by Paul Churchill | May 13, 2019 | Podcast
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Liz, with a sobriety date of July 8, 2017, shares her story.
Workshops for the Bozeman, MT, retreat in August are lined up! There are still a few spots left! You can find more information about this event here
On today’s podcast Paul talks about a common misconception people have as they move forward in a life without alcohol. That misconception is that when we get sober, we will finally find out who we really are. But that isn’t how it works. We do get to that point, but first we must find out who we aren’t.
During this phase; people, places, things, ideas, thought patterns, identities, that are no longer in line with your new direction in life will start to fade away. Just allow this process to happen. Recovery is all about action, but this is a process of inaction. This is a recurring process.
SHOW NOTES
[10:05] Paul introduces Liz.
Liz is 29 years old and is originally from Indiana but is now living in Frankfurt, Illinois. She is a licensed, board certified, acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist. She is married. For fun she enjoys working out, hiking, yoga, reading, going to concerts, and she is a big foodie.
[11:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Liz started drinking when she was about 12 or 13 years old. She was an only child and grew up in an abusive household, with addict parents (who are still active in their addictions). She was sexually abused by her father and his friends between the ages of 8-10. All of this trauma laid dormant until Liz was 21 years old.
Liz’s father would give her drugs and alcohol whenever she would ask, she believes it was his way of keeping her numb, so that she would never speak up. Her house was the party house in high school, and even middle school.
Liz dated an ecstasy dealer, which led her into an ecstasy addiction and an overdose. At the age of 20 she went to jail for underage drinking. She moved to Chicago when she was 21. She was working and going to school full time, and drinking.
[16:55] You are the first person interviewed that has said they always knew they had a drinking problem, please explain.
She knew that when she started drinking at 12/13 years old that she was drinking to cover something up. It was always a numbing agent for Liz, never a feel-good agent. It was just the way I coped with everything. Knowing she needed help she found an addictions counselor in Chicago. Within the first session the counselor was telling her she was an alcoholic and addict, needed AA and to enter inpatient treatment.
She continued to go to therapy, but did not enter into inpatient. It was during this time that the sexual abuse from her childhood started to surface and her drinking and drugging intensified.
[20:24] What was it like when these memories started to bubble up?
Liz says this is when the downward spiral of her addiction really started to intensify. She was still going to work and school, but was blacking out nightly. If she didn’t go to bed drunk, she would have vivid night terrors.
[22:23] Tell us about what it was like when you were meeting with the hypnotherapist.
She assessed Liz, told her she needed AA and to stop drinking and basically told her she was not willing to work with her unless she stopped drinking. Liz told her she was unwilling to stop drinking and insisted on the therapy. The therapist agreed to proceed although she told her she may not get much out of it due to her alcohol consumption. Liz showed up for every appointment, about twice a week for 6 months. It was the most intense therapy Liz has ever gone through. She relived the trauma and was able to heal from it.
[24:45] What happened next?
She continued to see the therapist, continued to drink, and she finished school. Once she was done with school she moved to Illinois. Her drinking//drugging slowed to the weekends, although she was still blacking out and her weekends were spent hungover. She tried moderating. She started breaking out in hives when she would drink. It did not matter what she drank, or how much. One drink would lead to hives from head to toe. So, she started taking Claritin before she drank, so she could continue drinking without the hives. Her hangovers started to get worse and last longer.
She got engaged in 12/2015 and married in 8/2017. July of 2017 was her bachelorette party weekend, and July 8, 2017 is her sobriety date.
[31:16] What was it like in early sobriety?
She remembers being really scared to go anywhere, not wanting to explain anything to anyone. Feelings were new to her and made her nervous. She continued with her therapy during the first year of sobriety. She did AA for about 6 months.
[35:00] Talk to us about how acupuncture can be helpful in sobriety.
Acupuncture can help release endorphins, increase serotonin levels, help get people off of anxiety meds, and help with overall cravings.
