by Kris Oyen | Oct 25, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 349 – The Inner Voice.
Today we have Tara. She is 37, from Canada, and took her last drink on February 20, 2019.
Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café Re members only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditation, and break outs rooms. Go to: www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity.
Highlights from Paul
Paul talks about his inner voice and how it failed him as he was trying to stack days in early sobriety. Inner narration can tell you in your own voice that it is okay to drink. It’s a subconscious voice. Paul advises that the first step is to be aware of the voice. Then you need to create distance between that voice and the first drink. Inner narration isn’t you, it’s a bundle of thoughts. Over time, you can let the space build between the thought and the drink so you can change your thinking. Gaze at the stars, look up and take a breath.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[10:37] Odette welcomes Tara
Tara took her last drink February 20, 2019. She lives in Montreal and has learned to enjoy life – everything she does is for fun. She is a voice actress and podcaster.
Tara described her relationship with alcohol as a product of self-loathing and rejecting herself. She took her first drink at 12. She was well adjusted and had her needs met at the time. She didn’t drink again until 15 when she was unhappy, depressed and feeling alienated. Alcohol filled a need to replace herself. A major shift happened when she was 18 and she took her drinking to another level – drinking in the morning and drinking alone. Alcohol became her primary relationship until she got sober. Alcohol was linked with everything she did. She had a lot of self-pity and thought the world was against her. She felt like she belonged at the bottom. Pain felt normal, like home.
Tara went to 12 different inpatient rehabs. She would start to feel better and didn’t know how to deal with feeling better. Learning to care for herself emotionally was a big challenge. Even some basic tasks were a challenge. She escaped through relationships with men or would obsess about her looks to avoid facing herself.
She took pride in not being a good person. She became a villain in her own story. She put her family and friends through a lot. She relapsed frequently and made false promises to herself and other people. She is amazed her family is still supporting her recovery. During her last stay in rehab, she was there for 12 days and had to leave because she had been so many times. Post rehab she went through the motions and went to meetings, got a sponsor, and did the things she was told to do without running the show. Her parents breathalyzed her which helped her become accountable.
Early recovery was a challenge. Tara felt like a fraud and didn’t have confidence in her own ability not to relapse. Her brain was in a constant frenzy, and she had a partner who was struggling with addiction. She felt privileged to be able to do full time recovery for several months. She has learned to have a sense of humor about cravings or crazy thoughts. She focuses now on how she shows up in the world. She has expanded her spiritual practice and is learning to be consistent. Tara has learned to enjoy her own company. Her goal is to show up in her life in a way she can be proud of every day.
Odette’s Summary
What does bravery mean to you? You can choose to ride or not ride a roller-coaster. The brave choice is the one that rings true to you; the choice that aligns with your values, inner knowing and truth. Choosing to live an alcohol-free life is a huge act of bravery. Sobriety can be lonely, but bravery means standing up for yourself and advocating yourself, even when peers may pressure you to do otherwise.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
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Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
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by Kris Oyen | Sep 27, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 345– The Neuroscience of Addiction Part II
Today we have Stacy Jo, she is 34 years old, from Oregon and took her last drink on March 6, 2020.
Highlights from Paul
Paul wants to know your interest in a alcohol-free Ukulele 101 course. If you are interested please email info@recoveryelevator.com.
Paul provides part 2 of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw.
Dr. Lembke talks about how it’s a known fact that when we are in our addiction, we can’t accurately see the consequences or what’s taking place. With abstinence, we can look back and say, OH MY
The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. Being smart or highly educated doesn’t make you immune to addiction, in fact, it might even backfire because you think you know everything. More than 1/2 the world’s deaths, under the age of 50, are attributable to addiction. Rates of alcoholism have gone up 50% for those aged 65 and up from the late 90’s to today and have gone up 80% in women. Traditionally the rates for alcoholics were 5:1 for men to women. With Millennials, it’s now 1:1. There are more burdens on women now than ever.
