by Paul Churchill | Aug 2, 2016 | Early Sobriety, Expectations
So when I think about my mind, I imagine myself paddling a canoe, with the water beneath me as my thoughts. Sometimes it’s a pleasant current underneath a warm sun. Other days, it’s a bit rainy, maybe a few waves, but manageable.
Today, on the other hand, I was getting tossed around tumultuous stormwaters. Lightening was striking, thunder was booming, and my paddles were flailing about in feeble attempt to steer my lurching vessel. It was exhausting.
And, in typical alcoholic fashion, my first instinct was to crawl into a hole. I yearned for isolation. I wanted to be far away from ANYBODY. You know, alone, with all those amazing, self-defeating thoughts of mine!
BUT that was simply not an option tonight! Because for my business I had to be present at one of the biggest community music events and be social. I was dreading it. UGH! MY LIFE, IN SHAMBLES, BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE BUBBLY! WOE IS ME.
So I went. And I saw that wine, and I thought…”Oh, I’ll just start again tomorrow. What’s another Day 1? I’ve already had a rough day and I’ve eaten tons of sugar and I want to feel social.. etc etc excuse excuse.” There I was, wanting to ENHANCE with booze.
But I let the thought come, and then I let it go. I was DETERMINED to PROVE to myself that, yes, I CAN have a BLAST sober.
And guess what? I totally did. It was awesome. Shared some great laughs with old friends. Came to a very profound realization that being present for and connecting with others really helps pull me away from myself (AH-HAH, so THAT’S how AA works!).
After it was all said and done, I drove home, set my stuff on the counter, poured myself a drink of water, went into my room, looked around, and that’s when I realized….
The water beneath my canoe was calm. I could practically see the full moon reflection shimmering on the water’s surface. Couple of frog chirps, even.
I had made it through the storm. I wasn’t sideways anymore. Everything is fine.
Sometimes we just have to trust that this, too, shall pass.
by Paul Churchill | Aug 1, 2016 | Podcast
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Simon, with 15 years of sobriety, shares how he did. Three years ago, Simon started the Hope Rehab Center in Thailand and has been helping people change transform their lives.
I recently read the book “This Naked Mind – Control Alcohol” by Annie Grace and the chapter covering the how the brain worked was fascinating.
Conscious: Aware of something, knowing that something exists or is happening.
Unconscious: The part of the mind a person is not aware of but is a powerful force in controlling behavior.
Consciousness: Being aware of something within oneself. The upper level of mental life that a person is aware of as contrasted with unconscious process.
Warning: This may blow your mind…
- The unconscious mind is responsible for desires.
- Studies show we have two separate thinking systems: the conscious mind and the unconscious mind.
- When we want something to change in our life, we usually make a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a conscious decision.
- The unconscious mind doesn’t always get the memo!
- Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally.
- We are conditioned to think drinking enhances our lives and makes us happy.
- This is why when we want to drink less, our unconscious mind tells us to drink more. [Insert major dilemma here.]
- We have been conditioned to believe in alcohol. To believe that me and some random Captain would make it happen.
- The unconscious mind is not logical. It’s comprised of feelings, experiences and observations. It’s the source of love, jealousy, fear, kindness and sadness.
- When a person makes a decision to quit drinking alcohol, their unconscious mind is never in on that conversation. I have to say, “Gary, pull up a chair, let’s have a chat.”
- Studies dating back to the 1970’s indicate our unconscious mind makes a decision 1/3 of a second faster than our conscious mind.
- The unconscious mind controls the emotions. When someone tells you to stop having a bad day, that never works. But over time, positive reinforcement can work.
- Liminal thinking, which we will get to in later podcast episodes, is how will cover how to converse with the unconscious mind.
- The unconscious mind is formed by beliefs, conclusions, assumptions, experiences and observations. Often, it is far separated from reality which is where the conscious mind lives.
- Our culture of ‘drinking makes everything better’ has been ingrained into our unconscious mind without us ever knowing. One easy way to challenge this, which we often never do, is to look for external validity. For example, bud light makes you a better beach volleyball player. Go to a beach and try to find a real life example if this. It won’t happen!
