by Paul Churchill | Jul 9, 2018 | Podcast
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Today we hear from Jade. She’s 27 years old, from Kentucky and has had her last drink on April 14th 2018.
The Ego: The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and unconscious mind. It is in charge of reality testing and gives us a sense of personal identity. The self concept. A collection of beliefs that serve as the foundation for our bearings in life.
A healthy ego can serve to give us something to lean on when times get tough. We believe in ourselves and are capable of handling adversity or difficult emotions.
An unhealthy ego can cause us a lot of problems. When an ego gets unhealthy, it can keep us from living in the present moment because we harbor beliefs about ourselves that aren’t congruent with reality.
Letting go of an unhealthy ego is a big step in recovery.
Jade, with about 2 months since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[11:15] Paul Introduces Jade.
Jade is a 27-year-old liquor store manager from Kentucky. She has a dog, and enjoys the outdoors, playing the piano and reading.
[13:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol?
She started at 16. She realized she had a problem at about 25. She was in a failing relationship and was dealing with a lot of stress. She turned to alcohol. She made a first quit attempt, and during those 40 days she realized that her relationship needed to end. After relapse, she made friends with people who drank as much as she did. Many parts of her life revolved around alcohol. Once she started she realized she couldn’t stop.
[17:40] How hard was it to only have 1 or 2 drinks?
Once she started, if she couldn’t continue she would get irritable. At first alcohol was very social, but eventually she didn’t want to be around people when she was drinking. She started only getting drunk alone.
[20:30] Did you make any attempts to moderate your drinking?
She would skip if she was super hungover. She switched from beer and wine to liquor. She figured it was less calories and better for dieting, and more concentrated so it was quicker getting drunk.
[22:50] How did you end up quitting?
She had been trying for two years. She started reading and listening to podcasts. She browsed the r/stopdrinking subreddit. She figured out that she couldn’t do it alone, and that she needed to join a community. She made the step to reach out. She didn’t think she was worth sobriety and she didn’t think anyone would care. She found out the exact opposite was true. It has been easier than she thought. The community made the difference for her.
[27:45] Have you had any cravings? What did you do?
She had many. She would post on Cafe RE and engage the community there. “Playing the tape forward” helped as well. The loss of control always bothered her when she was drinking.
[29:35] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety so far?
Her emotions aren’t permanent. When her emotions got difficult in the past, she thought they were going to last forever and she would respond by running away from them. Now she is learning how to deal with them in a healthy way by sitting with them and listening to what they have to say. She doesn’t need to reach for a distraction. She doesn’t have to run away from her own mind as much.
[31:31] What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced so far in sobriety?
Getting out of the routine. She feels like something is missing.
[33:42] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What’s your plan to keep adding days?
She tries to get up earlier to get a good walk in with her dog. She takes care of her dog, plays her piano. She disperses recovery nuggets throughout her day to help get her through.
[35:19] So you were a manager at the liquor store?
It hasn’t been bad at all. She feels like she’s made up her mind and doesn’t feel any temptation. She is now able to identify the alcoholics that come in. She appreciates the flexibility she gets with her job and is able to also study.
[39:40] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Blacking out and not remembering what happened.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
Instead of getting hangovers she was getting alcohol withdrawal with anxiety.
- What’s your plan moving forward?She wants to go to more meetings to meet sober people.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?She felt like a burden asking people for help. Someone told her that by sharing her struggle it helped other people to stay sober.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?To reach out and find a support system. She was surprised by the amount of support she received.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“you leave your job at the liquor store to drive to the other liquor store across town to buy alcohol so your co-workers don’t know how much you drink after work.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This podcast episode is brought to you in support by Zip Recruiter and right now, my listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free. Go to www.ziprecruiter.com/elevator and get started today.
This Naked Mind – a book by Annie Grace
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jul 2, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
“There are many excuses to drink… but no reasons.”
“When you are an addict, the only line you can cross but can not come back from is death.”
