by Paul Churchill | Oct 17, 2016 | Podcast
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Kenny has been sober for 1 & 1/2 years… This is his tale…
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
SHOW NOTES
Why did alcohol stop working for me? (***Spoiler Alert*** If it still works for you, IT WILL STOP working.) I needed more and more of it to fill the same effects, a.k.a. the pleasure… We know that alcohol increases cravings in the brain by releasing dopamine… But, dopamine is actually the LEARNING chemical in the brain. Thus, it teaches us where to find pleasure… After we have found pleasure, i.e. tipping a bottle back over and over again, the body will eventually turn down alcohol to protect itself. Our brain is a beautiful system that has kept us alive for millions of years… How does it do this? The brain produces another chemical, which turns down the stimulation. I’ve learned that I have enhanced dopamine receptors. Now, if we lived in the age of saber-toothed tigers and always having to fight for our food, this would have kept me alive, however, not now and no longer! Over time, I needed more and more alcohol to get to the point of stimulation, of pleasure, I even needed it just to feel normal… This is an evolutionary mechanism built inside of us. However, the pleasure that we should be seeking is food, water, shelter, and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts! Not alcohol!!!
[ 06:18 ] Paul Introduces Kenny.
Kenny has been sober since April 3rd, 2015, about one and a half years. Kenny is 27 and grew up in a small farm town in California. He spent some time in Riverside, CA before moving to Montana to attend grad school. He is a PhD student, studying statistics. Kenny loves to work on his truck, build bikes and computers and wander around in nature, getting lost in the wilderness.
[ 07:30 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to your desire to stop drinking?
“It was a long, slow descent with a lot of bumps towards the bottom.” Kenny’s roommates started to notice and comment on his drinking habits. “Last March I missed classes because I was too drunk to get to class, this had never happened before… I had a BIG eye-opening experience and realized that this wasn’t just about me. I had to take responsibility.”
[ 10:02 ] How much did you drink? Did you ever try to put rules in place?
“It started when I was 21… I realized that it kind of helped me get my Math homework done. I’d have a gin and tonic or two, nightly or whenever I needed to get stuff done and then from there I was drinking like half a ⅕ of brandy in one afternoon.” This gradually progressed to being hungover or still drunk the next morning. Eventually Kenny was blacking out and waking up on a strange couch… “I came up with some schemes. I was supposed to call my best friend to stay accountable, which just led me to lying to her about how much I was drinking, which made me feel worse. My next scheme was that I got a little notebook, thinking that I could be accountable to myself and do it on my own…” This turned into Kenny tearing himself down and feeling guilty.
[ 15:33 ] Kenny talks more about his Elevator…
“I started talking to my new roommate who’s father had turned his life around after connecting with AA. She suggested that I give him a call, which I did. He completely understood the craving and how when I drank it was just never enough…”
[ 17:05 ] Kenny discusses “that feeling in your head.”
[ 18:08 ] What was it like when you quit drinking?
Kenny checked out a few AA meetings after talking to his roommate’s Dad… It took a couple times before he was ready to change his life. Sometime around April 3rd, 2015, there was a party… Kenny went to it having decided that he would try to drink just one drink and then go home. Kenny nursed that one drink for 1 ½ hours and was so proud that he took the opportunity to do shots with a buddy, waking up the next morning on a couch and not remembering anything from the night before… That next morning Kenny decided to give AA a shot.
[ 21:15 ] Kenny talks about his first experience at an AA meeting…
[ 22:00 ] Walk us through a typical day and how you stay sober.
“I usually get up at 4:00 or 4:30 am, I realized I’m a morning person! I make a nice big breakfast, take a shower and then head to school. I ride my bike and get to see the sun come up… In the evenings I try to meditate for 15 minutes or so and play my guitar.” Kenny has been working on mindfulness, trying to clear and calm his mind, becoming more aware of what’s going on inside his body. “I just close my eyes and focus my breath, just acknowledging what kind of breath I’m taking, just trying to pay attention to what’s going on inside.”
[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “When I was visiting my mom for Christmas and I got a call from my housemates saying that they couldn’t put up with my drinking any longer and that I needed to find a new place…”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That morning that I realized I was still drunk and didn’t make it to class, not only letting myself down but other students as well…”
- What’s your plan moving forward? “Keep doing what I’ve been doing, fitting in a meeting or two on the weekends and staying involved…”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Just don’t drink.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Go connect with someone. Find someone else who has struggled with drinking and get to know them.”