- We let the unconscious mind determine our thinking because we like certainty. In the conscious mind, there is so much unknown and that is always scary. The unconscious mind is a bubble of safety where we feel comfortable.
- Why did I find it so hard to quit drinking? Well, I knew I wouldn’t have a good time at a social event sober, I knew I wasn’t funny, I knew I wouldn’t be able to chat with girls. I never stood a chance at quitting drinking unless a pain point was strong enough, aka, the bottom.
- We can address this by bringing unconscious experiences, observations, assumptions and conclusions, into conscious thought. We do this through knowledge and practice.
- Before we drank alcohol, we were happy joyous and free, we didn’t miss it.
- The Author Terry Pratchett says, “We need to be able to at any time, accept that fact that we all could be absolute and utterly wrong.”
SHOW NOTES
[ 11:43 ] Paul Introduces Simon
Simon is from the U.K. and now lives in Thailand. Simon has been sober for 15 years. He is 53 and is so grateful to be alive. Simon loves traveling.
[ 12:58 ] What was your bottom? When did you finally decide to stop drinking?
“I think I had many bottoms. Rock bottoms. My absolute rock bottom came when I overdosed as a heroine addict – I woke up alone on my kitchen flow with the syringe still in my arm. My mother was leaving food parcels outside my front door and I realized that my mother would have been the one who found me if I did not wake up. This drove me to get help again. It was a 12-step rehab and I fully embraced it.”
[ 15:22 ] Where did alcohol play a part in all this?
It played a part consistently throughout, often alcohol was the substitute for drugs. “I’m an addict and an alcoholic, but to me they are just words.” The foundation of this 15 years in recovery was in AA. I went to AA seeking some maturity and rigorous direction from a sponsor. My last bottom took me to a place where I was willing to do anything to recover.
[ 17:45 ] On Simon’s Center in Thailand – Hope Rehab Center
It’s a traditional, 12-step rehab center combined with contemporary methods like mindfulness and fitness. We also use CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to address thinking patterns that may be destructive. We do detox for both alcoholic and drug-users.
[ 19:38 ] Mindfulness
It encourages a practice whereby a person doesn’t engage in their thoughts. It’s more about letting go of the thoughts, letting them flow by, clearing the mind. “Being present in the moment.”
[ 21:19 ] How many times have you been to rehab?
“Luckily I got the opportunity to go many times, 12 times, but please understand that a number of times I left very, very quickly. I would run. Demand my possessions. And run. No one could have stopped me. I wouldn’t follow through and then the same old gremlins and demons would come up.”
[ 24:00 ] Paul summarizes the roadmap to recover. One is too many and one thousand is not enough…
[ 28:53 ] What are your success rates at Hope Rehab Center?
This is a very, very serious business. It’s a life and death disease. The people are very passionate, it’s a very high-stress job. ‘We’ are up against big odds. It has to do with personal motivation, the motivation of the client. We are very, very strict and take only highly motivated participants.
[ 36:38 ] What is the stigma like in Thailand?
[ 42:11 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today? Walk me through a day of Simon.
In my early recovery I was a gardener and I went to at least one meeting a day. I knew that I needed to stay real close. I began to mature and then to travel. I continued with self development and participated in the Mankind Project, developing my consciousness and spirituality.
[49:19] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “Waking up on the dock in Athens, Greece with no money, covered in scrapes and bruises, feeling so sick and not knowing how I was going to get back to England.”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “I think I swapped my first car for some drugs.”
- What is your favorite resource in recovery? “It’s a personal choice, but the third step, the spiritual, has made all the difference to me.”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Let it go. Just let it go.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Reach out and accept some help. We can’t do it alone. We need to do it together.”
QUOTABLES
“When you do something mindfully it means focusing your intention solely on a thing.” – Simon
“I cannot afford to do it once. Not once.” – Simon
“Don’t live in ‘No Man’s Land,’ that place where you’re not really happy, but you’re not unhappy enough to do anything about it. Don’t passively accept what comes your way; drive your life toward what you really want.” – Anthony Robbins
Resources Mentioned in this Episode
Connect with Cafe RE
- Cafe RE Meetup in Chicago Oct. 14-16 – If you’d like to join us, head over to Cafe RE!
