RE 216: The Unfu*ck Yourself Movement

by Paul Churchill | Apr 8, 2019 | Podcast

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Libby, with 112 days of sobriety, shares her story.

Paul talks about a trend he noticed in the airport bookstore.  Amongst the ’20 best sellers’ there were several books with clear, unambiguous titles.  Our society is collectively starting to wake up and are looking for ways to unf*ck ourselves.  He says that all of these books, including the one he is currently writing, are not fulfilling a trend or a niche, but that it’s a movement.

https://newrepublic.com/article/153153/age-anxiety

Paul recently read an article titled the Age of Anxiety in the New Republic,

According to studies by the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 20 percent of Americans experience an anxiety disorder in a given year; over 30 percent experience an anxiety disorder over the course of their lifetimes. And the rate is rising: The American Psychiatric Association, in a May study drawing from a survey of 1,000 American adults, diagnosed a statistically significant increase in national anxiety since 2017.

But listeners listen closely, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you.  Never has been, never will be. This anxiety is a good thing. This collective state of unrest will eventually show us the way.

This jittery national mood has given rise to what Rebecca Jennings at Vox has dubbed “anxiety consumerism”—the rise of a plethora of products, from fidget spinners to essential-oil sprays, to weighted blankets.  Perhaps the most well-known product to fall into this anxiety consumerism category is alcohol.

Those who struggle with addiction are the trailblazers in the collective unf*ck yourself movement. Not just for those who grapple with addiction to alcohol, but for everyone.

SHOW NOTES

[7:15] Libby how long have you been sober?   

She has been sober since October 23, 2018, giving her 112 days of sobriety.

[7:40] In these last 112 days what is the biggest challenge you’ve encountered? 

She says that the cravings and the obsession to drink in the first couple months was definitely the toughest time.

[9:00] Paul Introduces Libby.

Libby is 32 years old and lives in Louisville, Kentucky.  She is an interior designer and is currently waiting tables at night.  She has been married for 5 years, has no kids, has a dog named Boomerang, and a cat named Brice.  For fun she works out, does crafts, is decorating her house, and enjoys hiking when the weather is nice.

[11:05] Give us a little background about your drinking. 

Libby had her first drink at 15 and throughout high school she drank on the weekends.  By early 20s she was drinking daily, but still highly functional, holding two jobs.  She was coasting by until 2017 when she got fired from a job.  Libby says this is when her drinking ‘got wheels’.

[12:30] What led you to seeking out alcohol to alleviate the pain?

She was fired suddenly, in a hateful way, and she had never gone through anything like that.  She was devastated and started drinking all day.  After a couple of weeks, she was experiencing morning tremors, or shakes, which she had never experienced before.  By the end of 2017 she was drinking in the mornings just to function.  During this time, she tried out AA a couple times and decided she just wasn’t ready.

[14:50] What was it like when you went to the AA meeting?

Before going into her first AA meeting Libby had the shakes so bad that she had to have a shot of alcohol.  She didn’t really have any intention to stop drinking, she just wanted control over it.  She wanted to stop drinking during the day and get control of her life again and just be a functional drinker.  Fast forward to 2018 and she had managed to cut back on her drinking, only drinking at night.  That lasted a couple months.  In April 2018 she found herself drunk at work and went home and told her husband that she needed to get into a treatment program, that drinking had taken control again.

The next day, after drinking, she tried to get into an inpatient treatment program.  The first place turned her away because they didn’t take her insurance, the second place allowed her to stay for 3 days for ‘medical detox’ and then released her due to her insurance as well.  After being dry for 3 days she thought she had things under control, but she picked up right where she left off.

[21:40] Take us through the next steps in your journey.

Not having a day job Libby was able to drink all day.  After about 2 weeks her husband, tired of coming home and finding her drunk on the couch, packed his bags and left.  He called her best friend and told her that Libby was in trouble, but that he didn’t know how to help her.  Her best friend made some phone calls and found a free center, The Healing Place, that would take Libby.  She stayed there for 4 days while she detoxed and went home.  Back at home she stayed sober for 11 days and then again was right back to where she left off.  After showing up at work drunk and hitting what Libby calls her first bottom, she went back to The Healing Place and stayed for 30 days.

[26:35] Take us from when you got out after your 30 days up to your sobriety date. 

