by Kris Oyen | Apr 12, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 321 – Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to give yourself as much love as you are giving to someone in active addiction. Give yourself love and grace. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok not to have all the answers.
Today’s podcast will be a slight departure from our traditional format. Today we will hear from Aimee, who is the wife of one of our members. Aimee will share from the perspective of what it’s like to live with someone struggling with alcohol addiction.
Aimee is the wife of Kris, one of the members of Café RE. Kris shared his message on episodes 175 and 278. He also does a lot of work for Café RE. Take a listen. Kris stands out by helping others and being of service.
https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-175-anxiety-and-alcohol/
https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-278-day-one-emotions/
Registration for the Bozeman retreat is open for Café RE members today and will be available for non-members tomorrow. For details, go to:
www.recoveryelevator.com/bozeman .
Odette’s Weekly Message – Finding your better you.
Odette is focusing on loved ones. She is an adult child of an alcoholic. She has experienced her own struggles with addiction and married someone who struggles with addiction.
When Odette’s Dad went into treatment, she was advised by the counselor that the whole family would be impacted. While only one family member has the disease, everyone gets infected at some level.
Being a part of the solution for her Dad was a tough spill to swallow. Odette attended Al-Anon to learn how to take care of herself while her Dad was treating his addiction. Odette remembers how scary some of the meetings were because of the number of broken relationships. Her inclination was to try to fix the problem, but she quickly learned she had to get out of the way and learn to take care of herself. She is still learning to detach with love by setting boundaries.
[10:33] Odette introduces Aimee.
Aimee is 37 and lives in North Dakota with Kris and their two kids. She is a teacher, loves playing piano, singing, and leading worship at her church.
[13:45] Tell us about your journey and how you experienced life with Kris.
Aimee met Kris her freshman year of college and fell in love right away. She was so enthralled with him; everything seemed normal.
Kris was deployed overseas in the military. He would call Aimee and was always drinking when he called home to deal with the stress of deployment. Aimee knew there was a problem. They got married, and when Kris came back from deployment, Aimee got pregnant right away. Kris was deployed again, and Aimee didn’t drink because she was pregnant. Kris came home ten days before Ava was born, and they were two different people because of the time apart. Kris’s drinking continued to escalate. They went through ups and downs, and Aimee thought things were getting better.
Their marriage has been a wild adventure because of moves, career changes, etc. Aimee had a mix of resentment and shame about Kris’ drinking. At the height of his drinking, he would turn things around on her to avoid being attacked. As a couple, they tore each other apart. Aimee tried to protect Kris. She would set the alarm so she could pick up the beer cans before the kids got up in the morning. She lied to her pastor about Kris’ absences and recognized she was compromising her values.
Kris’ emotions were intense and amplified when he was hungover.
[10:15] Did you start second-guessing yourself?
Aimee said she was constantly questioning if she was enough. She took her marriage vows very seriously and started to become a doormat. There was a lot of manipulation. Kris would gaslight Aimee about his drinking, the bank account, and other things. Engaging in church and prayer was instrumental for Aimee. She began to realize that being a martyr or savior wasn’t a safe place to be. She couldn’t compromise her safety. They went on a road trip, and Kris drove drunk for five hours, and Aimee was overwhelmed and exhausted. Prayer helped her resolve that she couldn’t live that way anymore.
[22:57] What did you do when you realized you couldn’t do it anymore?
Aimee said after the road trip, the conversation between them shifted. She begged Kris to get help. He asked her who her lawyer was and said he would never love her enough to quit drinking. It took Aimee a long time to start to forgive him. She didn’t believe him anymore, and it took a long time to rebuild trust.
[24:13] Was church a source of support for you?
Aimee said she couldn’t do it on her own. Her church community never told her what she wanted to hear; they told her what she needed to hear. The church encouraged her to focus on herself and her next steps. It was the first time Aimee looked inside and didn’t focus on Kris.
[26:44] How did you shift from feeling like a victim to looking within?
