by Paul Churchill | Jul 3, 2017 | Podcast
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Garrett, with 16 days since his last drink, shares his story
SHOW NOTES
[ 9:15 ] Paul Introduces Garrett. I’ve had stretches of sobriety, I had 14 months, and I’ve had 3 years. I live in Southern California, in Santa Clarita. I work in outside sales, which is a non-structured job perfect for an alcoholic with hangovers. I’m 43, married, like going to Dodger Games. I have 2 kids, 1 in high school, and one in junior high.
[10:45] Paul– What was the impotence behind you quitting alcohol for 3 years, and then for 14 months?
Garrett- The hangovers for me are the body’s way of saying you’ve put a bunch of poison willingly in your body, and this is the result of it. I would be laid out for a full day. Thinking in the moment there is no possible way this could happen again. The feeling in my stomach, I can’t move, or get out of the bed until 4:00 or 5:00 in the evening. One of those times I stopped for 3 years, didn’t go to any program. I lost weight, and started drinking again without any reason. I would romanticize drinking, and once I got the buzz, there was no way I could stop now. I would have to drink to continue with only a short window of feeling good. The cost of that was being completely laid out the entire next day.
[13:35] Paul– What was it like when you first drank after 3 years? Do you remember the first night? Did you pick up right where you left off?
Garrett– No, not really. It was a gradual thing, a slow buildup. My elevator is kind of chaotic; it’s like the elevator at the tower of terror at Disney world. At that point it was gradual. I would wait for people to go to sleep, get a six-pack, and when that was gone, drunk drive to the liquor store and buy some more. I would start with a bottle of wine, then I would go back to the store for tall boys. I don’t know how many I would buy, but I would wake out, the room would start completely shaking, I would close my eyes, and that would be it.
[15:45] Paul- Garrett you mentioned a word earlier that I would like to explore- Fascinating. You would tell yourself I’m only having a couple, but then just game on. Can you tell me more about that fascinating part for you?
Garrett- It was complete and total amnesia every single time. Forgetting the hangovers. The amount of times I would lose not doing the things I wanted to do because I would be hung-over. Because I’m not a bum in the street, I didn’t feel I was a true alcoholic.
[19:30] Paul- Was there a rock bottom moment 16 days ago? How come you quit drinking?
Garrett- It wasn’t a single rock bottom. I have season tickets for the Dodgers. If there was ever a sport made for sitting and drinking beer it is baseball. The beer vendor at the stadium recognized me; I would have to go different vendors because I was embarrassed. The drunk driving home from the games, then going to bars, then drunk driving home again. I dented the garage with my car, and realized with a moment of clarity that this sh#t has got to stop.
[22: 01] Paul– Before I hit the record button you mentioned you felt like you were ping ponging back and forth between: Am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? Tell us more about that.
Garrett- It was a stretch of a few days where I would just continually have a few days (of sobriety), and then I would be like “I’m not” because I would have a few days and that proves it. The hangover goes away and I would think I’m not (an alcoholic) again.
[ 24:00] Paul– Is it harder this time around, do you remember?
Garrett– This time I’ve got 16 days. I’m trying to arm myself with some resources. I’m in a Pink Cloud at the moment. History does repeat itself, and I have a plan to address what I know is going to start coming down the road. The key thing is accountability. I never had accountability with another person. I think if I were not anonymous, I wouldn’t have taken that first drink on the New Port Harbor cruise after 14 months of sobriety.
[27:57] Paul– You mentioned you had a bad experience with AA, tell me more about that.
Garrett– I was raised Christian evangelical, about 10 years ago I broke with that, and I am an atheist now. I saw a lot of the judgment, dogma and there was trust that was broken in AA. That combined with the God thing I’m still wrestling with. I need to focus on the positive. I’m ready to explore going back to AA, maybe a different meeting time.
[30:14] Paul– With 16 days of sobriety, what have you learned most about yourself?
Garrett– This time around is more of a sense of inner peace. What I’m realizing now is that I don’t have to keep living the way I was living. There’s no reason I have to pick up a drink again. My life does not have to be how it’s been. I’m choosing not to drink. When cravings strike, I’ve been setting a timer on my apple watch to allow the 20 minutes to pass.
[34:10] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Waking up and having to tell my wife that I was too hung-over to go down to my mom’s house for Easter. Then spending the entire day in a state of despair.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Back in college when I just got too hung-over and missed a final. That was the first “oh-shit” moment.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward? Accountability. Reaching out and talking to other alcoholics, and seeking ways to help each other.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Podcasts, Recovery Elevator, and the big book on my kindle.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? You don’t ever have to drink again if you don’t want to.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you were thinking about getting sober… I would say: Do it, you’ll never feel better.
