by Kris Oyen | Apr 14, 2025 | Podcast
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Today we have Kaylee. She’s 33 years old from Camp Hill, PA and took her last drink on December 24th, 2024.
Sponsors for this episode include:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month
Sober Link – learn more and save 50% off of a device
Registration for our annual alcohol-free retreat in Bozeman is now open. From August 6th through 10th, we will be spending lots of time in nature, doing breathwork, a lakeside hangout, laser tag and more.
[03:38] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares a comment that he heard recently in a Café RE chat.
Stephanie said she eventually called the fight with alcohol. It is another way to frame the moment where we surrender to what is when it comes to our drinking. We know moderation isn’t working, anxiety is getting worse and the shame and torture from alcohol is reaching unprecedented levels. It becomes time to throw in the towel.
He also shares a line from an upcoming interviewee who stated, “sobriety has given me the keys to the car of my dreams, I just hate the color”. So, the universe will always align with our hopes, our dreams, and desires, but we may want the package to look different.
It is all about accepting the journey that life places in front of you.
[07:08] Paul introduces Kaylee:
Kaylee is 33 and lives in Camp Hill, PA. She has two daughters aged 15 and six. She is still trying to figure out what she likes to do for fun, but enjoys movies, concerts and spending time with her daughters.
Kaylee says she was a sensitive kid. She struggled with depression and self-harm when she was very young and was always searching for a remedy her feelings. Kaylee drank experimentally by sporadically sneaking alcohol out of her mom’s cabinet.
When she was 15, she was assaulted and learned early on that using alcohol could help numb her pain. Kaylee says that any time her emotions were strong, she knew she could use alcohol to not think about the negative emotions and things that happened to her. Her usage became a regular thing on the weekends with friends while she was a teenager.
Kaylee had her first daughter when she was 17 and thought maybe she was done with the party life. She didn’t drink while pregnant but not long after her daughter was born, she was right back to drinking. Moving to her first apartment at age 21 also contributed to an increase in her drinking and now she felt free to drink however she wanted to, including by herself.
When Kaylee went right back to drinking after her second daughter, she knew she needed to try to cut back and moderate. She was taking online quizzes asking, “am I an alcoholic?” and considered AA meetings only to determine she was fine and could cut back on her own.
After a few years trying moderation, Kaylee found herself in a dark place with suicidal thoughts. She decided to seek therapy and was open with someone about her drinking for the first time. She was able to get sober for about six months.
In January 2024 after a breakup, Kaylee found herself drinking heavily again. After calling a suicide hotline looking for help, she ended up going to detox for a week. After detox she continued an outpatient program but again thought she could moderate. As Christmas approached, Kaylee was thinking that she could not continue drinking into another year. She began to talk to a good friend of hers who was extremely supportive.
The first few weeks were tough, but she started to get better physically. Within the first month she says her mind started coming back and she started feeling more like herself. Kaylee reconnected to her faith and became more open about her struggles which she says helps a lot.
Kaylee says the tools she uses the most in her recovery are journaling, talking to someone when she is having cravings or triggers, praying and meditation, and staying open with those close to her.
Recovery Elevator
Rule 22 – lighten up, let’s not take ourselves too seriously.
I love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Apr 7, 2025 | Podcast
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Today we have Jenny. She is 38 years old from Hudson, WI and she took her last drink on February 16, 2020.
Sponsors for this episode include:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month
Recovery Elevator has a nonprofit called Café RE which is our alcohol-free community. For all of our happenings and what we offer, click on Recovery Elevator Events.
[02:35] Thoughts from Paul:
It doesn’t really matter what word or label we attach to our relationship with alcohol. It doesn’t matter what we call it; we still need to do something about it. Paul says that his own pursuits of solving the “why” behind his drinking and how his addiction took hold has been a revealing journey of self-discovery even he won’t be able to pin down exactly why he crashed and burned so hard.
When we relentlessly scour the past for reasons why we drink, we take our energies away from the only moment where true healing and peace reside, which is this very moment right now.
Addiction does everything it can to pull us from the present moment. Ruminating on what happened, what you have tends to be fruitless. Befriend and make peace the part of you that seeks oblivion and self-destruction. An addiction path may be what our souls choose in hopes of teaching us what really matters in life.
[09:03] Paul introduces Jenny:
Jenny is a previous guest and was featured in Episode 417 back in 2023 after celebrating three years alcohol-free.
Jenny is married and they have a seven-year-old son. She enjoys exercise, adventure and being outside. She does professional development for the construction industry.
Jenny drinking when she was 11 years old with the goal of being a rebel. She says she had a goal of being a tough, naughty girl and says it let her down the road to 22 years of binging and going on benders with alcohol and drugs.
