by Kris Oyen | Nov 15, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 352 – Allow the deeper you to emerge
Today we have Kendall. He is 30, from Texas, and took his last drink on March 13, 2021.
Paul shares some personal insights on the growth of Recovery Elevator.
Highlights from Paul
Paul resumes the discussion about having a game plan for the holidays. He reminds us that alcohol can have catastrophic effects.
A recap from last week: 1) Accountability, 2) Stock up on AF beverages, 3) Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy. Paul introduces three additional concepts: 1) Develop a cravings plan and get specific, 2) JOMO – find something this holiday season to say “no” to and savor the new boundary, 3) Pick your holiday theme song.
When you begin the journey in a life without alcohol, an incredible thing begins to take place. You get to experience a transformation that allows the deeper you to emerge. You get to know yourself, your true and authentic self, your needs, wants, desires and more. Paul encourages us to listen to the inner voice and the guidance it provides to tell us what we need, when we need it and how to get it. Our inner voice will help us to fully live a human life with all its ups and downs. When we are true to our authentic selves, we get to embrace the full palette of human emotions, we learn to stand up for ourselves and learn to create a life that no longer involves alcohol.
Listen to the pep talk segment here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[10:11] Kendall took his last drink 3/13/2021. He is 30 years old and has a young daughter and enjoys skate boarding. Kendall started drinking at age 14. He smoked, drank, and hung out with his friends. He didn’t drink frequently, but every time he did, he got very drunk.
Kendall’s sober journey began NYE 2019 when he was going through his divorce. He didn’t want to be “that guy” who drowned himself in alcohol. He thought he was healed at 50 days. He was out of control. His drinking escalated dramatically. He would quit for a day, but he was having fun. At some point he reflected on his behavior. His ex-wife sent him pictures of empty bottles she found in the house. Kendall realized he was resentful at his wife for not letting him drink the way he wanted to. Kendall hid his drinking. He used it as an outlet to escape his depression.
Odette found Kendall through his participation in the Café RE roll call. She watched him start to count days. In April 2020, Kendall found RE. He was in lockdown and still drinking daily. Kendall connected with Paul’s energy on the RE podcast. He tricked himself through several day ones and eventually he hit a day 3, then a day 7, then a day 27. He used the term, “field research” as a pass to drink. Publicly posting on his social media helped him gain accountability and receive love.
Kendall’s skating friends are incredibly supportive of his sobriety. They have come to his house when he was having cravings. Now Kendall is more emotionally aware. Kendall’s cravings are nostalgia cravings. His slip-ups have created a strong foundation for him to stay sober. Dating is hard because everybody wants to meet for a drink. He was falling apart one day, and he got support from his community and they helped him through.
Odette’s Summary
If you are on the struggle bus right now, hold on! Bad days and low emotions are part of the journey. Just when you are completely overwhelmed and spiraling, you will have a normal day. Emotions do level out and the intensity dissipates. Hold on! Know that you will turn a corner soon. Reach out for help. Slow and steady wins the race.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events Emo
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Nov 8, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 351 – Strength and Courage
Today we have Tom. He is 47, from Bozeman, MT, and took his last drink on September 24, 2019.
Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts Friday 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café RE members’ only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditations, and breakout rooms. Go to:
www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity for more info.
Highlights from Paul
Paul shares some helpful hints from listeners to develop a game plan for the holidays. There are 54 days left in 2021 and Paul is encouraging you to start now with your plan to ditch the booze.
1) Accountability – get an accountability partner. Café RE members’ email: info@recoveryelevator.com with your name, age, location, male or female, and date of last drink and KMac will get you paired. If you are going somewhere for a holiday gathering, let the host know you won’t be drinking and ask them not to offer you any alcohol. 2) Stock up and treat yourself to AF beverages (+chocolate +ice cream). 3) Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy, so your focus isn’t on what you are giving up, but on doing more of something you enjoy.
Paul reminds us to practice new habits including listening to music when you get triggered. Listen to some of Paul’s favorites here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/
If you find yourself overwhelmed with getting or staying sober, remind yourself that up until this moment, everything has worked out just fine. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Nobody does. Your job is to keep moving forward and making progress. But not aimlessly. When we remove alcohol, we also remove the veil of illusion. At first this is lonely and scary. This allows us to be more authentic. Give this life reboot some time. Trust me. Trust yourself.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[11:52] Tom took his last drink on September 24, 2019. He is 47, a surgical nurse and is married with two kids. He loves fly fishing, snowboarding, running, live music, hiking cooking, playing guitar and yo yo’s.
Tom came from a long history of drinkers. Tom was a victim of sexual assault and bullying. He didn’t drink regularly until late high school/early college. He described never feeling comfortable in his own skin. Drinking helped him overcome that discomfort. Tom’s drinking ramped up in college. He also smoked pot and was never a normal drinker.
