by Kris Oyen | Sep 6, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 342 – Do Your Part
Today we have Michael. He is 43, from N. Georgia and took his last drink on January 1, 2020.
Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) is open. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
Highlights from Paul
Paul discusses three elements that are critical to doing your part in recovery. Paul believes self-respect, self-love, and well-being are fundamental to healing. Doing the work is essential, and it eventually becomes embodied in your circuitry. Over time, we retrain the brain to stop self-harming with alcohol, pop tarts, and disrespect from others.
The state of our world reflects our lack of connection with ourselves, our planet, and our community. He believes a tipping point is upon us. We can help the world by fixing our internal environment, our inner pollution that results in external contamination – that is our part. The inner work (i.e., letting go of resentments) benefits others as well.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[11:01] Michael took his last drink on January 1, 2020. He is from 43, married, and has two kids. He is a graphic designer and enjoys painting, drawing, playing music, and running.
Michael started drinking in high school. He drank to fit in and didn’t really like alcohol. He trained himself to drink. He used alcohol to celebrate, and it felt good. He now realizes he was trying to become somebody he wasn’t. In college, alcohol was everywhere, and he drank almost daily. Michael noticed early on his drinking was an issue.
Post-college, Michael didn’t want the party to stop. Free booze was a great excuse to overindulge. Alcohol and celebration went hand in hand for Michael. He began moderating when his children were about to be born. Over time, Michael continued to try moderation, and the voice in his head continued getting louder. He started looking at pictures from events he attended and realized there was no joy in his eyes because he wasn’t present for his own life. Accepting love was a real challenge for Michael. He quit drinking for an entire year but gradually returned to drinking. Michael now believes sobriety represents his authentic self, and that’s why he had to train himself to drink. Podcasts and the book “This Naked Mind” helped him understand addiction. Michael discovered Recovery Elevator, signed up and became part of the community.
Recovery is fantastic for Michael. He doesn’t need alcohol to be himself, confident, present, feel his feelings, true joy, true love, and his life is greater than he imagined it would be. He embraces his inner light and beauty as a human being. He loves his wife and his family and appreciates his RE tribe, who understand what it’s like to cope with addiction.
Michael talks to someone in recovery every day. He focuses on exercise, working the steps, and writing music to support his recovery.
Kris’ Summary
Kris spoke about learning the scientific reasons for addiction when he was in treatment. He needed to understand that addiction was about more than poor personal choices. Kris believes you can’t intellectualize your way out of addiction. Kris attended his first sober meet-up six weeks after he left treatment. He witnessed what ‘fun in sobriety’ looks like. A gathering of strangers came together to learn to live the life we were meant for can be fun and much more satisfying than addiction. The healing spirit is amazing. Shifting the energy we used to put into drinking toward a greater goal: personal growth, showing up for others and community. Kris appreciates everyone he has encountered in the RE community. I am here; I am whole. Feel it. Believe it!
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Aug 30, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 341 – Head into the storm
On today’s podcast we’ve got Britt, she is 45, from California and she took her last drink on November 13, 2018.
Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) opens Wednesday 9/1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
Highlights from Paul
Solving human problems can be discovered in nature. Lone bison run away from storms in the opposite direction. Humans run away from cravings and tough life challenges. Packs of bison walk through the storm together, shoulder to shoulder. They know the quickest way to weather the storm is through. It’s vital that we work alongside others to weather the storm of addiction. Facing the storm together is fun.
[6:52] Paul shares a great story about his adventures with Britt and how much he admires how she has embraced her AF journey. Paul loves how Britt burned the ships and showed how invigorating life can be sans alcohol.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[09:54] Britt took her last drink November 13, 2018. She loves the outdoors, hiking and music.
Britt had a slow burn into active addiction. She struggled with depression and agoraphobia in her teens. When she hit 30, she lost 100 pounds. Losing that much weight is a challenge. Drinking helped her deal with those emotions. She quit drinking after the loss of a friend and white knuckled for over a year. She went back to drinking, but it progressed. Reviewing her journals helped her to see she made multiple attempts to quit and moderate. She made a geographic change hoping for a cure. She believed her rock bottom came when she was drinking daily, then she went to work for a liquor store while looking for full time work. Cognitive dissonance was in play for two years, and she never gave up. While listening to podcasts, she tried a 30-day solution and it stuck.
Britt found that drinking gave her a tiny feeling of satisfaction that ultimately turned into shame and loathing. Control has been a theme that she is continuing to explore. Once she was able to stack some days, she leveraged journaling and Café RE retreats. Meeting other people who were also ditching the booze inspired a new level of accountability that worked. Personal integrity helped her to honor her commitment to quit drinking. Britt learned that she leveraged food, exercise, and relationships to soothe herself. Now she explores new parks or trails. Meditation has been instrumental to her sobriety. Addiction has humbled Britt, softened her relationships, and opened her to more meaningful connections.