- You might be an alcoholic if: Every night after you down many many bottles of beer, that you put those bottles of beer in a trash bag, put them in your trunk, and then the next morning drive them to a dumpster so that your wife doesn’t find out that there were all these empty bottles of beer in the trash can.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Recovery Elevator Retreat
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 5, 2017 | Podcast
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Jason, with 4 years since his last drink, shares his story…………….
Sign up now, there are only 3 spots left for the RE Retreat in Bozeman, MT (www.recoveryelevator.com)
Paul reviews the GQ interview with Brad Pitt. Pitt states that he was boozing too much and learned that either you deny your feelings and stay where you are or you feel the feelings and evolve. He did not want to live that way anymore. Pitt is learning to accept the things about himself that he does not like.
SHOW NOTES
[9:13] Paul Introduces Jason
Jason – I have been sober for 4 years and live in Big Sky, MT. I am a firefighter/paramedic and enjoy outdoor activities.
[11:10] How did you meet your wife?
Jason – I had walked into a bar in the middle of a scuffle. My “soon to be” wife was on the ground and bleeding from her head. I felt the need to come to her rescue. We have been married for 9 years now.
[13:45] When did you realize that you had a problem?
Jason – I did not know I had a problem because all of my family were heavy drinkers. One night I went out with friends and drank very heavily and then drove home. The next morning I had the worst hangover of my life. I really thought I was having a medical emergency, I felt so bad.
[16:46] What were your drinking habits like?
Jason – For the last 10 years, I would get off of work and start drinking. I would spend the last 2 days of my days off sobering up. We had lots of house parties where there was plenty of drinking. My wife and I would also take yearly sailing excursions. They would turn into 2 weeks of binge drinking.
[19:48] How did you get sober?
Jason – I reached out to a family friend who has been sober for 42 years. At first I did not want to go any meetings but I had wanted my wife to stop drinking so we both ended up going to a meeting. The meeting was a total mix of people and completely changed my life.
[23:59] How do you remain sober?
Jason – I go to AA meetings. In early sobriety, I would just show up at meetings and listen. Currently, I stay very involved with my sober community. I also send out daily recovery related e-mails. It helps me stay accountable. If anyone else would like to be added to this e-mail list, send Jason and e-mail (jgras@sailingscubeadventures.com)
[29:52] Paul and Jason discuss being a grateful alcoholic
Jason – I have learned to be grateful and humble. The program has allowed me to change. It has been a journey through self-restoration.
[31:51] Paul and Jason discuss Sober Scuba Sailing Tours
Jason – My wife and I thought it would be a great idea to offer sober sailing excursions. We are organizing a trip in June. For more information on future trips, go to www.sailingscubaadventures.com and send Jason a message.
[39:42] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? that horrible hangover that made me feel like I was having a medical emergency
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? when my hangovers would last for days
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? the Big Book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Tony Robbins “I’m Not Your Guru”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? make your bed every morning, the miracle will happen
- You might be an alcoholic if…..you see a half full cocktail and think, “Now that’s alcohol abuse;” then you finish it yourself
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Recovery Elevator Retreat
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Jason’s e-mail = jgras@sailingscubaadventures.com
www.sailingscubaadventures.com
Tony Robbins – I am Not Your Guru (available on DVD and Netflix)
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Hold on tight as we follow Paul’s journey coming off his anti-depression meds. Good luck Paul!
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 10, 2017 | Podcast
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Heath, with 40 days since his last drink, shares his story…..
*****Please review the RE podcast in iTunes*****
Can we taper off alcohol? It is nearly impossible to cut back on alcohol because it is so addictive. Our own addictive mind lies to us and tells us that we can cut back. In all of the interviews done on the Recovery Elevator podcast, there has not been 1 interviewee who claimed they were able to moderate. If you have, send a message to info@recoveryelevator.com. Paul would love to interview you!
What happens when we try to taper down our alcohol consumption? Each day gets more painful than the last as we try to limit our drinks. We often try to implement rules to control ourselves but these never last. The question to ask yourself is, “Where does alcohol stand on your priority list?”
SHOW NOTES
[10:00] Paul Introduces Heath.
Heath – I am 40 days sober, live in Atlanta and am 41 years old. I enjoy running, working out and spending time with my 9 year old daughter.
[11:14] When did you realize that you had a problem?
