by Kerri MacFarlane | Jun 15, 2021 | Alcohol Relapse, Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, The first Year, Uncategorized
There was a time that I was afraid to stop drinking. I was afraid that I would fail. I was scared about removing something from my life that had been a part of my life for over 30 years.
I thought drinking made me fun…so by quitting I would be boring. I would lose friends. Which in hindsight was crazy thinking since I drank at home, alone, for the last 15 or so years. I didn’t have friends…drinking friends or not. Sounds like the opposite of fun to me now.
In the beginning the thought that I would have to be ‘in recovery’ for the rest of my life was depressing and overwhelming. Was I always going to have to work so hard? Was whether or not I was drinking going to be my only real story? I now see recovery as a gift.
I am truly grateful for my recovery and being in recovery. I can now take a step back and list off things that without my recovery I wouldn’t have. Things I’ve gained. Things I’ve regained.
I can also step back and remind myself of the things I don’t miss about drinking. Here’s a few of them.
1️⃣ The hangovers. The bloody hangovers. This is probably the main thing we can all relate to and the first thing that comes to mind when someone asks you what you don’t miss about drinking. Peeling your eyelids open, the pounding headache, nausea, vomiting, dehydration, shakes, lack of energy. There was a time that was my everyday routine. I would either sleep the day away, finally starting to feel human again later in the afternoon…when I would start drinking again. Or I would have a couple shots early in the morning to help get me through the day. My motivation and productivity was at zero. I don’t miss the hangovers.
2️⃣ The blackouts. Waking up and checking my phone in fear…when I could find my phone. Who did I talk to? What did I say and do? Not having a conversation the next day because I very well already had the conversation the night before and don’t remember. Playing detective the next day. I was a blackout drinker from day 1. I don’t miss blacking out.
3️⃣ The anxiety, the shame and regret. 3:00 am was the worst. I would get up and drink…if I could find the bottle I hid…just so I could fall back asleep. I never really thought I had anxiety until I stopped drinking and it went away. I don’t miss not sleeping properly, I have never experienced sleep like I have since I quit drinking alcohol, it really is incredible. I don’t miss the anxiety, the shame and regret.
4️⃣ Apologizing…over and over…again and again. It’s true that action speaks louder than words. But I truly was sorry that I drank, again. I truly was sorry that I said I wouldn’t, but I did. I don’t miss sounding like a broken record with the apologies.
5️⃣ Always thinking about alcohol. I don’t miss thinking about alcohol all the time. Have I got enough? Should I go and get some more? What if it runs out? Is it too early in the morning to go buy more? The mental energy spent when drinking is exhausting. I don’t miss always thinking about alcohol.
6️⃣ The harm to my health and physical appearance. My skin looked like shat. I had bags under my eyes. I looked years older. I ate junk food in excess. I had high blood pressure. I couldn’t sleep. I had no energy. When you’re actively drinking you don’t necessarily realize the toll it’s taking on your body, or you just don’t care. But when you remove alcohol, it becomes pretty obvious how it was affecting you physically. I don’t miss harming my health and good looks. ?
7️⃣ Disappointing the people I love, disappointing myself. Not to say that after ditching the booze I never disappointed the people I love or myself again. Because that is just not true. I am human after all. But I can say I stopped the groundhog days of doing it. And once I was able to let go of the shame I was able to believe that I am not a failure because of my failures. And I was able to start rebuilding relationships…the most important one being the one with myself. I don’t miss repeatedly letting those I love down.
There’s more I could add…but I’ll stop there. I feel the longer I am in recovery the longer my list will get. Some days it is easy. Other days I have to use more of my tools. It’s not saying no to alcohol, it’s saying yes to a better life. And there are wonderful things on the other side…you just have to trust yourself you CAN get there.
But it really is worth it.
Until next time, be well.
Kerri Mac ??
by RE Helper | May 12, 2021 | Blog, Helpful Tips, Mocktail
Hi! I’m Kate and I’m here to give you the mocktail content you didn’t know you needed or wanted. Every other month I’ll be here with a new recipe for you to try.
Back in my drinking days I was a huge fan of cocktails. You name it, I drank it. It might have been that I turned 21 just as Sex and the City was surging in popularity and we cannot deny the hold that show had over a Cosmo. Or maybe it was my bartending in a cocktail heavy bar. Either way, I loved (and still love) cocktails.