Dr. Lemke recommends a 30 day dopamine fast. But a huge warning of withdrawals for alcohol and benzodiazepines. How to do this? Well, we’ve got 345 episodes now on the HOW, but the trick is to go into the pain. Head into the storm (episode 341) and Forgive yourself.
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[12:41] Stacy Jo took her last drink on March 6, 2020. She lives in Eugene, OR. with her partner of 15 years. Her primary hobby is anything that has to do with yarn. She has worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years until the pandemic hit, she recently was just at the University of Oregon.
Around the age of 20, after a breakup and miscarriage, Stacy Jo feels there was a switch in her drinking. That was the same time her service industry career normalized and it all went hand in hand.
In 2018 Stacy Jo started some serious attempts to quit drinking but it wasn’t until the beginning of the pandemic in 2020 that she was able to get good footing.
Stacy Jo joined Café RE when she was around 4 months sober and says she did it as a reward for herself.
She says her partner hated her drinking, and that it became a pretty big division between the two of them. Stacy Jo also got a Driving While Ability Impaired (right below a DUI) when she was 28.
She feels like she slept the 1st three months of sobriety. She treated herself like a toddler and allowed herself to sleep and snack.
Stacy Jo is grateful for the pandemic and her restaurant shutting down. It allowed her to get away from the normalcy that is part of the service industry and to have the space to get on solid ground.
She does not get cravings any longer, but says she is not so cocky to say that she won’t again.
Odette’s Summary
Odette reminds us that change starts with us. Recovery is our responsibility.
Remember you are not alone and together is always better.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
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by Kris Oyen | Sep 20, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 344– The Neuroscience of Addiction
Today we have Bill. He is 61, from Alabama, and took his last drink on April 29, 2021.
Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze starts 9/21 at 8 PM EST.
Highlights from Paul
Paul provides part one of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw.
“Persons with severe addictions are among those contemporary prophets that we ignore to our own demise for they show us who we truly are.” Dr. Lembke says that drinking is not a choice but seeking help for an addiction is a choice.
The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. American society and economy are focused on an insatiable pursuit of pleasure. Today’s marketers target the dopamine system; thus, we all struggle to find homeostasis. Addiction can show up as alcohol, social media, food, etc. Addiction is a low-grade discomfort we all have as humans. She believes we are all wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, which works in an environment of scarcity, not our current state of abundance.
Paul reminds us we can’t study or think our way out of addiction. Community is key!
Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
[11:43] Bill took his last drink on April 29, 2021. He enjoys hiking, movies, sports, windsurfing, reading, and spending time with family and friends.
Bill started drinking as a teenager. He knew at spring break 30 years ago that he was a problem drinker. He drank and got buzzed every five years but wasn’t addicted. Thirty years later, Bill’s wife left, and he started drinking liqueur in the evening. He slowly became addicted, and he drank every night.
When Bill hit rock bottom, he found himself broke, living in an extended stay hotel. He scraped the floor of his room and his car to get enough money to buy a few shots.
In 2020, he joined Recovery Elevator and was a lurker until 2021.
Bill still has cravings and practices “doing 30 things” to keep him from drinking. If the cravings continue, he goes to bed. Loneliness is Bill’s biggest trigger. Ice cream and cookies also get him through.
Bill said everything got better when he stopped drinking. He is back in the gym and loves waking up without a hangover. His medications work better. The community of Café RE is crucial to Bill, and he is led and inspired by others in RE. He loves being of service and is grateful to the suggestions of others that helped him when he wanted to drink.
Bill credits Tim Grover’s books, Relentless and Winning, with changing his mindset. His takeaway was getting ‘obsessed’ with sobriety. Meditation helps his anxiety and cravings.
A friend of Bill’s told him his greatest flaw was that he didn’t like himself. He described how the “I suck” mentality brought him down. Bill made considerable strides in self-love since he quit drinking. He listens to a podcast called Unbeatable Mind and has learned to say “I love you” to himself daily, over and over. Bill believes having an accountability partner is critical to his success.
Odette’s Summary
Odette shared about a Café RE member who shared at the Bozeman retreat. The person said, ‘for a long time, I thought I didn’t matter, that my existence didn’t matter. I recognize that I matter, I belong, and I can make an impact.’
