by Kris Oyen | Mar 15, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 317 – Lean into the support from people who want to help you. Dig into yourself. There is an endless well of spirit, heart, and capacity that we all have. We just need to tap into it—everything you need you to have.
Lunita took her last drink on October 10, 2020. She is from San Diego. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF)
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message
There is a myth of sobriety, that sobriety is not fun. Odette finds joy when people debunk this myth. Some of her favorite badass sober stories include:
Bradley Cooper – sober at 29 years old. He attributes his career success to his sobriety.
Brad Pitt – credits his sobriety to Bradley Cooper.
Florence Welsh – sobriety does not doom you to boredom.
David Lloyd George, British Prime Minister in the early 1900’s, backed the licensing bill.
Dax Shepherd says he wouldn’t have anything he has without his sobriety. His guests and podcast sponsors are a lot of fun.
Anthony Hopkins recently hit 45 years, sober saying, “Hang in there. Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about yesterday. Young- people, don’t give up. Just keep in there”
Cristiano Ronaldo, a Portuguese soccer player, is sober. His father passed from alcohol abuse, and Cristiano has changed his life trajectory and is a role model of sobriety for his family.
Al Pacino, Jamie Lee Curtis, Robert Downey, Jr., Eminem, Chrissy Teigen, Keith Urban, Kelly Osbourne, Ben Affleck, Gillian Jacobs, James Franco, John Travolta, Shakira, J.Lo, Stephen King, Eva Mendes, Tom Cruise, Natalie Portman, Elton John, Zac Efron, Tyra Banks, Daniel Radcliffe, Demi Lovato, Chris Martin (Coldplay) among many others are on the sober team.
We are not alone, we are not boring, quite the contrary. Sobriety is the gateway to authenticity. How do you feel about joining the alcohol-free club and staying in it with us?
[8:57] Odette Introduces Lunita
Lunita is Latina like Odette. She hit reset on October 10, 2020. She is an American-born bi-cultural person from San Diego and a single mom. Her father is from Panama, and her mother is from Mexico. Her daughters are 9 and 11. She is a yoga teacher and healing arts practitioner. She loves nature, plant medicine, yoga, and she is a poet, writer, painter and loves anything to do with arts and the body.
[11:42] Tell us about your history with drinking?
Lunita took her first drink at 14 in Mexico, where the lines are a little more blurred. As she looks back at that time, drinking gave her a sense of calm and inner knowing that she had never felt before. Her nervous system was soothed by alcohol. She was a highly sensitive child, and her parents didn’t know how to manage her gifts.
She drank through her teenage years into her twenties. Occasionally she would blackout. She liked drinking. She said alcohol took her from a highly sensitive introvert to a comfortable, fun drunk. It awakened her artistic side. She didn’t want to stop because it was fun.
Fast forward, Lunita got pregnant, got married, had two children, and drinking became her coping mechanism for managing parenting as a young adult. She was a part of the mommy wine culture. She realized she was drinking every night. After she and her husband separated, her drinking became dark. She drank every night while trying to hold it together for work and her daughters. She hated her life and felt terrible and disconnected from herself every day. Her husband and best friend made comments about her drinking, but she didn’t want to stop. Drinking became a medication, a chemical dependency. Alcohol was sinking Lunita.
In her thirties, she was cornered by a cousin, then her best friend who caught her sneaking drinks or blacking out.
[17:19] How did you respond to the comments from other people?
Lunita said she was telling herself it was ok. She would get defensive or appease others with slogans like “mommy happy hour” “5 o’clock somewhere”. She was presentable, so she didn’t think there was a problem.
She found herself being very inconsistent. She was eating clean, practicing yoga, running, drinking green smoothies, but drinking every night. She was aware of the dissonance, but she still didn’t want to stop drinking.
[20:52} Tell me about the shift within you.
Lunita said she started drinking hard liquor instead of beer or wine because she could get drunk faster, with fewer calories. Her body reacted right away. The hangovers became worse, she lost her appetite, and the fun of drinking turned into darkness. She began to experience rock bottom moments in relationships or at work. She was no longer in denial but wasn’t sure what to do.
Four years ago, her friend said, “you’ve got to do something.” She was sober for two years. Since then, she’s had some resets. She knew it was die or get sober.
[24:06] Have you identified the reasons why you would drink again, and what tools have you added along the way?
Lunita said community, healing, yoga, meditation, and plants allowed her to release alcohol from her life for two years. She felt alive, vital, and fresh. Then she said she thought she could pursue healthy drinking with wine or beer, no hard liquor. She wasn’t blacking out, but she noticed a gradual backslide with her relationships and her work. The old habit wasn’t serving her anymore. She had a brief period of drinking again but was sober for six months. In October, she reset her self-talk and said, I am not doing anything that doesn’t serve me. That became a massive shift for her, from her highest self. She doesn’t choose anything that doesn’t suit her anymore.