After about 74 days of sobriety, meeting with her sponsor and going to 3 AA meetings a day Libby found herself at the liquor store buying a bottle without giving it any thought.  Looking at this as a ‘slip’ she got right back on the wagon and back to her meetings.  Sober for another 46 days she then relapsed, drinking for 6 days straight.  This was her 2nd bottom, this binder ended on October 22, 2018 and she has been sober ever since.

[28:40] How do you look at those ‘relapses’?    

As lessons, she learned that they start in her head first.  Now when her thoughts start going in that direction, she recognizes it and has a new method to deal with it.

[33:15] Why do you think you drank?

She said that in the beginning it was just because she enjoyed it.  During her 20s she had a lot of trauma and it helped her feel better.  Drinking became a habit, then she physically depended on it.

[34:40] Paul and Libby discuss what steps she can take to protect her sobriety while her husband continues to drink. 

[40:55] I’ve seen where sobriety thing is contagious, what are your thoughts on that?

Libby agrees, attraction rather than promotion.

[42:50] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?

She has learned she is a lot stronger than she thought she was.

[43:30] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?

Libby describes her last couple days of drinking.

2. What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

I am going to continue working the AA program and working with my sponsor and I want to eventually help other people stay sober.

3. In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Don’t believe the lies.

4. What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Give AA a shot.

5. You might be an alcoholic if…

You drink mouthwash in the morning to try and get rid of the shakes before work.

A pint of beer takes 15 minutes off your life

https://www.ksbw.com/article/wine-beer-early-death-extra-glass/26532630

For someone in their 40’s every glass of alcohol above the suggested weekly threshold of 5 shortens their life by 15 minutes. Alcohol is shit.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This episode is brought to you in support by Robinhood. Right now, Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com

Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 213: The Most Controversial Word in Recovery

by Paul Churchill | Mar 18, 2019 | Podcast

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Mina, with a sobriety date of May 30, 2017, shares his story.

You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.

Paul discusses the most controversial word he has encountered in AA.  The word is recovered, as in your addiction to alcohol is behind you.  Although recovered is mentioned in the books of AA, after Paul said the word in an AA meeting, he noticed a shift in the energy in the room.  Ty (who has been editing the podcasts for over 150 episodes straight…Thank you Ty!), found the word recovered mentioned over 20 times in The Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve.

So why is the word recovered so controversial?  Is recovered even such a thing?

SHOW NOTES

[10:30] Paul Introduces Mina.

Mina with a sobriety date of May 30, 2017, is 37 years old and is from Stockholm, Sweden.  He is single and has no children.  He is a software engineer.  For fun Mina likes to read, visit museums and exhibitions, and spend time in libraries.

[12:20] Give us a little background about your drinking. 

Mina had his first real drink at the age of 17, it was his first high school party and the first time he blacked out.  From 17 to 25 he was drinking hard.  He was drinking on his own, drinking Friday to Monday.  During those years he didn’t really mix drinks, he would have a couple beers and go straight to vodka or tequila.  After a couple years it was just bottles of vodka or tequila, and he was drinking alone.  After a humiliating experience in 2003 he tried to regulate his drinking for the next 3 years, which did not go well.

In 2007 he decided to move back to South Africa, where his parents were living.  Before leaving his friends threw him a going away party, which ended with Mina waking up in a hospital emergency room and not knowing how he got there.  For the first time he realized he had a drinking problem.  The next 11 years he says he was a textbook dry drunk.

On May 29, 2017 Mina had his last drink.  The following day he walked into an AA meeting, was done fighting, and introduced himself as an alcoholic.

[28:22] How did it feel when you said you were an alcoholic?    

The word itself wasn’t that difficult.  But saying it in front of a group of people, who then clapped, gave him a sense of relief and he started crying.

[32:45] You mentioned that you had the shakes for two weeks after your last day of drinking, what is your take on that?

He says he doesn’t even remember those first two weeks.  He knows he called his AA sponsor a couple times, he took a couple days off work, and that he was doing things to take care of himself.

[35:20] What kept you going during those first two miserable weeks?   

He knew he was going to die if he drank again.

[36:30] What are some of the lessons you learned in the first 30 to 60 days?     

In the first 30 days he had to learn how to be honest about everything. In the first 60 days he had to learn how to trust other people.  Both of these were incredibly hard to do.

[39:48] Share with me how important it is to bring other people on in your recovery.