At age 30, Tom made a career change and went to nursing school with the goal of being a family man. He became a surgical nurse and has been in the field ever since. After moving to Bozeman, the effects of years of drinking started to take their toll. He drank to black out, drank and drove and hid his drinking. He quit once on his own for two months, then drank for another five years. After a difficult conversation with his wife, he quit drinking the next day.
Tom described living a double life because his behavior at work and at home were completely different.
Tom leveraged AA to help him quit drinking for good. He went to meetings daily, got a sponsor, embraced spirituality, worked the steps, and did what he was told.
Tom can be himself now. He loves his job; has become a leader and he is no longer depressed. His marriage and his relationship with his children is better. He is making new friends and repairing old relationships.
Odette’s Summary
Odette discusses moving toward your values to give you a new framework to evaluate your life and your sobriety.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
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by Kris Oyen | Nov 1, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 350 – What’s up holidays?
Today we have Blazik. He is 28, from Kansas, and took his last drink on July 25,2021.
Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café RE members’ only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditations, and breakout rooms. Go to www. Recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity for more info.
Café RE just made a $5149 donation to the McShin Foundation. 10% of all Café RE monthly memberships go towards a nonprofit geared towards helping those affected by addiction. The McShin Foundation helps those struggling with addiction get access to detox facilities, sober living, transitional recovery houses and more. https://mcshin.org/
Highlights from Paul
Paul addresses the gauntlet of challenges coming up in the next sixty days, specifically Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. The holidays often spike anxiety. Paul suggests it’s time to create a game plan to enjoy your first of many AF holidays.
Challenges create opportunities. There is an opportunity to rewrite the script and create a new norm for the holidays. There are opportunities for self-love, self-reflection, self-care and putting the self aside. There are also opportunities for connection. Building deeper human connections requires us to exercise our vulnerability muscles. This is an opportunity to be less reactive, go with the flow and practice mindfulness. It is also a great time to be of service and give without expecting anything in return. It is an opportunity to set boundaries with yourself, your loved ones, and people in the supermarket. There is also an opportunity of the unknown, a time of repose and perhaps a chance to address loneliness.
Paul believes you can do this. It starts with how you view it. Simply reframing challenges to opportunities is a great start. Lean in on this podcast, Café RE or whatever it takes so you do not go through this alone. Willpower is not enough to stay sober. Paul will provide more tools to help you build a game plan. This year is your opportunity to enjoy sober holidays.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[9:47] Blazik took his last drink on July 25, 2021. He is 28, single and has his own podcast. He makes videos, music and is learning the guitar. He spends a lot of time burning energy with his dog so he can enjoy down time.
Blazik experienced anxiety through his childhood. He was high performing as an athlete and homecoming king. He acted like the person he wanted to be but was filled with anxiety. He drank to overcome anxiety and drinking made the feeling go away temporarily. Alcohol made him feel and act the way he wanted to. From age 17-27 he drank daily.
The effects of alcohol began to take their toll on him physically. He woke up regularly at 2-3AM with heart palpitations or anxiety attacks. He couldn’t overcome the fatigue without drinking again. He listened to several episodes of the RE podcast and decided to explore not drinking. He went 38 days on his first attempt to get sober. He drank again and found himself drinking when he didn’t want to, but he had to feel like himself. He loved the instant fix.
Blazik says that concerts, vibing and dancing are still fun AF, and you can remember the event! He is really enjoying learning to be present. He loves looking and stars and listening to music. He has learned that he doesn’t need alcohol to be creative or to make music.
Kris’s Summary
Kris talks about control and rejection. If he lives for the approval of others, he will die from their rejection, and exhausted from the chase. He is working on being authentically himself and that he is enough.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Oct 25, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 349 – The Inner Voice.
Today we have Tara. She is 37, from Canada, and took her last drink on February 20, 2019.
Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café Re members only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditation, and break outs rooms. Go to: www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity.
Highlights from Paul
Paul talks about his inner voice and how it failed him as he was trying to stack days in early sobriety. Inner narration can tell you in your own voice that it is okay to drink. It’s a subconscious voice. Paul advises that the first step is to be aware of the voice. Then you need to create distance between that voice and the first drink. Inner narration isn’t you, it’s a bundle of thoughts. Over time, you can let the space build between the thought and the drink so you can change your thinking. Gaze at the stars, look up and take a breath.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[10:37] Odette welcomes Tara
Tara took her last drink February 20, 2019. She lives in Montreal and has learned to enjoy life – everything she does is for fun. She is a voice actress and podcaster.