There’s something romantic about sitting with friends and sipping a cocktail at sunset. I was worried when I quit drinking that it would never again be an option for me. All I wanted was to be included with my friends and enjoying that moment. Enter: The Alcohol-Free Cocktail or Mocktail.
For the first recipe, I’m keeping is really simple for you, just 5 ingredients and a flash to make.
Do I have your attention? Ok, let’s go!
Strawberry Mojito (AF)
Serves 1
Prep time: 3 minutes
Ingredients
• 4 strawberries, hulled & quartered
• 10 mint leaves (torn)
• 1 teaspoon sugar or sugar substitute*
• 1/2 lime (~ 1 tablespoon)
• seltzer, lime flavored
• strawberry slices + mint leaves for garnish
Place strawberries, mint and sugar together in a glass. Use muddler (or back of a spoon) to smash and combine ingredients. Add the lime juice. Add crushed ice. Top with seltzer. Add garnish, enjoy.
*I used this sugar substitute.
If you like this recipe, leave a comment below. Let me know any other recipes you would like to see remade without the booze by dropping a comment.
In July I will be teaching live a class of mocktails during the run of the RESTORE course. If you want to interact with me and learn some fun summer drinks make sure to sign up when registration goes live.
Love and Mocktails,
Kate
by Kerri MacFarlane | Feb 15, 2021 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Expectations, Helpful Tips, The First 24, The first Year
Do you keep count of your days of sobriety? Do you keep track of how many days you have away from alcohol? ? Should you? People fall into one of two different camps when it comes to that question.
One camp says yes…keeping track and counting your days of sobriety helps you. In the early months it can be a powerful motivator. That running count can give you the confidence you need to get through the hard days. It can be a way of measuring your progress, to help you visualize the distance you are putting between yourself and your drinking past.
The other camp says no…day counting can backfire, be counterproductive, and hurt you. It adds a layer of unneeded pressure. And really the only day that matters is TODAY…so why would you keep track? Quality of days over quantity of days is what’s important.
And what is more important…emotional sobriety or continuous sobriety? If you are white knuckling it through every day…counting those days you are staying away from the booze but miserable…is that enough?
Like anything else in the recovery world I don’t think that there is a right or wrong answer.
Just like there is no right or wrong way to get sober. Counting days is neither right or wrong. It’s entirely up to the individual. It’s entirely up to YOU. And you may feel one way about it and then change your mind along the way. And that is OK.
“The importance of sober time is a contentious issue, considered by some to be “just a number” and others, the barcode stamped on your very soul. Fact: your sober date is yours, and this means you can report it however you wish, if at all.” ~ Anna James
Day counting is a big deal in some 12 step programs, such as AA. There are chips for 24 hours, 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year…you get the picture. There are terms thrown around like “new comer” and “old timer”…all depending on how much sobriety time you have. There are celebrations and cake! (I like cake! ?) Certain service positions will become available to you after reaching a specific amount of sober time. Chips, cake, service position opportunities…that all sounds fab! Right?!
But…let’s say you have 10 years of continuous sobriety…and for whatever reason you go out and do some field research (aka…drink alcohol)…well my friend, then you are back on day 1. Doesn’t matter if it was one drink or a night of drinks. You just ‘lost all your time’.
Ouch. Back on day 1. But what happened to those 3,650 days you just had? Are they just gone? As my friend Kate would say…gone, like a fart in the wind? ??
The ‘pro-keeping count camp’ believes that, because you will have to reset your counter and will be back on day 1, that counting sobriety days will stop you from doing that field research. That you will think twice about picking up that drink. Doesn’t always work that way though.
Personally I feel like counting days can be a slippery slope. (Don’t come at me ?…that’s just my opinion…and I am just one little person in this great big world full of people in recovery!) I mean c’mon…we are all human…and alcohol is a sneaky piece of shit. What if…in spite of the fact that you have 3,650 continuous days of sobriety…you pick up again? You’ve been stacking those days and now find yourself back on day 1. Time to reset your tracker my friend. But wait! Since you are starting over again why not drink through the weekend…and then restart your tracker. Or, continue through the upcoming holiday and then restart it. Before you realize it, weeks have gone by and you have continued to drink. ?