Aimee said the church worked with both of them separately and helped keep them on the same page. Aimee prayed and meditated a lot. Kris surrendered. They both surrendered at different times. Aimee had to let go of the bitterness. She said she was drinking poison and expecting Kris to get sick. She told Kris she loved him and didn’t know what to do. It was a shift and became a point of empowerment for her to trust others and do work on herself. They went to marriage counseling, and Aimee went to counseling on her own. Aimee did EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) to deal with trauma from her marriage and her past. Aimee has done a lot of work learning how to build relationships, and the experience has been life-changing.
Aimee still has some flashbacks, particularly on road trips. All of their positive interactions slowly replace the negative ones of the past. While it may be a cliché, time does heal
[33:02] Tell me about the dynamics at home? How have the kids responded?
Aimee said they have been very open about their story with the kids. Dinner time is their favorite time now, and it was the worst when Kris was drinking. Their son wrote a book about the adventures of his sober Dad. He even quoted Paul Churchill’s book, “Alcohol is Shit!”. Their son looks forward to hugging his wife now that Kris is demonstrating new behaviors with the family.
Aimee shared that she and Kris have learned emotional and spiritual intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Their conversations are more vulnerable than the physical connection. It has been a lot of hard work, but so worth the effort.
[38:27] How is your experience with Kris in Café RE and other people in sobriety?
Aimee said Kris joined Café Re when they were separated. She said it was hard at first because Kris was being celebrated for all of his sobriety milestones. She was envious of his coins – where was her medal? Aimee has been to a Café RE meet up in Minneapolis, and she prays for all of the people she met. She supports Kris’s model of “leave nobody behind”. She doesn’t mind the interruptions, and she supports his efforts with prayer. Aimee loves how Café RE retreats benefit Kris’ recovery. She always notices a positive difference when she comes home, and she knows that helps their family.
Café RE feels Aimee’s support through the videos she posts when Kris reaches a milestone. Aimee said five years ago, she never would have believed they would be where they are today. She is excited and believes the best is yet to come.
[43:14] Do you drink? Are you a normie?
Aimee hasn’t had a drink in 7-8 years, and she doesn’t miss it at all. She likes tea and doesn’t favor the LaCroix as Kris, and the rest of us do.
[44:06] How were you able to separate that it was not about you?
Aimee said, when she figures it out, she will let us know. Recovery is like peeling back the layers of an onion. She encourages all spouses to be kind to themselves. It’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok not to have all of the answers. Lean in on your Faith, regardless of what you call your Higher Power. You will need it to move through recovery as well.
Odette’s Summary
Odette encourages all family members to check out recommended Al-Anon, Melody Beattie, Smart Recovery for Friends and Family, Pia Melody, and traditional therapy.
Resource Links:
https://al-anon.org/
https://www.smartrecovery.org/family/
https://melodybeattie.com/
http://www.piamellody.com/
By helping yourself, you are better at supporting your loved one.
You are not alone, together is always better!
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Feb 8, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Holly took her last drink on January 4, 2007. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Odette and Holly met in treatment. In 2013, they went to Montecatini together to work on their eating disorders. Odette believed that if she could stop her obsession with food and reach a healthy weight, she would be normal. However, she didn’t address the emotional reasons behind her eating disorder. A few years later, she found herself using alcohol as her new coping mechanism. The behaviors that led to her unhealthy relationship with food mirrored the behaviors of her relationship with alcohol.
Up to 35% of people who abused alcohol also have an eating disorder. This rate is 11 times greater than the general population.
For more information on these statistics, see: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
The stigma for eating disorders is greater than the stigma for alcohol use disorder, so many people struggle in silence.
Odette believes the only way out is through.
Get to the root cause of your addiction. Be aware of co-occurring addictions. Don’t run away from your feelings or numb them with a substance. Find a community. Get professional help. When seeking help, be specific. Find a therapist specializing in addiction, whether it is alcohol, food, drugs, or whatever else. Get specific.
Don’t feel perpetually stuck in addiction whack-a-mole. We can do hard things.
