by Kris Oyen | Dec 23, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 514 – A Drinking Problem is Totally Normal
Today we have Erin. She is 50 years old from Denver, CO and took her last drink on August 21st, 2023.
Registration for Dry January is now open. This is our most intensive course, and it’s all about accountability. If you’ve been trying to quit drinking and haven’t found success, it’s most likely you’re not surrounded by the right people or don’t have community. Over 70% of our Restore Dry January participants report making it through January without taking a drink.
Café RE is the social app for sober people. We meet over 30 times a month online with our daily chats covering all different topics or specialty chats. If you’re looking for accountability with others who are ditching the booze or have already done so, we’d love to have you.
[02:48] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul’s opinion is that a drinking problem is a normal response to living in a culture that has completely lost its marbles. Most anthropologists believe that addiction is a modern phenomenon that stems from how we are living as a culture.
Eckhart Tolle in his book A New Earth says that what we have labeled as “normal” regarding our culture is actually completely insane.
Gabor Mate recently wrote The Myth of Normal about how our culture is toxic and right for addiction. According to Dr. Mate, addiction isn’t a disease but a completely normal response to living in a fucked-up world.
Your drinking problem is not your fault. It is a response to a fractured world. You found a solution, a way to cope and it worked for a while. As Laura McKowen says, “it’s not your fault but it is your responsibility”.
Listening to a sobriety podcast is part of you taking that responsibility.
[08:08] Paul introduces Erin:
Erin is 50 years old and divides her time between Colorado and Costa Rica. She has been married for 26 years and they have three college age children. Erin has a yoga business where she films YouTube videos, hosts retreats and does yoga teacher training.
Erin says her drinking was “normal” throughout high school and college. After graduating from college, she and her boyfriend moved to Maui and had jobs in the restaurant industry. She still feels her drinking was normal compared to her friends and lifestyle.
They soon moved back to Colorado, got married and started a family. Erin didn’t drink throughout her pregnancies and didn’t feel she was missing out initially. After moving into a neighborhood with other young families like there, drinking became a social activity, and Erin began to recognize she drank more and had a higher tolerance than others.
In her mid-forties, Erin started going through perimenopause and it was hard on her. She began using alcohol to self-medicate. Because of her job, she felt she was living out of alignment with her values. In spite of her drinking being a huge topic with her therapist, she was not ready to seek treatment. She attempted to quit on her own and says she white knuckled for five months before going back to drinking, quickly back to where she was before quitting.
When her husband and her friends tried to intervene, she was angry. They had already arranged everything, and Erin ended up going to rehab and in spite of her fear, ended up being a great experience.
Erin says they focused on healing the whole person, and once she realized for the first time that she was not alone, she felt the shame and fear lift. It was a small community, and they participated in a lot of modalities for healing. The education was a helpful part of the process.
Erin dove into books, podcasts, attended AA meetings, and joined Café RE which she considers her primary resource. Erin says her yoga practice has contributed to her healing.
Erin’s parting piece of guidance: If you are thinking you can’t do it, you can. It’s possible and worth every single second of pain.
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by Kris Oyen | Dec 16, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 513 – 10 Things to do Daily
Today we have Forrest. He is 31 years old from Atlanta, GA and took his last drink on March 14th, 2022.
Sponsors for this episode:
Visit Sober Link to learn more and to get a promo code for $50 off of the device.
Registration for Dry January is now open. This course is all about accountability, connection, and having fun. We come together 14 times in the month of January via Zoom, and you’ll also find yourself in smaller breakout rooms where you can connect with others who are ditching the booze.
If you enjoy the Recovery Elevator podcast, please help spread the word by leaving a review wherever you listen from.
[03:38] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares a list of recommendations of little things to dry and do daily. The best way to make change in your life is with small, intentional steps towards your goal.
- Water – at least once per day, drink as much water as you can. Dehydration causes a lot of our fatigue later in the day.
- Meditation – for a few minutes each day, turn your gaze inward.
- Posture – stand up, pull your shoulders back, arch your back, look to the sky and hold it for 30 seconds.
- Fuel – make a point to eat one healthy item daily and be conscious about it.
- Movement – five minutes of light to moderate movement each day.
- Nothing – literally, do nothing. Start slow with as little as one minute.
- Play – try new hobbies or rediscover old ones.
- Learn and grow – read a book or watch a YouTube video about something that interests you.
- Connect with another human being – Ideally one you can be yourself around.
- Make someone else’s life better – A tremendous amount of happiness will come to you when you help someone else out.