She now focuses on activism about alcohol. She believes it is a privilege to have a functional relationship with alcohol. Now that she is sober, the work she is offering the world makes a difference.
[31:16] Tell me more about this time being different? How do you deal with cravings or discomfort?
Lunita said she deals with discomfort by leveraging therapy. As a human, she wants to do her own work while continuing to help others. Her therapist has been crucial. Accountability through the community has been instrumental for her. She said that having a sober partner has made an enormous difference for her, and she appreciates his support. Community is huge for Lunita, and her yoga practice, breathwork, herbs, and running are pivotal. They help healthily regulate her nervous system.
Lunita drinks embarrassing amounts of Pellegrino, teas, tonics, and elixirs to overcome cravings.
[35:21] You described yourself as a sensitive person, an empath. How has the acceptance of your true essence shifted your ability to be authentic to yourself?
Lunita said it had been a journey and a stubborn need to overcome the distortions, toxic family structure, the lies she told herself, and accept she is not like anyone else and isn’t meant to be. Her reclamation of herself came from sobriety and being sober. She avoided talking about recovery during her first two years of sobriety because of the shame. Now she knows some of the most radical, authentic beings have issues with addiction. She is learning to make space for herself, rebel for herself, and heal herself so she can be an example for her daughters.
[41:46] Tell me about your relationships and how they have shifted over the years?
Lunita said the law of quantum physics means our vibe attracts people who are with us. She was attracting certain people who were looking for a healing, medicine, or heart. Those relationships were not serving her because they were one-way relationships. Now she has an amazing partner because she is serving her highest self. She attracts people who participate equally in relationships with her. She was dating the same version of who she was. When she started honoring her true self, all of her relationships changed. She now attracts beautiful heart-centered people.
[46:39} Rapid Fire Round
- What are you excited about right now?
I am completely myself – for better or worse. In every relationship, in every moment, I am myself. It is such a relief.
- What would you say to your younger self?
Your weirdness is magic. You don’t have to try to be cool, Do YOU.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate chip cookie dough
- What piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?
You are so much braver and more capable than you think. If I can do it, you can do it. Seek support from people who want to help you. Dig into yourself. There is an endless well of spirit and heart. We just have to tap into that – it’s there. I promise everything you need you have.
You may have to say adios to booze if ….
If you are hiding bottles.
Odette’s Weekly Challenge
Search for sober people in your interest bubbles (sober Mom’s, sober artists, sober photographers, sober writers). We are all out here; you just have to look closer. Denzel Washington said, “I made a commitment to completely cut out drinking and anything that might hamper me from getting my mind and body together. The floodgates of goodness have opened upon me: spiritually, emotionally, and financially.
You are not alone, together is always better. Welcome to the sober club. I promise it’s going to be fun.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Mar 8, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 316 – When I get an urge or a craving, I’ll be better next time this creeps up.
Paul took his last drink on February 29, 2020. He is from Long Island and is 30 years old. This is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Today’s sponsor is Firebrew. They are also sponsoring our Bozeman retreat.
https://www.mindyourmanna.co/ Discount Code: RE10off
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message
What is the difference between being sober and being in recovery? The definition of sobriety is the condition of not having any measurable levels or effects from alcohol or other drugs. Sobriety is also considered to be the natural state of a human being at birth.
Recovery signifies you know you have a problem and are trying to fix it. It doesn’t mean you resolve your issues right away. You recognize something is wrong, which is a critical part of getting help.
https://7summitpathways.com/blog/what-does-it-mean-in-recovery/#:~:text=What%20Being%20in%20Recovery%20Means,synonymous%20with%20%E2%80%9Cin%20remission.%E2%80%9D
When you are in recovery, you feel a kinship to others in recovery, make decisions based on how they will impact your recovery, adjust friendships and relationships based on how they affect recovery, and never let down your guard.
Can you be sober and not in recovery? Yes, abstaining is the first part.
A recovery mindset allows you to grow and develop your self-awareness. It helps you question your relationships and boundaries. Recovery is for everyone. You don’t have to be an “alcoholic.” Recovery is about being open to change and adjustments in your life – asking for help.
Many of us abstain for some time before we are ready for recovery. The recovery mindset allows for growth, new connections, and community.
Are you ready to step into the arena of recovery? We are here and ready for you.
[7:43] Odette introduces Paul
Paul took his last drink on February 29, 2020. He is from Long Island, NY, and lives in Brooklyn. He is a Physical Education teacher and a personal trainer. He trains for fun, is getting into karate, and likes getting out into nature, which isn’t easy in Brooklyn.