[37:25] How has your life changed in sobriety?
She finally feels content, no longer feels restless.
[40:10] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
Liz wants to travel; Australia and New Zealand are next on her list. She would also like to find a good yoga retreat to attend. She wants to help others and to be more open about her sobriety.
[42:19] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Ending up in the hospital in Memphis for alcohol poisoning, also waking up and not having memories.
- Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?
When she couldn’t make it through a whole day of class without going across the street to the bar. Waking up without a phone or wallet. Getting arrested for underage drinking.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
Being more open about my sobriety and using my acupuncture background to help other addicts. Really being part of a good sober community.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
This podcast and hypnotherapy as well.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you’ve ever received?
You are not defined by your past traumas. Drinking is not going to fix anything.
- The best parting piece of advice you can give the listeners.
Work on your shit.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
Alcohol gives you hives, but you take a Claritin and drink anyways.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR
Babbel
This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try
Babbel for free.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | May 6, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Nick, with 111 days sober, shares his story.
On today’s episode Paul discusses anxiety, depression and stress. “These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” ~ Rumi.
Depression is when mental energies are stuck in the past, anxiety is when we are living in the future, and stress accumulates when the end goal is more important than the task at hand. Liberation from all three of these dysfunctions resides in the present moment.
There is an undeniable connection between alcohol and depression. Remove alcohol and the bulk of melancholy should be lifted within a matter of months. Anxiety levels should also return to baseline after removing alcohol from your life. When we are primarily focused on the end outcome, and not the task at hand, we experience stress. Stress can be devastating to the equanimity in the body. The most powerful remedy to depression, anxiety, and stress is to ground yourself in the moment.
SHOW NOTES
[10:40] Paul introduces Nick
Nick is 32 years old and lives in Vancouver, Canada. He works in the career center at a university. He has been married for 2 years. For fun, he is still trying to figure that out in sobriety, but he enjoys having conversation and making connections with people.
[13:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Nick didn’t really start drinking until his early 20’s. He says he liked to drink, that there never really was a time that he did not enjoy it. He felt he could drink more than most and still be OK. And what that ended up doing was it basically normalized drinking large amounts of alcohol, because he wasn’t getting sick or waking up with a hangover. Things slowly escalated from there.
In 2010 Nick moved to Vancouver. There were a few times when he decided that he didn’t like how much he was drinking, and he would just stop for a few months at a time.
[17:00] What was the catalyst for you to decide to go a month or two without alcohol?
He went through a really messed up experience between his best friend and the person he was dating at the time. He dealt with that experience by drinking. What he came to realize was that alcohol just made him feel worse. So, he distanced himself from those 2 people and from alcohol. He went 3-4 months without drinking, not thinking he would never drink again, but more because he felt he needed a break from it.
When Nick started to drink again, the next year or two, it wasn’t that bad.
But what came back very quickly was the familiar feeling that alcohol made him feel comfortable, safe, more confident.
The thing that tipped Nick off to drinking becoming a problem was in order to feel normal or comfortable in a situation, he needed alcohol.
[20:15] When did you realize that your drinking was a problem?
It’s hard for him to pinpoint exactly when that happened. It built very slowly over time. It snowballed and it wasn’t until many years later that he realized that he had lost control.
[22:05] When was the moment that you did stop and see that alcohol was the factor that was causing that unease in your life?
Nick says there were lots of smaller moments, but when he really knew it, it was about 6 months after a good friend died from leukemia. He started isolating and drinking alone.
[25:50] Did you have a rock bottom moment? How did you finally make the push forward into sobriety?
Nick tried to moderate, which didn’t work. He then started to go to counseling on a regular basis. He was honest with his therapist about his drinking. He started journaling which helped him to see why he was drinking. He became more self-aware and was communicating better. He was still sad and grieving. Over the next year his drinking escalated.
