by Kris Oyen | Dec 26, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 410 – What’s the Point?
Today we have Justin who is 37 from New York
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Highlights from Paul:
Many of us have asked the question “what’s the point of life?” The response is always a near derivative of love. It’s safe to say that the core religions can be summarized with one teaching. The Golden Rule. The mystics recognized, we are all one, what you do to another you do to yourself and if you treat your fellow human being with respect and dignity, you in turn will experience the same.
We have learned that we cannot find the point of it all at the bottom of a bottle. And when we hear The Golden Rule, we often think of the other person, but what about being kind to ourselves? Treat others as you’d like to be treated, but you need to treat yourself how you want to be treated. And only then, can we have a shot at learning about what this miracle we call life is all about.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:00] Kris introduces Justin:
Justin has been sober since September 9th, 2020. He lives in Harrison New York. He is getting married next year, has two cats and two dogs. He loves running, traveling, and listening to podcasts and audiobooks.
When he was growing up, his first exposure to alcohol was his family having wine at the holidays and his dad drank beer. He remembers his father as inconsistent, and was very aware of the amount of beer that his father drank and was attuned to what was going on.
Justin first drank in around 7th grade but didn’t like where it was heading. Later he had a small circle of friends that he would drink heavily with late in high school. After transitioning to college alcohol was the gateway to making friends. He started making rules around his drinking early on and used it as a coping tool. He never felt he had a problem because he knew what a problem looked like.
After college, Justin continued to try and create rules around his drinking. Alcohol was more of a social connector and bars were everywhere and he couldn’t imagine life without drinking – it was normalized but he knew he was different, and that drinking wasn’t right for him.
It was when Justin had his first experience dating someone that didn’t drink that he realized it was possible to go out and be fully present and aware. He recognized that this was the person he wanted to be but was still dependent on alcohol. When he had 10 days of sobriety for a personal development course, but could not continue, he knew he had to address the problem. He started listening to audiobooks which helped him recognize what led to his addiction. He had a shift where he realized that he no longer wanted to use alcohol to cope with life. While running he started listening to recovery books and podcasts. He was able to start stringing sober days together and realized that he wanted to be a non-drinker. He started looking at his recovery scientifically and evaluated his sober vs. non-sober time.
He says his biggest tools involve audiobooks, podcasts, playing the tape forward and connection is the most important. You can connect with Justin in the links below:
Alternative Direction Coaching
This Naked Mind – Justin
CoachJustin450@gmail.com
[60:00] Thoughts from Kris
Radical honesty has been important for Kris and urges us to ask ourselves a few questions without judgement. Honesty can help us accept where we are and get the help that we need.
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You’re the only one who can do this RE
But you don’t have to do it alone
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Nov 14, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 400 – The order of healing
Today we have Natasha. She is 43, from Vancouver, B.C, and took her last drink on August 23, 2021.
Book: Alcohol is Sh!t. https://www.amazon.com/Alcohol-is-Sht-Paul-Churchill-audiobook/
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
Highlights from Paul
Paul outlines the order of healing when we quit drinking. He describes the healing as happening in reverse order of the harm done. You can do the following:
- Ditch the booze
- Fuel the body with healthy food and hydrate
- Cut down on sugar and caffeine
- Move (aim for 20 mins a day 3x a week)
- Recovery – AA, Café RE, Smart Recovery, IOP, etc.
Book: The All-Day Energy Diet. https://amzn.to/3CmLivc
The healing process:
- The body (3-12 months)
- Mental healing (6 months to 1.5 years)
- Spiritual healing
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[11:04] Natasha has been sober for over a year. She is in medical sales, has a son, and enjoys friends, bingo, travel, and hiking.
Natasha was afraid of alcohol during her early years. She would dump out beer and pretend to be drunk to avoid social pressure. After her son was born, she had six beers during a concert. As she approached thirty, she drank after work with her co-workers in the restaurant industry. At 35, she knew her drinking was a problem.
Socializing and drinking was a big part of her job. Her relationship wasn’t healthy because they drank together, and Natasha could outdrink her partner.