In her late twenties, Jenny had a miscarriage and says that it was at that point that she knew she had a problem, and she didn’t think she’d be able to stop. She and her husband had their son in 2017 and decided a life change was needed so they moved back home after living out west for a while. She was 31 years old, unemployed, had a newborn son and was deeply in debt. The move to her in-law’s basement and being back in her hometown opening old wounds drove Jenny to use alcohol more and more to escape.
Rock bottom came for Jenny after Super Bowl Sunday 202. She got very sick while driving and called out of work. For the next few days, she was hungover and thinking about ways to end things. A spiritual awakening and vision of an uncle that had passed away before she was born, led Jenny to get up and decide enough was enough.
Jenny says the first week was hard like ripping a bandage off and bleed profusely. All aspects of her life needed to be explored. She wanted to live a life of integrity and knew she needed to do the right things for herself. She feels like every day is a victory for all of us on the journey.
After a year without alcohol, her husband encouraged her to find connection and she tried AA. That group helped her define her higher power and she loves AA and the 12 steps. She finds that friendships in recovery are so much deeper.
In the last few years since she was on the podcast, Jenny says not much has changed but life is more stable now. When she quit drinking, she was able to address other issues that she wasn’t aware she had. She is capable of just being and seeking peace in her life.
Jenny knows that relapse is a non-negotiable for her. She says she hasn’t come this far to only come this far. Being able to tell the whole story about things that happen is important to her.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down. You got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
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by Kris Oyen | Mar 31, 2025 | Podcast
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Today we have Laura. She is 40 years old from Reno, NV and she had her last drink on August 1st, 2017.
Sponsors for this episode include:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month
Tomorrow April 1st, registration opens for our annual alcohol-free retreat in Bozeman. From August 6th through 10th, we will be spending lots of time in nature, doing breathwork, a lakeside hangout, laser tag and more.
[02:58] Thoughts from Paul:
On this life journey, what we think is fun or important to us is constantly changing. You have identified that serenity, happiness and peace have become much more important to you than the excitement of drinking. After all, drinking lifts us up for a short while but always lets us down in the end.
Peace is knowing we are living our healthiest life and knowing that whatever happens, we’re going to be just fine because we’re not making life harder than it needs to be by drinking.
We are aiming to place our bodies and minds in a state where they are properly nourished so then we can be present to fully enjoy and be thankful when the emotion of happiness arrives. We are choosing peace over the brevity of a buzz. We are choosing life.
[05:51] Paul introduces Laura:
Laura is married, and lives in Reno, Nevada. She is currently transitioning out of working in nonprofit communications to going full time with her own business. She enjoys all things outdoors, lifting weights, and making funny Tik-Toks.
The minute Laura started drinking she felt like it was the elixir to confidence and connection. Throughout college and into her 20s, she didn’t think much about her drinking because she was drinking like everyone else around her. Leaving college, Laura didn’t really know what she wanted to do with her life. Looking back now, she recognizes how much drinking disconnects you from yourself.
Laura moved to Lake Tahoe and became a snowboard bum. This is where her drinking progressed. Little red flags started to pop up, but she would disregard them and treat her drinking like it was an intentional choice.
In her late twenties, Laura got a DUI. This drove her to recognize that she needed to quit drinking and was able to for a few months. She thought after that, she had it under control only to end up right back where she was soon after.
Laura began to try and moderate and take breaks. When she realized it was hard to quit for two weeks, she knew she had a problem. After a blackout, Laura decided it was time to give sobriety a try. Quitting drinking felt scary, but it felt scarier to continue down the path she was on. She didn’t know anyone that was sober but once she listened to people’s stories on the RE podcast, she had hope.
After 7 months of working on her recovery by herself, she relapsed at a memorial for a friend. Recognizing that she was on the right path in sobriety, she went right back to it. She started going to AA and found a sponsor. Laura admits it was a lot of work, but she was ready for it. She shares that she had a lot of epiphanies during the first six to nine months.
Laura picked up a lot of healthy practices in recovery which helped her rediscover herself and build confidence. She says no tequila shot could ever compare to the feeling of being able to trust yourself, respect yourself and have authentic connections with other people.
In her new business, Laura is a backpacking guide. She organizes adventure retreats for sober women. Your Sober Pal
Laura’s favorite resources: Recovery Elevator podcast, 12 Step Program and online recovery communities.
Laura’s parting piece of guidance: it might e a lot of work up front, but it’s going to take you places you couldn’t even imaging and you’re going to amaze yourself along the way.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down. You have got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
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by Kris Oyen | Mar 24, 2025 | Podcast
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Today we have Niko. He is 43 years old from San Juan, Puerto Rico and took his last drink on September 2nd, 2024.