Tara described her relationship with alcohol as a product of self-loathing and rejecting herself. She took her first drink at 12. She was well adjusted and had her needs met at the time. She didn’t drink again until 15 when she was unhappy, depressed and feeling alienated. Alcohol filled a need to replace herself. A major shift happened when she was 18 and she took her drinking to another level – drinking in the morning and drinking alone. Alcohol became her primary relationship until she got sober. Alcohol was linked with everything she did. She had a lot of self-pity and thought the world was against her. She felt like she belonged at the bottom. Pain felt normal, like home.
Tara went to 12 different inpatient rehabs. She would start to feel better and didn’t know how to deal with feeling better. Learning to care for herself emotionally was a big challenge. Even some basic tasks were a challenge. She escaped through relationships with men or would obsess about her looks to avoid facing herself.
She took pride in not being a good person. She became a villain in her own story. She put her family and friends through a lot. She relapsed frequently and made false promises to herself and other people. She is amazed her family is still supporting her recovery. During her last stay in rehab, she was there for 12 days and had to leave because she had been so many times. Post rehab she went through the motions and went to meetings, got a sponsor, and did the things she was told to do without running the show. Her parents breathalyzed her which helped her become accountable.
Early recovery was a challenge. Tara felt like a fraud and didn’t have confidence in her own ability not to relapse. Her brain was in a constant frenzy, and she had a partner who was struggling with addiction. She felt privileged to be able to do full time recovery for several months. She has learned to have a sense of humor about cravings or crazy thoughts. She focuses now on how she shows up in the world. She has expanded her spiritual practice and is learning to be consistent. Tara has learned to enjoy her own company. Her goal is to show up in her life in a way she can be proud of every day.
Odette’s Summary
What does bravery mean to you? You can choose to ride or not ride a roller-coaster. The brave choice is the one that rings true to you; the choice that aligns with your values, inner knowing and truth. Choosing to live an alcohol-free life is a huge act of bravery. Sobriety can be lonely, but bravery means standing up for yourself and advocating yourself, even when peers may pressure you to do otherwise.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Oct 18, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 348 – We don’t plug in.
Today we have Kerry. She is 31, from Philadelphia, and took her last drink on January 2,2021.
Recovery Elevator is going to be Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden inn at Union Station. New Dates: March 31 – April 2. Register: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/denver/
Paul will be teaching a ukulele 101 course in February 2022. https://recoveryelevator.com/events
Highlights from Paul
Humans don’t plug in like a phone with a charger, however we do recharge. In the 21st century we are pulled in many different directions. Addictions are adaptive behaviors that manifest in unhealthy, stressful environments, especially when we are running on empty.
Paul offers some practical ways for us to recharge including go barefoot on the earth/grass, eat live foods 2x a day, eat less frequently, sleep more, nap, read a good book, socialize with other sober people, get out in nature, do something that brings you joy, and JOMO (joy of missing out) – skip those stressful events. Recharging takes practice. Remind yourself that it is a gift you are giving yourself.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[11:30] Odette welcomes Kerry
Kerry took her last drink January 2, 2021. She is a registered dietician, is married and has two cats. Her side hustle includes several books and mocktails. See: https://thesoberdietitians.com/ Instagram:thesoberdieticians
Kerry didn’t start drinking until college. She did drink wine. She was given an opportunity to write a mocktail book with her friend, Diana for pregnant women. As with many, her drinking increased in 2020. She was drinking daily.
Kerry read a lot about the rise of alcohol use during the pandemic. She and her friend, Diana were writing their 2nd book and began linking alcohol and health. Kerry started looking at her own relationship with alcohol. She completed a 30-day AF challenge. She returned to drinking but drank mindfully. She and Diana completed another 30-day challenge together. They explored several AF options. Diana quit drinking entirely and Kerry’s drinking diminished. Kerry celebrated a friend’s engagement with champagne and that was her last drink. She learned so much about alcohol as an author and realized she didn’t need alcohol anymore.
Kerry didn’t love the feeling that came with drinking alcohol. She realized that she couldn’t accomplish as much when she was hungover. She also realized how prevalent alcohol is on TV or in movies. We normalize problematic drinking.
She and her husband have enjoyed taking the sober curious journey together. She misses red wine and pumpkin beer and hasn’t found a great AF alternative to either yet. She is tempted to return to drinking, but her current plan is to stay AF. She served AF options including a signature mocktail at her wedding.
Kerry has become aware that ethanol is a carcinogen and has become more mindful about the ramifications of drinking while pregnant. She is concerned that we promote red wine as being heart healthy when we can’t measure how much of the antioxidants enter the body. She has made great connections with the sober and sober curious people on social media.
Odette’s Summary
Odette has been sober for nearly three years. She recognizes she is imposing a fair number of expectations on herself specific to what her recovery should look like. She encourages us not to beat ourselves up. Use the tools that are working for you.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
