by Kris Oyen | Sep 9, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 499 – Get Your Roll On
Today we have Kerri. She is 55 years old, lives in Redding, CA and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2022.
Sponsors mentioned in this episode:
Better Help – code ELEVATOR
Soberlink – receive $50 off of a device
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RiseUp Coffee
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[02:47] Thoughts from Paul:
Prior to AA, alcoholism was considered a fatal disease. In less than 100 years, so much progress has been made in how alcoholism is viewed and treated. Now there is 100% a way out.
We now know the most potent antidote to addiction is connection. And this looks like community, preferably one that contains a lot of laughter, which we have all heard is the best medicine.
Paul shares with us that when he was crafting the recent Bozeman Retreat’s itinerary, he spent a lot of time thinking about one of the activities he was considering: a Skee-Ball tournament. The retreat is already full of the standard heavy hitters of share groups, breathwork, etc. but he wanted to try something different. Check out the pictures of the event in the post today: RE on Instagram
So, 100 years ago, it was shock therapy and isolation to cure alcoholism. Today it’s Skee-Ball, laughter, and connection.
[10:34] Kris introduces KMac:
Kerri is 55 years old and lives in Redding, CA. She has two adult daughters and five grandchildren. She is married and they have two dogs. For fun, Kerri has recently gotten into ultrarunning. She works full time for RE/Café RE as the community manager and event coordinator.
Kerri says she started drinking in high school and was a blackout drinker from the beginning. She and her first husband drank a lot during their marriage, and it escalated for Kerri after their divorce.
Kerri became a teacher later in life, but her drinking caused her to lose multiple teaching jobs over the course of a few years. She was involved with her local AA group and had a sponsor during this time. She ended up joining Café RE and rather quickly, volunteered to help do the show notes for the podcast. Over time her involvement with RE evolved.
Kerri had over a year alcohol free before the binge drinking returned. She had stopped counting days and recognized that it made it easier for her to drink. Currently days are very important to Kerri.
As Kerri began working more for RE, she feels that it took away the community for her. She didn’t feel comfortable sharing her struggles within the groups because of her role.
Knowing that she couldn’t recover alone, Kerri began to open up and have tough conversations with the RE team. She was at the point where she was feeling like she was never going to be able to quit and found herself, with the encouragement of others, making the decision to go to inpatient rehab.
Kerri says that being The Hab was tough at first and a lot of the people there were younger than her. After finding a good counselor and therapist, she was able to finally start opening up and sharing. At the end of 60 days, it was recommended she continue, so she stayed an additional 30.
After leaving she continued to do what she was doing while she was in rehab, which helps. She used to question why she drank like she did, but over time has decided it doesn’t matter.
Kerri says the biggest thing she has learned about herself is the importance of truly believing she is worthy. She is now able to recognize when she has feelings and being able to share them. She is more likely to ask for help when she needs it.
To the listener that is experiencing their own version of pacing around the living room not wanting to drink, Kerri wants to remind them that it’s not too late, this doesn’t have to be who you are or the road that you go down, you are worth asking for help and there is a community out there that are willing to walk that path with you.
Kerri’s first episode: RE Episode 255
Recovery Elevator
You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Sep 2, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 498 – Be the Light
Today we have Ava. She is 17 years old and lives in Central North Dakota. She has been sober since October 13th, 2006.
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[03:16] Meat and Potatoes Time:
A few months ago, after a lot of prayer and consideration, Kris had a tough call with Paul. While he enjoys his job as podcast host immensely, his life has been changing. His kids are getting older and busier, and he has opportunities to step up his investment in his local community.
Kris shares what this podcast has meant to him both as an interviewer and as a long-time listener. All of our stories have values, and he reminds us of the importance of being a light. No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a wash tub or shoves it under a bed. You set it up on the lampstand so that those who enter the room can see their way.
We each have a light in us that is meant to shine.
[10:18] Kris introduces Ava:
Today Kris is speaking with a very special guest: Ava, his 17-year-old daughter. She works as a nanny and works front desk at a gym. For fun, Ava likes to read and spend time with her friends.
Ava shares that the first time she became aware of alcohol’s presence in her life was when she was around ten. She noticed that her dad always had beer. She didn’t recognize that alcohol was causing a problem in her environment until her parents separated, Dad went to rehab, and they explained things to her.
Anxiety was common for Ava during this time. Her mom and dad were fighting a lot, and weren’t very present at home, and she found herself looking after her little brother more and more. Ava didn’t feel like she had an outlet to share her feelings. She was left feeling like she wasn’t good enough and trying to be a people pleaser and take care of others.
Ava remembers the last years of Kris drinking as being hard. She had been told that her dad was staying at the lake because it was closer to his work. She didn’t realize what was going on until she heard her mother on the phone talking about a divorce. Ava says that was hard to hear. Her parents were trying to protect the kids from what was going on. Ava says that this was a very difficult time for her. Her anxiety was up, and she started internalizing that she was the problem for her parents
Going through the transition to middle school was a hard time for Ava. Her anxiety had increased, and she tried really hard to make things go right there since she felt so much instability at home. She was crushed when she and her brother were told their parents were separating.