Paul opened his training business during COVID. He leveraged COVID as an opportunity to pivot the world of fitness and adapt to the new normal.
Paul started drinking toward the end of high school. Cannabis was his first substance, not alcohol. When he went to college, his drinking dialed up. In his mid 20’s cannabis wasn’t helping anymore, so his drinking escalated and became a problem.
As Paul reflects, his Dad overdosed when he was twelve, and his mother now has twelve years of sobriety. Childhood issues contributed to his desire to numb out. His substance abuse was a symptom of early childhood trauma.
[12:23] How was your childhood? Were you trying to cope or escape from tragedy?
Paul said he is an extrovert. He is open about his childhood experiences. It helps him to open up. When Paul’s mom re-married and had a baby, postpartum depression kicked in, and she shut out the world by drinking. Paul said he was naïve and tried to take the bottle away from his mom. He frequently cared for his brother. His stepdad lost his temper with his mom’s drinking, leading to his stepdad’s arrest. Ultimately, his mom checked into treatment and now has 12 years of sobriety. Paul leveraged boxing as a way to escape and found solace in fitness.
[16:33] Did you notice that you developed a care-taking aspect of your personality?
Yes, Paul is a caretaker, particularly with the fitness routine and teaching elementary school. He goes out of his way to help people.
[18:12] Our families can recover together. Do you think about changing the trajectory of your ancestry?
Paul said a driving factor for him was seeing the lows his mom experienced when drinking, and he knew he didn’t want that for himself or his kids.
Paul sees two sides to the coin. Life is not easy. Addiction is not a surprise; it can harden you. You have to find the why and the bigger picture to overcome addiction.
His last drink was the first confirmed case of COVID in NYC
[21:02] Tell me about the progression of fitness and drinking in your life.
Paul went back a bit and said he experimented with other drugs in college, and they began to play a role in his life. His mom always reminded him that addiction ran in the family. When Paul did a semester abroad in England, his substance abuse became a problem. He played rugby, but his drinking took over. When he returned to the US, he started bartending, drinking, and doing cocaine. Within six months, he lost his best friend to an overdose, then his Uncle to a drunk driver. He didn’t realize he was drinking through his grief. He wasn’t responsible. He lost his bartending job and ran out of money. He had to move back home. After a fight with his mom, he went out drinking, got a DWI, and was locked up for 24 hours, which was a rock bottom for him.
He turned things around and started applying to graduate programs and was accepted by a non-profit organization that paid for his Master’s in Physical Education. He moved into New York City.
[27:06] Were you drinking all this time?
Paul said he does well with a full plate. He was still drinking, but not nearly as much. He took a month off after his DWI. He had three jobs and was in a Master’s program. He was too busy for drinking to be an issue. When he graduated from his Master’s program, he decided to give personal training a shot. He got a hernia and lost business because he couldn’t train clients. He started drinking a lot. In 2017, he walked out of work on New Year’s Eve, lost his phone, wallet, and had to call his mom to pick him up – another rock bottom moment. He subsequently completed a teaching certification program and started teaching PE.
[29:58] Did you think by adding responsibilities, you could avoid the rock bottom moments?
Paul said he has always been resilient – he bounces back quickly. He made changes immediately.
[30:36] What did your mom say when she picked you up?
Paul believes his mom knew he wasn’t ready yet. She didn’t press him about recovery; she was quiet but told him he needed to figure it out. Then he met his girlfriend. He had three bad experiences in a row, which led him to quit drinking. He went to a few AA meetings, started reading quit lit, and within a month, he went into Smart Recovery, and eight months later, he is on this podcast.
Looking at his drinking patterns objectively made it easier for him to decide to quit. Quitting during COVID was odd, but he is mindful of getting through cravings.
[38:41] How did you establish a routine during shut down?
Paul said he trained to fight. He bought a punching bag, kettlebells and he has a very structured routine including mediation, yoga, infrared sauna, cold showers, and daily routine builds his confidence.
[40:10] Did your performance improve when you quit drinking?
Paul realized he was leaving a lot on the table. He ran an ultra-marathon in the summer and is aiming toward a 500-pound deadlift in Q1 2021. He continues to study physiology and has learned a lot about what alcohol does to your entire body, from sleep deprivation, poor recovery, and stress. He knows that drinking kept him from realizing his potential as a boxer.
Paul said fitness is his thing. He doesn’t romanticize drinking like artists, writers, or musicians. Drinking hinders fitness performance.
[44:48] Do you work with people in recovery as well?
Paul works with all types of clients and is starting to incorporate individuals in recovery and expand that outreach. He trains people he wants to help and loves working with kids.