[42:17] Britt shares a powerful journal entry. Addiction isn’t in a place, and neither is recovery. There is freedom in that.
Odette’s Summary
Odette reminds listeners that her life is messy with ups, downs, good and bad days. Keep showing up and remember you help others by showing up.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Aug 23, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 340 – Give yourself a break
On today’s podcast we’ve got Mike, he is 36, from Fort Worth, TX and he took his last drink on September 20, 2020.
Highlights from Paul
We are incredibly hard on ourselves. The point of this episode is to give us permission to let much of that go, and to move the needle slightly on how you view yourself and the drinking.
Hating yourself for drinking, for not being able to quit drinking, for not holding the promises made to yourself, etc. isn’t productive. The shame and guilt that accompany those statements isn’t either.
Dr. Gabor Mate congratulates someone who experienced depression. Why? Because depression and anxiety are mechanisms that kick in for us to go internal and find ourselves. Give yourself a break if you experience addiction, anxiety, or depression. Use them as levers to learn to know and love yourself.
Check out Paul’s YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mVZadRTkA&t=1s
Paul suggests not making self-love conditional or transactional. He also suggests finding healthier coping strategies. They are infinite.
Exact Nature re20@exactnature.com
[12:44] Mike took his last drink on September 20, 2020. He is married and expecting a baby boy.
Mike’s drinking began in high school. His drinking progressed from a 12 pack of Coors Light to 2 12 packs of white claws a day. In his late twenties, he started logging his drinks on his calendar. He got married and hoped his behavior would change. He could go for a few months without drinking but was a dry drunk. He was very focused on being manly and Mike’s version of that meant he struggled being honest with himself and others. It was difficult to admit he had a problem. On the outside, things seemed fine. He was functional, but Mike’s identity was in the approval of others and how he was viewed by the world.
He quit his job to enter rehab and entered a faith base rehab program. When he returned, he was more prideful and selfish than ever before, and his marriage deteriorated. He relapsed and projected his self-pity and hate onto his wife. He knew he would drink himself to death or swallow his pride and admit himself to another rehab.
Mike entered one of the toughest rehabs in the country. There he learned the root cause of his drinking was about unresolved childhood trauma. Mike was physically taken care of, but his family emotional model taught him not to show weakness. In rehab, he was taught the 5 why’s model to deal with his unprocessed issues.
Mike starts his day with coffee and prayer. He’s in the best shape of his life and tries to treat his body as a temple. He consistently and constantly surrenders every day. He has learned to be well versed in apologizing and forgiving. Mike says it’s not easy, but pride doesn’t go with you when you die.
Mike now defines being a man as being humble. He talks about his feelings and tries to treat people the best that he can. Mike is helping others through his Instagram channel. Find him @fathfullysober.
Odette’s Summary
Odette shared a passage from Melody Beattie.
Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.
Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn’t work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may be stopping it from happening…
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events including Costa Rica and Denver
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
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by Kris Oyen | Aug 16, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 339 – Does addiction serve a purpose?
On today’s podcast we’ve got Nate, he is 39, from Ohio and he took his last drink on October 9, 2015.
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My favorite part of RE is back. And I hope to see you at an upcoming event. We’ve got Costa Rica January 15-23 and then we’re in Denver Colorado April 14th -17th.
Highlights from Paul
Is addiction a disease or not? Paul says that addiction isn’t a disease, but a learned behavior that expresses itself in unhealthy environments. In unhealthy, traumatic, or lonely environments, we develop adaptive behaviors such as excessive drinking to help us cope. Check out Paul’s thoughts in more detail in the following video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKY4l7ez5pw&t=35s
Crossing the river of addition means letting go of our resentments, fears, anxieties, jealousies, attachments, and choose love. If you ride that wave of pain long enough, it will give you two choices: life or death. Thanks to the stigma which helps keep paradigms in check, we label ourselves dysfunctional, or broken. Addictions represent things that need deep healing.
People in recovery understand that love and acceptance is more important than you should be wearing a mask, or you should get vaccinated… and if you don’t, we’re no longer friends. We work together for one common goal. The rest of society is not equipped with the tools and emotional intelligence to do so.
Addictions are wake up calls. Invitations, to step into your true authentic self. Addictions give us the fast track to see that love always wins. We get there by seeing what’s not working in life. I think an addiction exists to push us back to source. To creation. To love and light.
I encourage you to stop labeling your drinking problem as bad because it’s not. And that a major waste of time energy.
