by Paul Churchill | Jun 22, 2020 | Podcast
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Jamieson took his last drink on August 7, 2019. With almost 10 months sober (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Odette opens the podcast talking about “permission slips” and specifically giving yourself permission to feel certain things. She quotes Brene Brown, “For personal permission slips, you are in charge of your own behavior – so you’re giving yourself permission to feel or act a certain way. It is setting an intention for how you want to behave in difficult situations.”
Here are some permission slips Odette gave herself after her first week as the new voice of the podcast: to be scared, to make mistakes, to ask for help, to feel uncomfortable, to fail, to succeed, to try again, to love myself. Writing these out she gained courage, the courage to run towards what she wants.
[5:23] Odette introduces Jamieson.
Jamieson is 28 years old and lives in Kansas City, MO. He works in special education and is starting grad school in the fall. He is single. For fun he enjoys making music, reading, playing video games, hiking, going camping, and traveling.
[7:49] Can you give us a background on your drinking?
Jamieson said he started drinking when he was around 13 or 14 years old. But at the time it was a shot glass worth of wine at dinner every night. The first time he was drunk was when he was 16 or 17.
He never really felt like he ever had a normal relationship with alcohol, but problematic drinking began around the age of 21. In college he was always trying to be cool like everyone else, alcohol was an easy resource to make him feel cool and ease his social anxiety.
[10:50] What happened after you noticed your drinking increasing?
Jamieson said it became very consistent and an everyday thing. At the age of 22, he went without alcohol for one year. After a year of being a dry drunk, he decided he didn’t have a problem and returned to drinking. He continued drinking until his last drink in August 2019.
[13:58] After your year sober, and return to drinking, did you know in the back of your mind that eventually, you would stop drinking?
Jamieson said in the back of his mind, he always knew something wasn’t quite right about his drinking. The quiet voice in the back of his mind slowly crept into the forefront of his thoughts and he couldn’t ignore it any longer.
[14:51] Was there an event that made you go sober again?
Jamieson said it was a combination of things. Between multiple rock bottoms/events and seeing his younger brother struggle with alcohol as well, he realized he needed to cut alcohol out.
[20:15] What was your plan on the day of your last drink?
Jamieson said to himself “let’s just see how long I can go” and at about 2 weeks’ time, he was feeling pretty good and went to a Refuge Recovery meeting. That was a turning point for him.
[24:50] You mention that Buddhism has really changed your life, can you chat about that?
Jamieson said he’s been interested in Buddhism for a long time but was never able to fully dedicate himself to it while drinking. Mindfulness and meditation are not friends with alcohol and substance abuse. Meditation has been a key component in his sobriety.
[31:47] What else is in your recovery toolbelt?
Jamieson said podcasts and focusing also on leading a healthier lifestyle/routines. Being on top of himself for the little things like making his bed and brushing his teeth daily. He’s also begun practicing yoga.
[34:29] Did you feel like there were new triggers for you when COVID began?
Jamieson said it had a big impact on his routine. His school was on Spring Break at the start and they didn’t return afterward. He said it was abrupt and unexpected at how quickly it happened. His routine was a large part of his “staying sane” in sobriety. The lack of routine pushed him to seek out more meetings.
[37:04] What are your thoughts on self-awareness growing?
Jamieson said he has noticed he’s much more self-aware since he stopped drinking. He has learned more about addiction and specifically alcohol addiction and his compassion has grown towards others. He finds himself being less judgmental.
[39:32] What’s a narrative in your life that you would like to re-write?
Jamieson said he felt for a long time his issues with substance abuse, anxiety, and depression were his fault. He was messing up his own life because he wasn’t a good person. Jamieson has worked on forgiving himself over the past 9 months. Through Refuge Recovery and Buddhism he has learned that it’s not your fault you are this way, but it is your responsibility to deal with it.
[44:32] You’re so young, how has stopping drinking changed your social dynamic?
Jamieson said his social life was getting worse with his drinking. All of his friends have been supportive. He finds he’s able to appreciate spending time with his friends and his family now.
[48:15] Rapid Fire Round
- If you could talk to Day 1 Jamieson, what would you say to him?
Be patient with yourself and know you are stronger than these problems and alcohol.
- What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
Realizing that I don’t have to wake up every day feeling like garbage.