Dating and Sobriety
Modern dating has us drinking more, but being less successful at it. Drinking can give us a false sense of connection. A 2014 Survey from Plenty of Fish found that 36.4% of singles drink before going out and 48.9% drink during the date. It’s not entirely surprising that modern dating and drinking are so thoroughly linked. Having a conversation with a stranger can be difficult, whether the internet was involved in your meeting or not. People will drink to make themselves feel more relaxed, but in reality, all they are doing is slowing down their brains, dulling their senses and intuitions.
Not drinking works in our favor. Jitters are your body’s way of telling you that you care. Mating is natural, primal, and our bodies have developed mechanisms for sniffing out whether or not a potential mate will be good for us.
When we drink, we are hiding parts of ourselves from our potential partner, as they are hiding from us. Real connections sprout from the roots of honesty and vulnerability.
Believe that dating without drinking is possible. If you find yourself struggling with the idea of a sober meet up then you probably need more time to gain your sober footing before you venture out into the wild. In sobriety, an awkward date is simply that.. an awkward date. It just means that you have no natural chemistry with the person, and that’s ok.
Remember dating is about getting to know the other person. Ask questions, listen to the answers. See how you feel. Be patient, don’t rush things.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Zack, with 514 days since his last drink, shares his story…
SHOW NOTES
[12:19] Paul Introduces Zack.
Zack is from Nebraska, lives in Colorado. He’s married and loves the outdoors.
[14:15] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol?
Mid 20’s. He didn’t want to end up like his father. His father drinks nightly. He realized that his friends were moving on with their lives. He kept trying to moderate or quit unsuccessfully.
[17:00] Now that you know more about alcoholism, has your relationship with your father changed?
Kind of. He said he will never end up like his father. He didn’t start drinking until after high school. His father helped him get his first drink.
[18:10] What did it feel like to crave alcohol?
Irritable. He would work harder so he could get home quicker and open his first drink. Most of the time he was drinking alone. It started fun but he became lonely.
[20:00] When were you finally able to quit? How?
He got a DUI. He promised himself he wouldn’t drink and drive. He wasn’t able to give up the drinking, so he just stopped driving. He drank alone a lot. He gained a lot of weight. He developed other health problems. He stopped caring.
[22:30] Did you have a rock bottom moment? How did you quit?
For years leading up to his health scare, he would try to stop drinking. It lead to a period of emotional numbness that scared him into taking his health seriously. He moved to Colorado, and the geographical cure didn’t work. His application for life insurance was declined because of his many health problems. That woke him up and he realized that it would really affect his family. He made up his mind to quit on January 1. He noticed his addiction lying to him in his own voice and he was able to make it through the initial stages of craving. He almost relapsed, but the smell of the open bottle made him stop. He reached a turning point and decided to research what he could do to stay sober. He found a sobriety forum online and the responses were overwhelming. He hadn’t opened up to his wife about quitting drinking, so the online forum became his support. He finally told her he quit after three months, and it was difficult for him.
[29:30] Assuming your wife will hear this recording, what would you like to say to her about your drinking?
It’s been extremely difficult, and he’s sorry about withholding and lying. He’s sorry for the emotional difficulty he’s put her through.
Creating accountability with his wife, and joining Cafe RE has helped him to heal and grow emotionally.
[33:00] Did you experience a pink cloud? What was it like afterwards?
First 5 months or so was good. He kept busy. Worked a lot, hiking, running, he lost 40 pounds. He ran his first half marathon. Around month 10, he just slowed down and realized that he was just filling his time and not actually growing. He realized he couldn’t stay busy forever. Podcasts helped him learn and realize that he also needed to grow emotionally.
[35:15] How was your relationship with your wife changed since you’ve tried to grow emotionally?
He opens up to her more, which is difficult for him. Their relationship has gotten a lot stronger because he’s finally able to tell her more. She has noticed a huge change in his state. He is more emotionally available.
[36:40] Walk us through an ordinary day in recovery for you.
He wakes up to a workout at 4am. He has a gratitude list. He works from 6:30 until the afternoon. They are in the process of remodeling their home. He and his wife hang out for a while and connect.
[39:09] What do you value most in recovery?
Better relationships with people. He doesn’t feel as isolated.
[39:27] What is your proudest moment in sobriety?