[48:10] What do you do when you get a craving?
Paul said he tries to turn it on its head and thinks of it like building a new muscle. Café RE helps him a lot. Family parties stressed him out because he was focused on not drinking. He attends several Café RE meetings a week to surround himself with like-minded people and create accountability. Quitting drinking isn’t easy, but it’s simple – just don’t have a drink.
[51:52] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
You’re going to be good. Take what life throws at you and keep moving forward
- What has recovery made possible for you?
Finding more joy and discovering what joy is for me.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate chip cookie dough
- What are you excited about right now?
My business. Fitness will train differently post COVID, and he is excited about what’s to come.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to people who are considering ditching the booze?
Try to picture a life without alcohol before you submit to it. Incremental improvement goes a long way.
You might want to say Adios to booze if ….
If you have to drink a six-pack before a bartending shift or if you lose your car.
Learn more about Paul on Instagram: recoveryfit1
Odette’s Summary
Recovery is an opportunity when you reframe and shift your mindset. The way we label things has a direct impact on our experience. Let this journey back home be full of fun, mysteries, and new discoveries. Your life is waiting. Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Mar 1, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
– I can’t even imagine picking up a drink to solve something anymore. It doesn’t even cross my mind.
Kate took her last drink on August 11, 2018. She is 42 and lives in New Jersey. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Today’s sponsor is Better Help.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message
Odette has been thinking about the process of change. When she is having a down day, she wonders, am I doing recovery right? Am I making progress? Is the work worth it? It’s muddy and contradictory, particularly with our labeling minds.
We think bad days mean we are doing something wrong, and negative emotions are guides in the wrong direction. On hard days, Odette uses more tools, which probably means she is making more progress.
Holly Whittaker posted on her Instagram page a sketch that highlights the Hourglass of Change. It shows there is a range of emotions from start to goal. Odette thinks we need to learn to appreciate the hourglass of change, label-less, and accept more. Negative emotions have a place in our chapter of change. When Odette looks for peace instead of euphoria and moves gently with her feelings, she remembers compassion is critical. We need to have compassion for ourselves and others.
Let us remember that we are all on the same path, wanting to connect with others and feel like we belong. If sobriety is kicking you in the butt right now, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take it as a sign of progress. You are on the right track. You are right where you are supposed to be.
[7:30] Odette introduces Kate
Kate took her last drink on August 11, 2018. She is 42, lives in New Jersey, and works for Recovery Elevator.
Kate said she was born and raised in New Jersey. She, her husband Jay, and their cats keep life interesting. Kate works in the art world. She is crafty and knits, sews, and cross stitches. She loves to exercise and get outside.
[8:54] Give listeners some background on your history with drinking
Kate said she took her first drink at 14. She was severely inebriated and blacked out. The only other time she drank in high school, she blacked out. Kate went to college in Pennsylvania, and drinking was part of the culture. She was in a sorority, and everyone drank on the weekends. Her drinking seemed normal and what everyone was doing.
After college, she started to notice some demons.
Kate recalled in early childhood being asked to sit on the choir director’s lap at church and kiss him. She was taught to respect her elders. Looking back, she realizes her life then took an awkward turn. She developed an eating disorder. When she started drinking, the eating disorder went away. In college, she became the ultimate party girl. She worked in galleries and auction houses, and drinking was encouraged.
She moved to the UK in 2007 and was there for four years. She contrasted the drinking culture in the UK versus New York. Kate knew she had found her people. Her drinking ramped up. After her divorce, she would drink to obliteration with vodka. She learned geographic changes don’t work.
[12:51] Odette asked what was going on in her brain about her drinking.
Kate said she knew from her first drink that she shouldn’t drink. Alcoholism runs in her family. Her father has five years of sobriety. Every day was a struggle to continue keeping up appearances and be a high-functioning professional while drinking copious amounts of alcohol at night.
14:10 Did you talk to anyone about your eating disorder, drinking, or what happened during your childhood?
Kate said she was raised in a family where appearance meant everything. It went to the extreme that she and her siblings were wearing matching outfits for every holiday. Kate believes the 3 of them were struggling with who they are.
Kate told her mother about the choir director, and she didn’t believe her. Her friend’s mother found out about what was happening and sat down with Kate and talked it through. The kissing stopped, but she had to stay in the choir and see him weekly. At 14, the choir director turned it back on her in front of the entire chorus. She was embarrassed as a teenager. As an adult, she is mortified that it was allowed to happen.
[16:37] Tell me more about what happened when you were in the UK?