Heath – I knew that I had a problem all of my life. The last few years I have been trying to get sober. I finally wanted to get sober for myself.
[12:19] Did you ever put any rules in place?
Heath – I could not drink around my wife so I needed to keep my drinking limited to 9-5. I would occasionally go without drinking for a few weeks. Being self-employed made it difficult to remain sober. I turned to marijuana and Xanax to try and get through the day. Once the Xanax ran out, I went back to drinking.
[16:19] Did you hit a rock bottom?
Heath – I had multiple accidents where I totaled cars but this time nothing big actually happened. I thought to myself that either I have to deal with this now or deal with it later.
[17:31] How did you do it?
Heath – I kept very busy the first week of sobriety. Exercise was super important and I started running every day. I also go to SMART meetings. I want to be prepared once the pink cloud dissipates. When I go to SMART meetings, I try to look for similarities. When I see that someone has relapsed, I immediately think that I do not want that to be me.
[24:23] How have your relationships changed?
Heath – I no longer carry any guilt. My wife is still skeptical that I have quit for good but my daughter is super thrilled that I am sober.
[25:30] How have your cravings been?
Heath – When I first got a craving I raced right to the gym. 45 minutes on the elliptical machine stopped that craving. Exercise releases the endorphins I need.
[27:36] What have you learned about yourself?
Heath – I am not as anxious as I thought I was. Once I got off the booze and Xanax, I was more relaxed than I had been before.
[30:00] What have you accomplished in sobriety?
Heath – I still feel very humble in sobriety. I am looking forward to getting my relationship back with my wife and possibly starting to save some money.
[ ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? seeing the disappointment in my wife’s eyes
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? Continuous moments!!
- What’s your plan moving forward? SMART meetings, exercise
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? SMART meetings and exercise
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? Your drinking problem is never going to go away. You are going to have to deal with it.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? do not give up trying, your chances of recovering go up the more you try
- You might be an alcoholic if….you use a sobriety app to keep you sober
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Recovery Elevator Retreat
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Annie Grace “This Naked Mind” video course. Find it at www.recoveryelevator.com/annie. Enter promo code elevator50 to receive $50 off
AALRM = Run for recovery in Bozeman, MT on 5/20/17. Sign up link below: https://runsignup.com/Race/MT/Bozeman/AALRMRunforRecovery
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Feb 27, 2017 | Podcast
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Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Henk, 5 years sober, shares his story…..
How do most people get sober? We all assume that it is through rehab or 12 step programs and that your odds are slim if you try to do it on your own (www.addiction.com). During the 1980’s an idea was promoted that the only way you could get and stay sober was through rehab programs or AA. However, a study that followed problem drinkers from 2001-2005 showed that 85% of these drinkers got sober without any outside help (a phenomenon known as spontaneous or natural remission recovery). It should be noted that the majority of these people still had strong support systems at home and in their community.
SHOW NOTEs
[ 7:53 ] How long have you been sober?
Henk – I have been sober since Sept 13, 2010. I am originally from Holland but now live in Thailand where I for work for Hope Rehab. I also love to ride motor bikes.
[ 9:30 ] When did you realize that you had a problem?
Henk – I have been in and out of various treatment facilities since I was 23. At the age of 13, I began drinking and using drugs. This quickly escalated into selling drugs at the age of 15. By the time I turned 30, I had been in 5 long term treatment programs. They did not work because I did not want to stop drinking, I just wanted the problems to stop.
[ 11:15 ] Do you think that alcohol is the gateway drink?
Henk – Yes, when I drank I became a completely different person. We believe that it is more alcohol than marijuana that leads to destructive behavior.
[ 12:29 ] Paul and Henk discuss what lead him to finally seek treatment
Henk – My family did not want anything to do with me anymore. I had racked up high debts and I could not even take care of myself. I was living in dilapidated conditions. I finally realized that you cannot run away from what is in your head. You cannot drink those thoughts away.
[ 13:37 ] What was the biggest difference between your last 2 rehabs?
Henk – I had lost everything and was mentally and physically dying. I decided that I could not go back to that kind of life.
[ 15:00 ] Paul and Henk discuss the “gift” of desperation
Henk – The gift of desperation is very painful but it helped get me clean. It made me realize what I had done to myself.
[ 16:32 ] Paul and Henk discuss the value of a fishing rod
Henk – Right after leaving treatment, I found that I had no hobbies and no friends. I had to find some type of higher power and since I had a love of nature, I decided to buy a fishing pole. Anytime I was bored, angry, and lonely or upset, I would go to the canal and sit with my fishing pole. I would feel the wind and watch the water move. It really helped settle my mind. I also bought a pair of running shoes and began running. It was time to move forward.