- What is a memorable moment sobriety has given you?
Every time I do something I couldn’t do while drinking.
- What are some of your favorite resources?
Refuge Recovery, Buddhist based recovery platforms, Recovery Elevator podcast, yoga, and AA.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
If you’re struggling with drinking and think you have a problem, start looking into literature and different communities that are out there. When you find a community you like, put yourself in there. Try it for a little while without any promises.
You may need to ditch the booze if…
You’re so hungover and sleep-deprived you are barely capable of picking someone else up from rehab.
Odette’s challenge this week:
Write yourself a permission slip. Snap a photo of it, share on Instagram, and tag us @recoveryelevator on Instagram so we can give you a virtual high five!
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Ditching the Booze – The What, the Why, and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
- You can find more information about our events
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – We took the elevator down, we gotta take the steps back up, we can do this- love you guys,”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 8, 2020 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Paul opens today’s episode talking about the short term & long term plans for Recovery Elevator:
Paul is taking a break from the podcast and he will be focusing on the Recovery Elevator YouTube channel and creating meditations.
1-3 year plans: Recovery Elevator Retreat Center
Long term goals: adding more Café RE groups
Let’s all start putting thinking bigger and putting Big Energy out into the universe for Recovery Elevator.
[12:09] Paul welcomes Odette, the new voice of Recovery Elevator.
Odette’s last drink was 12/17/18. She is from San Diego, originally from Mexico and is married with two kids. They love the outdoors as a family. Odette enjoys learning about tea, puzzling and cooking. She often runs and uses her indoor bike for exercise.
[16:08] Paul: What have you been up to since Episode 231?
Odette is grateful for her recovery during this time of Covid-19. During her first year sober it’s all about relearning habits, restructuring life and setting new routines. Her year two has been about uncovering a lot of deeper seeded emotions and being more honest with herself.
[19:15] Paul: Can you cover what brought you to wanting to live an alcohol free life?
Drinking felt like a déjà vu of Odette’s previous addiction. (She is also in recovery from an eating disorder.) She had already walked this path and could her inner voice telling her that if she kept drinking the way she was, it would end badly. Her rock bottom was an emotional rock bottom.
Odette has always felt like she wanted to be normal and because drinking is normalized in our culture she didn’t initially want to step away. Choosing to do the thing that is not considered normal would again put her in a spotlight. However, she knew internally this was the path she needed to take. For more on her story go listen to episode 128 & 231.
[23:00] They talk about Odette’s path with the podcast.
Odette likes relating to people. She will share when she hears her own story in others. She enjoys sharing books she’s reading and things she is listening to. Sharing a-ha moments.
[24:09] Paul: What are some topics you will cover moving forward?
Practical tips and recovery tools. Focusing on her recovery toolbelt and listening to what’s working for other people. Spiritual concepts and how those can be brought into our lives. Fun facts, history and what she can learn from others. Hearing from others and having the audience suggest topics.
[25:23] Paul: Same format?
For now, Odette plans to stay within the same format of an introduction and then having an interviewee. She loves talking and sharing and is really excited to take this forward, she is nervous at the same time. This is about a movement of living alcohol free and she wants to honor the path Paul has established.
[28:00] Paul: Talk about evoking Rule 22 on this journey.
Odette’s father was silly when raising his own family. She grew up with flawed parents, yet they showed her there was always a path of fun to be found. The life she’s living isn’t a dress rehearsal, it’s the only you she has and it’s too short to not have fun.
[30:06] Paul: Spanish or English?
English. But there may be an opportunity in the future for episodes in Spanish.
If you want to share your story you can email odette@recoveryelevator.com
[32:32] Odette turns the tables and interviews Paul. Can you talk about your decision to step down?
Paul acknowledges that he needed to take a break. He thought he needed to start over again, instead of asking for help and delegating a lot of what he’s been doing. The community that he has created came to him with suggestions on how Recovery Elevator can keep moving forward. With some restructuring, there is now a path.
[37:20] Odette: Overall how do you feel?
Paul says he feels incredible. That past year and a half has been the most spiritual he has ever experienced. And even more, the past 3 months he found his body cleansing itself of anything that didn’t need to be there.
[39:13] Odette: Tell us about some of the most fun experiences in your travels this past year.