[10:28] Paul introduces Forrest:
Forrest grew up in a household where alcohol was present, but he was never exposed to overindulgence. He also had little interest in trying it and says he didn’t have his first drink until late freshman year of college where it was a beer pong situation. Forrest says his drinking during college looked very normal.
After graduating, Forrest found himself with a corporate job and the happy hours that came with it. Between the happy hours several days of the week and the shenanigans he pursued with his other friends in their early twenties, Forrest started to notice his alcohol consumption increase. After a few occasions of questioning himself about the previous nights, a voice told him that he wasn’t ready to quit, but he definitely needed to start moderating.
After attempting moderation for a while, Forrest determined it was not helping. The process of quitting started for Forrest when he joined a health challenge with a friend. It wasn’t long into the challenge when he started noticing some benefits but returned to his old habits after 45 days and ended up back where he was when he began. Forrest began to negotiate with himself that after his birthday, he would try to go alcohol free again. It was March when he looked at himself and realized he needed to quit for at least a year.
Forrest started reading a lot of quit lit and listening to podcasts. Learning the science behind alcohol use disorder was very helpful for Forrest. Within the first year of quitting drinking, Forrest lost 60 pounds and was seeing many other positive changes in his body. He started finding physical activity easier and began to enjoy it again.
Forrest’s parting piece of guidance: if there is something in your mind that gives you an inkling that you need to question your alcohol consumption habits, there is nothing wrong with seeking knowledge, doing research, and you might come across a journey that you didn’t necessarily know was in your future.
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You took the elevator down; you got to take the stairs back up.
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We are doing this.
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by Kris Oyen | Dec 9, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 512 – Side Effects of Sobriety
Today we have Tammy. She is 61 years old from San Diego, CA. She took her last drink on September 6th, 2021.
Sponsors for this episode:
Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month
Registration for Dry January is now open. When you sign up for Restore, you not only get access to the course, but you also get access to the whole Café RE community. If you sign up in December, you get access to the community for the rest of December and all of January. This is Recovery Elevator most intensive alcohol-free course. We will meet 14 times in January and it’s all about accountability.
Free Relapse Prevention Plan
[04:26] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul recently came across a post from someone who recently quit drinking, and they included a list of things they no longer suffer from. Or this could be said that these are the possible side effects of sobriety.
Paul shares the extensive list ranging from the loss of anxiety and depression to improvements to their body – both functions and appearance.
Life is hard in the first place, and you layer on just a couple of the ailments listed, then you’re living life in hard mode. That list really drives the point home that alcohol is taking way more than it is giving.
Paul is a big fan of pen to paper, pro and con sheets, all that jazz. He suggests writing down for yourself what you’ve experienced when you take some time off booze and imagines it’s going to look similar to the list he just shared.
[08:30] Paul introduces Tammy:
Tammy is 61 years old and lives near San Diego. She is married and together they have six adult children. She worked in advertising before having children and after they were older, she became a real estate agent. For fun, Tammy started writing a book about her alcohol-free journey, and also enjoys researching her ancestry.
Tammy says her drinking began as typical binge drinking on the weekends in high school and then escalated a bit in college. After graduating she began to work in advertising where drinking during the day was normal. Tammy’s drinking cut back after she started having her children. She says she didn’t drink very often while raising her daughters.
After turning 40, Tammy began allowing herself a glass of wine at the end of the day. It was used as a reward for making it through the day with three young children. After the financial crisis, Tammy and her husband had to sell their dream house. There was a lot of strain on their marriage as well and they eventually divorced. Finding herself alone raising three daughters, Tammy would start drinking more.
After she began dating her current husband, Tammy says her drinking slowed down. He was sober but didn’t mind that she drank. After a while they got engaged and moved in together. Tammy says things were going great and then COVID lockdown found the family coming and going a lot, and it was a party all the time. She was exhausted all the time and even though she knew it was due to her drinking she wasn’t ready to quit. Over the summer after their wedding, she had some failed moderation attempts and there were a lot of birthday parties. After the last party around Labor Day, Tammy had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit.
After Tammy had quit, she started reading books and listening to podcasts. She wasn’t interested in AA although she does see it’s value and it helped her husband. The scientific information blew her away, Tammy says. She slept a lot in the first month of sobriety. After that, she began to notice her general health was improving. The value of hearing people’s stories on podcasts has helped Tammy a lot. By writing her book, she wants to help lift people up and show them the way.
Tammy’s parting piece of guidance: get quiet and just listen to yourself and believe in yourself.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down; you got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
I love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Dec 2, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 511 – How to Market Alcohol
Today we have Arlina. She is 55 years old from Boise, ID and took her last drink 30 years ago.
