by Kris Oyen | Jul 25, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 388 – Identity
Today we have Liz. She is 55, from Bend, OR, and has been sober for five months.
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Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20
Highlights from Kris
After returning from a trip to DC, Kris realized that connecting his identity to his accomplishments is something he left behind. Presenting his achievements as a “Who I Am” was typical for Kris when he was in active addiction. Kris hoped that showing others the good in him might help him to see the good in himself. Approval seeking was directly linked to his self-worth and what others thought of him. This created conflict because Kris felt like he was leading a double life: the list of accomplishments he shared with others and the poor self-esteem that felt more like the “real Kris.”
Ultimately, Kris hit a tipping point that led to his recovery. During those early days, he identified with the bad things he had done while drinking. With treatment, counseling, and spiritual support, Kris learned that he was responsible for his harmful behavior but eventually realized that what he did wasn’t who he was. He had to clean up, but he gained clarity on what he did vs. who he is.
Kris found a new identity in recovery. The greater good prevails, and instead of looking for an atta boy, he tries to connect to how he can be part of something bigger.
Kris asks listeners where they find their identity? Does it bring you peace? Can you make shifts in your identity without shame?
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[10:45] Liz has been sober for five months. She is from California, has two dogs, works for a healthcare start-up, and enjoys entertaining, cooking, gardening, and music.
Alcohol was part of Liz’s life from an early age. She described a lot of drama and trauma in her childhood. She developed a fear of drinking while observing her parent’s drinking.
Liz and Kris talked about the behaviors we develop in childhood because of trauma and learning to give yourself grace as you reconcile those behaviors and learn healthier ones. They discussed how shame doesn’t support your recovery. They also talked about surrender being an essential step in recovering yourself.
Liz relies on Recovery Elevator and Café RE, meditation, self-care, recovery tools, and community to support her sobriety.
Kris’s Summary
Kris talks about embracing challenges and turning them around to support the greater good. Move forward with grace, love and encouragement. Learn to love yourself and share that love with others. If you feel stuck in your story, know you are not alone. Keep it simple and focus on the next right here. We are here for you.
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Recovery Elevator-
You’re the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jul 18, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 387 – Why Some Make it, and Some Don’t
Today we have Becca. She is 43, from Montana, and took her last drink on September 18, 2017.
Sober Travel Update – Costa Rica 2023. Stay tuned for dates. www.recoveryelevator.com/events
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20
Highlights from Paul
Paul believes that taking responsibility for your drinking or choosing not to be a victim increases your likelihood of “making it” L.” listening to this podcast means that you are open to new ideas, pathways, resources, and a new outlook on life. Paul suggests telling yourself that you will make it or are already there. Awareness that you have a drinking problem is the beginning, then ownership of the solution.
Paul believes a drinking problem is an invitation to a new life. Never quit quitting. Paul says yes, you are going to make it. You are already making it.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:07] Becca has been sober for nearly five years. Becca worked for 18 years as a chef/bartender. She rescues dogs, loves art, and reading. She went from food addiction to alcohol in her early twenties. She had a gastric bypass in 2005. She pre-gamed a bottle of booze before going out with her friends. She was able to lose 268 pounds and kept it off, but she was able to drink a lot of alcohol.
Becca describes several signs on the way to quitting drinking. She eventually went to Great Falls for inpatient treatment. After 17 years of constant drinking, the strict rehab included a lot of self-discoveries, and she had to earn privileges. The physical withdrawal was difficult because she was having seizures. Becca transitioned over to sober living. Shame was part of her inner dialogue. After eight months of sober living, she began working out. She opened her first business.
Becca’s life is so much better. She would rather be involved in a national disaster than go back to her rock bottom with alcohol. Recovery isn’t black and white. Routine is important, but she has learned to embrace the challenges that come with everyday life. She can hear the birds and the river in ways she hadn’t before.
Daily reflections, post-it reminders, journaling, embracing nature, equine therapy, and surrounding herself with healthy support have been critical to maintaining sobriety. At five months sober, Becca was able to testify against someone who beat her up. She moved to Gardiner, MT, and fell in love with the area.
She studied coffee, created her own coffee recipe, and is proud to serve the best coffee on earth. She has strained out the things she no longer needs. Check out Bear’s Brew in Gardiner, MT, if you head to Yellowstone.
Paul’s Summary
Paul hates the term “making it” and knows that comparison is a trap. Internal goals can be problematic because of the ego. The gifts of recovery include: being present, enjoying the moments, and knowing that you have already made it. All pathways lead the way home. Paul embraces problems and tries to heed the lessons that come with them.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator-
Go big because eventually, we all go home.
I love you guys.
by Paul Churchill | Jul 7, 2022
THIS TRIP IS FULL - NEXT TRIP 2024 Hola alcohol-free traveler! This trip is the ultimate combination of alcohol-free travel and retreat. This action-packed tour of Costa Rica’s highlights is perfect if you love nature and being outdoors. At Recovery Elevator we...
by Kris Oyen | Jul 4, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 385 – You’re Free
Today we have Steve. He is 34, from Boston, MA, and took his last drink on February 18, 2021.