[ 21:47 ] Paul and Henk discuss the classroom exercise he observed while visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand
Henk – I try to make the patients understand that work is needed if you want to remain sober. Relapse rates are very high and I try to stress the importance of putting in the effort. You want to remain sober? You’ve got to do the work.
[ 25:20 ] How are you staying sober now?
Henk – My sobriety is still my #1 priority. I have a sponsor and still go to meetings, especially when I travel. Since I work in a rehab facility, I am constantly seeing new comers. It helps remind me that addiction is so painful. When I reached 1 year of sobriety myself, I had tears running down my face because I could not believe that I had done it!
[ 27:50] What are your thoughts on relapse?
Henk – Relapse is a sign of some type of reservation in recovery. As alcoholics, we can think of a million reasons to drink. Nothing that happens to you justifies a relapse. Drinking only makes it worse.
[ 30:39 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? Sitting by myself at Christmas one year. My life was a mess, my girlfriend had just left me and no one wanted anything to do with me.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? When I crashed my scooter in front of all of my friends
- What’s your plan moving forward? Right now I am feeling very stable and calm in my recovery. It helps that I love where I work.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? Intherooms.com, meetings, and the book Living Sober
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Stop being a dick Henk!” and “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? The best thing you can do for yourself is get sober. I used to think that my life would be over if I could no longer party. Life has only just begun for me since I got sober.
- You might be an alcoholic if………you think alcohol is the solution
Resources mentioned in this episode:
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Feb 6, 2017 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Shane with 3 days since his last drink, shares his story…..
Paul starts the show off by listing his reasons for quitting drinking:
- I wake up eager to start the day
- I’m not lying to myself anymore
- Because It’s a progressive disease and I know the pain and misery that awaits
- I do not have a beer gut anymore
- THIQ was being deposited into my brain after every binge drinking episode which made it harder and harder to stop
- I do not want to get dumber. I want to get smarter.
- Most alcohol tastes like moldy tootsie rolls
- I was sick of telling myself “One day we are going to ________”
- Alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs in the world and it kills more people than any other drug combined
- I was failing as a dog owner… big time
- I do not wonder if I have Alzheimer’s anymore
- Because alcohol is shit, total and complete shit
- Money is neat, and I have a lot more of it now
- I do not black out anymore, I’m only on this planet once and I don’t want to miss a thing
- I haven’t had a serious physical injury since stopping drinking. That would be a torn hip flexor doing Limbo in 2012. No joke
- No more black eyes
- Sometimes I feel “High on Life”
- A diet based on calories from alcohol doesn’t work. I’ve tried it
- I put an Altoids in my mouth because I like the taste, not to mask the vodka on my breath
- No more cavities – In those blackouts, brushing my teeth wasn’t a priority for some reason
- My face no longer looks like a swollen pumpkin
- I quit because one day I would like to share my life with a very special person. Slim to no chance of that happening before
- My standard poodle Ben looked at me to go play on a beautiful summer day in 2014 and I was drunk in bed at 3pm on a sunny afternoon. Those eyes broke my heart. Ben, I am so sorry
- Alcohol was my best friend and it turned on me
- I couldn’t stop drinking once I started
- I found I needed more and more alcohol to obtain the same effect
- I quit drinking because I heard the Brave Heart soundtrack for 3 weeks straight – When it wasn’t playing, it was in my head
- I wasn’t free
- Alcohol determined where I worked, who I hung out with, when I went to bed and when I woke up
- Music didn’t look like much of anything
- I want to look at myself in the mirror in the morning and say “Hey, I know that guy!”
- I do not want to go to rehab, but if I do, I’m going to Thailand
- I want to stop living a life of life or death. I would probably commit suicide within 5 years and I’m not really living.
- It’s been 8 years since I got a black eye at a bar… by a girl
- Girls like me now-well more than when I was talking to them cross eyed and blacked out
- I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
- My body doesn’t randomly ache anymore
- My right elbow hurt when I swam for about 7 years. Not anymore
- I can now run a 7:30 mile – three of them in a row actually
- I do not want a DUI… okay another one
- Alcohol is shit. Did I mention that already?
- I saw Guns and Roses in Bolivia and remembered it. I saw 311 at Red Rocks and do not remember any of it. I’d like to remember concerts in the future.