[9:14] Odette introduces Holly
Holly took her last drink on January 4, 2007. Holly is from Montana. She moved to Southern California over 15 years ago for graduate school. She currently works for Mental Health Systems as an employment specialist, helping those with behavioral health issues get employment. On the weekends, she works for a rehab in San Diego as a rehab specialist. Holly has fun playing games. Codeword is her latest favorite. She also enjoys listening to books, music and hanging out with her dog Hannay.
[11:56] Tell me about your history with drinking
Holly started experimenting with alcohol in college. She grew up in a conservative home. She was allowed to drink with adults present, but her family was traditional with alcohol use. Holly didn’t drink in high school. She was a rule follower.
Her drinking took off when she was 21, when it was legal and escalated after her engagement. She attended Fuller Theological Seminary, intending to become a Presbyterian minister. She drank heavily every day and hid her drinking.
[13:39] Did you start questioning your drinking habits at that time?
When Holly lived in Montana, she drank like everyone else. When she moved to California, she would order two drinks at a time and was starting to understand that wasn’t normal. She needed a drink before she went out and then went home afterward to drink alone. She isolated and that isolation led to depression. Alcohol exacerbated the depression. Toward the end of her drinking, she was put on several psychiatric holds (5150).
[15:17] Were you rationalizing your drinking as something sophisticated?
On paper, Holly was very functional. She was a straight-A student, on the Dean’s list, she held to part-time jobs. She aced Hebrew.
[16:40] Did you have a therapist? Was your therapist able to discern the alcohol issues from the depression issues?
Holly had a therapist and kept drinking. She hid her drinking from her therapist. She was annoyed that her therapist occasionally suggested her attending a meeting.
[17:33] Walk me through the progression of your drinking.
Holly noted that two years after moving to California, she couldn’t stop drinking. She would wake up in the morning and drink to recover from the night before. She also struggled with an Eating disorder. Alcohol was the only calories she could keep in her body. She was physically and mentally depleting.
She had suicidal ideations and felt if she got rid of herself, she would solve the problems she caused others. She had several suicide attempts due to alcohol, poor nutrition, and depression.
[18:58] How long did that cycle last?
Holly’s drinking continued for two years. On January 3, her therapist said she didn’t sound right and told her to go immediately to the hospital. Holly knew she couldn’t drive, so she walked toward the hospital. She consumed a pint of Vodka, a handful of Xanax and was mugged on the way to the hospital.
She went missing for several hours. The Pasadena police called her Mom in Montana asking, are you Mom? They told her Mom they couldn’t find Holly. When Holly came to, she walked back to her apartment that has search dogs and an ambulance. She was placed on a 72-hour psych hold, which became a 14-day hold. She was released early because her Dad came down from Montana to take her to rehab.
[21:02] How many holds did you have?
Holly said, five or six, and she was still in denial. She was in rehab for 97 days, and it took her until Day 45 to acknowledge she had a bit of a drinking problem. She admitted to depression and an eating disorder, but not alcohol.
[22:07] What was it about alcohol that made it difficult for you to admit you had a problem?
Holly said that alcohol was such a part of her lifestyle that it seemed normal. Her view of an alcoholic was a homeless person on the street with a bottle in a brown bag. She had extreme denial that it was a problem.
[23:08] Tell me more about when you went to rehab?
Holly attended rehab in San Clemente, CA. It was a 12 Step based program. She was scared. Forty-five days into rehab, she begrudgingly got a sponsor. She was asked, “are you willing to do whatever it takes?” That temporary sponsor was with her for 7.5 years. Holly is grateful to her sponsor, her family, and all of the rehab staff who had to put up with her attitude.
On family weekend, her Dad was crying when he told Holly what he saw when he came to put her in rehab. There were alcohol bottles and diet pills strewn about her apartment. Nobody knew how bad she was because she only reported the good news, from her grades to her two jobs. Seeing the pain in her father’s eyes snapped her into awareness.
[27:08] Did you realize your body was withdrawing from alcohol?
Holly said she had no recall of the first several days because she had overdosed. She later learned that her blood alcohol level was toxically high. The doctors said it was amazing she pulled through. Holly believes from her faith that angels were watching over her, and that is why she is still with us.