Sobriety has taught Natasha that none of her fears about quitting drinking were true; liquid courage is a myth. She is funny and entertaining with her clients. Her relationships have more meaning, and she can be present.
She describes the first year as brutal. After a boozy weekend with girls, Natasha knew it was time to quit. She dumped out a wine cooler, and that was it. She was angry at people who could drink normally and isolated herself a bit. Now she recognizes she can enjoy her life without the chaos of alcohol. Boundaries have become necessary, and she enjoys spending time alone. Reading, listening to podcasts, and meditation have helped her maintain her sobriety. Natasha’s relationships have evolved and grown. She lost some friends along the way, but her core group supports her sobriety.
[58:51] Kris’s Summary
Kris has been getting his garage in order. He recognized that he was comfortable with the chaos until he hit a tipping point. Cleaning the garage has so many parallels to recovery. Kris was overwhelmed, but he did the next right thing, took it slow, and now everything is clean, organized, and easy to navigate.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
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Recovery Elevator-
We are the only ones who can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Nov 7, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 403 – Hello Universe
Many
Today we have Pat. He is 38, from Georgia, and he took his last drink on February 22, 2022.
Events: https://recoveryelevator.com/events
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/re20
Highlights from Paul
The opposite of addiction is connection. Near-death experiences often connect us to a higher power and make us question where we go after we die. In today’s episode, Paul shares his views on spirituality and connecting with a higher power.
Addiction disconnects us from the external world and from within. Paul reminds us we are not alone: we are connected to every living on the planet. Love, connection, inclusivity, and wholeness.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[13:14] Pat got sober on 2/22/22 and planned his sobriety date as a military child who has lived in many places. He is married, loves archery, plays guitar, writes music, and sells hearing aids.
Pat began experimenting with alcohol at 15. He learned in college he could drink a lot. He was frequently the last one standing. Initially, he drank to get a buzz. He avoided eating to enhance his buzz. In college, he got a DUI. Pat drank to feel normal. He never had a true rock bottom moment.
In 2020, Pat stopped drinking for six months, knowing he and his wife wanted to conceive. He switched from whiskey to beer. Quickly it snuck back into his life.
Pat’s wife began going to Al-Anon. He burned the ships on social media and garnered support from friends and family. After a physical, he had some bad results, including elevated liver enzymes. He was encouraged to go to inpatient rehab. He ultimately tapered. His doctor prescribed medications to help him overcome anxiety. The first two weeks of detox were painful. After the physical challenges dissipated, things became much more manageable. His family and friends supported him. He realizes he doesn’t need alcohol to get through the highs and lows of everyday life.
The RE podcast, audiobooks, and the Café RE Facebook group are his favorite recovery tools, and he is excited that he and his wife are expecting their first child.
[49:20] Paul’s Summary
Book recommendations
Reality Unveiled: https://amzn.to/3CxrVQg
The seat of the Soul: https://amzn.to/3z0phBJ
Many lives many masters: https://amzn.to/3rQ6QLS
The concepts in these books help Paul to feel connected. The knowledge is the precursor to feeling the way Paul needs to feel to stay sober.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
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Recovery Elevator-
Go big because eventually, we all go home.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Oct 3, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 398 – This Moment Always Wins
Today we have Adam. He is 30, from Vancouver, and took his last drink on February 8, 2013.
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Highlights from Paul
Paul celebrated his eight-year recovery milestone and is thankful for all the support he gets from listeners, family, friends, and the Café RE community.
Paul’s insights include: alcohol is sh!t; addiction is an invitation to make a sweeping change in your life; burning the ships is part of the journey; the opposite of addiction is connection; focus on the wins; admit you are wrong when you need to, in real-time; you have to take action; don’t worry about the sobriety clock, keep doing the work; join the party – the AF movement is taking off; be kind to others, help others; be of service; leverage your drinking problem to expand your life; be mindful of the company you keep; there is nothing wrong with you; not drinking makes you a bad-ass;
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[13:26] Adam has been sober for nearly ten years. He is a personal trainer, nutritionist, breathwork therapist, mental health, and sober coach. He loves cold plunges, spending time in nature, traveling, and spending time with his dogs.