I’m not entirely against counting your days of sobriety. In fact quite the opposite. It was a tool I used and a HUGE part of my early sobriety. HUGE! Those first 100 days I was checking my tracker daily. I always knew what day I was on even without checking my tracker app. Counting those days in my early sobriety was a big motivation for me. Made me feel successful. So if you are just starting out, counting the days can be an indispensable tool. And there are a lot of apps out there that will help you keep track.
After I hit 100 days things started to change. Counting the days became less motivating for me. I started finding my motivation in other things…like how I was experiencing less anxiety, I had more energy, my mood was better, I was becoming more active. After I hit those triple digits I found I didn’t (and don’t) need the daily reminder of how far I’ve come.
I also stopped keeping track of the days because it just started to feel so overwhelming. With my desire to never drink alcohol again I was proud of the number of days I had gone without drinking…but then overwhelmed by the number of days I still had before me. ? I know…I know…one day at a time. But counting days was causing me to continuously think about the enormity of my decision to ditch the booze for good. That is not healthy or helpful.
Counting your sobriety days…or your days away from alcohol…is a very personal choice. And the way you do it, if you decide to do it, is also entirely your choice. If you’re counting because you feel it is expected of you…then don’t. ?? If you are motivated by waking up in the morning and seeing the number on your tracker go up…then do. ??
Even though I don’t count my days anymore I am forever grateful for this simple strategy that helped me during my early days of sobriety. The most important thing I hope you will remember is that no matter what your day count is…it is YOU that counts!
Until next month, be well,
Kerri Mac ??
by Kerri MacFarlane | Jan 20, 2021 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Nature, Uncategorized
Nature.
I can get lost in it. It’s where I can recharge my soul. And it’s one of my most used tools in my recovery toolbox. I feel better when I spend time outdoors. And when you feel better you are less likely to ‘relapse’. BONUS!
One of the great things about nature is that it is EVERYWHERE. I think that’s important to remember…especially during times such as these…with so much quarantining and isolating. IT’S EVERYWHERE. We are spending so much time indoors and online, when nature can help our brains, our bodies and our recovery.
Just a few of the favorable rewards we can get from nature are:
- Being in nature reduces stress and anxiety!! Hell yes! Better than anything you can find in pill form! And free! Calming nature sounds (even outdoor silence) can lower blood pressure and levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which calms the body’s fight-or-flight response.
- Find yourself feeling a little crabby and cantankerous? Get back to nature! Research in a growing scientific field called ecotherapy is showing a strong connection between the time we spend outdoors and our moods.
- You will see an increase in your focus, concentration and creativity…which in early sobriety, as your body adjusts to a life without alcohol, is common to see the opposite.
- You’ll see an improvement in your short term memory.
- Less loneliness and boredom….which can often be ‘relapse’ triggers.
One of my favorite things to do outdoors is Geocaching! Have you heard of it? It’s like a treasure hunt. ?? And it’s worldwide. I try and do it on all my travels. One of the things I like most about it, other than I just find it a lot of fun, is that it helps me get out of my head and my thoughts. I’m just out in nature looking for that next smiley face. ? (If you’re a cacher too, you know what I mean.?)
I also LOVE to hike.
My husband and I have 3 large rescue dogs…
Acelyn, Bobo and Noggin.
I call them my pound puppies.
When the weather allows it we
take them and go hiking every
Sunday we can.
There are tons of outdoor activities that will help you add a little more nature to your life. Some suggestions…
- Go for a walk, a bike ride
- Create a backyard garden.
- Find a quiet grassy hill, or bubbling brook, and meditate.
- Look up the local parks in your area…and visit them!
- Take a nap in the park.
- Skip rocks.
- Look under rocks.
- Go birdwatching! Another fav of mine that I’ll do for hours in the morning from my very own backyard. I live on a greenbelt and have a creek in my backyard…so LOTS of birds!
- Take up outdoor photography. (This is on my list!)
- Rock Climbing
- Fishing
- Solo backpacking or camping. (Also on my list!)
- Go look for wildflowers.
- Sit and listen to the wind in the trees.
- Find the end of a rainbow.
- Hug a tree! (Like my daughter and granddaughter are doing in this picture! ??)