- For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via meetups, private-unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.
Promo Code: Elevator
Hope Rehab Thailand Center
Hope Rehab Center on Facebook
Mankind Project
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Jul 18, 2016 | Podcast
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In this Episode, Ronnie, with 25 years of sobriety shares how he did it. We also discuss 50 ways to stay sober this summer.
Episode #74 RE with Ronnie Marmo
Ronnie got sober a few times throughout his life, once at age 17 and again at age 20. At age 20, he found himself smoking crack on the sidewalk after 3 years of sobriety… One drink of alcohol was his gateway drug.
Ronnie’s background:
Lives in L.A. and works as an actor and director, running two theater companies. Check out 68 Theatre Company. Ronnie is 45 and married with a dear family… For more information on Ronnie and his work – ronniemarmo.com.
Take us back to age 20…
Was that your bottom?
For me, “I was out of control ever since I started drinking. I always drank and got high in the same way. I was never a social drinker, I had no interest in drinking socially.”
It went something like this – one gallon of vodka, one quart of Yukon Jack, and then I found myself waking up at a sober picnic. My sponsor asked me if I was humble enough… I said yes, and went back to rehab for the 3rd time.
What is it like being sober in your industry?
It’s like anything, many people are sober, once you start talking “our” language. Those who do drink and get high, it’s never an issue, but I tend to gravitate towards people who are sober.
Let’s talk rules: Did you ever try to put rules into place?
“I thought alcohol was a problem, but I didn’t think it was my biggest problem. I constantly negotiated with myself. Normal people don’t hide bottles. Normal people don’t wake up needing a drink.”
People have gone on retreats and think that anxiety is the issue, or depression is the issues, when underneath it is really the alcohol.
Literally, every day of my life I spent my day trying to figure out how to get more booze.
Do you remember your first intensive rehab?
“I hadn’t even seen the STEPS on the wall!”
Now, I have a healthy fear of booze.
Talk to me more about this healthy fear, I’m terrified of this stuff…
When I look at it, it’s rare that I glorify a drink. When I see booze, I get nervous. If I ever take a second to glorify it. I immediately think I could destroy my life. It happens quickly.
That thought is so fleeting, it’s not even an option.
Bill W. and Dr. Bob:
http://theatre68.com/
Playing in north Hollywood, CA
Soon to star in the movie, Back in the Day.
Walk me through a day in your sobriety:
I don’t go to as many meetings as I should, but I never miss my Wednesday home meeting.
If I do these things daily:
If I don’t do these things, life is just harder…
What are your thoughts on relapse:
It’s a weird disease because you have to self-diagnose it. It’s 2:30 in L.A. right now, if I had a drink right now, I’d be smoking crack by 7:30pm… Relapse doesn’t have to happen, but if it does, hopefully you can choose sobriety again quickly.
What would you say to your younger Ronnie:
“The sooner you can get past being so dependent on the drink or the drug the sooner you can get on with your life, doing what you really want to do.”
“No matter where you go or what you do, drink a lot of water and walk slow.”
What’s still on your bucketlist:
- Doing what I love
- Helping others
- Shoot a movie in Italy for a summer…
All these items are attainable with sobriety.
Rapid Fire Round:
1.What was your worst memory from drinking?
Stealing my mother’s pocket book.
2.Did you ever have an oh-shit moment?
I had a spiritual awakening in the courtroom, asking the judge for help. The things that came out of my mouth were nothing that I had intended to say when I walked in.
3.What is your plan for sobriety moving forward?
Keep showing up and trying to be graceful, reaching out to others, and trying my best on a daily basis to stay with a formula that works. Keeping it super simple!
- Favorite resources?
Meetings
- Best advice you’ve ever received?
Drink a lot of water and walk slow
- What parting piece of guidance can you give?
If you are thinking about it (getting sober) and it’s on your mind, there’s a really good chance that you should be doing it. Give it a really strong 90 days.
“You might be an alcoholic if…”
You might be an alcoholic if you steal from someone you love just to get a drink or a drug.
You might be an alcoholic if after 2 years of sobriety you take a drink and later you end up smoking crack.
