by RE Helper | Mar 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Helpful Tips, Holidays
Today’s blog entry is from Steve Ellis. Steve is a member of Café RE.
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms
By: Steve Ellis
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms, January 19,2025
The Excitement of a Long-Awaited Trip
Sometimes, life has its own way of reminding us that no matter how much we plan, control is an illusion. This was one of those days. We woke up this morning, bright-eyed and excited, knowing the wife and I were taking a trip to Alaska from our home in Pennsylvania. The anticipation was palpable—we had been looking forward to this adventure for many months after Heather won the trip at a work event. Out trip package included Dog Sledding, two nights at one resort and another two nights at a ski resort near Anchorage with a Northern Lights excursion. What sealed the deal for us was two free round trip airline tickets were included in the package on Alaska Airlines from Philadelphia to Anchorage and back.
Weather Worries and an Optimistic Start
But as anyone who’s traveled knows, plans often change. And today, our travel story took a turn that no one could have predicted.
It all started with the weather. The forecast had warned us that conditions might be challenging because snow was predicted in our area calling for 3”-6” between 10am and 10pm typical weather prediction, but we figured we’d manage. After all, we were heading to Alaska, right? A place known for its unpredictable elements by its own right. But little did we know, the weather wouldn’t be the biggest hurdle of the day. Timing—good old timing—would take center stage. We left early enough to give us plenty of cushion for traffic and the elements. We left out house at 1:30pm for a 6:30pm flight.
Airport Delays and a Long Wait
We learned there was only one flight a day from Philly to Seattle connecting on to Alaska. However, the timing of our trip turned out to be much more than we bargained for. The check-in counter didn’t open until 4 p.m., two full hours later than we had anticipated. At least we weren’t in a rush, right? So we decided to grab a bite to eat. With 90 minutes to kill, we found a nearby place, hoping to relax before the flight.
After a satisfying meal without any alcohol and we had to sit at the bar, we returned to the airport with a little extra time on our hands. We checked in, handed over our bags, and received our boarding passes without a hitch. Feeling somewhat relieved, we proceeded through TSA and now found ourselves with another 90 minutes to kill before boarding.
We found a place to sit away from any bars, and noise. To pass the time I continued watching the Eagles game on my phone and Heather took the opportunity to nap.— We were in good spirits, knowing that, despite any delays we would remain calm and positive, we’d soon be boarding a plane headed for Alaska.
A Shocking Announcement at the Gate
Or so we thought.
After a few more rounds of game-watching and napping, we made our way to the gate. As we settled in, we got an unexpected announcement. Agent from the counter, would the Heather Ellis party come see me at the counter. We assumed it was a routine check-in, perhaps even an upgrade. But instead, we were told the most frustrating news: Agent, I’m sorry but your tickets aren’t valid.
Confusion and Frustration
How is that even possible?
Alaska Airlines had issued our boarding passes, taken our bags, and confirmed our flight. We had chosen our seats, ordered food, and were ready to go. How could our tickets suddenly be invalid? The agent didn’t have much of an explanation. She did try to help by contacting reservations. Despite our confusion, we were told we couldn’t board. They suggested we buy new tickets, but the problem was—our tickets were already purchased as part of a travel package. So, the idea of buying more tickets wasn’t just impractical; it was unnecessary.
After a lot of back-and-forth with the agent and even some conversations with reservations, we presented all our documents from the travel agent and vouchers ect. we came to a heartbreaking realization: there was no getting on that flight. We had no choice but to go home and, of course, this led to another round of frustration as we had to make our way to baggage claim.
The Journey Home in Disappointment
Another 45 minutes passed before we were reunited with our bags. Thank goodness for AirTags, or we might still be waiting to track them down. Once we got our luggage, it was time to figure out what to do next. Parking fees didn’t help the mood. We had already spent $28 for 7 hours of parking $65.00 for lunch and now we had to face the inevitable—driving home in snowy weather through traffic filled with possible drunk Eagles fans. Good times, right?
A Silver Lining in Sobriety
But as we finally got home safe, a bit angry and very disappointed, something dawned on me. I looked over at Heather, and I said, “You know, things happen for a reason. I mean, think about it—there was a time when we might have handled this very differently. Four and half years ago, we would’ve gone from terminal to terminal, hitting the bars, drinking away the time, pre-gaming for the flight. We would’ve made the situation far worse. I know I would have lost my shit at the agent, caused a huge embarrassing scene, might of gotten arrested for drunk disorderly conduct or worse. We would have had to drive home in the snow angry, drunk and yelling at each other. It would not have been a good.”
And that’s when I realized: in a way, today was a victory for my sobriety, I stayed calm, I kept it together. I didn’t get thrown off by the chaos, and because of that, I was still able to drive home safely. It was a true testament on how far I’ve come on my journey and how I’ve learned to except live on life’s terms.
Looking Ahead
We will get our chance to go to Alaska eventually.
Safe travels, everyone—may your journeys be smoother than ours!