Watching a woman connect with an elephant in Thailand. The elephant laid down on its side and the woman laid on top. Watching the elephant breathing and the two of them connecting was powerful.
While in Australia someone from an AA meeting asked if he wanted to go feed the seagulls. Paul put aside his serious side and went to feed seagulls for an hour and a half.
[41:51] Odette: What’s flowing through your creative side right now?
Music has been creeping back into Paul’s life over the past 5 years. He’s been making meditation music. Also 3D meditations where you are walked through your future self, in the present moment. Focusing on the Recovery YouTube channel as well.
[46:20] Odette: Will we hear from you during your break?
Yes, Paul would love to pop in from time to time.
[52:30] Paul: Where do you think we can take this?
Odette says we can start small: have a podcast in Spanish for example. As large as: Traveling across the globe for service projects. A recovery center.
She sees this growing in all directions. The opportunities are endless.
[55:08] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
Odette: I can’t accept myself if I don’t start with myself. I can’t ask for help, if I’m not helping myself first
Paul: We don’t fight an addiction that’s been trying to guide us.
- What’s your favorite AF drink?
Odette: all Tea, anything with ginger, grapefruit Bubly.
Paul: Cold tonic with square ice cubes and tiny peach slices.
- What’s on your bucket list in this AF life?
Odette: to run a marathon and working in the recovery field.
Paul: finding a new home base, follow the body.
- Favorite recovery resources?
Odette: Café RE, Eckart Tolle, Pema Chödrön, Glennon Doyle, friends and Marco Polo.
Paul: You, Café RE, the listeners, meditation.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Odette: What you resist, persists.
Paul: Use the mind and locate the body.
This episode brought to you by:
Gruvi, use this link and enter the promo code: Recovery Elevator for 15% off your order.
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- Ditching the Booze – The What, the Why and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
- You can find more information about our events
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee..
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
by Paul Churchill | Jun 1, 2020 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Brian took his last drink September 18, 2019. At 213 days (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).
End of Season 1
After 276 consecutive Mondays & 5 years, Paul is stepping down from the podcast and is handing Recovery Elevator over to a new and talented voice. He recaps his next steps and an overview of what the last 5 years has brought him. With 2076 days at the time of recording, Paul is filled with gratitude for all you listeners. Because of you, he is filled with enough. We are all in this together.
Don’t forget, you can rate and review the podcast and tell Paul the change this podcast has affected in your own life.
[13:36] Paul introduces Brian.
Brian is 45 years old, married and lives in Easley, SC. He is married with two children. He was in the Army for 17 years before moving to the South. For fun Brian likes to golf, ski, snowboard, BBQ his own meats. He also does podcasting and some PA events.
[17:20] Give listeners some background on your drinking.
Brian didn’t drink until he had almost graduated High School. He drank and got drunk the very first time. He said that was a theme throughout his drinking. He drank to get drunk each time. He went through military training and service and returned home to finish college in Baltimore. He was asked to leave after 2 years due to a 0.0 GPA the previous semester.
[21:16] When did your drinking progress?
Brian said there were waves of drinking. It picked up in his 20s after leaving college. Bartending made it easy to drink a lot. In 1999 he had to call out of his job a few times due to hangover. At that time, he saw there was a problem with his drinking and got sober for about 8 months from alcohol. In 2004, he tried to quit alcohol again for about 7 months. In 2007 he got into some legal trouble but during that his now wife became pregnant with their first child. He says his daughter saved his life.
Thorough out this time, Brian says he would often be spoken at work about his behavior during events that involved alcohol. And in 2020 at an executive weekend event, he spent the entire weekend drunk. He said he was spoken to a few times throughout the weekend and that next week was his last drink with his cousin.
[30:55] Let talk about your last drink.
Brian said it was in his mind that something needed to change. He ordered a craft beer, and it didn’t taste good. He ordered a second, it didn’t taste good. At that moment he knew something was going to change.
[35:15] What was September 19, 2020 like?
Brian was familiar with the sober fellowship in his area and he began attending meetings immediately. However, this time, he felt very good about his decision to stop drinking. There was a sense of relief and peace that his suffering was over.
20 years of ups and downs and trying to get sober, culminated in this last drink in September 2019.
[40:43] In the first 60 / 90 days how did you get past some cravings?