Connect with Ronnie:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ronnie.marmo
Twitter: @Ronniemo22
50 Ways to stay sober this summer
- Wear sun screen – Lots of sunscreen
- La Croix Soda water. Drink lots of soda water
- Enjoy time in a hot tub / spring or sauna
- Beach trip: The small stream behind your neighbor’s house even has a beach
- Movie Day: The Anonymous People
- Scroll through your phone contacts and call someone you did wrong in the past. Don’t tell them what they did wrong, but what you did wrong
- Binge watch old TV episodes: Prefably not Mad Men, they drink like fish
- Yoga / Meditation
- Create a new sober drink concoction. Watermelon and milk is one I stumbled upon
- Do that fitness thing: Biking, swimming, whiffle ball, golf etc.
- Join a Book Club that actually reads the book
- Adopt-A-Pet, dog, cat, gecko
- Think of the most pressing issue in your life right now… and then write down what your part of it is.
- Go to a museum
- Pinterest – find new recipes or a DIY project on Diypete.com
- Google Mindfulness and what that really means
- Buy a new car; one that you have never drank in
- Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow
- Find something like Jolly Ranchers to subside cravings
- Build a pergola or Sauna at your house
- Gauge your emotional sobriety (in the future) by purposefully removing the staples out of your stapler
- Volunteer – be of service (This is a big one)
- Acceptance is the answer – period
- Take a look in the mirror and observe what you see. Get REal with yourself
- New Hobbies- Painting / Coloring
- Travel – take photos of you wearing your RE shirt
- Fundraise for the Recovery Elevator trip to Peru in April 2017
- Go to an outing wearing a shirt that says something like “sober as shit” so no one offers you a drink
- Listen to the RE Podcast episode 52 – one of my favorites
- Play a good natured joke someone
- Pay for the person’s order behind you – Regardless of what line you find yourself in
- Attend a 12 step meeting on the other side of town that speaks a different language
- Enjoy NA Drinks such as a virgin a piña colada
- Announce to the world you’re an Alcoholic via facebook and become accountable – the results will pleasantly surprise you
- Read page 471 in the big blue book: daily
- Once again, tell yourself acceptance is the answer
- Put your forehead on a baseball bat, spin around 15 times, and give the person closest to you a hug
- Google CBT – Charlie Beta Typhoid
- Jump rope – I’ve never heard of a relapse while jump roping
- We all know someone who should probably think about giving the bottle a rest. Invite them to Dairy Queen for their lunch specials from 11:30pm – 2pm and then take them to an AA meeting. They will most likely thank you later
- Water balloon fight – freezing balloons the night before is optional
- Watch the movie dodgeball with Ben Stiller, and then watch it again
- Third Eye Blind – All of it – #bestbandever
- Check out your local events calendar and go to an event you’re not interested in attending
- Laser Tag
- Take a sober road trip with another sober buddy of at least 100 miles each way. On your way, stop and say hello to me in Bozeman MT
- Get flowers or a gift card for someone you absolutely cannot stand to be around
- Ask yourself if you’re where you want to be in life at this very moment. If the answer is now, ask yourself if you’re willing to something about it
- Sunscreen – wear Lots of sunscreen
- Go get a natural high – sky diving, jump off the high dive at the local pool, go carts etc.
- Don’t Drink
Let me know at info@recoveryelevator.com how many of these you tried this summer!
Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Mar 31, 2016
Frequently Asked Questions Blank Accordion - DO NOT DELETE What does the monthly subscription give me access to? Great question! Members will have access to the exclusive, non-searchable, Facebook group where they can connect daily with other like-minded individuals...
by Paul Churchill | Mar 28, 2016 | Podcast
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Matt from California shares how he has made it over 5 years sober. He went to seek treatment for PTSD and realized he was also an alcoholic.
In this episode I discuss the not so smooth transition from a free community to a paid community. Below is is the post I placed in the group trying to clarify the point of the transition.
“I woke up this morning and binge listened to the Recovery Elevator podcast, and later that day I went to my very first AA meeting/Told my spouse/reached out for help…” I have received probably 75 of these messages…. Recovery Elevator is not about me, it’s not about the people in this group, it’s about the people who are still struggling.