Odette reminds us, we all matter. We help each other become better and to heal. We remind each other of our value. The power of community is vital because it is rooted in love and non-judgment and a firm belief that we are whole. We are whole, even when we stumble.
Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
by Kris Oyen | Aug 2, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 337 – The canary in the mine.
I was open with people about my decision. I put myself out there to create a level of accountability.
Today we have Katie. She is 38, from Ohio and took her last drink July 12, 2020. This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).
Events!
Alcohol-free travel is back! Recovery Elevator is going to Costa Rica January 15th-23rd and you should join us. We’ve got space for 34 AF rock stars, registration opens Sept 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
You can find more information about our events here.
Paul’s Intro
Native cultures believed that a sick person is like the canary in the mine and it’s the sick person who represents an imbalance in the community. Or that something is off. They also believed this person should be thanked for raising the alarm that something needs to be corrected within a community. Almost like, yo, thank you for taking one for the team.
So Contrary to today’s culture where mental illness, autoimmune disorders, and addictions are prevalent and on the rise, these environmental conditions were rare in most cultures prior to modern times. So this is what native cultures did when there was a sick canary in the community. The whole tribe came together to help this person because they knew they were all connected, that they were all one. The entire community would shoulder the cost to bring in healers from other tribes. All these ceremonies were different of course, but from I can deduce the two main commonalities were this: Music and dancing. For at least 3-4 days.
Okay, let’s tie this into alcohol. It’s in my opinion those who struggle with a drinking problem are the canaries in the mines. Side note, I was the canary in the mine in the Canary islands. I went to this set of islands located off the northwest coast of Africa in 2007 and was drunk and hungover for the whole trip. I don’t remember much from that trip, but I recall popcorn being my lifeline one afternoon because that’s all I could. That’s how hungover I was. And fun facts about Canaries, yes they do come from the Canary islands. They have yellow feathers, and occasionally eat jalapeños. Fun fact about Paul. I also occasionally eat jalapeños. We are covering some ground today team.
So in 2021, there have never been more sick canaries, and if we don’t ALL address this, then we’re toast as a species.
When I say we ALL need to address this, I mean problematic and normal drinkers. As in addiction/mental health is an external manifestation that something is highly out of balance internally with our species. This imbalance affects everyone. This is okay, it’s how we grow and evolve.
The good news is…. The Canary can heal. It will heal. You, if you’re listening to this podcast in hopes of quitting drinking, are the canary, and you will heal, just keep at it.
So how does the canary heal? I firmly believe there is no select methodology, or doctrine to follow. There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze. There are infinite ways… But, there is one massive commonality.
Ditching the booze in 21st century doesn’t quite look like 3 full nights of ceremonial dancing under a full moon with the whole community anymore, but there are similarities.
Let’s first check out what you don’t hear when someone celebrates and alcohol-free milestone.
“Well, guys, I knew I was “fucked” so I locked myself in my room, read every quit lit book, listened to podcasts, learned how the mind works, and beat it.” I’ve yet to hear that one. Nothing even close.
What you do hear is, “I’d like to thank my best friend susan, my mom and dad, my AF community, my dog, the big oak tree in my back yard (That’s an HP reference), and all my friends who were in my corner the whole time.” Or “I couldn’t have done it without… Mike, Jim, Michelle Javier and my pet canary ralph.” Okay, I think that’s the last canary reference.
So, what does this mean? Let’s get to the point. 1. You can’t do this alone, and 2. You need community. This could be a close group or friends who know your desire to quit drinking, AA, Café RE, counselors etc. Ships need to be burned, or conversations with loved ones need to take place. Accountability is desperately needed. Even if you’re not, and I’m using air quotes, “successful” with your decision to quit drinking, you’re still developing tighter bonds and relationships in your life. According to Sebastian Junger, in his Book “Tribe” in times of crisis, people are wired to come together and help. This isn’t a kind gesture from our friends, and family, or even completely strangers; it’s biologically how we are wired. As I discussed in last episode, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin are released when we help others. So when a drinking problem reaches a pinnacle moment, and I’d classify this as a crisis as it was for me in 2014, the people around us want to help. They need to help, it’s good for them. They need these feel good chemicals also. Denying the loved ones in your life the opportunity to help you, is doing them a disservice.