Restore – registration opens Monday December 2nd. This is Recovery Elevator’s most intensive AF course for someone looking for extra accountability for Dry January.
Recovery Elevator’s first ever AF Songwriting course will be in February 2025. During the six-week course, participants will write, edit and perfect a song that you’ll perform for the cohort in week six.
Sponsors for this episode:
Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month
[03:09] Thoughts from Paul:
When Dr. David Nut, a British researcher was tasked by the government to put a harm score on 20 of the world’s drugs, it wasn’t crack, heroin, meth or cocaine in the number one spot. It was alcohol. Especially when looking at the economic impact.
Paul says that when he becomes president, he would not attempt prohibition, which was an epic fail in the early 20th century. But he would promote education about the effects of alcohol early and often focusing on the fact that NONE is the healthiest amount to drink.
Also up to be reformed would be taxes, advertising, labeling and taking responsibility for it’s trash and recovery for those affected by their product.
[08:02] Paul introduces Arlina:
Arlina has been sober since April of 1994 when she was 25 years old. Arlina was also a guest on Episode 232 five years ago. She grew up in California but now lives in Idaho. Arlina spent time working as an account executive for both large and small companies, but now enjoys crafty things and making soap. She is married and they have two grown sons and an English bulldog.
Early childhood was difficult for Arlina. After some traumatic events, the idea that something was wrong with her was instilled in her. Arlina began to feel like if she couldn’t be good, she could be good at being bad. Her first drink happened when she was around 9 years old when she had the urge to escape her feelings. Drugs and alcohol anesthetized her pain. Binge drinking was what Arlina did most of her drinking career and says that it was fun at first, then became fun with problems, and finally it was just problems. She says she didn’t have connection with herself, so she was seeking external validation through her drinking.
Two years before quitting, Arlina knew she had a problem and didn’t want abstinence to be the solution, so she tried moderation for a while. Eventually she was able to quit drinking, but it was a few more months before she realized that marijuana caused the same issues for her, and she quit that as well. Arlina shares some concepts from the book What Happened to You? The main concept being that our coping mechanisms used when we are young are repurposed when we are older. She says she has done and continues to do a lot of work to help her stay away from the default.
Arlina has recently written a book called The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics. She hopes with this book that she will show others that the 12-step process is a worthwhile process for everyone.
Arlina still goes to AA meetings even after thirty years of sobriety because it fulfills several things for her. The need for connection, the need for service, review of the information that got her sober and it gives her a place to process her feelings
Arlina’s parting piece of guidance: all the answers are inside of you. Be kind to yourself and just be patient.
Sober Life School
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[49:58] Outro:
This podcast isn’t about demonizing alcohol, but we also don’t want to keep our head in the sand. And if we have an opportunity and platform to speak our mind to make positive change, then we have to do it.
Keep showing up, I love you guys.
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We can do this.
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by Kris Oyen | Nov 25, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 510 – Alcohol Policy
Today we have Kevin. He is 42 years old, from Fresno, CA and is celebrating 500 days at the time of this recording.
Sponsors for this episode:
Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month
AG1 – free gift with your first subscriptions, in addition to their Welcome Kit.
Restore – registration opens Monday December 2nd. This is Recovery Elevator’s most intensive AF course for someone looking for extra accountability for Dry January.
[03:34] Thoughts from Paul:
Happy Thanksgiving Week! Life is not perfect but there is so much to be thankful about. Paul shares that when a sponsor first challenged him to write down five things he was grateful for each day, he could not do it. Nowadays he recognizes so much to be thankful for.
This entire week is all about gratitude and giving thanks. This is a tradition in our modern culture that tells us to come together as a family and give thanks. Plus, there’s pumpkin pie.
A tip to help you stay sober this Thursday and throughout the week: create accountability, AKA, Burn the Ships. It doesn’t have to be with everyone in your family, but at least somebody who isn’t your dog has to know you won’t be drinking. And don’t forget to bring your own drink of choice to any gathering you attend.
[08:32] Paul introduces Kevin:
Kevin is 42 and lives in the Fresno area. He owns and operates a commercial landscape business. He is married and has one daughter in college and a son in third grade. For fun, he enjoys nature, reading, CrossFit, playing golf and coaching his son’s sports teams.
Kevin says he first drank in high school, and it was the typical weekends and parties, but nothing too dramatic. In college it turned into regular Thursday through Saturday thing. He equated drinking with a good time and doesn’t really have many regrets.