I’ll be the first one to admit, I am flawed. I am far from perfect. I am fully aware I have made several mistakes and (“spoiler alert”) I will make many more mistakes moving forward. I think my biggest mistake thus far is not being able to communicate my vision for Recovery Elevator and why this transition is taking place. Sure it’s about sustainability, and the time commitment is not feasible over time. However, our #1 goal, the mission, the force that continues to find the RE team at the same coffee shop every Friday morning at 7am for almost a year now is to shred the shame. Does that sound familiar? What that means in one word is Stigma.
The stigma surrounding this disease is just as lethal if not more potent than alcohol itself. It was this stigma that led me to a failed suicide attempt in the summer of 2014. I hated myself for not being able to drink like a normal person and was ashamed. I was even more upset when the suicide attempt didn’t work. I woke up that morning pissed off and angry. I wasn’t happy to be taking in precious breaths of air with a new outlook on my 2nd chance on life. I was devastated I had to keep on living my life of misery from the disease. Can anyone think of another disease where we let ourselves and loved ones get to the most critical point before treatment or help arrives? Many times, that assistance arrives at a car crash when it’s too late (my friend in 2006) and our friends don’t get a second chance. Why do alcoholic bottoms have to be so low???? The Stigma.
A gentlemen, who removed himself from the group (We didn’t), brought up some great points last night and I’m very glad he did. Before this message goes any further, I want to remind people that I have stated multiple times that Recovery Elevator is not affiliated with any 12 step or other recovery programs in particular Alcoholics Anonymous. I am just about to complete my own 12 steps and I plan on passing on that “service” with a sponsee when I finish. This person mentions RE is preying on people with monetization goals. It doesn’t any ivy league business degree to make that connection. If I want a fighting chance at battling this stigma, I am going to need resources.
This may come as a surprise, but I’m definitely not the first one to prey on alcoholics and here are some examples: Budweiser, Miller, Coors, Pabst, Jose Cuervo, Jack Daniels, Crown Royal, Smirnoff, Boones, Corona, rehab facilities, and many more are also targeting alcoholics. Battling the the stigma with resources will be tough, but shredding the shame with a cash flow of -$200 a month is a near insurmountable task. Think of the monthly fee going to the struggling alcoholic and not Recovery Elevator. Perhaps in 2014, if I saw a Recovery Elevator sponsored Facebook ad instead of a Bud Light Lime ad, I wouldn’t have bolted to a liquor store before they closed at 2:00 AM. A profitable sober travel company? I must be missing something, is there anything wrong with that? When I was 24, I went on what seemed to be a very profitable, packed booze cruise in Cabo, Mexico, and my actions on that boat were probably more shameful than trying create a sustainable operation which provides services to people like myself. I personally would have loved to go on sober adventure travel. Imagine being on an airplane and in the in flight magazine you see an add for a 7 day sober trip through the Grand Canyon. Am I supposed to not create a sober travel company due to traditions Recovery Elevator has never aligned themselves with?
In my opinion, I wish the market was already saturated with Sober Travel companies, but unfortunately it’s not. Take a guess anyone why? The stigma. Look at the monthly fee as a fund for a common goal or the passing of the basket. I will not be getting rich off this, but for imaginative purposes, what if I did?? What if I became as rich as Bill Gates and I was open and proud about being an alcoholic. What if I even donated millions of dollars to recovery organizations. Does it really matter if I get rich or not doing this?
This is my last post about this transition because my time needs to be spent trying to reach struggling alcoholics and not on people who are making the stigma even more inflammatory. I am going to give you a choice to make the transition at whatever price you would like, $1, $5, $8 or $10. If you have already signed up at $5 and would like to change to $1 per month, then email me at info@recoveryelevator.com and I will make the change. If you do have negative comments, call me personally at 970-376-7558 and we can chat about why a Sober Travel ad during the Super Bowl is such a terrible and shameful thing.
Don’t isolate yourself and join the discussion in the Recovery Elevator Private Forum.
Come join the ultimate Recovery Elevator meet-up in Peru where we will be volunteering at orphanages with Peruvian Hearts, working with local alcoholics, and why not hike the 38 mile Inca Trail to Machu Picchu while were down there!