Steve Ellis/ Blue/PA
RESOURCES you may find helpful.
by RE Helper | Nov 21, 2023 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Holidays, Uncategorized
A special holiday bonus blog from one of our Café RE members!
Holiday Survival Guide: Tips and Tricks
By: Adrienne (Café RE GO)
The holidays are coming and everyone is drinking….Sending out an SMS (Save My Sobriety)!!
We’ve all been there. The annual holidays set in and the only non-drinkers are you and the kids!
The question you may be asking yourself is…
How do I stay strong when the holiday vibe is booming and everyone is in party mode celebrating all that we have to be grateful for?”
To reframe this question I would ask…
How do I honor myself and my goals of sobriety in this time of annual appreciation for myself and my loved ones?”
How do I want to celebrate in a way that is relaxing, Fun (Rule 22 here from Café RE), and supports me feeling great in the moment and the following day?
Play the tape forward and then imagine yourself remembering the gathering; how do you want that to look or feel?
What tools will I bring with me to keep me accountable to the life I want to live? (The tools are different for everyone.)
For me, I bring my smartphone so I can stay close to my supports (Café RE peeps). I bring AF drinks (Athletic Brewing Co., Run Wild NA beer is a favorite). I bring an open mind. I’ve even brought my list of my why’s before tucked in a back pocket. And I bring an exit plan. The exit plan is my trap door and it’s a must. This could include me just leaving the party without saying I’m doing so, I may tell someone close to me that I’m out, or I may do the long goodbye; you know the one with all the hugging :).
What do I say if they offer me a drink or ask why I’m not drinking? There are several ways to come at this.
You can bring your own drinks, if it’s an AF beer odds are they won’t even notice that you aren’t actually drinking the poison (I’ve tested this one out). If offered a drink; “sure I’ll have a water”.
If further probing into why you aren’t drinking stick to the facts. You could say your not drinking anymore, you could say you are driving, you could say you aren’t drinking tonight. The secret to this scenario is you are more invested in what’s going on with your path than they are. Most people don’t really want the laundry list of your alcohol history. They want to know, are you in or are you out. Odds are they won’t even care what your ingesting once they are in the haze.
If things get awkward change the subject, use the bathroom to regroup, put your needs first, and if all else fails…trap door my friend.
Buuuuut….What if they think I’m boring?. First, who are they specifically? Is there really a they or is it just your inner dialogue trying to sabotage you with old thought patterns?
Listen….YOU ARE NOT BORING! You are your beautiful, authentic, one and only self! Sober life is anything but boring.
Buuuuut…What if they think I’m judging them or they are bummed I won’t drink with them?
Oh that’s right, the people pleasing!
I know it well friends. If I do the thing they want then they will like me, think I’m cool, and/or want to hang out with me.
Maybe that’s all true, but is it worth compromising your own comfort for theirs?
In the moment this may be uncomfortable but I’m asking you to stay with it. Exposure to our fears/triggers and staying the course is important field work to success. Every time you overcome a situation with your own tools for change and growth you get stronger! Each time you succeed you are gaining experience to draw from that proves that you can navigate life and socialize sober! You learn who is an ally in your life, who to put your energy toward, and who you want to develop relationships with.
On this holiday season my wish for you is that you put your needs first, protect your sobriety, be gentle with yourself, and please listen and honor yourself. I hope you find all the joy that exists with your family and friends
Happy Holidays!
by RE Helper | Nov 14, 2022 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Holidays, Mocktail, Recipe, Resources
Who else feels the last three months of each each really blend together…starting with Costume-palooza all the way through “New-Year-New-Me!”?
I love a good party just as much as the next person, but I also need to focus on the traditions that unique to my family. The holiday decorating has been happening earlier and earlier every year, and this year is no exception.
It becomes important to keep traditions.
I like to do most of our end of year things with a warm drink in my hand. Recovery Elevator was lucky enough to have Rise Up Coffee roast us a special Bozeman Blend this year and I used that in my recipe today.
This drink can be enjoyed hot or cold, but I almost always drink it hot. The dichotomy of cold whipped cream and hot coffee with a touch of malted flavor is something that reminds me of holidays at home.
All Snowed In (AF)
Serves 1
Prep time: 5 minutes
Ingredients
To make the drink
Combine all ingredients, stir, top with whipped cream, sprinkle with cinnamon. Enjoy by the fire.
What are some traditions you keep and still love?
by RE Helper | Nov 15, 2021 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Holidays, Mocktail, Recipe, The first Year
Hello again all!
We are starting that descent into the holiday season which can often cause anxiety for those of us in sobriety. No matter how much time you have there can be triggers everywhere that threaten to derail you.
First up: Thanksgiving.
For all my Canadian Sober friends, yes I know REAL Thanksgiving was last month.
I quit drinking in August of 2018 and pretty much on October 1st of that year I started panicking about what I was going to do for Thanksgiving. My husband Jay and I spend Thanksgiving with his family, and it was always filled with wine, specialty cocktails and after-dinner shots. That year was different, I had been trying to get sober for 2 years and the determination I had for this round of sobriety felt stronger.