Kris started rehab and was spending as much time with the kids as possible. Time together helped them rebuild a healthy relationship. Ava says some of the anxiety went away and when it comes up for her now, she knows how to deal with it.
These days Ava enjoys the time they all spend together as a family. She feels much more comfortable and open with her parents now that things are calmer at home. Having a relationship with God and friends at church and school has been helpful for Ava.
Ava looks forward to graduating high school and plans to become a counselor. She has the desire to help people who are going through some of the things she has and mental health in general.
Ava’s advice for folks going through tough times: taking it one step at a time, it doesn’t have to be a big light-switch change
Ava’s parting piece of guidance for those thinking about sobriety: do it. It is probably the best choice you can make for yourself and those around you.
Ava’s advice for a loved one of someone with addiction: know that they are loved and valuable and would encourage them to find someone they trust that they can talk to because they are not alone.
Recovery Elevator
You’re the only one that can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Aug 26, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 497 – I Can’t – You Can – Take It
Today we have Shelby. She is 38 years old and from Windsor Ontario. She took her last drink on December 23rd, 2023.
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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul seeks to soften the entry point to AA and simplify the first three steps. For many the steps are intimidating. They are nebulous, part dogmatic and for some there are simply too many God or higher power references. But the do make it clear many times that this God (higher power) is of your understanding. You can even use a red stapler as your higher power – they will fully support you.
The first three steps of AA:
- We admitted we are powerless over alcohol
- We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
- We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Which can be broken down to:
Paul says he feels the most powerful part of AA isn’t the God stuff, it’s the group. The group is always stronger than the individual.
I can’t, the group can. Here you go. I’ll see you all again tomorrow.
[10:18] Paul introduces Shelby:
Shelby is 38 years old, lives in Windsor Ontario and works for a car manufacturer on the assembly line. For fun Shelby enjoys all sports, camping and hiking.
In high school Shelby was very athletic. When she was 15, she decided to focus on hockey and made it onto a junior team. She learned about hockey culture and part of that is drinking and partying. Due to traveling and playing hockey Shelby didn’t have time to drink much during high school.
While attending a development camp for hockey, Shelby had an injury that put her on the side lines. Throughout her time at Ohio State, doctors would tell her she was fine as she continued to suffer injuries that eventually required surgery. Shelby had dreamed of going to the Olympics and never considered she might not be able to.
She left school early and felt like a failure. Shelby knew her drinking was already an issue, and she needed a change of scenery. Shelby says she didn’t have an identity outside of being an athlete. Alcohol and being social became a distraction for her and she avoided playing hockey for a long time.
The older she got; the more Shelby didn’t feel like she had accomplished anything. Life after being an athlete was tough for her. Around 30 years old she realized she needed to make some healthy changes. She accepted an offer to play hockey with some friends and ended up getting coaching opportunities afterwards. She decided to do it and since she was getting back in shape, she decided to quit drinking for three months which led to almost two years.
After losing a close uncle, Shelby drank after his funeral. She continued to drink for a few years and tried using moderation techniques. At an alumni game, she was not able to play due to an unhealed injury. She showed up drunk and ended up losing her coaching job. After this she decided to quit drinking again.
Since quitting this time around, Shelby has started attending therapy. This has helped her uncover some of her issues. She does not care for AA and says in the beginning it was hard doing things that she used to do while drinking. Shelby deals with cravings by going for walks, listening to podcasts and using her quit drinking app. She enjoys doing things that she missed out on when she was younger. Shelby also looks forward to trying new things and traveling. Her clarity is so much better, and she loves that she knows she can make plans and keep them.
Shelby’s parting piece of guidance: start today and start small and take it slow.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down; we have to take the stairs back up.
I love you guys. We can do this.
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by Kris Oyen | Aug 19, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 496 – One Way Street
Today we have James. He is 40 years old and lives in Melbourne, Australia. He took his last drink on November 20th, 2023.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
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[04:16] Thoughts from Paul:
The Paris Olympic Committee opted to not sell alcohol. They were confident that they could have successfully applied to sell alcohol but still decided not to. In an article from NBC News, it mentioned the following: “While many people enjoy a casual drink, that’s not always the case. According to estimates by the French Public Health Society, 49,000 people are killed a year by alcohol consumption, which also causes 120 billion euros in damages.” Them choosing not to sell alcohol proves that things are changing around the globe regarding alcohol consumption.
Expanding on the topic of staying the course from last week’s episode, Paul shares that sobriety is a one-way street. He has yet to hear a story where someone with alcohol-free has gone back to drinking and was happy with the decision.
The common theme when it comes to what drove them back to alcohol was that they drifted from the AF community and attended less meetings or stopped altogether. They second part of this is they all said it was not a pleasant experience and many ended up right back where they were.
Do not beat yourself if you do some field research. We often need those reminders to reinforce internally that you made the right decision. Paul says he hasn’t met a single person who said they made the wrong choice when they decided to choose an alcohol-free life.