Mina started telling his closest friends during the time he started to do his amends (AA step 9).  Most of his friends were in shock because he was so good a lying that they had no idea he had a drinking problem.  The friendships became closer after he told them.

[41:30] Why do you think you drank?

There are several reasons.  He drank to feel normal and it helped him to socialize.  When he drank alone drinking was the elixir for everything that was wrong.  He drank because he wanted to die.

[43:50] Is there anything you would have done differently when getting sober?

Mina says he would have listened to his sponsor regarding dating.

[46:00] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?

More spirituality, more service, and working on myself in terms of projects I never did because I was drunk.

2. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

The practice of meditation I one.  Music is another resource.  The third resource is to really work on some deeper issues.

3. In regards to sobriety, what is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be at peace?

4. What parting piece of guidance do you want to give to listeners?

Choose yourself today.

5. You might be an alcoholic if…

You wake up in your own piss and shit after a hard night drinking.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Blinkist

This episode is brought to you in support by Blinkist. Right now, my listeners can try Blinkist for free. Visit blinkist.com/elevator for your seven-day free trial.

Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”

RE 212: The Body Tells us Where to go Next

by Paul Churchill | Mar 11, 2019 | Podcast

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Tricia, with a sobriety date of November 14, 2016, shares her story.

Sometimes we reach a moment in our journey where we say, “what’s next?”.  Paul discusses what he would recommend when you reach this moment.   Do not go ‘seeking’, that reinforces a mind state that we are lacking something.   Instead, listen to the body.  The body is going to tell you where to go next.

SHOW NOTES

[7:30] Paul Introduces Tricia.

Tricia with a sobriety date of November 14, 2016, is 37 years old and lives in Dallas, TX.  Tricia is a chef by trade, a business owner, and has a few side hustles.  She is divorced and does not have kids, but has a ‘manfriend’.  For fun Tricia likes to do crafts and puzzles, and enjoys live music.

[8:40] Give us a little background about your drinking. 

Tricia grew up around alcoholism and addiction.  She had her first drink at 16 years old, getting drunk at a party to get back at a boy who had hurt her.  She says she always drank to get drunk.  Blackouts started in her early twenties and she started to try to moderate by her mid-twenties.   Tricia was always a high achiever and she soon became a high achieving, high functioning, alcoholic.   The hard part was coming to terms with the fact that she had a problem when she was sure everything looked fine from the outside.

[15:10] Did you have a rock bottom moment, or was it an accumulation of many moments?    

Her drinking took a turn for the worse when she got divorced at the age of 34.  She was blacking out every time she drank, waking up with injuries and didn’t know where they came from.  Tricia says at a certain point you can no longer negotiate with alcohol.  After a 3-day physical detox she decided to keep the dry spell going.

[20:22] Why do you think it’s so hard to quit drinking?    

We love to get in our own way.  Alcohol is highly addictive.  Our egos get in the way.

[26:16] What got you from the beginning of your sobriety to where you are now?   

First and foremost, she had an open mind.  Tricia stopped doing what she wanted to do and started doing what other people told her she should do…and she tried everything.  She started attending AA regularly.  She was open and honest, and she started doing the things that were uncomfortable.

[30:20] Is RECOVERED a thing?     

She says it depends.  In Tricia’s opinion, alcoholism isn’t about the alcohol it is about the stuff you are drinking over.  She says you (she) can be recovered from the alcoholism while at the same time not be recovered from the stuff you (she) drank over.

[34:00] With 2 years and 3 months, what are you working on in your recovery now? 

She says she’s in some transition right now.  Being patient with the things that are out of her control is something she is working on, on a personal level.  She is also trying to bring more sober events to the forefront, such as the Sober by Southwest event she is bringing to Austin, TX on March 16th.

[40:00] Paul and Tricia talk about the RE events and her podcast, Recovery Happy Hour. 

[46:00] What are some themes you are seeing in your podcasts?

Grey area drinking is a big one.  People are over the label ‘alcoholic’.  Sober dating is another one.

[53:00] Paul and Tricia talk about how things have changed since the beginning of their sobriety to now. 

[56:20] Rapid Fire Round

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners?

You do not need to be an alcoholic to decide to change your relationship with alcohol.

2. You might be an alcoholic if…

You wake up and you plan your entire day around accommodating your drinking or your hangover.

Upcoming retreats:

Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about these events here

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside.”