Around September 2018 he was listening to a lot of podcasts and just knew that he had to give up drinking. He came home one day, after listening to the RE podcast, took his earbuds out, and just cried. Part of the reason he cried was because he realized that he was not alone.
[34:05] When the tears came flowing, what did it feel like to fully lean in?
Nick says it felt terrifying and he felt very vulnerable, but also so relieved. That began a long series of day ones. On December 1st he joined the Café’RE Facebook group. After drinking a lot after a staff party on December 7, he has not picked up since.
[41:30] What was the first week like, the first month? How did you do it?
The first few days were a little rough. Because of all the journaling he had done he knew the hours that he needed to keep himself busy. He changed the route he would take as he would walk home so that he would not be passing liquor stores. He got connected and reached out to others in the group.
[44:16] With 111 days what’s he biggest challenge you’ve encountered so far?
The feeling of plateauing. He’s sober and isn’t experiencing cravings, so the question of “what now”?
[45:50] What was the Recovery Elevator Nashville event like?
It was great. As soon as he heard about the Nashville event, he knew he had to try to get himself there.
[48:30] What are you going to do next in recovery?
Nick would like to work with people in addiction and recovery.
[51:20] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Waking up and realizing that you hurt someone you care about, but you can’t remember why, is the absolute worst feeling in the world.
- Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?
The last night he drank. It was though the scotch he was drinking was water. It just wasn’t working anymore.
- Best advice you’ve ever received? And what advice can you give to someone who is thinking about getting sober?
Be open and vulnerable, be willing to give and receive love.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You go to slide a wine bottle under your couch, and you hear it hit another bottle, which hits another bottle.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 29, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Sami, with a sobriety date of July 21, 2018, shares her story.
On today’s podcast Paul discuses surrender. What does is really mean to reach a point of surrendering? It doesn’t have to be complicated. Surrendering simply means yielding to your next stage in life. As Paul mentioned on a previous podcast, addictions are no more than sign posts in life, and surrender is when we fully accept them and make, what is most likely to be the most important change in our life, quitting alcohol.
Once we reach that moment when we realize that there are no more ways to moderate, when we clearly see that any attempt at moderation results in a dumpster fire, we usually find ourselves saying things like; f*ck it, I quit, I’m done, or I can’t do this anymore. If you’ve ever muttered those words then congratulations! You’ve hit what Paul calls the ‘now what’ milestone, which is huge. This is when we enter into a moment of clarity and surrender.
Surrendering is not a one and done thing. Surrendering is something you will repeatedly do as you continue on your journey in sobriety.
SHOW NOTES
[11:35] Paul introduces Sami
Sami is 28 years old. She lives in Prescott, Az. She has a 9-year-old son, 2 wiener dogs, and a cat. For fun Sami likes to hike/wander around the woods, do yoga and is into crystals.
[13:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Sami says she comes from a whole family of alcoholics. She had her first beer at the age of 14. She remembers being jealous of her older brothers, at the age of 13, because they could party and she was too young. During her teenage years she smoked pot more than she drank. When Sami was 17 her mom, who had a drug problem, passed away. At the age of 19 Sami got pregnant with her son.
When Sami turned 21, she went out to the bars, got wasted, felt horrible the following day, and said she would not do that again. And she didn’t, for about a year. She split up with the father of her son, reconnected with a high school girlfriend, and started going out. She says her drinking progressed from, ‘I’m not drinking alone.”, to bringing home beer to drink alone. She tried to hide being an alcoholic behind liking craft beer.
When her son started asking her how many beers she had had she realized that drinking may be an issue.
[19:00] When your son started asking you that question did you stop and think…this might not be right?
When he would ask her that she would get irritated.
[19:55] What through the next couple years up until your sobriety date in July 2018.