Kate said she moved back to the US because she was engaged to another man. When she lived in the UK, she was sexually assaulted by someone she was dating. This became a turning point. Within six months, she fled back to New York and got a job at a gallery. She then met another man who was a master manipulator, and they would drink a lot together. During Hurricane Sandy, they were stuck together. She tried to break up with him, and he would manipulate his way back. Kate’s drinking escalated due to the confusion associated with the manipulation.
[18:21] Did you notice you were drinking more? Was your tolerance increasing?
Kate said yes. A bottle of wine an evening was a standard routine. After a friend’s 40th birthday, she was so drunk it required two people to get her into her home. At 5 AM the next morning, she was passed out on the floor of her apartment, fully clothed, and she had urinated on herself. That was her first attempt to quit drinking, and it lasted about 90 days. When she went back to drinking, it progressed to 2-3 handles of vodka a week. She was working remotely most of the time, which masked much of her drinking. Her company is versed in recovery, and they encourage recovery.
[20:29] Did your drinking effect your relationship? How did that change when you quit drinking?
Kate said her husband is a heavy drinker as well, and they fueled each other as drinking partners. As her recovery has evolved, it has put some strain on her marriage. Kate and Jay didn’t discuss their drinking because they both had a problem. They are trying to rediscover who they are as a couple and learn to communicate. Kate said her husband is a rough and tumble guy who has lived a hard life, which puts him in a gender norm that he doesn’t talk about his feelings. Now that she is sober, Kate talks about all of her feelings. She has sought out other friends to express her feelings, and she wishes she and her husband could speak more openly. They have never talked about why she stopped drinking. Jay hasn’t seen all of the new dimensions of Kate that have evolved due to her sobriety.
[24:37] Tell me a little bit more about what happened after those 90 days?
Kate said start, restart, try again. She never moderated. It was black and white; there was no in-between. She walked into her first AA meeting at 24 years old but didn’t want to admit she had a drinking problem. From 2017 to 2018, Kate knew if she had continued drinking, it would kill her. She had many day one’s – she couldn’t put together stretches of time.
[26:40] What happened in August?
Kate said in July of 2018, she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. After forty “day one’s,” she put her wine down before her friend’s baby shower and said, we’re done. She googled recovery podcasts and found Recovery Elevator episode 2. She clicked play and connected with Paul’s sober date. It was the first time she heard similarities about how she drank and how other people spoke about their drinking. In August 2018, she signed up for Café RE. She discovered a community that was pursuing the same goal. The encouragement from like-minded people made a difference.
Kate did an Instagram live with Heather of Ditch the Drink, and it was so beautiful for Kate to see her recovery friends and her “regular” friends together.
[32:01] Do you still get cravings?
Kate said she does not get cravings. She likes inclusion to have an AF drink in her hand because it’s about being “part of” the event, not the alcohol in the glass.
[33:02] What do you do when you go to a party, and someone asks what you want to drink?
Kate brings her own, or she will grab a seltzer. If she is ever asked, are you sure you don’t want just one? she offers to burn down their house.
[34:10] Have you started healing, and what tools do you use?
Kate said she had two incredible therapists. Her first therapist got her through her divorce, allowing the story to unfold itself on Kate’s timetable. She lets Kate start and stop as needed.
She also had solo sessions with her couple’s therapist, who has a very different style. He has been teaching her she is valid, worth it and her thoughts and ideas are not stupid. Kate’s father believes she is too sensitive, which hurts deeply. Her therapist helped her understand that being sensitive is okay. She now understands her sensitivity is what makes her who she is. It inspires her ability to break out into song, making up new lyrics.
Odette believes that Kate’s sensitivity is her superpower.
[38:00] Tell me more about why recovery is important in your company?
Kate said the owner of the company had personal struggles with addiction, and several employees are sober. The company cheerleads Kate’s recovery, and her boss was supportive of her work with Café RE.
Odette commented about the stigma about recovery in the corporate world and how much Kate’s company gives her hope.
[40:58] What are you excited about right now?
Kate said she is excited about everything. She is excited about finishing a cross-stitch stocking and how her company is moving forward in 2021.
[42:30] Rapid Fire Round
- If you could talk to Katie when she was younger, what would you say?
OMG, you are so f*ing pretty and worth it. You are a beautiful person, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
- What is a lightbulb moment for you on this journey?
I can’t even imagine picking up a drink to solve something anymore. It doesn’t even cross my mind.
- What has recovery made possible for you?
Recovery has made everything possible. Kate has saved $30,000 since she quit drinking and now has to buy Odette coffee.
- What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?
You have to find a community. Kate has discovered her recovery family in Café RE. It’s her #1 resource.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Rum raisin and peanut butter ripple, but not at the same time.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
This is the best decision you will ever make in your life and stop waiting.
You might want to say adios to booze if …
You are so drunk at your wedding that you fall asleep at the dinner table.