So, I turned to my favorite place on the internet… Pinterest. Frantically searching for the best mocktail that looked enough like an alcohol-filled cocktail that no one would really ask too many questions. I wasn’t ready yet to talk about the fact I had quit drinking, so my plan was just to fake it for a little bit longer. There were so many different recipes for Sangria! Taking ideas from a few recipes, my own imagination and taste buds, I created Sangria minus the booze.
I wish I could go back and tell Past Kate that it would be ok and that no one really cared what I was drinking, they were just focusing on what they were drinking on Thanksgiving. That first holiday, I’m pleased to say, for me was a success. When my sister-in-law asked “What are you drinking?” I confidently replied “Sangria!” and I didn’t have to lie.
Today I’m giving you The First Thanksgiving Sangria.
The First Thanksgiving Sangria (AF)
Serves 8
Prep time: 15 minutes
Ingredients
- 2 medium apples, diced
- 2 medium pears, diced
- 2 medium oranges, skins removed, roughly chopped
- 3/4 cup pomegranate seeds
- 4 cinnamon sticks
- 2 cups brewed green citrus tea (cooled) *
- 1 750 ml bottle non-alcoholic sparking apple cider
Using a large pitcher, add the fruit, cinnamon sticks, and tea.
Stir to combine and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
Pour into your favorite fancy glass, adding the sparkling cider as a topper to taste.
*I used this tea.
by Kerri MacFarlane | Nov 17, 2020 | Blog, COVID, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Holidays, The first Year
A layered cake. That’s what I picture when I think about the next couple months. The bottom layer is the upcoming holiday season. And during a ‘normal’ year the holiday season can be stressful because…
…because of feeling overwhelmed, not getting everything on your todo list done. 
…because family. Nuff said.
…because your vision of what the holidays ‘should’ look like, looks nothing like what yours actually do look like.
…because what once looked so far away, the year’s end, is now right before your eyes…and you are still standing there with a list of unmet goals.
…because you’re lonely. You don’t do well in crowds. You’re exhausted. You’re broke.
Now take all that ‘normal’ year holiday stuff and add on another layer…a big fat layer of global pandemic.
Hold up…not done yet! Let’s go ahead and add one more layer…the “I want to stay sober through it all’ layer.
If you are newly sober, and this will be your first sober holiday season, you may be feeling a little (maybe a lot) nervous and anxious…that’s normal, and you are not alone. Stay with me here and we’ll get to some tips that can help.
For those of you that have some sober time under your belt, you know how good it feels, and what that inner freedom feels like, when you get through a holiday season alcohol free. These tips may help you too.
Self care is a must. You’ve ditched the booze! That’s a grande size of self care!! But there is more you can do in the self care arena, and taking care of your body, mind and soul is important during these stressful times. Healthy eats, plenty of water, enough sleep, physical activity, slowing down, stopping to breath, and making time for meditation. All very important and will help you get through the season. Here is a 5 minute meditation you can do anywhere!
Be mindful of what you’re drinking and thinking. (Not to be confused with ‘mindful drinking’, which is a movement I’ll explore in a later blog.) When headed to a social gathering or holiday party don’t go empty handed. Bring your own NA beverage or, if you know there will be NA options there get one right away. When you are prepared and have a beverage in hand people won’t be constantly asking you if you want a drink. Having a drink in your hand also helps you not look so awkward when you don’t know what to do with your hands.
Plan ahead. There are a number of simple things you can do ahead of time…before you get to the party…that will help reduce your angst. Drive yourself, so you can leave when YOU need to. Arrive late, leave early. Yes you are sober, but no that does not mean you have to be the designated driver, that can be triggering…drunk people are annoying (shocker!) and you may not like your drunk friends the next day. Have a friend or two on standby that you can call or text if needed.
You are going to be asked why, so have your response ready. “You’re not drinking? Why aren’t you drinking? For how long aren’t you drinking? You are never drinking again?!?!” They are going to ask…the questions will come. Because in this backwards society we live in, where drinking is the norm…if you decide to go alcohol free…you’re the odd one. You don’t owe anyone an answer. But not being prepared when this question is thrown at you can make the situation even more uncomfortable. Keep it short and simple if you want. “Why aren’t you drinking?” “Because.” The end.
Out with the old, in with the new…create new traditions. Change the setting. If you’ve always spent Thanksgiving dinner over at Aunt Mary’s…where you would have a little turkey with a lot of wine, then maybe you should offer to host the dinner at your house. Change the time. 4 pm Christmas dinner at the in-laws with all 20 cousins too much, try going over there for brunch. Do something completely different from your familiar holiday activities. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or to walk the dogs at your local animal shelter. Giving and being of service is one of the best things you can do during the holidays, it helps you get out of your own head and focus on others.
First and foremost, make your sobriety your top priority, because it is. Every morning set your intention..tell yourself that you are not going to drink. No matter what. Eliminate the option of drinking altogether. Remind yourself why you made the decision to live a life without alcohol…and that your ongoing sobriety is the biggest, most important, gift of the season.
And always eat the cake.
Until next time, be well,
Kerri Mac ??