Adam grew up in Vancouver and was exposed to addiction early on. He was bullied a lot in high school, which led to anxiety, depression, and insecurity. He was 13 the first time he drank or smoked weed. He knew it wasn’t smart, but it gave him a sense of community. With a long family history of alcohol abuse, Adam knew he was in trouble the first time he drank.
Adam got his apartment and car at age 15. He made poor decisions, including steroids, drinking, cocaine, being in a gang, and smoking. After a death threat, he moved to another province, got a job, and his drug use escalated. He sold drugs, and it was attractive to him at the time. He was stabbed during a fight. At 16, a buddy of his died in his arms. Steroid use caused Adam to default to anger frequently. He was aggressive. Adam said it took at least ten wake-up calls before he was ready to address his addiction. He was exposed to a lot of violence and death with the people he spent time with. At 19, during a drug deal, he was kidnapped and held captive by some bad people. During that incident, he had an out-of-body experience. When he was released, he was hospitalized. He crashed when in the hospital. A spiritual awakening occurred for Adam. Adam described it as powerful, and it continues to inspire him to live a better life. The last time he used it was on his 21st birthday. He called his Mom, and she let him come home.
The first two years of sobriety were the hardest for Adam. He had lots of PTSD from his gang experience. He had two suicide attempts. Adam went to his first AA meeting. A person said to him, “If you kill yourself today, you are killing the wrong person because you don’t know the person who you can become.” Breathwork became a big part of his recovery. Learning to accept and demonstrate his emotions was challenging, but Adam continues to learn to manage his feelings. He worked the steps. He saw a psychologist/neurologist and was diagnosed with severe brain injury, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. None of the medications helped. Breathwork and exercise help him manage his anxiety and depression.
[57:50] Kris’ Summary
After a rough week, Kris remembered, “you don’t have to get sober for the rest of your life today.” Trust the process.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
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Recovery Elevator-
We are the only ones who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Jul 25, 2022 | Podcast
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Episode 388 – Identity
Today we have Liz. She is 55, from Bend, OR, and has been sober for five months.
Ditch the Booze Mindfulness and AF Photography. www.recoveryelevator.com/events
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE 20
Highlights from Kris
After returning from a trip to DC, Kris realized that connecting his identity to his accomplishments is something he left behind. Presenting his achievements as a “Who I Am” was typical for Kris when he was in active addiction. Kris hoped that showing others the good in him might help him to see the good in himself. Approval seeking was directly linked to his self-worth and what others thought of him. This created conflict because Kris felt like he was leading a double life: the list of accomplishments he shared with others and the poor self-esteem that felt more like the “real Kris.”
Ultimately, Kris hit a tipping point that led to his recovery. During those early days, he identified with the bad things he had done while drinking. With treatment, counseling, and spiritual support, Kris learned that he was responsible for his harmful behavior but eventually realized that what he did wasn’t who he was. He had to clean up, but he gained clarity on what he did vs. who he is.
Kris found a new identity in recovery. The greater good prevails, and instead of looking for an atta boy, he tries to connect to how he can be part of something bigger.
Kris asks listeners where they find their identity? Does it bring you peace? Can you make shifts in your identity without shame?
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[10:45] Liz has been sober for five months. She is from California, has two dogs, works for a healthcare start-up, and enjoys entertaining, cooking, gardening, and music.
Alcohol was part of Liz’s life from an early age. She described a lot of drama and trauma in her childhood. She developed a fear of drinking while observing her parent’s drinking.
Liz and Kris talked about the behaviors we develop in childhood because of trauma and learning to give yourself grace as you reconcile those behaviors and learn healthier ones. They discussed how shame doesn’t support your recovery. They also talked about surrender being an essential step in recovering yourself.
Liz relies on Recovery Elevator and Café RE, meditation, self-care, recovery tools, and community to support her sobriety.
Kris’s Summary
Kris talks about embracing challenges and turning them around to support the greater good. Move forward with grace, love and encouragement. Learn to love yourself and share that love with others. If you feel stuck in your story, know you are not alone. Keep it simple and focus on the next right here. We are here for you.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Resources
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator-
You’re the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