Eventually she was drinking every day, and also driving. Drinking and driving with her son in the car. April 14, 2014, she went to visit a girlfriend and they hung out by the pool drinking. On her way home, swerving along the way, she pulled over to ask her son if he was OK. He replied he was, she continued, and about a mile from home she saw the flashing lights in her rear-view mirror. She was handcuffed, taken to jail. Her dad came and picked her son up. It was the worst night of her life…her rock-bottom.
[25:40] Bring us up to July 21, 2018.
She got her DUI and had a restricted driver’s license. She still didn’t fully get it. After the DUI and after drinking she asked a friend to go get her cigarettes and he got in an accident on the way. She blamed herself for the accident…if she hadn’t been drinking, she would not have asked him to go. This was her last drink.
[28:55] Walk us through what happened after July 21, 2018.
Sami had to humble herself to ask for help getting herself to work and her son to school. She had to get comfortable staying at home. She started to learn more about alcohol and started to feel better
[32:15] Talk to us about how you got through the intense cravings in the early months.
She had cravings but she learned that they are fleeting and that they would go away. She started to realize that so many of the things she thought would not be enjoyable without alcohol were in fact more enjoyable.
[35:25] How has your life changed without alcohol?
For the better. She has more confidence and likes herself more. She is a better mom and her relationship with her son is better.
[37:45] What does a typical day in your sobriety look like?
She wakes up, gets her son to school and herself to work. Gets off work and goes home. Goes to yoga some evenings. She draws, reads and does a lot of art projects. She stays away from things that may trigger her. She surrounds herself with girls that are good for her sobriety. She spends time with her family, who are also sober and understand.
[40:24] Rapid Fire Round
- When was your oh-shit moment?
I would say it was Christmas 2017. I drank a bottle of Jameson and got so wasted I don’t remember if my son had any fun.
- What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?
I’m really excited about re-doing things that I have totally screwed up, like my son’s birthday. Continuing my yoga practice and continuing finding myself.
- What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?
The Recovery Elevator podcast. Tell Better Stories on Instagram.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
One day at a time. If you’re going to drink again, play the tape forward.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
If you wake up in the morning and half to ask your 8-year-old son, “what the hell happened last night?”.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 22, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
James, with a sobriety date of November 12, 2016, shares his story.
Recovery Elevator is on Instagram! Please follow Paul and Ben here .
On today’s podcast Paul discuses relapse. For some, and Paul has only met a few, relapse isn’t part of their story. But for the vast majority it is, and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Spontaneous sobriety is rare. Paul feels that the word ‘relapse’ is another word in recovery, similar to the word ‘alcoholic’, that needs to be thrown out. The word ‘relapse’ has implications of failure.
When we drink again, after having made the internal declaration not to, we are simply doing more field research, learning lessons along the way. If you find yourself in a continuous cycle of field research, self-compassion is key. Stop placing success and failure parameters on whether you drank last night or not. When we start addressing what we are using alcohol to cover up than relapse will become less frequent and even a thing of the past.
When you do find yourself on stable footing, beware of the 3 most dangerous words on this journey…I got this.
SHOW NOTES
**Listeners you can listen to James’ first interview back on episode 105 when he had 74 days of sobriety, today he has 850 days.
[8:05] Paul introduces James
James is 31 years old and lives in New Jersey with his wife and their pomsky, Milo. He works in Manhattan. For fun he likes to golf, go to the gym, and hang with his wife and pup.
[10:50] Give us a little background about your drinking.
James started drinking when he was 13, stealing beers and wine coolers from the liquor cabinet. In high school he was not a big drinker, although he remembers how drinking helped make him feel comfortable.
He started college, on a golf scholarship, became good friends with one of his teammates that was a Christian, started going to bible study and church and didn’t drink his entire freshman year. Later, one of his teammates from England, was graduating so they threw a party and James drank. He picked up right where he left off and the next three years of college he was binge drinking and dabbled in drugs.
The spring semester of his senior year his coach called him in to his office and told him not to come to practice anymore, that he was coming in smelling like liquor and bringing the rest of the team down. This was the first time that he realized his drinking was affecting other people.