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Bozeman Retreat
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Service Project
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Bozeman Retreat: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman/
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Highlights from Paul
An elementary view of freedom is free will or doing what you want. A more rewarding form of freedom includes commitments, discipline, and boundaries for extended periods. Freedom also includes sleep, routine, forgiveness, being present, being of service, overcoming fear, and adding value. Freedom gives you choices; the most important choice is to be your authentic self.
[8:40] Steve has been sober for over a year. Steve’s parents were born in El Salvatore, and Steve is first generation American. In college, he stumbled upon neuroscience. He enjoys running, boxing and music. A classmate passed, and the grief and mystery around his death felt impossible to process at the time. Alcohol put noise cancellation on his thoughts, his anxiety, and the reality of death. Steve never grieved. Over the years, his drinking progressed from weekends to weekdays to whenever he wasn’t working. He learned quickly he couldn’t have 1-2 drinks. Moderation didn’t work. Last year on his birthday, he drank to excess in front of his parents, siblings, and partner. He resolved you quit drinking. You get to keep everything else or give up everything and keep drinking.
Steve attempted moderation. Eventually, he went to therapy to learn how to navigate his feelings, anxiety, and urge to drink. He realized he had a family history of alcohol abuse and anxiety. On a particularly bad day, his friends expressed concern and suggested some things to explore. After his first Café Re meeting, Steve felt more comfortable with his thoughts; that was his Day 1. The RE community gave Steve the push he needed. Listening to others, he felt accepted, nourished, and supported. He described never feeling more human and letting vulnerability take center stage. Day count fell aside, and it became “no matter what.”
Steve’s non-negotiables started with not letting alcohol influence his work. Now it’s about being present and letting life happen.
Paul’s Summary
Declare freedom over alcohol. Never quit quitting.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
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Recovery Elevator –go big because eventually, we all go home.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | May 30, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 380– What is Sober?
Recovery Elevator is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Today we have Shrene. She is 46, from Arizona, and took her last drink on September 10, 2019
AF Photography Class for beginners will start in August. Details to follow.
AF Ukelele Course #2 starts in June.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20
Highlights from Paul
Paul talks about the word sober. For this podcast, sober refers to alcohol, because alcohol is what got Paul behind the microphone to launch Recovery Elevator. Paul suggests not getting too attached to any idea of what sober looks like. It’s not about the substance, but the freedom you have from the substance. Try not to judge others for their definition of sober, because it’s rarely black and white. When you judge others, you judge yourself and create separation. Defining sobriety can be a fool’s errand.
Sobriety is living authentically. Sobriety is not being a slave, to a substance, behavior, or action. Sobriety is living your life how you want to live, living with a connected head and heart, recognizing beauty, art, sunsets, a different vibration.
Sobriety is hope, taking off the chains, meeting yourself, a manageable life.
Sobriety is “downgrading additions.” Sarah Hepola – Blackout https://www.amazon.com/Blackout-Remembering-Things-Drank-Forget/dp/1455554588
If you remove alcohol and aren’t ready to say goodbye to everything else, go slow, take your time, and listen to your body. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and there is no generally accepted definition of sobriety.
At Recovery Elevator, we accept all versions of sober. We accept all versions of you.
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[12:04] Shrrene is married with two children, two dogs and is a lunch lady who makes lunch for 700 kids daily.
Shrrene remembers drinking as early as age three to four. She drank through her high school years. She stopped drinking when she got married at age 16 and she stopped drinking until after her son was born at age 26. She was a casual drinker.
At 40, she started drinking daily. She would sneak her drinking, hide bottles, and hide in her closet to drink. She quit during her pregnancy. She had open heart surgery at 39, then had a stroke. At age 41 she had a second open heart surgery but continued to drink. Her husband brought an AA Big Book home from an Al-Anon meeting. Her husband joined Celebrate Recovery and she joined him for meetings. She began to moderate but went back to field research regularly until 2019. Shrrene got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Prayer was instrumental for getting the desire to drink lifted. Now she doesn’t have a desire to drink, other than the fleeting thought and she plans to stay active in recovery and help others.
Shrrene slowly started talking to her husband, in AA meetings, journaling and learning to share. Journaling helped when she was too afraid to talk to others and it is a tool that still serves her today.
Attending AA and CR meetings were helpful, but Shrrene was reluctant to share. When she learned to open up, she felt less alone. She found the similarities in the stories of others. She encourages listeners to keep trying and never give up.
Odette’s Summary
Odette reminds us “we can do hard things”. We can’t do hard things and be hard on ourselves. Chose yourself, chose kindness and be your own cheerleader.
Remember that you are not alone and together is always better.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator –we are here for you, don’t quit quitting.
I love you guys.