So if you’re ready to get off the merry round of hell, aka a drinking problem, two main things needs to happen. 1. You need to ask for help, 2. Receive the help. Most likely both are outside your comfort zone, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Let the drinking problem push you into connection. I feel that’s the main point of an addiction. Yes, addiction, or drinking problem serves a purpose. Everything does. That’s the topic of 339. Does addiction serve a purpose? We must first become aware of the addiction. This is the first step in I think every program involving steps, and then, open up. Yes, open up. The addiction is trying to crack you open. To find a spot where the light can enter, if you allow it.
Let’s hear from Exact Nature.
[8:42] Odette welcomes Katie
Katie took her last drink July 12, 2020. She is excited about her one-year milestone and she feels free of the prison on alcohol. She is going sky-diving to celebrate. Katie said life is still hard, but she has freedom and clarity of mind without drinking. Katie is 38 and lives in NE Ohio. She has two sons. She is an executive assistant to a CEO for a large company. She loves all things fitness and reading.
[52:17] Rapid Fire Round
- What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?
Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.
- What has been an unexpected perk along this journey?
Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.
- What would you say to young people who are considering ditching the booze?
Don’t overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated. You have more strength than you realize. Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor. Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.
You might need to say adios to booze if ….
You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.
Odette’s Summary
Very well, team RE, that wraps our interview for today. Before I say adios I want to share something with you all. I asked all of YOU on our instagram a question that I normally ask in our podcast interview and I got some amazing responses. The prompt was: What would you say to your younger self?
Here is what some of you had to say:
- Live for yourself. No amount of alcohol will make him see you.
- You are beautiful.
- Don’t be afraid to show your true self.
- You are loved, you are worth it.
- You don’t have to be “THEM”
- You are enough. It only matters what you think of yourself.
- Drugs and alcohol don’t make you cool, being a good person does.
- It’s ok to fail.
- Learn to love yourself.
- Being the wild party girl is not all its cracked up to be.
- You are going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. Handling the stress of it all will only be magnified a thousand if you drink about it.
- I love you.
- It wan’t your fault.
- I see you and I am sorry you are hurting.
- See yourself, hold yourself at a high value.
- What you are chasing has been in your heart the whole time, not a bottle.
- Everything you think alcohol is helping you achieve is false. You are being held back. You can accomplish so much more sober.
- You are none of the things you say to yourself in your head.
- Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
- You are allowed to feel the way you do and you don’t have to hide it to please those around you.
- Let your hair grow long, let your laugh grow loud.
- Take your intuition seriously.
WOW. What a list.
Remember that you are not alone, and together, is always better.
Recovery elevator, you deserve love, acceptance and belonging. We can do this.
Today’s Sponsor
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
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The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
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“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Jul 26, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 336 – Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin
I need to admit myself somewhere. I could sit here until I’m blue in the face and until I have some humility, this is not going to work.
Today we have Susan, she’s 61, she’s from Pennsylvania and took her last drink Nov 19th, 2017. This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).
Events!
- Due to Covid we had to cancel our Costa Rica sober travel trip, and an event in Denver. Those events are back on. We’ve got an AF trip to Costa Rica January 15-23rd 2022 that includes: the cloud forest, the beach, chilling on a catamaran. Registration opens Sept 1 and we’ve got 33 spots available. April 14th -17th 2022, we’ll be in Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden Inn at Union Station. This event will be about moving energy with music that is performed LIVE. Expect connection, small group breakout sessions and the opportunity to be your most authentic self. Registration opens Nov 1. You can find more information about our events
Paul’s Intro
Today I will share information on the 4 main chemicals we’re dealing with when we ditch the booze. I’m outline them, give a framework of how to work with these chemicals in a healthier way and a loose timeline of what to expect when you quit drinking and how these chemicals will come back into balance.
The four main players dance with an addiction are Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.