[13:44] Can you tell us what it felt like to have someone on the outside call you out on your drinking.
Immediately James was embarrassed and ashamed. He walked out of the office feeling sad and like he had let everyone down. He was able to curb his drinking enough to not be a burden and make it through the last 3 months playing golf.
2010 James was in Barcelona, caddying at a nice country club, the 2nd day he caddied he met a man that offered him a job which he took a week later. This was the beginning of the end. From the time he graduated at 21 years old to 28 years old, when he got sober, it was a quick progression of drugs and alcohol. In the span of 5 years James lost his Grandfather, his uncle and his Dad. Instead of dealing with the losses he used alcohol and drugs.
At 27 he was arrested for possession of cocaine, theft, and disturbing the peace. This leads to an intervention by his family and his Mom gives him the option to go to rehab or see a therapist. He picked the therapist. He went through a number of therapists and his girlfriend of 2 years left him during this time.
[22:40] What did it feel like that moment when you told yourself you were done.
He immediately felt a sense of relief. He reached out to a friend from college, that he used to party with, but from his posts on Facebook knew that he had gotten sober. At this time neither his family, or his girlfriend, would talk to him. He went to see his friend from college the next day. Talking to him helped, and he also started 12 weeks of IOP. Everyday he would ask himself, is this going to honor my father. He knew he had to make some changes and he firmly believes his father died to save his life.
[24:45] Once you surrendered, how did you make it one week, one month, how did you do it?
One day at a time. James says he was never a half-in guy, so once he decided to get sober, he dove in. He found the RE podcast, started reading a lot, went to AA, and was going to IOP and therapy 3 times a week. Very early he burned the ships with everyone, which he says was very therapeutic. He could finally breath and no longer had all the guilt and the shame.
[28:00] What was the transition from drinking/partying like you did, to the clean and sober life, like?
James said it was hard, but that it was almost like he was going back to the person he was the whole time, and it was a relief. In the last 6 months he shifted from playing the victim and feels he is becoming exactly who he is supposed to be.
[33:05] Talk to us about your year 1 and year 2 and the differences between the two.
James says he definitely had the classic pink cloud and felt great. At the end of year 1 he started to struggle a bit but after he hit the year mark, he felt rejuvenated. He booked the trip to Peru with Café RE and between months 13-15 things took another turn. Things felt dark and he was asking himself if this was what he got sober for. It was then he had a conversation with a friend, and with Paul, about ayahuasca and stayed in Peru to attend a ceremony. James says it wasn’t a magic bullet but that ayahuasca, hiking Machu Picchu, and getting married in October, is what changed his attitude about everything.
[35:15] On a group chat we were on you said one of the lessons you learned was that you no longer have to be the biggest guy in the room, talk to us about that.
The first night, of the first ceremony he did, there was a gentleman there from New Zealand who was bigger than James. (Who is 6’3” and 220 pounds, which he had always identified himself by.) During the ceremony James was weeping and this gentleman came up behind him, put his arms around him, held him like a baby, and told him to just let it all out. It was at this time he let go of feeling like always had to me the biggest guy in the room. He was supposed to do 3 ceremonies but after the first one he told the shaman that he had gotten what he needed and didn’t do the remaining 2.
[39:30] Talk to us about Cardamone Coaching.
Even as a kid James knew he wanted to help people. Wanting to become a recovery coach was something he discussed with Paul while in Peru. He realized fear was what was holding him back and that that was all bullshit, so he got certified to be a recovery coach. His goal is to help people in recovery by using his own experience.
James’ coaching website is: https://www.cardamonecoaching.com/ .
[45:06] I saw your registration come in for the Bozeman retreat, what are you looking forward to at this retreat?
Going back to Bozeman, it’s a change of pace from New York City. Seeing some of the same people and meeting new people. The retreats have changed James’ life.