Odette’s Summary
Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We took the elevator down. We’ve got to take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Feb 22, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Gregg took his last drink 26 years ago (November 6th, 1994). This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).
Bozeman registration opens March 1st to Café RE members. On March 6th registration opens to all. You can find more details about the event here. Trust us… you don’t want to miss this!
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
It’s been a little bit of time since the 1st of the year. Those resolutions we all made might now be changing from determination and drive and into a place of the unknown. If you’ve stuck with your resolution, you are far enough in that you can’t see where you started but the end isn’t in focus yet. Not knowing how the outcome will play out can be scary. When we ask “what is going to happen?” it blocks our ability to function today and in the now. Things will work out, if we let them.
[7:52] Odette introduces Gregg.
Gregg lives in Los Angeles. He is married and has two amazing daughters. For a living he is a recovery coach and also owns a few sober living facilities. He is an advisor in many startups as well. For fun he likes to body surf, skateboard and eats ice cream (mint chocolate chip!).
[12:20] Can you give listeners some background on your story?
Gregg’s father was killed in a drunk driving accident when he was 4 years old. From a young age he understood the power of alcohol. Being raised by a single mother he always felt different. He grew up as a bully because he was scared and sensitive. Around 12/13 he discovered pot and alcohol. That “medicine” took away his shame and pain. As an adult he started with a pattern of drinking, leading to cocaine, leading to pot, leading to bad decisions. Between 22 and 25 he was arrested 8 times. He got into the drug trade and while it provided a “nice life” there was overwhelming amounts of shame regarding his life choices, and he was eventually arrested with 50 lbs of pot. The judge gave him another chance, but he was arrested again 18 days later. In the cell the next morning he heard a voice that said, “call your mother”. She told him to go to church and while there he went to confession. Unbeknownst to Gregg, the priest he gave confession to was his step fathers first sponsor in AA. He went to AA that evening.
[24:39] How were those 90 meetings in 90 days for you?
Gregg said he was accountable because he had a court card. At first he was just looking to “get the heat off”. Around day 30 the pink cloud appeared, and he felt clear headed and healthy. He found connection with some people in AA. The boxing lessons also helped his life balance. When he got sober in 1994, there were not a lot of people in their 20s doing the same thing. He lost a lot of friendships in the process.
[30:47] What bigger motivations did you have to stay the course?
Gregg said he had a good work ethic overall. So he had the desire to succeed. He chose to put what would be been drinking time into his passion. He would write scripts rather than going out. It was 8 extra hours a week he put towards something he loved, which helped him to change the mindset around his life. He never would have had the career he had if he didn’t put that time towards his passion.
[36:02] How have you transformed and processed the pain you had in your early years?
Gregg said he had done step 4 through 4 times. Someone in a meeting saw that he was blocked and told him to unpack the “backpack of shame”. Through this process he was able to explore other things he had left off his previous step work. Gregg uncovered, discovered and discarded, which allowed him to fully open and find relief.
“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can change” – Oprah
[41:21] Do you still get any cravings?
Gregg said the obsessions to drink and use has left him, the obsession to obsess has not. If he doesn’t do the work on other obsessions, they will ruin his life just like drugs and alcohol did. He will go back to step 1 and apply it to whatever obsession is holding him at that time.
[43:00] What are you excited about right now?
Gregg said he really likes connection and he’s excited about recovery. Finding other connections through recovery. He’s excited to come out of covid and what that might look like. He’s excited about his podcast “The Recovery Playbook” Find it here on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
[48:00] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Drugs and alcohol are a waste of time. Time is the most precious commodity we have.
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Mint chocolate chip
- What book are you reading right now?
Epic which is about how we are all connected through our stories. Everyone has a story.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?
Remain willing to be willing.
You may have to say adios to booze if…
because you will die. Tomorrow or 20 years from now. The disease of alcoholism is undefeated.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Stay grounded in the present moment. Some of her favorite ways to stay grouned are:
Going for a walk
Walking barefoot on the grass
Meditation
Blasting music and dancing
Drinking tea
Touching whatever surface she’s sitting on
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – staying in the present moment is the best we can do for our future. I love you guys.”
by Kris Oyen | Feb 18, 2021 | Podcast
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- I still find it difficult that my husband drinks every day. I don’t know why it makes me feel angry inside, but I do all the time when he drinks. How can I approach this?
Odette said, stay on your lane. The more you focus on him, the less you will focus on your healing and your journey. In learning about yourself and healing yourself, you can start to implement boundaries and assert your needs vs. obsess over how much he is drinking. Therapy helps. Pull your energies back to yourself.
- What do you suggest I do when friends and family seem uncomfortable around me when I say I don’t drink?