Endorphins and dopamine are the chemicals of progress. Short-term feel-good chemicals. And Serotonin and oxytocin are the long-term chemicals.
Let’s cover the short-term molecules first: endorphins and dopamine
Endorphins – We often hear the word endorphins with exercise. And it’s true. This is the reason for the runners high. Endorphins have one purpose – to mask physical pain. Since the body doesn’t distinguish the difference between physical and emotional pain very well, this is why running, or physical movement helps us emotionally when we aren’t feeling good.
Dopamine – This is the molecule we are mostly engaged with when dealing with an addiction. This is more accurately described as the learning molecule. Dopamine is viewed as an incentive for progress. The good feeling, we get when we do something necessary for survival. Addictions highjack the dopamine system. Alcohol raises the dopamine in our brains by over 100-200% and cocaine raises it by 300%… temporarily. Then there’s a major crash.
Dopamine is highly addictive, and it should be. Human beings walked thousands of miles over the ice shelf of eastern Asia to the Americas because of dopamine. The dopamine system worked great for humans, until the world modernized faster than the system could adapt. Alcohol completely over runs this system
Long-term chemicals – These chemicals control our long-term feelings.
Serotonin – The selfless chemical.
Oxytocin – The love molecule and the connection molecule.
Let’s cover how we can work with these as we ditch the booze and then I’ll give you a loose timeline of when these chemicals should start naturally emerging in your system again.
Endorphins – Keep running, keep gardening. This is a much healthier way to override the physical and emotional discomfort of quitting drinking. Also, laugh, laugh, laugh.
Dopamine – It’s important we retrain the brain to release dopamine with other activities. Pick a short-term goal. Maybe it’s learning the guitar, maybe it’s finding a species of bird in the wild, or a snake. Science shows that a spike of dopamine is released when we help other people. Dopamine is a big reason we’ve done this podcast 336 straight Monday’s.
Once we have the dopamine system cued to healthier stimuli then within time serotonin starts to naturally emerge. With this comes a sense of belonging. If we stick with it long enough, oxytocin will emerge on the scene.
The long-term chemicals are contagious. This is why we love inspiring movies that motivate us to perform our own selfless acts. This is why we cheer people on at marathons or say heck yes when we hear someone has hit an AF milestone.
Here’s a loose timeline for this:
Endorphins: within the first 24-72 hours.
Dopamine: within six months, depending on your habits.
Serotonin: 3-9 months.
Oxytocin: 6-12 months.
This is all given that you’re doing the work.
PAWS in recovery is post-acute withdrawal symptoms. I like to call them healing symptoms because it’s the body, mind, soul, and spirit recalibrating itself without alcohol. Trust the process, stick with it, we got your back.
Let’s hear from Betterhelp. betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR
[13:52] Odette welcomes Susan
Susan’s last drink was on November 19, 2017. She feels great and every year is better. Susan is 61 and single but was previously married. She has a daughter and two grandchildren. She is from Pennsylvania. She moved to Los Angeles and lived there for thirty years. She has also lived in Colorado and is now back on the East Coast. She works for a medical device company. She loves to read novels, cooking, exercise, the beach, bike riding and TV.
[15:49] Tell us about your history with drinking
Susan described 44 years of drinking. Her first drink was at age 14 and she would sneak drinks with friends. In high school she fell in love with the bad boy of the school and did a 360 in one day. She went from straight A’s and first clarinet to a party girl. After her first pill and sips of beer, her inhibitions disappeared. She partied like everyone else. She married this bad boy very young, and they divorced at 21. She moved to California and got involved with another guy. They drank together with friends. She remarried and tried to clean up her home and life to have a family. Giving up weed was easy, but she struggled relinquishing wine. At 30,
she admitted herself to a treatment center called Schick for a weekend and participated in an intensive outpatient program (IOP). She went to a few AA meetings and was able to stay away from alcohol for four months. When she returned to drinking, her drinking progressed. She was raising her daughter, working and what many would describe as a functioning alcoholic. She drank nightly, but not a lot. Over the years, she made a few attempts to quit, tried counseling and AA again, but nothing was working. She decided to accept it for what it was because she didn’t have the time to do what you must do to quit.