[11:03] Kris introduces James:
James lives in a rural area south of Melbourne, Australia. He is married with two kids, enjoys going to the gym and recently started playing football again.
James says he had a normal upbringing. He put a lot of pressure on himself and felt like he was always being watched. Alcohol entered his life when he was around 14 and drinking helped him turn things off as an escape and he felt freedom.
At 18, James moved out of his parent’s home with some older friends and was drinking on extended weekends but still very functional. When he was 20, he ended up moving to London where he felt complete freedom to do whatever he wanted, including living in a pub. James continued the weekend binge drinking with very little consequence.
After moving back to Australia in his late 20’s, James started a successful business and met the woman who is now his wife. Over time his feelings of not being “good enough” in many areas of his life were very stressful and found James drinking more to self-medicate and disconnect.
Towards the end of his drinking, James says he and his wife were very disconnected. He was acting out and taking a lot of risks. After confronting him one day, James told her his life was a mess and she told him it was either rehab or leaving. James opted for the easier option of leaving and chose an Airbnb close to a pub where he could drink and gamble. After a few days of this bender, his wife showed up and lovingly took him home. He started doing research but was scared to commit to inpatient care due to running his business.
James eventually found an outpatient treatment that would suit him. He has been alcohol-free ever since. Working on his connections with his family is something James is really proud of. He looks forward to doing the step work with his sponsor in AA and growing stronger spiritually.
James’ biggest fear around quitting: feeling his feelings and having to digest them.
James’ favorite resources in recovery: Recovery Elevator podcast and a book with spiritual principles for each day that he can meditate on.
James’ parting piece of guidance: Stick to it, keep showing up day by day and the magic happens down the track.
We are the only ones that can do this RE, but we don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Aug 12, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 495 – Stay the Course
Today we have Robbie. He is 28 years old from Palm Springs, CA and took his last drink on January 4th, 2024.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Better Help today to get 10% off your first month
Visit Sober Link to sign up and receive $50 off a device.
[4:28] Thoughts from Paul:
You are listening to this podcast because you’ve correctly identified that alcohol is what is holding you back. You see that alcohol isn’t delivering what was promised.
Your inner guidance to quit drinking, to explore what that would look like is correct. Stay the course. You’re inner voice is spot on. You are on the right path.
Paul shares his struggles with finding homeostasis after welcoming his child into the world. He feels his nervous system is stuck in a level of fight or flight. While he is feeling a lot of emotions around this, he reminds himself to stay the course. So, for all of those parents who are seeking sobriety – we will stay the course with you.
What does staying the course look like when we depart from alcohol? Maybe it is tuning in to the podcast each week or logging just one more day alcohol-free. Maybe you are working through a quit lit book and the voice is saying it wasn’t that bad. Keep reading. Keep listening. Keep showing up. We are on the right path and it’s paramount that we stick together.
[10:18] Paul introduces Robbie:
Robbie lives in Palm Springs, CA. He enjoys tennis, pickleball, golf and interior design.
Robbie says he didn’t drink much growing up and only started to drink while studying abroad in Australia. He was able to drink socially with little issue. The drinking became more frequent after Robbie had graduated college and was living alone in Denver. He found himself at happy hours and then returning home to continue to drink. At the time, Robbie knew that his drinking wasn’t normal but chalked it up to being a phase.
During COVID lockdowns, Robbie ended up moving back to Montana to stay with his parents. Drinking was a great excuse since he didn’t have obligations. After moving back to his apartment, his drinking began earlier in the day over time. He was starting to have physical repercussions from drinking heavily and decided to try and moderate or cut back. One event found him going to the liquor store for “hair of the dog” and on the way back he ended up passing out. Robbie woke up in an ambulance on the way to the ER and had no idea who called them. This didn’t deter Robbie from drinking, he just knew that if he tried to quit again, he would need to have medical detox.
On a trip to Montana visiting family, Robbie ended up getting a DUI right down the street from his parents’ house. After his father picked him up from jail, he knew the cat was out of the bag.
At Christmas, Robbie decided to stay in Denver and told his mother that he was spending time with his girlfriend but ended up staying home. When his mother found out he wasn’t with her, see felt driven to send Robbie an email expressing concerns about his health. He felt a lot of relief when he read it and knew that he was going to be able to get help now since his family was aware of his problem.
Robbie went to Betty Ford and stayed there for 21 days. It was more social than Robbie was accustomed to, but he grew very close with the people he was there with. After a few step-down programs, Robbie still goes to Betty Ford frequently and while AA isn’t his favorite modality, he enjoys trying new meetings and keeps an open mind to all things recovery. He utilizes meetings, podcasts and gratitude lists in recovery and when he has a craving, he has found box-breathing helps him a lot.
What has sobriety made possible for Robbie: reconnecting with and loving himself.
Robbie’s parting piece of guidance: pick up the 100-pound phone, ask for help and you’ll be really surprised by people’s response to that.
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
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