Paul said you can get started on 2.0 version of your life. So much more is packed into this than just quitting drinking. You are stepping out of the norm, roles, identities, and labels in your family. Learn to set boundaries, overcome the need to please. Give it time, and they’re watching. This doesn’t mean they aren’t supportive. They are on their own journey as well.
- What are the plans for Recovery Elevator (RE)? What is in the works?
The podcast will evolve to include additional voices. Paul will return in some capacity.
Retreats (Rustic Retreats, like Bozeman, Hotel events, retreat centers, and AF travel).
A Retreat Center is contemplated.
A Rat Park experiment, an in-person community, is being considered.
(insert link)
- How did you best handle your early days of an alcohol-free life? What practices do you use now daily?
Odette has used different tools but consistently exercises, sees a therapist, stays connected via on-line chats and in-person meet-ups that are COVID safe.
Paul said the most challenging and most rewarding experience in his life was quitting drinking. Paul left Bozeman for his first month of sobriety because there were too many triggers. He took long walks for 30 days, particularly to a fantastic waterfall. As his recovery evolved, he is mindful of the interchange. He goes to his internal connection, and the outside triggers stopped affecting him. He found some inner peace.
- If you could trade your life now for being able to drink like a normal person magically, would you?
Odette said, no, senor!
In the first few years, Paul said he had thoughts of drinking, and he was in the victim role – longing for the old days when he could drink normally. Now his energy has changed, and his life now has no space for alcohol or drinking.
- I hear in AA all of the time that those who don’t go to meetings regularly are sure to go back out and drink.
Odette said the opposite of addiction is connection. It’s a great time to be sober with virtual meetings, sober curious groups, courses, and friends who are always focused on learning and being better.
Paul said there are infinite ways to Ditch the Booze. Paul’s buddies have ditched the booze, and AA was not part of their journey. He believes the community is vital to long-term sobriety. It doesn’t have to be AA – and humans are social animals.
- I’m in my second year of sobriety. The first year was a lot of filling my toolbox and learning how to survive without alcohol. When in your journey did you start to thrive and live your best life. What steps did you take to embrace the new you and live out loud?
Paul said nothing was thriving when he was drinking. Some parts of his life started to thrive nearly immediately when he quit drinking. Within 14 days, he felt better. The spiritual component of his life has become vital to him. He is more tethered and can weather emotional storms. Today chaos, while momentary, ultimately leads to thriving for Paul.
Odette said her definition of thriving has changed. She goes within. Thriving is about peace, knowing herself, and understanding the reality of co-existing with others. It’s not about the perfect Instagram profile. Odette thrives even on her dip days. Her growing pains lead to thriving.
- Do you think there is a risk of a substance leading me back to alcohol? Have your own experiences (or, for that matter, any new research on the potential benefits of psychedelics)? How has your experience informed you?
Paul said Dr. David Nutt (2011 UK) said alcohol is the most addictive drug and causes the most devastating effects on society. Number 20 was magic mushrooms. Paul’s experiences with plant medicines have been non-addictive. In the right setting, they do not lead to a return to alcohol. The right setting is critical. Guided therapy sessions will help the intense inner work.
- What were your best strategies to avoid or minimize the tendency to romanticize the days of yore in the early days of sobriety?
Odette said, play the tape forward. Romanticizing is just an illusion. She remembers not to give up what she wants for that drink.
Paul described the ism and euphoric recall. Its why women continue to have babies. They don’t accurately remember the pain. Paul’s memory was about playing football. The mind has 60-70K thoughts a day, and most of them are wrong. Questioning your thoughts is a great practice.
- I seem to have a problem sometimes with a lack of structure or regiment. When I work or have commitments, it seems like I don’t have so many thoughts in my head because I’m pretty focused on the task at hand. Fewer thoughts equal less anxiety for me. Paul, can you share your experience with travel and structure?
Paul suggests structure in all of his courses. The days with structure are easier to get through. Paul has taken Spanish classes or city tours, or AA meetings to build in structure and routine. Double down on the routine.
- I would love to hear Odette speak on how alcohol abuse works with eating disorder recovery. The sobriety world is very diet culture-oriented and fat phobic. Any guidance on fighting the voice of needing to restrict, manage weight, and it’s ok to eat?
Odette said listen to Episode 312. There are so many connections between alcohol and eating disorders. She took other’s hands until she could do it for herself. She is grateful for her body. She has bad body image days but tries to do the best for her body. Protect your energy! Odette is happy to speak to people about this challenge.
- How do you not think about drinking while abstaining? I’ve had many alcohol-free days in the last few years, but those same days were sometimes consumed with thoughts of drinking. So, the drinking has gone away for you guys. But has the thinking about the drinking gone away from you too?