He ran his first half marathon. His achievements in the realm of exercise have been great inspiration.
[39:50] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Definitely the DUI.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
Running out to his truck to get his whiskey bottle, and drinking as much as he could.
- What’s your plan moving forward?“One day at a time.” Focusing on relationships and creating accountability.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Cafe RE. It’s accessible and he can check it every day.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
Create accountability and do it as quickly as you can with as many people as you can. The more accountability you can create the more open and honest you can be and the more real support you will receive.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Take it one day at a time.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“you get a DUI and the first place you go after you’re released is to the liquor store.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Mentioned John Oliver Clip
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 25, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Alcohol and Anxiety
Today we will look at anxiety and the role it plays in alcohol addiction.
Anxiety is inevitable, but we can change what we do and feel about it, ultimately affecting the level of severity we experience and the frequency of attacks. It shows that we care about what is going on. Anxiety is a tool we inherited from our prehistoric past that let us know that we were in danger. It is useful and necessary, and is a natural part of life.
Unlike normal anxiety, chronic anxiety does not have roots in the present moment. Chronic anxiety begins when the anxiety becomes our default modus operandi. The conscious mind focuses on the anxiety, fueling it and allowing it to expand and become consuming. We find ourselves on a hamster wheel of potential causes, cures, analyses, and ultimately, fear and discomfort. It surfaces for, as far as we know, no apparent reason. We make attempts to repress or sidetrack it.
Drinking is one way that many try to deal with their anxious feelings. While we are drinking, it feels like our problems temporarily disappear. When we look more closely at the way alcohol changes brain chemistry, we see that all it does is slow us down and weaken our higher faculties. In the relatively short long term, alcohol usually makes our problems worse by increasing our anxiety and having a negative impact on our overall health.
We have the ability to naturally rewire and change our brains. When we make the decision to quit drinking, over time we can reverse many of the negative effects on our brain chemistry and overall health. Our brains are able to find a new and more healthy version of homeostasis with less anxiety, less depression and more clarity.
Chris, with almost 1 year since his last drink, shares his story
SHOW NOTES
[11:40] Paul Introduces Chris.
Chris is 36 years old, a power plant operator, lives in North Dakota. He’s married with two kids and a dog. He enjoys camping and boating, cooking, photography, and woodworking.
[13:40] What is camping like now that you don’t drink?
Alcohol took over his life. Now he feels more present for his kids. He feels his life is more enriched. He enjoys more of nature. He is happy to have quit.
[16:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking?
A while ago. He craved it since he started in high school. It started social, and it gradually progressed. In the military, he went to Korea when he was 21. Being far away from friends and family was difficult and and he drank more. He suffered from “terminal uniqueness”. He felt he was different from the people around him. We lie to ourselves and focus on the differences, further isolating ourselves from the community around us.
[23:55] Did you ever have a rock bottom moment? How much were you drinking?
He was drinking a case of tall beers almost every week. His wife had been giving him ultimatums for a while. He started to drive drunk on a regular basis. He was regularly drunk, or if he wasn’t, he was experiencing intense anxiety. He would regularly yell at his kids. He was terrified about what he was becoming. His wife turned toward the church and he turned toward alcohol. He and his wife had a blowout over drinking and they separated. He read a few AA books. He moved out to the camper. His faith suffered and he had to see his pastor. His wife explained how much he was hurting her. He went to see a counselor and started to unload his emotions. He eventually found an intensive outpatient program that helped him quit.
[31:38] Will you share a little of what you learned in your outpatient program?
Neuroplasticity, how your brain becomes dependent on chemicals. He learned that it wasn’t a moral failing, and he felt relief. He started to relate to the other members in the group. His wife filed for divorce, and it helped him apply himself in the program.
[37:15] Where did you get the strength to move forward?
The gift of desperation. He didn’t know what else to do. He saw that this was an opportunity to change and he applied himself. His faith life had dried up and he became inspired after reading “Bill’s Story” from the AA book. He started to get better rest. As he worked the program his feeling of higher power returned. He realized how much he had hurt his wife. He was lucky enough to have counselors and friends in his life that helped him get through it. He started to focus on his actions and not the results with his kids and his wife started to come around. He started to do the work for himself and not for her.