[28:19] What happened after you left rehab. How was it adjusting to the real world?
Holly said she did a lot of work but knew she had to take one day at a time. In early recovery, she leveraged AA, her sponsor, and plenty of therapy. Holly said connections, connections, connections – that was her saving grace. She began to lean in on other sobriety tools like the Recovery Elevator podcast. She returned to grad school and added recovery ministry to her curriculum. Her heart changed, and there was an ego shift that allowed her to focus on recovery ministry, sharing her recovery tools with others who struggle with addiction. She still takes it one day at a time, and her recovery isn’t perfect. Now she can hold space for others.
[31:12] Did your eating disorder progress after you stopped drinking?
Holly said she exchanged one obsession for another. Her addictive brain focused on alcohol, then alcohol plus food, trauma. Her recovery has not been a straight line but rather a windy pathway.
She realized variety, moderation and balance are essential in her life, but moderation is not an option with alcohol. She has infinite possibilities without alcohol.
[34:33] How do you handle difficult emotions now?
Holly said she has to reach out to talk to people, or she is in trouble. If she starts to isolate from family and friends, it’s a red flag.
[37:00] Tell me how you transitioned into the recovery industry?
Holly said after graduating, she felt a pull to help others. She began helping people in recovery homes and believes her past was a calling for her to hold space for others.
She practices playing the tape through regularly to avoid the insanity of her thoughts. She knows she is not going to drink, just for today. She believes in affirmations to rewire her neuropathways.
[45:38] How has your recovery evolved over time?
Holly remains involved in her 12-step program, but her mind has shifted from, I have to, to I get to. She continues to work with a therapist and connects with other people in recovery.
[49:17] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Stay in the present, don’t worry about the past. You are loved.
- What is a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?
Everyone has a past, don’t cast judgment. It’s about what you are doing today.
- What do you bring to a party?
Diet Coke or Coke Zero with a splash of lemonade.
- What are your favorite resources in recovery?
Connection, 12-steps, mental health support groups, quit lit, friends, and family.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking of ditching the booze?
Be gentle with yourself and know there are people who want to support you. No matter what, you have worth, value and you are loved.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
You finish your whiskey, and you yell at the bartender, “same ice” because you don’t want the marinated ice to go down the drain.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
This journey should make you feel lighter and propel you toward the life you deserve. Let this be the best experiment in your life, the path back to yourself. Challenges are lessons, not obstacles. We can fail forward into beautiful things. You are not alone, together is always better.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Paul Churchill | Mar 17, 2020 | Helpful Tips, Resources, The first Year
In this article, I’m going to cover what a “Nolo” drink is, talk about NA (non-alcoholic) beers and kombucha. I’m also going to give my recommendation if you should stay away from these drinks or not since some of them do contain trace amounts of alcohol.
Side note – I feel more influencers, bloggers, podcasters need to cover controversial topics in recovery. Should we avoid NA beers that still contain small amounts of alcohol, does cannabis plays in recovery, and where does plant medicines such as ayahuasca, psilocybin, and ibogaine fit in recovery?
In episode 170, I came out about my experience with ayahuasca despite knowing I would face some intense criticism, which I did. I still feel it’s an incredibly powerful resource, and not sharing it with the audience wouldn’t be true to my mission.
Recently I heard from a blogger in this space who tried ayahuasca for the first time and they said it was the most powerful resource they have come across. I then said, “wow, I’m so happy with you, shoot me the link when you share your experience with the audience, I’m excited to read about it.” They responded with, I don’t have any plans about going public with it. I didn’t answer back, but my inner response was…. Weak. But I get it, I’m sure I’ll get some flack about the position I take with kombucha and non- alcoholic beers.
Speaking of Ayahuasca, I’m hoping to get dates set up for another trip to Rythmia in Costa Rica for later this year or early next. Email me a paul@recoveryelevator.com if you’re interested in joining.
As you may know, I have a book titled Alcohol is Shit, so it may come as a surprise for me to admit, there are some excellent uses for alcohol.