If you can't make it outside then try listening to nature sounds, not exactly
the same but it can have a similar effect.
I love this quote, by Eckhart Tolle, from Stillness Speaks.
“When walking or resting in nature, honor that realm by being there fully. Be still. Look. Listen. See how every animal and every plant is completely itself. Unlike humans, they have not split themselves in two. They do not live through mental images of themselves, so they do not need to be concerned with trying to protect and enhance those images. The deer is itself. The daffodil is itself.
All things in nature are not only one with themselves but also one with totality. They haven’t removed themselves from the fabric of the whole by claiming a separate existence: “me” and the rest of the universe.
The contemplation of nature can free you of that “me,” the great troublemaker.”
That last line nails it…”The contemplation of nature can free you of that “me,” the great troublemaker.”
“Free you of that “me.”
On top of all the benefits I listed above getting out and being one with nature can help you get out of your own head. To just be yourself.
Do as the deer and the daffodil, do.
I’d love to learn how you spend your time in nature. ?
Until next time, be well.
Kerri Mac ??
by Kerri MacFarlane | Jan 5, 2021 | Alcohol Relapse, Blog, COVID, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Inner Peace, The first Year
I stopped making New Year Resolutions a few years ago. As positive, excited and motivated they would make me feel at the start of the year…oftentimes those very same resolutions would bring me down later in the year. It wouldn’t be long and I would feel like a failure for not following through. I would start thinking of myself as someone who just abandons their hopes and dreams. “Kerri, you suck.”, would play on repeat in my mind.
Counterproductive, to say the least.
Then a couple years ago, instead of making resolutions, I tried doing what I was seeing a lot of other people do. I would choose a word for the year. The chosen word wasn’t a resolution or a goal. It was more like a prayer or mantra, and I used it to help guide me in the daily actions and decisions (both large and small) I had to make. It was as if the word was a lighthouse helping to show me the way to a better version of myself.
As 2020 was coming to an end I started thinking about what my word for 2021 would be. I took me a little longer than it had in the previous years to decide on one. 2020 was strange, scary, hard, filled with uncertainty, unfamiliarity and loss. I kept hearing and reading posts and comments from people that just couldn’t wait to move past 2020, that it was a year they wanted to forget. Sorry to burst your bubble if you are in that camp…2020 is a year that will never be forgotten.
For me, if I were to pick a word to describe 2020 it would be WEIRD. And that was ALMOST going to be my word for 2021. Maybe that will be next year’s word. ?
This year my word is PEACE. ? 
Remember…this word is like a prayer or a mantra…I am using it to guide me. I want to create more peace in my life. I want to be more at peace with myself. It doesn’t mean I can just sit back, chant ‘peace’ over and over…and everything will change. I still have to do the work. Below are some of the things that I’m doing to help create and bring more PEACE into my life.
- Clear the clutter! Unclutter your living space, your work space, your mind. Ask yourself, does it bring you peace? If the answer ISN’T a HARD YES…then…get…rid…of…it! If it’s not serving you…get…rid…of…it! Clutter in your physical space, and in your mental space, creates chaos. Chaos is the opposite of peace. That is not what we want my friends.
I cleaned out my pantry and found spices that expired in 2003!! If it’s old and expired…get…rid…of…it!
2. Relax. Find a relaxation technique that works for you. A way to release and to recharge. It could be meditation, breathwork, long walks, yoga, running, music. For me it’s meditation, music and dancing…first thing in the morning. Find what works and do it.
3. Gratitude Changes Everything Every week during 2020 a dear friend of mine wrote down 1 good thing that had happened that week. She wrote it on a little strip of paper and tossed it in a jar. On New Years she read all those little strips of paper. I thought…what a cool idea! She admits that some weeks it was hard to come up with something. I mean think about it…we just lived through our first pandemic. I think that makes the exercise that much more powerful. Find something to be grateful for every week (I challenge you to do it daily.). I’m already looking forward to reading all my weekly strips of paper on New Years 2022!
4. Follow Your Bliss Before you can follow your bliss…you need to know your bliss. What makes you happy? Brings you joy? Brings you PEACE? Listen to your inner guide and take action on what brings happiness and joy into your life. The door to peace and contentment will open. My recent houseplant hobby is opening that door for me.