[45:42] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety?
That he’s worthy of love. He’s worthy of a happy life. Life is worth it.
[46:20] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
To continue. To continue to work on his marriage. To continue to make memories with his family. He wants a future for him and his loved ones. He wants to help other people with recovery.
[47:51] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
The many ways that he hurt his wife and kids. He’ll never forget hurting his loved ones.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
Last summer when he chose drinking over his wife.
- What’s your plan moving forward?To continue to work a program. He likes to keep his sponsor close.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
You don’t have to be sober for the rest of your life, today. Take it a day at a time.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Just be honest with yourself. Stop lying to yourself. Don’t listen to the voice of addiction. Tell someone that you trust. Accountability and community is key.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“You go to sleep drunk, and wake up with less eyebrows and more penises drawn on your face.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This Naked Mind – a book by Annie Grace
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 18, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Compassionate Curiosity: a way we can get to the root of why we drink.
“The problem’s not that the truth is harsh, but that liberation from ignorance is as painful as being born. Run after truth until you’re breathless. Accept the pain involved in re-creating yourself afresh.” – Naguib Mahfouz
One of the biggest root causes of addition is self loathing. Feeling like we are not worthy or that we are in any way less than others is a belief often found at the center of our addictive behavior.
The cure for self loathing is self compassion, or self love. Replacing the habit that is self judgment with forgiveness, the mental rigidity with an intention of being open, or the repetitive criticism with positive messages that we can do this are some of the first steps toward distancing ourselves from addictive tendencies.
We begin with a process of self examination, wherein we compassionately do so without judgment.
“There is no moving forward without breaking through the walls of denial.” -Gabor Maté
Kim, with 1½ years since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[1:30] Paul Introduces Kim.
Kim is 37 years old from Arkansas. She’s been sober over 1½ years. She’s married with 3 kids. She works as a counselor. She enjoys her spending with her family, reading, and Kintsugi.
[6:05] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking?
She experienced complications with her pregnancy. With that came a prescription of pain medication. After she went through the pain meds, she noticed that she couldn’t stop drinking.
[9:06] Did you try to put any rules into place?
From her work with addiction, she knows that putting rules into place is addictive behavior. She was probably going through a half gallon of vodka per week. She attempted to quit throughout 2017.. nothing really stuck.
[10:35] What were some lessons you learned in your previous attempts to quit?
She has a stubborn personality. When she tried to quit using her will power, she failed. It scared her. She started researching different podcasts, and found Recovery Elevator. She was worried that she couldn’t do it alone. She began to find other stories and realized that she was on a slippery slope.
[13:20] How were you able to quit successfully?
She realized that she needed to remove triggers. She tried to eliminate stress. She hired someone to help her with small duties.
[15:50] How are you able to maintain professional distance in your job working with addicts?
When you work in a field where you give to others, you have to make sure that you are ok first. You have to give to others what you can spare, not what you need.
[17:00] Walk us through the early days of your recovery.
The first month was difficult. She had lots of cravings. She tried to keep the memory of her difficult year close. She would use the brainspotting technique. She knows people can relapse after years and years. The addiction waits to see where the hole is, and that’s where it gets you.
[23:50] Are you able to be open about your own recovery with patients?
Reaching out to Paul helped her realize how she was in denial about her addictions. She shares her recovery experience with some patients, and it’s been much more helpful.
[24:40] What are the common hangups that your patients have?
The biggest struggle is the stagma and the shame. Also, the surrendering to higher power.
[27:10] What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?
She needs to show herself the same compassion that she gives to everyone around her.
[27:40] What has been your proudest moment in sobriety?
Sharing with her clients. Showing them that she also struggles with different things.
[28:28] What are you looking forward to in Peru?
Seeing the beauty, and being a part of a recovery community.