Right before Kevin’s senior year of college, he found out his long-time girlfriend was pregnant. They ended up getting married and Kevin went on to finish college. Shortly after his daughter was born, he completed college, and his wife and daughter moved in with him.
Drinking became a reward for him and happy hours were commonplace. At one point he recalls telling a coworker he needed to quit drinking during the week. This was his first thought about moderating. He says it didn’t stick.
Kevin’s wife was his drinking partner and when she decided to quit for health reasons, Kevin opted to continue. Over time, it strained their relationship, and she would ask him to cut back and moderate. Kevin would try, but it wouldn’t last long. He started to realize it was a problem when he was concealing some of his drinks so that she wouldn’t know how much he had.
After discovering the RE podcast, Kevin didn’t initially hear anyone he identified with. Once he did, however, he realized that he was not alone with the issues he was having.
He knew he had to quit but wasn’t sure when. Kevin didn’t think AA would be for him. He eventually went to some meetings and would get a little time away from alcohol but would go right back to it mainly in isolation. The cycle continued for a while.
Now with 500 days, Kevin reflects that initially focused on how he could get to 200 days instead of the day in front of him. He had to really embrace AA in order to change his thinking. Taking things one day at a time and being present has become important to Kevin. Acknowledging and moving past some resentments was very helpful for him.
Since ditching the booze, Kevin says that he is able to deal with whatever happens in life without the need to numb. He has a lot less anxiety and stress about things and has more confidence that alcohol will not fix things for him.
Kevin’s parting piece of guidance: don’t quit quitting.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down; we got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
I love you guys.
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by Kris Oyen | Nov 18, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 509 – It’s a Sobriety Problem
Today we have Nicole. She is 46 years old from Fairfax, VA. She took her last drink on May 18th, 2023.
If you are seeking community on your alcohol-free journey, Café RE is just the place. We have been off Facebook for over a month, and we love our new home. In addition, we are also a non-profit. We would love to see you there!
Restore – registration opens Monday December 2nd. This is Recovery Elevator’s most intensive AF course for someone looking for extra accountability for Dry January.
Sponsors for this episode:
Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month
[03:32] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul is always saving lines or notes that he would like to use in future podcasts. Today he reads a bunch of those that haven’t quite found a home yet. This includes random stats, some of the consequences of drinking, how alcohol affects us, and that connection is an important component in our lives regardless of addiction status.
[09:02] Paul introduces Nicole:
Nicole lives in northern Virginia with her partner. They have three cats, one dog and three horses. Nicole and her partner both participate in dressage and eventing. She enjoys running marathons.
Nicole says she did not start drinking when she was young. When she was in her late teens she started a 12 year long modeling career. Due to the weight restrictions around her modeling contract, she says she could not afford the calories from alcohol.
Her drinking began when she was in grad school in her 30s. She began casually drinking with some friends and was always a little leery of alcohol with an unexplainable concern that she might develop a problem but ignored it. COVID definitely had an impact on her. Around that time, she was also going through a divorce and her father had developed some chronic health issues.
Nicole feels she had control of her drinking for five to seven years and reflects that it’s like you have control of it until you don’t. She says she wasn’t the type to drink to excess which allowed her to compare herself to others and believed she didn’t have a problem. Ignoring the red flags in her drinking habits, it was when Nicole caught herself shaking while trying to sign in to a work conference that she realized she was having consequences. Because she minored in addiction studies, she feels that knowledge pushed her to observe herself and her drinking.
Nicole decided to try to cut back on her drinking like she did with smoking. She was not able to successfully do it. She was beginning to realize she had to drink even when she didn’t want to. Nicole started looking into outpatient rehab and no one would take her because she was having shakes. She reluctantly went to inpatient rehab with the plan of staying for one week. Nicole ended up doing the full 30 days after realizing she could not do this alone. She uses Vivitrol (Naltrexone) and is a proponent of medical treatment for addictions.
Nicole didn’t do AA having a hard time wrapping her ideas around it. She chose therapy and SMART recovery. Her background in science has helped her understand possible triggers. She finds having a plan very important to avoid boredom, which she learned is a trigger for her. Nicole feels that the intensity of the coping mechanism needs to match the intensity of the craving.
Nicole’s parting piece of guidance: you are not alone, be pro-choice in your recovery, try to trust yourself a little bit.
[00:00] Outro:
If there is a question that you would like to have Paul answer on the air of the RE podcast, record a voice memo and email it to info@recoveryelevator.com. We will select a coup for Paul to answer on the air.
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We took the elevator down; we got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
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