What is alcohol good for?
1. It does have a place in the medical field. It does a great job of killing bacteria and sterilizing things.
2. It’s a highly flammable fuel. It can power a car, a train, or a rocket.
Apart from that, alcohol is shit. People are waking up to the fact alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen, and ingesting the poison can cause significant havoc on internal bodily systems. So a trend is emerging. People are drinking less alcohol. Especially younger folks. Also, consumers are switching to more non or low alcohol content drinks.
People in masses are starting to recognize that alcohol kills 88,000 people per year in just the US alone, causes ulcers, sexual problems, Vitamin B deficiency, apathy, gastritis, malnutrition, nerve damage, liver disease, alcohol poisoning, acute making an ass out of yourself disorder, and a barrage of other things that nobody wants.
People are consuming less alcohol
Sales of no or low alcohol beer (this is where the term “nolo” comes from) is up 30% since 2016. This trend is especially popular with 18-24 year olds. Another fantastic statistic with this age group is that the number of 18-24-year-olds who report they don’t drink at all, increased by 6% last year alone, to 23% in total. Wow, you get a lot of flack millennials, but good on you.
According to the craft brewers’ trade organization, “Nolo” alcohol is set to be one of the driving trends of 2020.
The report is forecasting that no alcohol, low alcohol, and “free-from” beers are set to be one of the fastest-growing parts of the market in 2020, with under 35s choosing low alcohol versions of drinks for a quiet night in or to accompany meals.
Consumers are more conscious of their physical and mental health than ever, and this has driven the fall in alcohol consumption, especially among young people.
Here’s another promising figure – Growth in beer sales is slowing, with total beer sales in 2019 rising by 1.1%, compared with 2.6% growth a year earlier. And The report also indicated a slight increase in the overall number of people who never drink alcohol, with 17% saying they were teetotalers, compared to 16% a year earlier. That’s roughly 3.5 million more people who don’t drink.
I share this with you in hopes of reminding you that you’re not alone. That more people than ever are questioning the role that alcohol is playing in their lives. People are taking addiction seriously and recognize it’s not something that younger people even want to mess with. When millennials say “Yolo” they aren’t including alcohol addiction.
People, just like myself and you, are consciously making the decision to not drink something that will make you less conscious, less alive, and less vibrant. I choose, and I know you do as well, vitality.
NA Beers
Okay, let’s cover non- alcoholic beer. Legally, they can market it as non-alcoholic if it contains less than .5% of alcohol. So, non-alcoholic beer isn’t correct since it contains alcohol. Thank you, FDA. And you might need to ditch the booze if you just calculated how many NA beers you’ll need to drink to relive the glory days. Now, good on you Heineken and UK Based Smashed Lager for making a true 0.0 NA beer.
Now before I give you my opinion, my stance on NA beers, lets first cover why you want to drink an NA beer. Is it the taste? That there are small amounts of alcohol? To blend in? To not be asked why you aren’t drinking? Personally, I never drank beer, wine, or hard liquor for the taste. I drank for effect. I can think of about 74 other drinks that taste significantly better than NA beers, all of which don’t contain alcohol.
Soda water, with a splash of cranberry and a lime wedge, is at the top of the list. Another one is called the “Dustimosa.” You take a couple of sips out of a La Croix, or Buble can, and then fill back up with cranberry, orange, or grapefruit juice.
This is how I treat NA beers. I don’t drink them. Not because I don’t want to flirt with the idea of trace alcohol amounts in my system, but I prefer the taste of other beverages. Now there have been several times when someone hosts a party, and they get me a six-pack of NA beers. Out of generosity, I’ll always have 1. One time, someone got me and my friend, Dusty, he was interviewed in episode 206, Busch NA’s to play flip cup with everyone so we’d feel included.
My stance on NA beers, unless it’s a true 0.0% – stay away. You can find better tasting alternatives, and you don’t want to rattle the cage. It’s not worth it. I once heard a story from a guy who’s wife only allowed him to have NA beers in the house. So each night, he would go into the garage and drink 25-30 NA beers…
Again, my unequivocal stance is, stay away from NA beers that contain trace amounts of alcohol. If you end up having all six beers in under an hour, there’s a good chance you’ll feel it, and crave more.