Sponsors for this episode include:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month
Café RE
Next week registration opens for our flagship retreat in Bozeman which is always a lot of fun. In addition to our lake hangout, breathwork and recovery workshops, we’re also playing laser tag. We also have a few spots left for our alcohol-free trip this October to Peru which includes travel to Cusco, the Sacred Valley and of course, Machu Picchu.
If you have quit drinking and are looking for new alcohol-free friends, Café RE is the social app for sober people. With 24/7 access to a like-minded community committed to living alcohol-free, you’ll never feel alone on this journey.
[03:25] Thoughts from Paul:
Jackass alumni Stevo-O once said he didn’t experience alcoholism until he quit drinking. In 1958 alcoholism was first classified as a disease. How does one experience this disease after they stop drinking?
Paul shares his thinking that “if you want to find out why you drink, quit drinking and you’ll find out pretty quickly”. And another thought “it’s not an alcohol problem; it’s a sobriety problem”. When you are addicted to alcohol, withdrawals are a huge problem. But another issues presents itself when we are sober and no longer using alcohol to cope or cheat code for dopamine. Our eyes are wide open to the movie of our lives and there is no way to shut it off.
This is why people in recovery attend social circles where people can talk about the baseline state of the human mind, which is restless, irritable and discontent. When we come together, we have a better chance to heal.
[07:25] Paul introduces Niko:
Niko lives in San Juan, Puerto Rico and is the youngest of three siblings. He enjoys beach tennis, swimming and volleyball, which was something he played a lot in school.
Niko first tried alcohol when he was around 12. By age 14, he had his first blackout. For years Niko never questioned his drinking because he figured if he could tolerate it and wasn’t doing stupid or embarrassing things, he was fine.
Niko was recruited to play volleyball in a college in Pennsylvania. His drinking interfered with his grades, but he never questioned his drinking until recently. Drinking is very embedded in his culture and says it isn’t abnormal for teenagers to be drinking at the table with adults.
In his 30s, Niko says he added cocaine to his drinking, and this continued until last year. Niko knew he had an issue with it, but it wasn’t until his girlfriend presented an ultimatum that it was the drugs or her. He was able to quit cocaine and started therapy where he proclaimed he still had to be able to drink. After a few weeks, he talked with a friend that had recently quit drinking who encouraged him to give it a try.
The first week without alcohol was pretty tough for Niko but he says things turned around in the second week as he entered the pink cloud and started thinking he should keep going.
Niko has dabbled in AA and SMART Recovery. He sees his therapist once a week and also attends group therapy with up to 8 other people. Without alcohol Niko is getting to know himself again and his therapist helps a lot with that. She introduced him to the RE podcast which he says he has listened to a lot while going to the gym and walking the dog. He has lost 45 pounds since quitting drinking and is starting to do more of the sports he loved when he was younger. Since he has been getting to know himself, he is finding the ability to be more present for others as well.
Niko’s parting piece of guidance: if you think you have a problem or maybe you don’t think you have a problem, just give yourself a try. You won’t regret it.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down, but you gotta take the stairs back up.
I love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Mar 17, 2025 | Podcast
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Today we have Alyssa. She is 30 years old from Vancouver, WA and took her last drink on September 5th, 2024.
Sponsors for this episode include:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month
Sober Link –
Next Monday, our five-week course called Ditching the Booze. This is our alcohol-free 101 crash course and is included with Café RE membership. All sessions are live and you’re tuning in with others who are in the same spot as you. The sessions are also recorded in case you can’t attend.
On Tuesday, April 1st, registration opens for our flagship retreat in Bozeman which is always a lot of fun. In addition to our lake hangout, breathwork and recovery workshops, we’re also playing laser tag.
[03:20] Thoughts from Paul:
Today Paul talks about why alcohol can be so hard to quit, why the process of quitting can take years and can contain many stops and starts.
Addiction guru Gabor Mate says, “addictions are always a human response to pain, suffering and trauma”. We are constantly in search of homeostasis. When we find something effective at helping us find this relief, it becomes our first technique to use when we are in pain. After drinking long enough, you’ll get to the point where you only feel good, or dopamine will only be created when we are drinking.
It takes time after quitting drinking for our body to naturally create dopamine on its own. You will need to learn new routines, create new habits and figure out a way to fill the time that used to be spent drinking. Paul shares with us several other reasons quitting drinking is hard.
Why do you think quitting drinking is so hard?
Comment on RE’s Instagram page. There’s a post for today’s episode.
[09:02] Paul introduces Alyssa:
Alyssa lives in Vancouver, WA with her fiancé and two Rotskis. She currently works as a server and in her free time she enjoys reading and traveling with her fiancé. They are currently trying to determine where they are going to move to be closer to family.