Brian said that while he didn’t have cravings exactly, he had thoughts about drinking. Many of them situational. He’s forcing himself to remember the bad and not romanticize the good. Playing the tape forward helps to remind him of the bad. Seeing how that one romantic moment turns into a day of regret the next day. This time getting sober, Brian knew he needed to do something different and approached it in that manner. He put more effort into his getting sober.
[46:26] Do you recognize the profound leaps and bounds you have made over these past 7 months?
Brian said he has put the work into himself to try and find out who he is. Removing the masks worn and breaking down the facades of who he thought he was to find out who he truly is in this life. He tries to meditate every single day for 30 – 60 minutes a day and has been reading a lot more, both of which center him. All of this to try and put aside the ego.
[48:34] Comment on some other experiences where you have said “that’s no longer me / who I am”
Brian has seen a change in his personal relationships. In the past he was short to show his temper and is choosing to not be that person any longer. He now finds his stoicism a strength, while when he was drinking it was a weakness. While still drinking he bottled up his feelings which would then tumble out while drunk in an overexaggerated manner. And now while sober, he’s allowing himself to feel the feelings and understand more what they are telling him. Brian lets himself be sensitive and he can respond rather than react.
[52:50] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
I never knew who I was until these last 7 months.
- What is a memorable moment a life without alcohol has given you?
Rekindling my relationship with my kids.
- What’s your favorite AF drink?
Seltzer water. Cranberry lime specifically. And Kombucha.
- What’s on your bucket list in this AF life?
Pilots license.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Keep going. Even if you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Every moment is a new moment to change.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
If your fraternity renames the yearly Biggest Partier award after you and disqualifies you from winning it.
Future Episodes:
Please give this new voice a chance, please listen for at least a few episodes. Please let us know your thoughts. Paul has asked this person to honor the mission of the podcast, shedding the stigma surrounding addiction. And also to honor the path this new direction takes.
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- Ditching the Booze – The What, the Why and the How. We will be offering this again, starting 8/4/2020 and 11/3/20. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
- You can find more information about our events
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee..
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this- I love you guys,”
by Paul Churchill | May 18, 2020 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Jeff took his last drink February 8, 2020. With 65 days of sobriety (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol free (AF).
On today’s episode Paul opens discussing emotions. How it’s ok to feel all of them and how they help us to grow. In order to shift stagnant energy inside all of us, we have to talk about our emotions. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to vent out your emotions and break off little pieces of frustration.
Are you looking to explore deeper your decision to live alcohol free and are already a Café RE member? If so, sign up for the six week course starting May 19th entitled: Ditching the Booze – The What, the Why and the How. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set up fee.
Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.
[12:08] Paul introduces Jeff.
Jeff is 29 years old, lives in Tampa, FL. He is a plumber. He doesn’t have a family, yet! He likes to hang out with his dog Bo and go fishing, camping and attend sporting events.
[13:58] What’s your favorite alcohol free drink?
Cherry Coke.
[15:13] Give us a background on your drinking
Jeff started drinking around the age of 15 with anything he could get his hands on. He remembers being 5 years old and having a sip of his father’s drink. He is the youngest of 3 and when he would visit his older siblings in college, their friends would slip his drinks, as young as at the age of 11. Drinking was just what you did when you got older, it was part of being an adult. Everyone seemed to enjoy drinking, so he should too. In college he joined a fraternity and it again drinking was just what everyone did, it was part of the culture of college and he went along for the ride.
However at the age of 22, Jeff realized that stopping drinking might be the better choice for him.
[19:52] What were the circumstances at 22 that made you think to stop drinking?
Jeff said it was the physical effects of alcohol on his mind and body. He always felt like he could be doing more in life and alcohol was holding him back.
[21:45] Fill in the gaps from age 22 to 29 (7 years) as you were building awareness around your drinking.
Jeff began working as a Sam Adams beer rep out of New Orleans/Baton Rouge, LA. At any given time there were 15 cases of beer in his home. Part of the job was sampling beers, so loading up a cooler full of beer every day and sampling with 10 different customers wasn’t out of the norm. The idea that something Jeff felt was in his way, but also his paycheck was difficult to reconcile.
In 2015 Jeff began trying to moderate his alcohol intake. He didn’t keep much alcohol in the house, but he found when he did drink, he couldn’t stop.