[21:19] What was the tipping point that made you enter treatment?
Susan’s father was an alcoholic, and she watched his drinking become progressive. She knew it could happen to her and didn’t want to become like her father. The rest of her life was healthy. She exercised and ate healthy foods and wondered how long she could continue drinking. She described feeling like two people. She was Miss Goody Two-Shoes during the day and at night she was drinking.
Susan always had faith and knew that God was protecting her but didn’t want to push the limits and hurt others. It took a while after that realization for her to attempt quitting. She had some false starts where she would try but wasn’t ready. When her second grandchild was about to arrive, she knew she had to quit because she was fearful her first granddaughter would associate Mima with wine.
She spoke with her therapist and said she felt therapy was not enough and entered an intense outpatient program because she knew until she had some humility, it wouldn’t work. Her IOP was very diverse and encountered many people with several stories. During IOP she would screw up every week. She admitted it and, on the 19th, she called her sister (who is in recovery) who calmed her down. Her sister mailed her a book called Acceptance* and she hasn’t had a drink since. She described her moment of acceptance, surrender and her daily routine of prayer and meditation.
*(https://www.my12stepstore.com/Acceptance-A-Way-to-Serenity.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwi9-HBhACEiwAPzUhHH_MXOMZLl8LTD-oZE98nSxHE2hhktBhXfpmEifPluupg-Mn8uIruxoCJUgQAvD_BwE)
[31:22] What were the first 90 days like?
Susan described having time to focus on herself. She then took over as the nanny for her grandson and her daughter was able to trust her with the baby. She gradually returned to work with part-time work. At a year after she became sober, she returned to corporate America. It continued to get easier with time. She enjoyed podcasts. Her dog had some health issues yet survived for six months. When he passed, she was tempted to drink, but overcame the temptation. She tries to mix up her recovery with AA meetings, podcasts, and anything to keep it interesting. She loves Café RE because it gives her the flexibility of both worlds (AA and podcasts). She now has a strong desire to help others in recovery. The peace and freedom that comes with recovery has become the best way for her to live, she can’t imagine anything better.
[40:21] What was behind drinking for you?
When looking at fears and resentments, she gained a new perspective. She realized that something else may have been going on in the moment. She learned to stop holding bad feelings and looking deep into the causes of certain things. She uncovers new things regularly. She is accepting, simplifying, and lowering her expectations. It took her years not to want more. She has more work to do and is open to the work.
[40:24] Do you still get cravings?
Susan doesn’t get physical cravings but does have memory triggers. While Christmas shopping last year, the memory of having wine at Christmas came into her head. She did some thinking, played the tape forward and it passed quickly. She does have a fear of dating because she has been single through her recovery. Self-care or “me time” will remain a priority for her to maintain sobriety.
[47:11] What are your rituals in sobriety?
Susan gets up at 5 AM and reads a novel, then does her recovery reading including daily reflections and prayers. She frequently listens to podcasts. She watches to Joel Osteen regularly because he gives her hope that there are good people in this insane world. Susan is a listener in AA meetings, she is an optimist, and she learns from others. She has become a host for AA meetings and wants to give back.
[52:17] Rapid Fire Round
- What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?
Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.
- What has been an unexpected perk along this journey?
Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.
- What would you say to young people who are considering ditching the booze?
Don’t overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated. You have more strength than you realize. Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor. Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.
You might need to say adios to booze if ….
You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.
Odette’s Summary
Odette recently returned from Guadalajara and while she was there, she celebrated her father’s 12th sober birthday. They attended an AA meeting together and she heard him tell his story. She saw herself in his words. We all walk alongside each other. We the same lessons to learn, hurt to heal and joy to find. Seeing her dad as a parent and fellow in recovery was challenging, but she left the meeting hopeful that we are all human, doing the best that we can. Odette is grateful for the Café RE community that helps each other navigate the world, feel understood and gives us a sense of belonging.
Remember you are not alone. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Today’s Sponsor
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