“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”
“You’ve almost fallen in a campfire and didn’t know about it until the next morning when your friends tell you about it!”
Paul’s Life Hack:
Making decisions whether big or small is tough, so just eliminate a lot of the small decisions… Examples of stressful small decisions: “Should I drink tonight?” “How many drinks?” “What liquor store do I go to now?” “How do I sneak booze into the movie theater?” “How do I control my f****** drinking?” I no longer have to struggle over these small decisions because “I DON’T DRINK.” Make this one decision and the others are no longer relevant.
Resources mentioned in RE 87:
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
Connect with Cafe RE
- For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
Sobriety Tracker
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Dr. Wolfram Schultz
Dr. Daniel J. Levitin
Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Toaster Pastries
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Oct 10, 2016 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Jenny has been sober for 13 months… This is her tale…
Resources mentioned in RE 86:
Connect with Cafe RE
- For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
Sobriety Tracker
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
SHOW NOTES
Ok, so you’re doing a pretty good job of following your rules, your systems, or you’re experimenting with sobriety… Have you ever said the words “I got this”? “I would say these words over and over again while putting these rules, systems, games, etc. in place when trying to get sober on my own…” Paul was sober for over 2 years when those mean little words came back, “You know what Paul, we got this… We’re totally good.” And, DAMN IT! After two years of sobriety, we drank (me and Gary)… “We didn’t got this…” If you ever catch yourself saying, “Hey, you got this…” be very cognizant, very aware, and very, very cautious… “I got this,” the three most dangerous words an alcoholic can say.
[ 05:33 ] Paul Introduces Jenny.
Jenny has been sober for just over a year, since August 25th, 2015. “My life is better than it was when I was drinking.” Jenny grew up in Helena, MT and currently lives in Bozeman, MT. She is married to an amazing man and has 4 kids, ages 4-14. She loves to run, workout and go to the gym. “If it involves exercise, I love to do it!”
[ 06:59 ] Jenny speaks about her drinking history.
The alcoholic tendency has always been there for Jenny… “I don’t think that ever in my life I had just one drink. It was always like game-on. In High School I was “the party girl.” Jenny knew she had to stop before she hit the absolute bottom.
[ 10:46 ] What was it like drinking and taking care of 4 kids? (Paul openly admits that he could barely take care of Ben, the Standard Poodle, when he was drinking…)
“When the drinking started to escalate, it was sort of the perfect storm. My husband is a firefighter and started working 24-hr. shifts… Things really started to get out of control. When I was drinking, I felt like I was the best mom in the world… But, I was really checked out. I was selfish. In the back of my mind I was always concerned with refilling my glass.” Saying those words, “Yes, I am an alcoholic,” was the scariest thing Jenny has ever said… “Admitting that I didn’t have all of my shit together…”
[ 14:06 ] Jenny talks about how admitting “I am an alcoholic” is liberating.
“That dirty little secret I had been carrying around… I had been doing all of these things to convince myself that I didn’t have a problem. I was volunteering, doing insane workouts at 5am (sometimes still drunk)… After, a lot of moms came to me and said, “Hey, I think I have the same problem.”
[ 16:43 ] Talk to me about Run for Recovery.
Run for Recovery is a run supporting Alive Again Life Recovery Mission which exists for the purpose of creating a safe Christian environment for individuals of all ages to fellowship, learn and heal from addiction and addiction-related effects. Running and exercising has helped Jenny so much through this process (choosing sobriety).
[ 18:39 ] How did you do it? What was Day 1 like?
“I just did it. I just quit. I went moment by moment, minute by minute. I binge listened to Recovery Elevator. After about a week I got into my crying phase. I was ashamed. I beat myself up over poor choices and poor parenting…”
[ 20:20 ] What other methods besides running do you use?
“Reading a lot, educating myself, and sometimes just forcing myself to sit still. Forcing myself to feel those feelings.” Jenny has found that her athletic performance has increased since being sober. “I feel one million times better than when I was drinking.” Working out is definitely an outlet for Jenny. “It’s definitely better than vodka.”
[ 29:06 ] What’s on your bucket-list?
“Half marathons, Spartan racing, keep volunteering, discover more about myself, and to be a little kinder to myself…”
[ 30:02 ] What have you learned about yourself?