[23:46] Can you talk more about when you say, “Once you start it’s hard to stop”?
Jeff described his drinking like a firework. Light the fuse, it shoots up, it’s great for 8/9 hours and then it blows up. His emotions would often get out of control. The days following his drinking were awful emotionally as well. No energy or mind power to do anything.
[25:22] Was there a rock bottom moment?
Jeff said the first rock bottom moment was in 2012. After a day of drinking, he completely lost it; throwing away his wallet, trashing the apartment he shared with a roommate, quitting his job via email with 2 hours notice.
65 days ago, after three weeks of not drinking, he had a beer and the next day got sick. He knew it was the alcohol and used those 4 days being sick as a springboard to make the change to fully living a life without alcohol.
[27:28] After those initial 4 days, how did you do it?
One day at a time. Jeff said he would call old friends, not to talk about drinking, but just to talk. He would exercise, cook and focus on doing all the things he wanted to do that alcohol was holding him back from doing. Also journaling and feeling his emotions again.
[30:34] Talk to us about how you are embracing your emotions?
Jeff said he is trying to learn what emotion he is actually feeling at a particular time. Is this happiness? Why am I feeling happy? Jeff is giving himself permission to have these feelings. He’s focusing on gratefulness.
[35:47] Where do you want to go in this AF life?
Jeff said he’s trying not to look too far ahead in life. That’s been a problem for him before. He’s focusing on being present and happy. He wants to grow and have a family and grow his business. Jeff said, “If you drink today, you are taking away tomorrow’s happiness” and he wants to be happy.
[38:08] What has it been like getting sober a little earlier in life?
Jeff said that so far, it’s been easier than expected. However, he doesn’t discount the near decade of knowing he needed to try and live an AF life. There are no distractions right now during stay at home orders. He admits this might be a bigger test once COVID-19 is over.
[43:10] What are your thoughts on relapse?
Jeff said it does mean you’re a failure, it’s all about how you handle the relapse. The past is the past and you can start over in the present.
[44:11] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
December 2019, driving home after a party, Jeff drove through a construction zone. The police were called, and he was let go. Avoiding jail was a wakeup call.
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?
Constantly being present and recognizing emotions.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Recovery Elevator podcast, other online stories of people overcoming addiction.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Give it a try. If you can do it for 1 day, you can do it for 2.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
You are 19 years old, get kicked out of a football game, on your way home call up a family member to curse them out, break into your RA’s room and finally wake up to the police carrying you to your own room
Upcoming Events and Retreats:
You can find more information about our event here.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
This episode sponsored by:
Tiger Tail, use this link and enter the promo code: ELEVATOR15 for 15% off your order.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set up fee.
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies!- Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. We can do this.”
by Paul Churchill | May 11, 2020 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Carrie took her last drink April 7, 2020. With 7 days of sobriety (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
On today’s episode Paul discusses the idea that you don’t have to quit drinking in order to quit drinking and what that means to different people and himself. When you give yourself permission to be happy in the now, the need to drink goes away. By not delaying happiness in life, an alcohol free life emerges. If you have more questions about this, please email Paul directly here.
Are you looking to explore deeper your decision to live alcohol free and are already a Café RE member? If so, sign up for the six week course starting May 19th entitled: Ditching the Booze – The What, the Why and the How. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY for waive the set-up fee.
Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.
[12:30] Paul introduces Carrie.
She is 42 years old, lives in Centralia, MO. She is a single mom of 2 boys. She sells cars for a living. Carries likes to read, spend time at baseballs games, spend time with her kids, to bike and be outdoors. She is looking forward to rediscovering new way to spend her time.
[16:29] Give us a background on your drinking
Carrie took her first drink at the age of 13 and was in treatment for alcohol twice before she was 18 years old. From the age of 18 to 27, she gathered 9 years of sobriety. After that time, she wanted to reach out and connect with other young people and thought she could pick up and drink without consequence. In 2015 after her son was born, was when she noticed her drinking was becoming unmanageable. She said her drinking got “way worse”, to the point of drinking in the mornings.
[23:43] Talk to us about the last two years of your drinking.