- I wanted to stop blaming others for my problems
- Ulcers are painful, and I’ve got a several ulcers due to a compromised immune system
- I do not want to go to jail… okay go to jail again
- Shovels give me blisters, so I decided to quit digging… See what I did there?
- I’m AHDH and being in the moment is something I struggle with, now I’ve got a shot
- My parents just retired and I can fully be there for their golden years
- Alcohol wasn’t cheap. Per the Recovery Elevator tracker app I’ve saved $11,867
- I’ve learned to get to it, you need to go through it. Today, I feel uncomfortable feelings at face value and lean into them instead of jam them into a box only to have them explode and an inopportune moment, like my best friends bachelor party
- My stomach hurt from laughing 4 times 2016; from 2007-20014 that number was zero
- This is going to sound lame but it’s the truth. At about 6 months without a drink, the childhood feeling that I can do anything I put my mind to had returned… and is still here… watch out stigma
- I don’t want to kill myself anymore. That’s pretty cool eh?
- I watch my favorite episodes on TV instead of being the lead actor in the drunken episodes
- I can play 4 Third Eye Blind Songs on the Guitar. Okay, 3.5
- Stars. Holy shit. Have they always been there and so bright?
- It is liberating to not need a mind altering substance at social functions
- Depression and anxiety are unpleasant feelings. They still lurk around at times, but not for nearly as long nor as thick
- Turns out I do not suck at kickball or dodgeball. I was too drunk to kick or dodge the ball
- Being a business owner overseeing a staff of 22 is easier without a splitting headache
- In sobriety, I’m learning that that guy Bob was on to something and everything is gonna be alright – Hey Mon!
- Problems pertaining to money have pretty much dissolved
- Anxiety = 98% better now
- Shirley Temples, I have rediscovered, are the best drink known to mankind
- The people that I surround myself with are my true friends, not drinking friends
- Binge drinking in airport stalls and then throwing up in the boarding line was miserable.
- I want to enjoy 100% of my vacations, instead of around 30-40%
- I still get depressed, but no longer than a couple days. Before, it would be for weeks/months.
- Because today is the best chance I have at staying sober.
SHOW NOTES
[ 8:58 ] Paul Introduces Shane. When was your last drink?
Shane – My last drink was on Christmas day (which was 3 days ago at the time of this interview). These past 3 days have been tough. I’ve been doing a lot of sweating.
[ 11:00 ] When did you first realize that you had a problem?
Shane – I received my first DWI when I was 18. That was my first time in jail and it was horrible. When I first starting drinking I thought I had found my soul mate.
[ 13:08 ] Tell us a little about yourself.
Shane – I am 32 years old and from California. I like to play tennis, golf and travel. I like to do anything outdoors. Booze took away the fun I used to have in these activities.
[ 14:26 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?
Shane – You name the rule and I have tried it! I tried to limit myself to specific types of alcohol but would always forget the rule once I started drinking. The best rule you should remember is to just not drink.
[ 17:50 ] What is so different now?
Shane – I did not chicken out when I thought of calling Paul. I try to live in the moment and stay busy. I also try not think too far into the future.
[ 19:45 ] What was your bottom?
Shane – 1 bottom was that I was mentally draining my family constantly. Other bottoms were all of the 4 times I ended up in jail. I was basically blacking out my entire life. Alcohol made me feel like I was going crazy.
[ 24:40 ] You have mentioned a few times how bad going to jail was. Whose fault was it that jail was so bad?
Shane – It was my fault that I had ended up in there. But the guards were really harsh. The other inmates were fine
[ 25:40 ] What have you lost to alcohol?
Shane – I’ve lost many days of my life and plenty of girlfriends
[ 26:40 ] What happened this past Christmas day that made you want to stop drinking?
Shane – I’ve wanted to stop drinking for years. It had just become too exhausting to continue
[ 28:50 ] How have you gotten 3 days so far?
Shane – Right now I do not feel like I am white knuckling it. I am not going to AA. I’ve had bad experiences with church in the past and AA has too much religion in it. Praying to a higher power does not work for me.
[ 31:53 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s your plan moving forward? Staying busy, listening to podcasts and U-Tube videos on recovery
- What was your worst memory from drinking? I was punched in the face by a girl
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The support of family and friends
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? If you are comfortable than you are not growing, do not become stagnant water
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Do not give up on yourself. Be true to yourself. There is hope.
- You might be an alcoholic if……. you wake up with pee in your pants and you are not sure if it’s yours!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
www.alcoholmastery.com (by Kevin O’Hara)
Recovery Elevator Retreat
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”