5. These things here could all be listed all on their own…but I wanted to give you more things you can start doing today to bring inner peace into your life.
- Set limits, boundaries
- Accept and let go
- Slow down
- Be 10 minutes early so you don’t have to rush
- Instead of guessing…ask, we are not mind readers
- Get outside
- Escape for a while – read a book, binge on Netflix
- Disconnect – screens off
- Laugh ?
Start with one thing and build on it over time. You can do this. We can do this.
“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” —Eleanor Roosevelt
Wishing you more happiness and PEACE.☮️
Until next time, be well.
Kerri Mac ??
by Kerri MacFarlane | Nov 17, 2020 | Blog, COVID, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Holidays, The first Year
A layered cake. That’s what I picture when I think about the next couple months. The bottom layer is the upcoming holiday season. And during a ‘normal’ year the holiday season can be stressful because…
…because of feeling overwhelmed, not getting everything on your todo list done. 
…because family. Nuff said.
…because your vision of what the holidays ‘should’ look like, looks nothing like what yours actually do look like.
…because what once looked so far away, the year’s end, is now right before your eyes…and you are still standing there with a list of unmet goals.
…because you’re lonely. You don’t do well in crowds. You’re exhausted. You’re broke.
Now take all that ‘normal’ year holiday stuff and add on another layer…a big fat layer of global pandemic.
Hold up…not done yet! Let’s go ahead and add one more layer…the “I want to stay sober through it all’ layer.
If you are newly sober, and this will be your first sober holiday season, you may be feeling a little (maybe a lot) nervous and anxious…that’s normal, and you are not alone. Stay with me here and we’ll get to some tips that can help.
For those of you that have some sober time under your belt, you know how good it feels, and what that inner freedom feels like, when you get through a holiday season alcohol free. These tips may help you too.
Self care is a must. You’ve ditched the booze! That’s a grande size of self care!! But there is more you can do in the self care arena, and taking care of your body, mind and soul is important during these stressful times. Healthy eats, plenty of water, enough sleep, physical activity, slowing down, stopping to breath, and making time for meditation. All very important and will help you get through the season. Here is a 5 minute meditation you can do anywhere!
Be mindful of what you’re drinking and thinking. (Not to be confused with ‘mindful drinking’, which is a movement I’ll explore in a later blog.) When headed to a social gathering or holiday party don’t go empty handed. Bring your own NA beverage or, if you know there will be NA options there get one right away. When you are prepared and have a beverage in hand people won’t be constantly asking you if you want a drink. Having a drink in your hand also helps you not look so awkward when you don’t know what to do with your hands.
Plan ahead. There are a number of simple things you can do ahead of time…before you get to the party…that will help reduce your angst. Drive yourself, so you can leave when YOU need to. Arrive late, leave early. Yes you are sober, but no that does not mean you have to be the designated driver, that can be triggering…drunk people are annoying (shocker!) and you may not like your drunk friends the next day. Have a friend or two on standby that you can call or text if needed.
You are going to be asked why, so have your response ready. “You’re not drinking? Why aren’t you drinking? For how long aren’t you drinking? You are never drinking again?!?!” They are going to ask…the questions will come. Because in this backwards society we live in, where drinking is the norm…if you decide to go alcohol free…you’re the odd one. You don’t owe anyone an answer. But not being prepared when this question is thrown at you can make the situation even more uncomfortable. Keep it short and simple if you want. “Why aren’t you drinking?” “Because.” The end.
Out with the old, in with the new…create new traditions. Change the setting. If you’ve always spent Thanksgiving dinner over at Aunt Mary’s…where you would have a little turkey with a lot of wine, then maybe you should offer to host the dinner at your house. Change the time. 4 pm Christmas dinner at the in-laws with all 20 cousins too much, try going over there for brunch. Do something completely different from your familiar holiday activities. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or to walk the dogs at your local animal shelter. Giving and being of service is one of the best things you can do during the holidays, it helps you get out of your own head and focus on others.
First and foremost, make your sobriety your top priority, because it is. Every morning set your intention..tell yourself that you are not going to drink. No matter what. Eliminate the option of drinking altogether. Remind yourself why you made the decision to live a life without alcohol…and that your ongoing sobriety is the biggest, most important, gift of the season.
And always eat the cake.
Until next time, be well,
Kerri Mac ??