“I’m a type-A, over-achieving, control freak, and working on being a little nicer to myself… We need to be nice to ourselves. We need to talk to ourselves like we talk to a friend. We really beat ourselves up.” Jenny has learned about what triggers her and how to manage cravings (they do come). She finds other things to do, like playing with her kids, going for a run, or just sitting with the craving and letting it pass.
[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “4 or 5 months before I quit drinking, my husband and I went to Las Vegas. My husband went to bed and I went to the “gift shop,” which just meant that I went drinking. I couldn’t get the key to work to get back into the room and I ended up passing out just outside of our bedroom. My husband found me at 3am.”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That panicky feeling that would come when there were only a couple of drinks left in the vodka bottle, and over-thinking my kids activities because it was going to affect my ability to drink.”
- What’s your plan moving forward? “Continue to volunteer and be of service. Get more involved with RE and really staying accountable.”
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Cafe RE, the Bubble Hour, going to the gym, getting out of my own head, staying in the moment…”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “You can do anything, you just can’t do everything.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Set yourself up for success. Cut yourself some slack. Make sure you have a plan.”
- “You might be an alcoholic if you go to the liquor store and browse around, ask some questions, yet know full well that you’re going to go to the vodka section and buy something from the bottom shelf.”
Paul’s Life Hack:
Take your ball and go home. You don’t have to put yourself in precarious situations. You don’t have to drink just to appease others. Just take your cell phone and go home. Be kind to yourself. Take your ball and go home. Take your beach toys, your camper, your R.V., your whatever… Take it and go home.
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Oct 3, 2016 | Podcast
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John has been sober for 5 years… This is his story…
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE
- For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
Sobriety Tracker
AA
Recovery Elevator Episode #1: Do You Have a Drinking Problem
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
SHOW NOTES
“In Episode 1 of RE, we (the human Paul & the dog Ben) do a test to determine if I am an alcoholic. The results… Blatantly clear. Yes, I am an alcoholic.” Paul found it extremely difficult to stop drinking after having just one drink. For about a decade, he lived in the pickle of “one drink was too much and 1,000 drinks was just not enough.” How the hell do you navigate that? Well, the answer is definitely, “Don’t drink.” Now, at Episode 85, Paul has an even better test to determine if you’ve got a drinking problem.
Preliminary steps before taking this self-assessment:
- Make sure you are hydrated. Drink lots of water (if you are already drinking a beer during this portion, then yes, you too are an alcoholic).
- Stretch out. Loosen up. Maybe even do some burpees!
- Make sure you’ve got enough lead in your pencil and ink in your pen!
- Take some deep breaths.
Paul’s Self-Assessment Test:
(***This is going to be the new metric moving forward, I guarantee it! No need to go spend a ton of money on any other tests…This assessment is free and accurate.***)
-
Have you ever wondered, “Do I have a drinking problem?” YES or NO
***FEEL FREE TO PRESS PAUSE, GRAB A GLASS OF WATER, SHARPEN YOUR PENCIL, ETC., AS THIS IS THE HALF WAY POINT OF THE SELF ASSESSMENT TEST***
-
Have you ever asked yourself, “Would my life be better without alcohol?” YES or NO
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have just finished the Recovery Elevator self-assessment!
Answer Key: Listen to Paul on RE 85 @ [ 5:11 ]
“Quitting drinking isn’t easy, but my life is exponentially better since I’ve quit drinking.” In the previous 84 podcasts, there’s a pretty good roadmap already laid out for you… Not only will your life improve (yes, there will be speed bumps), but the lives of those around you will improve too! In all honesty, these self-assessment tests are this simple. It’s not easy, but it’s better.
[ 10:25 ] Paul Introduces John.
John was born and raised and lives in Wichita, Kansas. He has a 3-year old son. He enjoys working on his car, experimenting with cooking, and comic books… He is engaged to be married to a woman who is also in the program (AA). John’s last drink was August 28th, 2011…
John kept trying to do it (quit drinking) on his own, but time and time again, it just didn’t happen! After telling himself, “I’m just going to have two beers…” 3 or 4 beers, a few mixed drinks, sake for the whole table (they were going to a bar after dinner) and a $400 bar tab later… “I woke up on the floor in my undies, covered in puke (puke in the hallway, puke in the bathroom)… I just felt that someone was telling me to get help.” John realized he just couldn’t do this alone.
[ 20:29 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?
“I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I kept trying to do it myself, but I’d always find a “special” occasion to drink.” This is one of those things (choosing sobriety) where you actually have to do the work!