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[13:11] Nate took his last drink 10/9/2015. He grew up in Ohio in a traditional Midwest family with a family. He started drinking at an early age to fit in and numb some insecurities. He realized he was gay at an early age, needed to accept himself in an environment that didn’t include role models or peers.
He recognized consequences on drinking early on with a DUI and fights at parties. When he graduated from college, his drinking shifted from social drinking to misery drinking. Nate described an era of drinking and when it became problematic. He was able to cling to career success, a great work ethic and worked in the restaurant business in a management role. He worked from home, which fed his disease. He took micro naps after starting his morning with vodka and chardonnay to continue working. He began regressing and turning inward. Nate avoided sharing his secrets. He came out to friends in high school. He lived an open life in college. It was a ten-year period before he was living an open life.
He remembers waking up with a stiff neck and that continued for several weeks. While visiting his sister, he fell to the ground, his body went limp, he lost his vision. He had a stroke at age 32 because of his drinking. The doctors didn’t ask many questions about his drinking. He spent 6 weeks in the ICU and had to learn to walk and learn to use his extremities again. His vision returned. They asked no questions about addiction, alcohol, or drugs. While in the hospital he thought daily about his first drink when he left the hospital and he stopped at the liquor store for champagne on his way home. He continued drinking after his stroke.
His best friend went into treatment, and she modeled the attraction of sobriety for him. He remembers catching himself in the mirror and he paused wondering where the last 15 years went. His sister took him to a treatment center 30 minutes later. Nate believes being able to make the decision himself and not be forced into it was important for his success. He has been entrenched in 12 Step recovery since.
Odette’s Summary
Odette described recovery as an opportunity, not a sacrifice. Creating and fostering a gratitude mindset can help you cross the bridge from being mad or sad that you can’t drink anymore to one of gratitude. Odette has a gratitude practice she uses every day.
Remember you are not alone and together is always better.
Sponsor
Exact Nature re20@exactnature.com
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021
- You can find more information about our events including Costa Rica and Denver
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Aug 9, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 338 – Old Narratives
On today’s podcast we’ve got Rebecca she took his last drink on October 22, 2019, she is from Madison Wisconsin, and is 31 years old.
Finding Your Better You Highlights
When we don’t know the root of our triggers, when we don’t know the narratives that are ingrained in our brains and in our souls. We think something is wrong with us. And when we think something is wrong with us, we feel shame. Part of taking responsibility of your healing is knowing yourself, so that you can get outside of this shame cycle and can walk the bridge over to self-empathy. When I know myself better, I can zoom out and see what was happening in my mind, understand myself better and allows me to manage my relationships differently. This makes me navigate my cravings better, because mine come when I feel this belief of, I am not considered.
Look within and find some narratives that are living inside of you? Stories that live in the past, yet they are being perpetuated in your present life. We can re-write those stories. But only until we detect them.
Insights from Rebecca’s Journey
[09:18] Kris introduces Rebecca. Rebecca began drinking at age 14 and she hated it. She was afraid of drinking because her dad was in law enforcement. She noticed a shift in her drinking at age 25. In 2011, her dad went to prison and that trauma had a huge impact on her life. She was also a victim of domestic violence. She thanks alcohol for getting her through terrible times and for the life she has now. Rebecca’s drinking became all day drinking because she was isolated, alone, and bored. She would binge drink to soothe loneliness. She was falling apart, other than work.
She began listening to recovery podcasts and reached out to her employee assistance office. She entered a therapy group that helped with alcohol addiction and trauma. She was holding on some trauma from her past that became an excuse for drinking. She was stuck in a Day 1 cycle and a shame cycle. She went to rehab and detoxed from alcohol and Xanax. It was a very structured program that gave her some tools.
Learning to connect was important for Rebecca. She leaned in heavily on AA and found a local community of sober women. She is now very engaged with Café RE which has helped keep her sober. She constantly evaluates her program. She continues to suffer from anxiety and depression, but she isn’t alone anymore. She really wants to give back and is now able to do so. She always challenges the narrative recognizing that a bad day can be turned around. Rebecca said, keep it simple!
Kris’ Message
Kris is celebrating four years of continuous sobriety. He shared a quote from Marianne Williamson, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? Playing small does not serve the world. We born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. As we let our own light shine, we give others permission to do the same.” Take some time to recognize the work you are doing. Resist the urge to minimize yourself. You are a gift to this world. You deserve happiness.
It all starts from the inside out.
Sponsor
Exact Nature Use code RE20 at exact nature.com
Shout out to The Chocolate Moose, a Bozeman Retreat Sponsor. https://www.thechocolatemoose406.com/ @thechocolatemoose406 on Instagram
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021
- You can find more information about our events including Costa Rica and Denver
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