Carrie said she has always tried to moderate her drinking, but it was never possible. In March of 2020 her boss called her into his office and asked if she had a problem with alcohol, which she replied “no.” However a week later she walked back into his office and said she does have a problem and she wants help. While she did lose her job, she freed herself of the secret.
[27:38] Is something different this time around?
Carrie stated that yes, this time feels different. After getting through the withdrawals and praying that she wouldn’t die, she realized that this time around was the worst withdrawal she had experienced. She decided this was the last time she would ever go through this. Using those physical symptoms to propel herself forward.
[32:54] What are you struggling with most right now?
Carries says that seclusion is the hardest. She only interacts with her children and isn’t able to spend time with friends and family. She misses her church and the ability to worship with other people in the same room. She finds video meet ups helpful, but just not the same thing.
[35:25] What are some concepts/mantras you are putting in place to help you continue past these 7 days?
Carrie says that she keeps telling herself she is stronger than alcohol and she wants to be free from alcohol. Repeating that to herself over and over.
[41:07] What’s on your bucket list for this AF life?
She is looking forward to interacting with her children again. She is also looking forward to traveling again.
[43:17] Do you think you’ll be sober in 30 days?
Carrie: “Yes I do.”
[46:28] What advice would you give to your younger self?
Carrie doesn’t think that her younger self would have listened to any advice. Carrie of today would simply say “It’s going to be a rough road, but it will be ok in the end.”
[48:01] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
When she lost her job due to alcohol, that she needs to quit drinking.
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?
Easter with her kids. She was able to hide eggs and baskets again.
- What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?
Water.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Recovery Elevator podcast, AA meetings, reading about addiction.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
You are stronger than alcohol and if you surrender to the addiction to alcohol, you can get past this.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
Your 18 year old comes into the closet you are hiding in and takes the bottle of vodka and dumps is down the drain.
Paul shares a poem written by a listener:
“12 Steps to Addiction”
A long time ago, I met a friend.
Oh, it was a god send.
Together,
Streams of blood turn into a rushing river,
Shaking loose an ancient rigidity.
Like a hot fired fever.
Cracking a cast of insecurity.
Oh paint my vision in saturated tones,
Warm my blood, loosen my bones.
Tell me stories that aren’t true,
The biggest lie you told,
Is that the only truth is you.
I’m tightly steered
by your white knuckled grip.
“I will make it better” it whispers in sips.
I buy another round of your intention.
To cure a mental infection,
Septic fears of imperfection,
Impermanence,
Loneliness,
And rejection.
Im being taught to say goodbye,
To friends I used to see.
These people surrounding you, you say,
“They are not like you, and not like me.
They are empty vessels floating by.”
I agree,
Because I no longer float,
My mind runs until it can fly.
I keep running running running,
But now I can’t catch up, and I can’t escape.
I’m talking, I’m laughing,
Sounds from my mind unheard,
Like a cold air’s breath, they dissipate.
I am alone.
You implanted these thoughts,
Rewired my synaptic circuits,
Into a million tiny knots.
I need you to keep making this true.
And when I wake up at four,
I need more.
I ignore the conscious mind,
breathing notes of despair,
In my ear and around my neck.
I’m unaware of the gun to my head,
And all the ways I’ve been mislead.
While I drink your poison,
It is me that you usurp.
I joyfully bask in your calm, dimming light,
Until I’m met with a darkness.
Thoughts reduced to a dizzying fog,
Words falling into meaningless,
Forgetful monologue.
Oh, I want more of this story you sold.
But you no longer talk.
Your skeleton sits with me in silence,
As I desperately chew on your bones.
Your eyes are barren stones.
I will use them to build a memorial,
To every drop of poison I tasted.
All the valuable time I wasted.
A long time ago, I met a friend.
It was a godsend.
I was introduced to my vulnerability,
Reduced to an insanity,
Succumbed to this power,
Quietly, stealing my vitality.
A godsend,
Who will make me climb a mountain,
To find my own cure.
A challenge I didn’t expect to endure,
To ensure that I don’t lose breath,
Running towards my destruction,
Towards a construct, an embodiment,
Of everyone else’s description,
Of who I should have been.
Ultimately I’ve become lonely.
Constructed a fraudulent personality,
Succumbed to a common abnormality,
I carry this world uninspired.
This void you left,
Is making me so,
Goddamn,
Tired.
-Mia
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