[47:25] Rapid Fire Round
- What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?
Continue doing what I’m doing, stay the course, one day at a time, and helping people.
- What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?
Reading, I must have read 35 books in the last 2 ½ years, reading has really opened me up to different things.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
It gets better and you never have to feel this way again if you don’t pick up a drink or a drug.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
You are good enough
.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
If you get arrested outside of a nightclub with drugs in your pocket, a stolen credit card and no shoes on.
You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Babbel
This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try
Babbel for free. Download the app, or text Elevator to 48-48-48
Green Chef
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 15, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Brad, with a sobriety date of August 31, 2018, shares his story.
Paul talks about the ‘now’ and ways we can ground ourselves while we find ourselves taking this thing one day at a time. At some period in our journey we will find ourselves logging our days in our tracker like it ‘ain’t no thing’. Then there are other days when we wake up and keeping the mind in check can be a constant struggle. Paul shares some of his own favorite personal techniques that he uses to ground himself.
- Acknowledge what is really happening.
- Think in terms of “we” rather than “I”
- Take your shoes off and walk barefooted outside.
- You are nature…take time to go out in your natural setting, nature.
- Slow down.
- Do not multitask
- Pay close attention to the body
- Go from saying, “I can get through this’, to saying, “I AM getting through this”.
- Go with the gut.
- Last one is I tell myself “Dude, Paul…this isn’t you!”
If you have a grounding technique that you use, that isn’t listed here, email it to Paul and put “Grounding Techniques” in the subject line.
SHOW NOTES
[12:10] Paul introduces Brad
Brad is 31 years old and is from Fort Wayne, Indiana. He is a traveling salesperson and sells health care products to providers. He is married and has a daughter. For fun he likes to golf and recently has joined a kick boxing gym.
[14:15] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Brad was a good kid all through high school. At 17 he had a job as a barback where he learned a lot about alcohol. He was pretty much alcohol free all through college. When he was 20 years old he went to England and that is when he started to drink, not having too many sober days while there.
Later, at 21 years old, he is back in the states working as a resident assistant and is spending as much time as he can at the bar. Later he moved back home into his parent’s basement and was sneaking off to the bars, rather than spending time with them, as much as he could. This is where he met his wife.
They got married and, on their honeymoon, because he had had so much to drink, he almost drowned himself. He continued to drink the duration of the honeymoon. Fast forward to his wife being pregnant with their daughter, a lot of changes taking place in their relationship and he is no longer the focus of it.
After his daughter was born, he was laid off from his job. He spent a lot of his nights, while helping care for his daughter, drinking heavily. In January of 2018 his grandfather committed suicide. Brad found another job and then there was a spiral from June to August, 2018. August 31, 2018, he got pulled over for drunk driving. He hit his bottom in a jail cell. The next day his dad took him to his first AA meeting. After appearing in front of a judge he his charges where dropped.
[19:40] Talk to us about a couple moments where the writing was on the wall (before your sobriety date).
He missed a flight home because he was drinking in the airport bar. Spending too much time drinking after golf.
[23:15] Did you ever try and quit before your sobriety date?
He tried to moderate, but never felt that the problem was great enough to quit.
[26:25] Walk us through the 3 options you gave yourself after your DUI.
Laying on the cot in jail, after just calling his wife who was driving all over Fort Wayne looking for him, he realized he had 3 options. He could run, he could figure out his life was meaningless, or he could get help. So he picked getting help. Getting to a meeting the next day and, if his wife didn’t divorce him, he could live in his parent’s guest bedroom until they figure it out. For 2 months after that he was going to AA meetings every day, making living amends to his wife every day, and going to work. On day 4 he found the Recovery Elevator podcast.
[31:25] Talk to us about burning the ships with your mom, dad, and wife.
His wife was pissed, his parents were in shock. He told them how he missed flights because of drinking, and how he needed to have a drink to help him sleep. His parents were in tears, but supportive. His wife told him that if he ever drank again, she was taking their daughter and would be gone.