[ 22:19 ] “I think I got this.” John explains what this means for him…
To John, this phrase means that he’s letting his ego tell him how to run things. “I tried on my own without a program, guidance or a schedule and it just wouldn’t stick. Ever.” When John got his 2nd DUI, he knew something was up… John knew that if he drank again, he would get behind the wheel.
[ 24:15 ] Talk to us about Alcoholics Anonymous.
John was completely blown away by the spectrum of diverse people that made up his first AA meeting, which was quite contrary to what he “knew” AA was going to be!
[ 31:08 ] John discusses weight loss, cooking and what he does with all his booze-FREE time!
[ 32:59 ] What’s your favorite dance move?
Thanks Paul for getting in some humor! In his sobriety, John has really enjoyed running, but he does not prefer the “Running Man,” and claims that the “Robot” is more his style…
[ 35:48 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “I had the DUI 50-moped (the scooter I rode when I had my license suspended) and I had been drinking. I got on the moped… I just could not stop myself from drinking and driving.”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That day that I swore to myself that I’d only have 2 beers at the restaurant and ended up wondering, “How the hell did this happen?”
- What’s your plan moving forward? “Keep going to meetings, keep being thankful for my sobriety, keep asking for more sobriety, keep being honest with my sobriety, and keep reaching out to people.”
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Right now, it’s the podcasts. I can take them anywhere. I can listen to it and nobody even knows.” John listens to Recovery Elevator, SHAIR Podcast, and the Bubble Hour.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Look for the similarities. We all want to stay sober.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Just do it. You’re going to want to find a reason to not start, to give it one more day. Just do it. Just stop. Today. Right now. Just stop.”
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Sep 26, 2016 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Elaine has been sober for 15 days… This is her story…
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE
- For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
recoveryelevator.com/survey
Sobriety Tracker
AA
Elaine’s podcast: Throttle Podcast
- Instagram: @throttlepodcast
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
SHOW NOTES
“Today, I want to talk about feelings…” Feelings. Fun, right? We often hear that “drinking is but a symptom…” But, what the hell does that mean? It means we have feelings, experiences, and other life situations that we don’t want to deal with, so we choose to cover them up with distractions, like drinking… “Two years and one week ago I used to drink all of these emotions away.” Through some serious research, Paul has discovered that dogs (thanks to Ben for being part of this study) can teach us something about these feelings. Ok, so it’s obvious that humans and dogs are different, but dogs can actually teach us how to lean into negative sensations and feelings… Take riding in a car for example, a dog (like Ben) will actually lean into uncomfortable sensations like curvy roads and the blowing wind. We can learn from our four-footed friends.
5 Strategies for Leaning Into Emotions:
- When you feel that negative emotion, lean into it.
- Don’t categorize emotions as good or bad, just notice that the emotions are here.
- Breath and count to 10.
- Recognize where these feelings come from and begin to let-go. Let-go of the sensation, let-go of the experience.
- Know yourself. Begin to observe yourself from a 3rd-person point of view. Just watch.
[ 09:24 ] Paul Introduces Elaine.
Elaine’s last drink was 15 days ago! Elaine has lived in a number of cities across Canada. She’s in her 40s and does freelance work. She has been happily married for 25 years. She loves practicing karate (green belt), archery and riding her motorcycle. She is an introvert and an atheist. Elaine loves karate because of the mental part. “You really have to be focused and mindful.”
[ 13:44 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?
“That’s a long road…” This time around, Elaine has joined AA. “My husband came home one day and told me a story about a great friend who was doing AA and it completely changed my view of AA.” Elaine didn’t feel that she had a rock bottom, but really resonated with the group the first time she joined an AA meeting. “I just couldn’t fool myself any longer. It’s a really open and honest group and I am an alcoholic.”
[ 17:31 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?
It was a Wednesday, the day before we were leaving for a trip to my husband’s family cottage, typically a long-weekend that involved drinking. “It was a white-knuckle weekend. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself.” Elaine realized that in prior years the cottage was always an excuse to drink.
[ 21:26 ] Talk to me about depression?
Elaine has lived with depression since her teens. “When you mix alcohol with depression, it’s never a good thing.” During bouts of depression, everything becomes very arduous. Elaine now has the awareness to notice when depression is creeping up on her. “I used to start off with a couple of cocktails, have wine while making dinner and during dinner, and then finish off the night with a few night-caps. I would wake up the next day and feel terrible and would spend the whole next day beating myself up about it (the depression and the drinking). It was a vicious cycle.”