Kombucha
Now let’s cover kombucha. What is kombucha? And why is it so popular in the US right now? According to Kombucha Brewers International, kombucha is a fermented tea beverage that’s made by adding a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast (SCOBY). This solution of tea and sugar produces various compounds, including alcohol and acetic acid, the primary flavor of vinegar.
Kombucha helps support healthy liver function and assists the liver in the detoxification process by making fat-soluble toxins water-soluble. A recent study found recovering alcoholics with higher gut bacteria diversity were more successful at staying sober. There is a strong gut-brain connection, and drinking kombucha strengthens that connection by increasing the number of healthy gut bacteria. 80% of serotonin is created in the gut when healthy gut bacteria and function are present.
I also want to mention, if you had a sandwich or burger for lunch today, you most likely had more alcohol than a Kombucha. Burger rolls have almost 1.3% alcohol, and a ripe banana or pear has about .4% alcohol. How far down do you want to draw this line in the sand?
With kombucha, my take, my stance, my opinion is… Have a kombucha for lunch. Greenlight. But make sure, if you’re at a kombucha brewery, it’s less than .5% or ideally 0.0%. I feel the health benefits outweigh the risks with a kombucha. Plus, for some reason, the thought of chugging 12 kombuchas at lunch makes my stomach stir.
What sometimes sneaks up on me with kombucha is the caffeine. If I have one for dinner, it usually keeps me up at night. So keep that in mind.
To go a little deeper with this article, the overarching problem isn’t alcohol. At first, it is when we are physically addicted. But after it’s been out of the system for a while, it’s about finding healthier ways to regulate inner discomfort without an external substance like wine, beer, spirits sex, shopping gambling, or kombucha. Awareness of what’s happening internally is significantly more important than avoiding kombucha.
by Paul Churchill | Nov 11, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Jody took her last drink on October 20, 2015. This is her story.
Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book! The book is out! Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
On today’s episode Paul shares with the listeners the many (12) steps, and team members, it takes to put a podcast episode together. And listeners…you are part of the team!
Paul also covers an article he came across that talks about the relationship between alcohol and antisocial behavior is well documented. You can find a link to the article here.
The question is, can we blame our bad behavior on the alcohol? The study in this article says no. Alcohol, according to the study, does not change your personality. Drunken you has the same moral compass as sober you.
[10:20] Paul introduces Jody.
Jody is 30 years old and lives in Orlando, Florida. She is a flight attendant and a mindset and transformation coach. Jody is not married and does not have any kids, yet. She loves to travel, read, cook, and do yoga.
[13:25] Give us a background on your drinking.
Jody was introduced to alcohol her freshman year of college. She found that alcohol helped her social anxiety. After graduating from college, she thought she would leave the binge drinking behind. That didn’t happen. She continued to drink and smoke and have blackouts, and this frustrated Jody.
[17:15] Can you dive deeper into your frustration?
She moved back home and that addiction followed her. It helped her find people that made her feel normal. Once she decided she wanted to become a flight attendant she knew she would have to stop smoking because they drug test you. So, she did, and she got the job. During this time Jody started drinking more and drinking alone.
[22:40] Get us up to speed, did you try to moderate, was there a rock bottom moment?
When she started drinking alone, she tried to make rules and moderate, always breaking the rules. The voice inside got really loud and she started to believe that the world would be a better place without her. She felt her problem was too big. This is when she started to listen to the Recovery Elevator podcast. She got a new therapist and at the age of 27 she identified herself as an alcoholic, a word she does not use anymore.
[24:30] Tell me your thinking on not using the word alcoholic anymore?
Jody feels very passionate about this…this feels it’s a very dangerous and harmful term to use.
[27:40] Bring us up to October 20, 2015.
Jody says she was just sick and tired or being sick and tired.
[28:20] What happened after that?