[33:37] How did it feel when you let your parents and your wife know what’s going on with you?
A small weight was lifted, but there was an extreme sense of guilt. It felt freeing but he also knew he had a lot of work to do.
[34:45] Talk to us how the charges were dropped and then the bomb you got about the charges on January 31, 2019.
He appeared in court, expecting the worst, and was told ‘case dismissed’. That was not one of the options he was prepared for. His attorney told him to go live his life. His new life was to not touch alcohol, continue with his sobriety and his meetings, and that’s what he did. Sometime later he got a call from a friend, who is an attorney, that infored him that his case was back up. His case had been refiled. He was booked, back in and out of jail, sober this time. He was ready to accept responsibility. He called his employer and told them that he may need something to ‘blow into’ so he can drive. He realized that he may lose his job over this. He was fighting and was doing it sober.
[39:26] I feel like this is going to be a good thing for you Brad, how do feel about it?
Brad agrees. It has made him live day to day. It has made him mad at alcohol. He has stopped focusing on himself and more on his wife. It has helped him get through his 4th and 5th step.
[41:45] How did you get and stay sober?
He did a lot of candy eating. He did his best at doing the 90 AA meetings in 90 days. He tried not to put any pressure on his wife to forgive him. He tried to show what he wanted through his actions and not his words. He goes to a therapist/marriage counselor.
[43:47] What do you feel you were using alcohol to cover up?
He says he’s awkward and that there was some abuse growing up. Possibly some depression. Mostly it was just to find connections with other people.
[47:50] Rapid Fire Round
- When was your ah-ha moment?
When I was in an airport boozing with a pilot.
- What have you learned about yourself on this journey?
That it is OK to ask for help and OK to be vulnerable.
- What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?
I want to be a resource to help people.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Stop kicking your own butt.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Never be afraid to reach out, you are never alone.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
If you switch from Maker’s Mark to vodka on the back nine because you think you play better with vodka in your system than whiskey.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 8, 2019 | Podcast
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Libby, with 112 days of sobriety, shares her story.
Paul talks about a trend he noticed in the airport bookstore. Amongst the ’20 best sellers’ there were several books with clear, unambiguous titles. Our society is collectively starting to wake up and are looking for ways to unf*ck ourselves. He says that all of these books, including the one he is currently writing, are not fulfilling a trend or a niche, but that it’s a movement.
https://newrepublic.com/article/153153/age-anxiety
Paul recently read an article titled the Age of Anxiety in the New Republic,
According to studies by the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 20 percent of Americans experience an anxiety disorder in a given year; over 30 percent experience an anxiety disorder over the course of their lifetimes. And the rate is rising: The American Psychiatric Association, in a May study drawing from a survey of 1,000 American adults, diagnosed a statistically significant increase in national anxiety since 2017.
But listeners listen closely, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Never has been, never will be. This anxiety is a good thing. This collective state of unrest will eventually show us the way.
This jittery national mood has given rise to what Rebecca Jennings at Vox has dubbed “anxiety consumerism”—the rise of a plethora of products, from fidget spinners to essential-oil sprays, to weighted blankets. Perhaps the most well-known product to fall into this anxiety consumerism category is alcohol.
Those who struggle with addiction are the trailblazers in the collective unf*ck yourself movement. Not just for those who grapple with addiction to alcohol, but for everyone.
SHOW NOTES
[7:15] Libby how long have you been sober?
She has been sober since October 23, 2018, giving her 112 days of sobriety.
[7:40] In these last 112 days what is the biggest challenge you’ve encountered?
She says that the cravings and the obsession to drink in the first couple months was definitely the toughest time.
[9:00] Paul Introduces Libby.
