed or a weed. If it’s a weed, let it go, if it’s a seed, water it and let it grow.
Manifestation is the mind’s version of The Golden Rule, which is when you treat others with respect, you will gain respect back. With your mind it’s the same thing. If you work towards focusing on the good, then eventually your outer reality will match up.
Paul’s take on “character defects” is that we should be aware and make intentions to correct them, but to not get stuck ruminating on them. If we focus on our weaknesses, it is hard to let our positive personality traits thrive.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:51] Kris introduces Bret
Bret is at 66 days sober and feeling cautiously optimistic.
He’s 42 years old, he was raised in Utah but lives in Fort Lauderdale now. He has been with his partner for 17 years, and they have two dogs and a cat. He likes to cook, garden and is a property appraiser.
Bret’s parents divorced when he was very young, and he watched his older siblings stress their mom out with their drinking and swore he would never do it.
Growing up gay was a struggle but when he went to college he started going to bars and found his community and felt like he belonged. He was able to drink and successfully go to school and work. His drinking was on par with everyone else, so he didn’t feel he had a problem.
He moved to Fort Lauderdale in his 20’s and found community in the bar scene. The party never ended which normalized his drinking for him. He was still able to work and function fine and never had any major consequences as he was away from family and only interacted with people that drank like he did.
His drinking started to slow down in his 30’s. They went out less and drank more at home while being caretakers for his mother-in-law.
Bret was the bartender for he and his partner and gradually started drinking earlier and the pours would get heavier. He tried to moderate and create rules, but he would always break them and eventually started hiding the bottles.
COVID and a lot of external factors led to Bret trying to cope with alcohol. It was when his husband confronted him about his hidden bottles that he finally felt relief – he feels he wouldn’t have been able to admit he had a problem had it not been for that. He went to his doctor, and they mentioned an IOP program that Bret got into as soon as he could.
Through his IOP and joining Café RE he feels he is starting to figure out what led him down the path to addiction. He enjoys attending RE courses and chats and plans to attend the IOP after care to help continue his progress.
Book mentioned by Kris Tribe by Sebastian Junger
[48:33] Kris’ summary:
A common theme in recovery is loneliness. We felt loneliness while we were drinking, and we also tend to feel alone in recovery. Finding people and community that understands is so important, especially with the holidays coming up
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
We’re the only ones that can do this, RE
But we don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Dec 5, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 407 – A Message to Big Alcohol
Today we have Jeff, 48, from Joplin Missouri with 13 days of sobriety at time of recording
Registration for Restore opens December 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
Highlights from Paul
For the first time in this podcast, Paul speaks to Big Alcohol. Why now? We have a limited time together on each episode he has felt that discussing how to live a better life without the stuff is better use of our time.
He addresses the fact that Big Alcohol’s greatest customers are the alcoholic/problem drinkers and not the “normal” drinker that has one or two beers and the rest sits in the fridge for months. They are also responsible for perpetuating the myth that alcohol consumption is good for you. Spoiler alert: it’s not. The Huberman Lab Podcast has an episode that dives deep into the effects alcohol has on the brain/body. (https://hubermanlab.com/what-alcohol-does-to-your-body-brain-health)
The amount of trash that can be found on the sides of the road is about a 10/1 ratio alcohol related vs. non-alcohol related. Paul asks if Big Alcohol is ok with the remnants of their product being strewn all over the planet via human wreckage and excessive trash.
Paul clarifies that his goal is to not fight with Big Alcohol. His battle with alcohol and alcoholism made him who he is today, and he appreciates that.
But maybe they would be willing to share just a half of a percentage point of their marketing budget to help us clean up the mess their product has created both on humans and on our planet. We’d be interested to collaborate on our next service project. You can reach us at info@recoveryelevator.com
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:59] Jeff lives in Joplin, MO currently, but grew up in NC. He has a wife and three children aged 6, 4 and 8 months. He recently started his own business and enjoys golf, reading, creative writing and poetry, and writing and playing music.
Jeff took his first drink with a friend at home when he was 17. He remembers the occasional drink at a party in high school but didn’t really start drinking until he turned 21. Through his 20’s drinking was part of life. He was able to cut back or quit drinking whenever he felt it was getting to be too much.
Jeff says he didn’t have a true rock bottom moment but after an incident that found him ramping up his drinking, he chose to seek some counseling for PTSD. He started to realize that the way he had been drinking and handling life was becoming unsustainable. He wants to be present for his family and didn’t feel that he was able to enjoy life while drinking.
Jeff found himself going to his first AA meeting in many years 13 days ago, has found a sponsor and attends meetings daily. He has been staying busy with home projects and acts of service and feels that working with his hands relieves stress and helps him avoid getting lost in negative thought patterns.
Jeff doesn’t have a long-term goal in sobriety, he is just taking it day by day. Right now, he just wants to be sober and process his emotions without alcohol and enjoy his family and the life he has built.
[47:57] Paul’s Summary
Socrates said the secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new. Mother Teresa said she would not participate in wars on hunger or on terrorism because there is an equal amount of disproportionate energy on the other side. Much like we have seen with the war on drugs: trillions of dollars wasted to learn that you cannot punish addiction out of people. If someone from Big Alcohol is listening, please don’t feel attacked, we want to work together in cleaning up the planet.
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
This isn’t a no to alcohol, but a yes to a better life.
I love you guys
by Kris Oyen | Nov 28, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 406 – Moving the Needle
Today we have Nate, Eric, Beth, Hunter, and Kathy.
Registration for Restore opens December 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/
Sponsor: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere/
Highlights from Kris
Kris speaks to the many mixed messages we get about addiction. Billions of dollars are spent on alcohol advertising that lures you to believe how fun, cool, and sexy you will be if you drink, as long as you don’t become one of “those people.”