[29:10] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Pre-parent: 17yo, on vacation with family in Mexico. Parents lied about her age so she could drink at the resort. She hung out at the bars. On the last night, she was sexually assaulted.As a parent: She used to drank in front of her young child. Her child began to copy her drinking behavior by drinking his water in a small cup with a straw.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
- What’s your plan moving forward?She would like to be a voice for recovery with mental health professionals.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her faith is strong and it helps her in her darkest moments.
The Miracle Morning. She does it daily no matter what.
Recovery Elevator podcast. She looks forward to listening weekly.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?You can’t do this alone. The magic happened when she reached out.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?A quote by Carl Jung.. “What you resist, persists. What you can feel, you can heal.”
- You might be an alcoholic if…While listening to someone else’s story you think to yourself that you need to remember it in case you relapse.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Audible is offering my listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trail membership. Go to audible.com/elevator and start listening. Or text ELEVATOR to 500-500.
In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts – a book by Gabor Maté
When Things Fall Apart – a book by Pema Chodron
The Miracle Morning – a book by Hal Elrod
Kintsuji – The japanese artform of “golden joinery”.
Brainspotting – a theraputic technique
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 11, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Burn The Ships
For many people, the answer of what is it that is holding us back in our lives isn’t exactly obvious. The question of what is blocking us from obtaining that inner peace we deserve can be difficult to answer for some. The good news is that if you’re listening to this podcast, the answer is most likely alcohol is what’s holding you back any it may be time to “burn the ships”.
Fran with 16 months since his last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[8:00] Paul Introduces Fran.
Fran is 43 years old from Indiana, but originally from Cleveland. She’s married and a mother of 2. She’s a program director and massage therapist. She is an entrepreneur and loves yoga and the outdoors. She also likes to work in her yard. She previously had 3 years of sobriety during her 20’s.
[11:15] What made you seek out a sober life initially?
She injured herself as an athlete and then got into the restaurant business. Initially it was fun, but then she began drinking on the job. She realized her life was empty and she became depressed again. An ex of hers helped take her to a 12 step meeting. It worked until she stopped actively working on her sobriety.
[14:14] What was your initial attempt at sobriety like?
She was able to ground herself in who she was, with a clear mind at a very pivotal time in her development. She met other women in recovery and it felt a bit like a clique. She didn’t feel like she fit in. After graduating college sober, she started doing some internet dating. She met her husband and relocated to Indiana. She had her first child, then started drinking shortly after the child was born. She felt dislocated. She transitioned back into semi-regular drinking, which eventually lead to excess.
[20:02] Did you experience a bottom moment?
She had many. She would fight with her husband. She blacked out at a baby shower. She fought with her family and her husband’s family.
[26:37] What was it like when you first quit drinking?
It wasn’t easy. It was a process that took time. Initially motivated by weight loss, she felt like she was talking about it all the time. She realized that she could not go a day without drinking. Her husband was suffering from throat cancer and she started taking his pot pills after he recovered. She tried to substitute them for alcohol. She thought pot could get her sober.
[28:49] Did that help?
No. The anxiety and depression was worse. She became suicidal. She went back into recovery. She started listening to Recovery Elevator. She hit the gym. She found herself back at AA. She’s more committed this time, and this time it’s “no matter what”.
[33:26] What is your recovery portfolio like today?
She focuses on gratitude. She reads and meditates. She does yoga before work. She realized that other people around her now have permission to focus on their health, as she leads by example. Her marriage has improved a lot.
[37:06] What is it like to be a healer and to help people release tension and bad energy?
It’s a gift. When she’s able to be present, it helps them let go. As a sober person, she now honors and respects her own body and leads her clients and students to the same.
[38:54] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Seeing the despair on her child’s face and she witnessed her mother being drunk.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?Stopping to buy alcohol on the way home from the gym, and opening the bottles before she got home.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her sponsor.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?It’s going to get better if we stay away from alcohol.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?It’s okay. It’s okay to give it a shot to see what it’s like. It’s not as scary as it seems.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“You’re so incapacitated by alcohol that your family thinks calling your reverend is the only way to get you to go home.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you by Simple Contacts. Visit www.simplecontacts.com/elevator and use the promo code elevator for $30 off your first order.
The Language of Letting Go – a book by Melody Beattie
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