Libby is 32 years old and lives in Louisville, Kentucky. She is an interior designer and is currently waiting tables at night. She has been married for 5 years, has no kids, has a dog named Boomerang, and a cat named Brice. For fun she works out, does crafts, is decorating her house, and enjoys hiking when the weather is nice.
[11:05] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Libby had her first drink at 15 and throughout high school she drank on the weekends. By early 20s she was drinking daily, but still highly functional, holding two jobs. She was coasting by until 2017 when she got fired from a job. Libby says this is when her drinking ‘got wheels’.
[12:30] What led you to seeking out alcohol to alleviate the pain?
She was fired suddenly, in a hateful way, and she had never gone through anything like that. She was devastated and started drinking all day. After a couple of weeks, she was experiencing morning tremors, or shakes, which she had never experienced before. By the end of 2017 she was drinking in the mornings just to function. During this time, she tried out AA a couple times and decided she just wasn’t ready.
[14:50] What was it like when you went to the AA meeting?
Before going into her first AA meeting Libby had the shakes so bad that she had to have a shot of alcohol. She didn’t really have any intention to stop drinking, she just wanted control over it. She wanted to stop drinking during the day and get control of her life again and just be a functional drinker. Fast forward to 2018 and she had managed to cut back on her drinking, only drinking at night. That lasted a couple months. In April 2018 she found herself drunk at work and went home and told her husband that she needed to get into a treatment program, that drinking had taken control again.
The next day, after drinking, she tried to get into an inpatient treatment program. The first place turned her away because they didn’t take her insurance, the second place allowed her to stay for 3 days for ‘medical detox’ and then released her due to her insurance as well. After being dry for 3 days she thought she had things under control, but she picked up right where she left off.
[21:40] Take us through the next steps in your journey.
Not having a day job Libby was able to drink all day. After about 2 weeks her husband, tired of coming home and finding her drunk on the couch, packed his bags and left. He called her best friend and told her that Libby was in trouble, but that he didn’t know how to help her. Her best friend made some phone calls and found a free center, The Healing Place, that would take Libby. She stayed there for 4 days while she detoxed and went home. Back at home she stayed sober for 11 days and then again was right back to where she left off. After showing up at work drunk and hitting what Libby calls her first bottom, she went back to The Healing Place and stayed for 30 days.
[26:35] Take us from when you got out after your 30 days up to your sobriety date.
After about 74 days of sobriety, meeting with her sponsor and going to 3 AA meetings a day Libby found herself at the liquor store buying a bottle without giving it any thought. Looking at this as a ‘slip’ she got right back on the wagon and back to her meetings. Sober for another 46 days she then relapsed, drinking for 6 days straight. This was her 2nd bottom, this binder ended on October 22, 2018 and she has been sober ever since.
[28:40] How do you look at those ‘relapses’?
As lessons, she learned that they start in her head first. Now when her thoughts start going in that direction, she recognizes it and has a new method to deal with it.
[33:15] Why do you think you drank?
She said that in the beginning it was just because she enjoyed it. During her 20s she had a lot of trauma and it helped her feel better. Drinking became a habit, then she physically depended on it.
[34:40] Paul and Libby discuss what steps she can take to protect her sobriety while her husband continues to drink.
[40:55] I’ve seen where sobriety thing is contagious, what are your thoughts on that?
Libby agrees, attraction rather than promotion.
[42:50] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?
She has learned she is a lot stronger than she thought she was.
[43:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?
Libby describes her last couple days of drinking.
- What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
I am going to continue working the AA program and working with my sponsor and I want to eventually help other people stay sober.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Don’t believe the lies.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Give AA a shot.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You drink mouthwash in the morning to try and get rid of the shakes before work.
A pint of beer takes 15 minutes off your life
https://www.ksbw.com/article/wine-beer-early-death-extra-glass/26532630
For someone in their 40’s every glass of alcohol above the suggested weekly threshold of 5 shortens their life by 15 minutes. Alcohol is shit.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by Robinhood. Right now, Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