[ 26:44 ] What have you learned about yourself in the last 15 days?
Elaine has learned that it is okay to feel really vulnerable and that it can be really hard to ask for help, but that she is also stronger than she thought and can do this and ask for help often.
[ 27:56 ] What is your plan moving forward?
Elaine plans to continue going to AA meetings where she finds a lot of strength in sharing stories with others and building camaraderie. “I really value their honesty. I find that alcoholism is like depression in a toolkit sense. I make sure that I get enough sleep, and I incorporate meditation and mindfulness. Fortunately, I have built these practices up in dealing with depression.”
[ 29:47 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “The things that I don’t remember due to blackouts.”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “So many! Waking up from being asleep and rather than going back to sleep I got up at 3am and made myself a vodka tonic…”
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Other alcoholics, the Recovery Elevator podcast, and going to meetings.”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Stand up and take the 24-hour sobriety chip at the AA meeting.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Get help today. Tomorrow things aren’t going to change. Don’t delay, just go get help today in whatever form that means to you.”
Life Hacks from Paul
- You know that voice inside your head? – Change the way it speaks to you.
- Replace “I’m an idiot” with “Oops, I made a mistake.”
- Take responsibility for your actions. That alone can get you sober.
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Sep 25, 2016 | Early Sobriety, Expectations
“I wish there was a Tinder style app for finding a sponsor.” I exclaimed with frustration to my roommate last week.
“It’s genius! Each person would have their photos, a short recovery bio, their daily routine and a list of hobbies. You could swipe right (to say yes) on the ones that seem like a good fit, left (to opt out) on the ones that obviously aren’t. Then, after some texting, see it it’s worth meeting up to work on the steps!”
It felt silly to stack recovery up against the popular dating phone app. But I was getting desperate.
To my surprise, my roommate recoiled at the thought. “That’s too easy. Half the growth comes from overcoming that fear of asking someone in person. I’m sure it’s just the first of many awkward steps you have to go through in early recovery.”
Dammit. She was right.
And she wasn’t even in recovery. Just a wise soul capable of looking right through my BS.
The fact of the matter was, I was in need of a sponsor. I had been in need of a sponsor. However, I felt as though I was facing an impenetrable wall of both external and internal obstacles. No women in my AA group. An insanely busy schedule. My upcoming move to a new city.
But the most daunting obstacle was overcoming my sense of self-worth, or lack thereof.
I’ve always been one of those oh-I’m-sorry-to-bother-you types, often going out of my way to avoid being a nuisance to others. It’s a quality I generally mask behind ostensible independence. I act like I have it all under control without the need for anyone’s help when, really, I’m simply grappling with an overwhelming sense of unworthiness.
So, of course, the thought of having to approach someone I barely knew and ask them to help me navigate the darkest, ugliest, most shameful parts of my psyche left me feeling vulnerable. I didn’t feel ready to spiritually disrobe in front of a stranger. What would they think of my soul’s lumps, wrinkles, and cellulite?
Early recovery is like being a teenager again. We’re all just a couple of pimply-faced kids awkwardly wandering through the school halls of life. Asking someone to be our sponsor is basically the equivalent of asking someone to the prom. What if they say no? What if it gets weird? What I fart during the first meeting?
And then there’s figuring out how to go about asking.
Maybe I’ll do it like I’m asking someone to prom. How about I craft a sign that says “Will you be my sponsor” in rose petals , and hold it up in front of the seemingly wisest woman in the room. Too much?
At the end of the day, there’s really no right or wrong way to go about it. The lesson here is stepping outside of our comfort zone and learning how to ask for help.
It didn’t take long after I decided to stop stressing about finding a sponsor that one came to me. I decided I would do what was in my control, and leave the rest up to the universe.
Whenever I got selected to speak, I would casually mention I was looking for a sponsor. I would chat people up after meetings, even when I didn’t know what the ‘eff to say (usually a “Oh hey, I really like what you said about blah blah blah” makes a great ice-breaker.)
Anyways, I found a sponsor. Yep. It happened. After my last meeting, a lovely young woman floated over to me and casually said, “Hey! You really need a sponsor? I really need a sponsee!”
What? You really need a sponsee?
And then it dawned on me. When it comes to sponsors, we are just as much a part of their recovery as they are to ours. And all this time I was worried about being a burden to someone, when it turns out, that someone needed me just as much as I needed them. All my fears, my doubts, my weirdness evaporated at the realization.
It was match!