Jody says she’s pretty much did it on her own. She took it one day at a time. Jody structured her days and it helped her stay sober and grounded.
[29:15] In the first couple months did you experience cravings, and how’d you get past them?
Jody says she made a really firm decision that she didn’t want to drink and she didn’t experience cravings.
[30:20] Share with us your biggest life lessons during the last 4 years.
Jody’s first year was dedicated to loving herself. Year 2, 3, & 4 was all about mindset. She changed the way she viewed what had happened and how alcohol was viewed in out society. This ultimately made her leave AA.
[33:40] Tell us about being a Mindset and Transformation Coach.
About a year ago Jody decided she wanted to do something to help others that want to be alcohol free. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
[38:25] You are loud and proud on social media, what has been the response?
Jody says her posts are never about her, they are about the people that need to hear it. About sharing her story for those that need to hear that message.
[43:30] Where can people get in contact with you?
You can find Jody on Instagram here.
[44:00] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
Realizing I am not my addiction, I am not what I have experienced.
- What is a gift that sobriety has given you?
Being fully present at all times.
- What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?
Recently I had a spicy AF jalapeno margherita.
- What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?
Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind, Alan Carr’s The Easy Way to Quit Drinking for Women, this podcast, and anyone that is loud and proud on Instagram.
- What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?
I want to help as many people as I can through coaching.
- And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Be open, and committed. Stay curious.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
If you use the layering technique in your recycling bin.
Upcoming retreats:
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about this event here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Jody via instagram @jodyventura
You Can’t Blame Alcohol for Acting Like an A-hole Anymore, Say Scientists
https://www.inverse.com/article/58809-alcohol-study-does-it-change-your-personality
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”
by Paul Churchill | Jul 8, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Melissa, with a sobriety date of October 29, 2018, shares her story.
Paul shares one of his favorite emails. Dale from Pittsburgh says…Paul, you son of a bitch. You have completely ruined alcohol for me.
Your experience with alcohol may no longer be the same after listening to the podcast! Don’t worry about the how…that always solves itself.
SHOW NOTES
[11:00] Paul introduces Melissa.
Melissa says that sobriety is the most badass gift she has given herself. The biggest milestone. She is from Vancouver Canada. She is 44 years old and has a 12-year-old son and a 1-year old rescue dog. Melissa has been a business owner for the last 5 years. For fun she likes to walk in the forest.
[16:20] What is something you want to try out in sobriety?
Scuba diving!
[17:30] Give us a background on your drinking.
Melissa had her first drink when she was 15. She got drunk the first time she drank and the kids at school thought she was cool. Her parents got divorced when she was 16 and she took the roll of mom to her younger siblings. In high school she started dating guys that were older and was going to night clubs. When she graduated high school, and turned 18, she started bartending. In 1998 she moved to the Cayman Islands and lived there for 5 years. She drank a lot and her drinking progressed. When she was 27 years old, she moved back home. She got married and they had a son. As she got older, she started to become verbally abusive when she drank. That’s when the blackouts started to happen.
January 2010 they separate, her son is 3 years old at the time. A few months later, while she is volunteering a police officer approaches her and takes her back to her house. Once she is home she finds out that her brother hit a tree while snowboarding and died.
[29:50] bring us up to speed to your sobriety date.
2011…she gets together with a new man. He was an enabler and he let her drink the way she wanted to drink. On October 29th, after begging him to give her another chance, she walked into an AA meeting.
[35:40] What was that first meeting like?
Melissa says she was a mess. Two old-timers took her under their wings and she will never forget them. She went to meetings every single day for the first month.
[36:35] What did it mean to surrender?
Melissa realized that she was powerless. The mental obsession was too much and she gave up.
[46:42] What have you learned about yourself?
The most important thing Melissa has learned about herself is that she has so much to give.
[47:28] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Waking up in the middle of the floor and not know what I drank.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Definitely the podcast and AA.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve received?
Trust the process.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
You’re not alone.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
Your 7-year-old son begs you to go to the wine shop after school so he can get the free puck that comes with the bottle of wine you drink.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