After Kris’s first session with an addiction specialist who shared her recovery journey with Kris, he felt less alone. Kris’ counselor gave him hope that there was a better way. He continued counseling, completed treatment, and found the Recovery Elevator podcast. Today he is one of the hosts.
One of the best ways to combat the stigma of addiction is to tell your story. Kris recently attended the 6th Annual Recovery Reinvented event founded by Kathryn Burgum, the first lady of North Dakota. Kris had an opportunity to hear Dr. Bruce Perry speak, who co-authored the book, “What Happened to You?” with Oprah Winfrey. Dr. Perry said that while the science, research, and statistics are fascinating, the storytelling inspires others to revisit their beliefs about addiction.
There are a few ways to tell your story: you can share in a recovery meeting, on a recovery podcast, give a testimony at your church, or post on Facebook or Instagram. You can also lead by example by passing on the cocktail at Happy Hour or telling your friends, “I don’t drink.” Keep sharing your stories, RE – that’s how we will combat the stigma of addiction.
For more information on Recovery Reinvented, visit: www.recoveryreinvented.com
Book Reference: https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Conversations-Resilience-ebook/dp/B087D5YQXB/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1IWMTJBKBOOZE&keywords=what+happened+to+you&qid=1669220153&s=digital-text&sprefix=what+happened+to+you%2Cdigital-text%2C448&sr=1-1
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:25] Nate loves to build community and peer support and does great things in North Dakota. As a transplant to ND, he was embraced by “North Dakota nice.” He found recovery after multiple DUIs. He empowers students in recovery. He is passionate about being the change for others in his community.
[21:45] Eric is a physician and a professor and speaks to active addiction while practicing medicine. He has been in recovery for thirty years, and the services available were very different when he started. There are now programs available for clinicians in recovery that allow them to recover without losing their licensure. Eric now has excellent relationships and is happily married.
[27:34] Beth tried several approaches to recovery, and after witnessing a friend overdose, she could stack days. After six months of recovery, she got a job, and having someone believe in her made a huge difference in her life and recovery.
[33:15] Hunter has been sober for nine years and works in healthcare. He spent so much time wondering when the other shoe would drop. High functioning kept him in active addiction for awhile because he never missed work.
[40:58] Kathy is a mother of five, is a student and works. Her dreams include social work and foster parenting. Today she recovers out loud and advocates for other Native Americans with addiction and is a foster parent.
[47:40] Kris shares his gratitude for the opportunity to participate in Recovery Reinvented.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator-
You are the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Nov 21, 2022 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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Episode 405 – Ahead of the pack
Today we have Rachel. She is 29, from Wisconsin, and took her last drink on September 4, 2022.
Registration for Restore opens December 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/restore/
Sponsor: https://www.soberlink.com/
Highlights from Paul
Is there a stigma for those in recovery, or are we ahead of the pack? This past August, Paul invited Elaine Huang mindfulness and spirituality teacher) to speak at the RE Bozeman retreat. Elaine shared with Paul that those ditching the booze are ahead of the pack. She never has to modify or simply her course content for Café RE members. Members of our group are advanced students; they are more resilient, elite, and have a greater capacity for love and a greater capacity for recovery after pain & suffering. Elaine referred to us as “old souls .”The recovery community has a greater capacity for survival, compassion, and love.
Elaine believes our population is part of the 1% of people who can achieve a higher level of consciousness, vibration, and frequency: the frequency of love.
Feel free to watch this video from a neuroscientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza. https://youtu.be/Ov3aeqjeih0
Deepak Chopra says, “it takes as little as 1% of a population to create positive change, and I believe that if 100 million people underwent a personal transformation in the direction of peace, harmony, laughter, love, kindness, and joy…the world would be transformed.”
Transcendental Meditation teacher Maharishi Mahesh predicted that only one percent of humanity is needed to create enough good vibrations to usher in world peace. (https://www.naturalawakenings.com/2018/11/30/224480/a-global-wake-up-call-collective-consciousness-nears-spiritual-tipping-point)
For more information on Elaine Huang: Elaine Huang – Embodiment of Freedom: https://www.mayyouawaken.com/
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[12:30] Rachel has been sober for over thirty days. She is still struggling and hasn’t experienced a pink cloud yet. She is experiencing a lot of depersonalization, but she is hopeful. She loves singing, live music, nature, hiking, and playing the ukulele. Rachel struggles with PTSD. She has a partner and two kids.
Rachel identifies with the gifted kid burnout syndrome. She excelled in school but struggled to embrace her feelings, given some of her struggles at home. She was high functioning in high school: in clubs and the National Honor Society. As a DARE kid, she was afraid of drugs and alcohol. She described having a second life and drinking to impress people. Rachel believed alcohol helped her to fit in. She graduated from high school early and traveled to India. She had to abstain in India. When she went to college, drinking was a social lubricant. She went to work drunk and high. Rachel described drinking as letting out a sigh.
Pregnancies led Rachel to a sober stint. She was doing well until the pandemic hit. Rachel’s rock bottom moment was blacking out while reading a bedtime story to her daughter. Since her father and grandfather struggled with addictions, she decided it was time for the addiction cycle to end.
Singing, yoga, and cold exposure spike Rachel’s dopamine which helps her maintain her sobriety. Rachel is mindful of potential relapse and knows that self-compassion is essential.
[50:48] Paul’s Summary
Paul wonders if the stigma exists. We yearn for authenticity, and when we connect, that authenticity is reciprocated. The stigma is often in our minds. People in recovery make lasting changes that can influence others to do the same.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator-
It all starts from the inside out.
I love you guys.