Paul talks about music is all about love. Saying goodbye to alcohol is a Dear John letter. Give yourself time to grieve and let the neurons no longer fire together. It’s a non-issue for Paul today.
Odette spoke about the progression of healing. It does get better.
- What supplements- if any- have you used to help “restore” the damage done by long-term use of alcohol?
Odette said sleep, vitamins, water, good food, and Vitamin D – get outside.
Paul said, get outside and get outside with your shoes off. Lemon water, cocoa water, take a nap if you are tired.
- I would like to hear from you about your spiritual journey as you got sober and how you find your higher being?
Paul said spirituality wasn’t his thing, but at about 3.5 years in, April 14, he recognized something beautiful was at play. He has learned to enjoy the mystery and the magic. He doesn’t have all of the answers and embraces that.
Odette believes that things are presented to you when you are ready. Stay curious, be patient. Value bomb – time has its own time.
- How do you distance yourself from perfectionism?
Paul said, recognize with an awareness that it’s there.
Odette likes the gut check she gets when she realizes her recovering control freak is a daily practice. She leans on friends for support.
- How can I help a loved one get on the AF journey, too, without using too many of my own experiences and also without falling off myself?
Odette said, stay the course, don’t be co-dependent. Don’t add resistance. Hold space for your loved one.
Paul said, be the change you want to see. We grow from our crash and burn?
- How did the transition between hosts come about? Did Paul seek Odette out, or did Odette send out an unconscious signal? Was there a specific sign in the universe to make this incredible event happen?
Paul and Odette are well connected, including the transition. The idea just came, and it worked beautifully. Odette’s immediate yes came from her heart.
- What is Paul’s most significant takeaway since stepping away from hosting the podcast? And what is Odette’s biggest takeaway so far being the host of the podcast?
We all suck at asking for and accepting help. Paul needed help, and Odette stepped up.
Odette knows we all need each other. When she has dip days, she shows up and gets more when she shows up for others.
- Do you have any advice on when is a good time and how to be open & out about your sobriety (with employers, an old friend, strangers, etc.)? I struggle with thinking it’s none of my employer’s business because it doesn’t affect the job I do, and I don’t want to deal with the conversation that comes with telling them, but then find myself avoiding the truth about it and feeling bad later.
Odette said self and radical honesty is what and genuine and authentic to yourself. Challenge yourself, but do what works for yourself, your mental accountability, and your peace.
Paul said we often disassociate ourselves from nature. Paul knows burning the ships can be challenging, and he’s had some delicate moments. His opportunities with vulnerability have worked with him everywhere. It opens up the door for a deeper connection.
- When has your sobriety been tested the most, and what did you do that happened?
Paul said he had a meltdown after his sixth episode, and he asked for help, and he was supported incredibly and learned how burning the ships worked in his favor and asking for help became an incredible experience. Vulnerability opens so many doors.
Odette described that parenting is tough! Many parents try to stay sober for their kids, and parenting can be super triggering. Odette loves her kids to death, but she is reinventing the Mommy culture. Parenting is tough, but she knows alcohol isn’t her answer, and she has a great support system.
- What do you think of prescription meds for or during recovery (e.g., naltrexone)?
Paul said green light for naltrexone. It helps in the short term, great. Paul said Antabuse is a violent fear motivator. Your recovery is more helpful with loving yourself.
- What have you learned the most about recovery from doing the podcasts? And what is the most common “similarity” you’ve found after all the interviews, other than we all have a desire to stop drinking, of course!
Odette said moderation works until it doesn’t, and it pretty much doesn’t do the trick. We all just want love and acceptance. Odette appreciates the courage of everyone that dares to come on the show.
Paul discussed, there is trauma with a big T, and little t, addiction to alcohol says something in our life is out of balance, we are all fundamentally good people,
there is part of our unconscious that doesn’t want to stop drinking, and we need to overcome our fear.
- How do I break out of the cycle of drinking with four young kids?
Odette said she doesn’t like advising busy moms – she only has two kids. She suggested making yourself a priority, and when you do, your children will learn that as well. Take care of yourself. You are not exempt from pain or failure. It takes a village to raise children, ask for help!
- Is it possible to get addicted to feelings? I have grown up in a cycle of trauma. On a deeper level, I feel I’ve been addicted to feelings of sadness, loneliness, and shame, because I have lived with them for so long?
Paul said you could get addicted to your thoughts. Your thoughts function in the known. The body tries to anchor you back to your old self.
Odette said, find your new normal.
Paul added, enjoy your life. It doesn’t have to be hard. You can ask for help. Paul gave a big shout-out for all of the good questions and he and Odette had a blast.