Alyssa says she had an early introduction to alcohol but never really considered it an issue until she met her fiancé who doesn’t drink. For years, everyone around her drank so she didn’t notice her own drinking.
Alyssa’s drinking increased slowly but became daily during the pandemic. In 2021 she read Easy Way to Quit Drinking by Allen Carr and was able to stop for a few months.
For Alyssa, her drinking began to create an inner turmoil, and it started to erode her confidence because she was making promises to herself and then breaking them by drinking instead of accomplishing her goals. After quitting for a period of time, Alyssa thought that she would be able to moderate. In time, she says, she was right back where she was.
After moving in with her father while they save up to find their own place, Alyssa says the lack of goals and uncertainty of the future found her drinking more to cope. She was no longer active and was losing self-esteem while anxiety and depression took hold. At the bottom of her heart, Alyssa knew that eliminating alcohol would help fix the way she was feeling.
Alyssa chose a quit date and started seeking sober podcasts and books to prepare, including This Naked Mind. It was after a night out with friends that Alyssa told her fiancé that she didn’t want to drink anymore. He was very supportive of her decision and offered to help however he could.
Alyssa continued to read This Naked Mind and participated in a 30-day sober challenge. This paired with the liberation she felt from her decision led to a pink cloud experience for Alyssa. Anxiety and depression started to lift quickly. Going forward, she is trying to figure out what she wants to do in the future, and she believes in sobriety the options are endless.
Alyssa’s parting piece of guidance: Just listen to that little voice. Give sobriety as many chances as you gave alcohol.
Recovery Elevator
Rule 22: lighten up – let’s do our best not to take ourselves too seriously.
I love you guys.
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Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Mar 10, 2025 | Podcast
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Today we have Lisa. She is from Brisbane, Australia and took her last drink on February 24th, 2022.
Sponsors for this episode include:
Better Help – 10% off of your first month
If you have quit drinking and are looking for new alcohol-free friends, Café RE is the social app for sober people. With 24/7 access to a like-minded community committed to living alcohol-free, you’ll never feel alone on this journey.
[02:35] Thoughts from Paul:
Healing from alcohol addiction is more about restoring the original circuitry we arrived on the planet with, opposed to learning anything new. You already have everything you need to quit drinking. There is nothing wrong with you, we simply need to remove the layers of muck, grime, false stories and incorrect paradigms that we have accumulated over the years of living in a toxic culture.
As you clean up your inner mess, you’re also laying the foundation for others to begin their healing process. When you heal, others around you heal.
[07:27] Paul introduces Lisa:
Lisa is 45 years old and lives in Brisbane, Australia. She runs a residential rehab for women. For fun, Lisa enjoys CrossFit and the community that comes with it. She has a 21-year-old son.
Lisa first tried alcohol when she was 17. It was an issue from the first time she picked it up. Once she got the feeling in her system, she just kept going. This continued until she was pregnant with her son who was born when she was 24 years old.
When her son was 13 months old, Lisa became a single mom and wanted to find herself again as he started to get older. With her mom helping her with her son, she was able to start going out to meet people and says the only way she knew how to do that was with alcohol involved. Lisa says she thought to be sociable, you had to drink.
There were times when Lisa was able to abstain for extended periods while focusing on her son and fitness, but she always went back to it. She found herself using drinks as a reward to get through the weekdays and then would binge drink on the weekends. This cost her multiple jobs in the fitness and nutrition world. Lisa found herself blaming everything but herself or her drinking.
Lisa had been working on getting sober for quite a while but had always been trying to do it for other people or jobs. A few years before her sobriety date, she had a revelation that she had to quit drinking for herself. She was able to go 500 days from that point and says she wasn’t doing the work suggested to her and ended up drinking again.
At this point she was adding other substances to her drinking. A weekend camping trip in November 2021 ended badly for Lisa and after her partner picked her up, she shared that she didn’t want to live anymore. The fact that she felt that way scared her.
When her son questioned her about going to rehab, Lisa told her she couldn’t because she had so many other obligations. The drinking continued and she would start going to lengths to try and conceal it. After a weekend away with her son, she found herself on a balcony consumed with suicidal thoughts. It was then that she called a rehab to try and get help. Within a few days, she travelled 8 hours south to start rehab.
Lisa says her connection to herself is now authentic. She no longer looks to others or external things to make her happy. Lisa feels free and can now be grateful for her addiction because of where it has led her. She knows she has to put herself and her recovery first which was hard in the beginning. And now after three years, she still makes sure to attend meetings and do what needs to be done to stay sober every day.
Lisa’s parting piece of guidance: just put it down one day at a time. And if it takes one minute at a time, one hour at a time, whatever it is that you need to do to get off the booze, there is a better life out there for you.
Recovery Elevator
Go big because eventually we’ll all go home.
I love you guys.
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