by Paul Churchill | Jun 3, 2019 | Podcast
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Gerald, with a sobriety date of November 16, 2015, shares his story.
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On a recent Café’ RE webinar, our host Odette, who is a sobriety warrior, brought a fantastic topic to the webinar. The Cherokee parable titled Two Wolves. It is about an old Cherokee teaching his grandson about life. He tells the grandson that he has a fight going on inside him between two wolves. One is evil, the other is good.
The grandson thought for a moment and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”
This same fight is going on inside all of us. But we should refrain from labeling our wolves ‘evil’ and ‘good’, because they are both equally important. We tend to feed our ‘evil’ wolf more, because it’s source of energy doesn’t require much action. When this wolf gets thirsty, we feed it alcohol. The ‘good’ wolf takes more effort and energy to feed, it craves sobriety.
Because both wolves are equally important, we cannot ignore the ‘evil’ one, we must acknowledge it and that will keep it happy. When we ignore one, we become unbalanced.
SHOW NOTES
[13:00] Paul introduces Gerald.
Gerald is 50 years old and lives in Boulder, CO with his family. He was born and raised in Connecticut, where he went to a private school and private college. Skiing and biking are Gerald’s passions.
[15:50] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Gerald started drinking when he was in high school. Through high school and college his drinking was only an occasional/weekend thing. After moving to Boulder, he cut back on his drinking because he was staying active biking and training for triathlons.
At the age of 30 he decided he wanted to go to culinary school and stopped exercising and started eating, and his drinking picked up. He gained 40 pounds. In 2011 he decided he wanted to lose the weight, so he got back on his bike, cut back on his drinking, and in 8 months lost the 40 he had gained.
When he was 43 Gerald lost his job and the decrease in income forced him and his family to move in with his in-laws. While he appreciated what his in-laws were doing for him and his family, he says it really started to take its toll on him and the way he felt as a man. This is when his drinking really started to progress.
[19:11] What happened after that?
In April of 2015 he lost another job. The pattern was starting to solidify. This was also when he really started to get into personal development.
[20:20] Did you start to see the role that alcohol was playing in your life?
Gerald said only looking backwards. He didn’t see it at the time. He thought he drank the same as all his friends, and that nobody ever pulled him aside or suggested he had a drinking problem. He did stop drinking for 3 weeks and nobody seemed to notice, so he went back to his normal and kept on drinking.
[21:55] What happened on November 16, 2015?
Gerald was on his way home from his job at a brewery and was invited to a going away party for someone from work. After grabbing alcohol from work, and drinking even more from the party, he got behind the wheel, took a turn and hit the curb hard enough to employ his side airbag…right in front of a cop. He got a DUI.
[23:00] Was this your rock bottom moment?
Gerald says it was the moment that he knew he had to change something. He got kicked out of his in-law’s house that night and lost his job a few days later. He found himself starting at ground zero again.
[28:45] What was day 1 like?
On day 1 Gerald kept an appointment with his blog coach, which he had made prior to his DUI. He says that appointment was transformational. It helped him begin to understand that he had a different purpose. Instead of doing what he just wanted to do he was trying to create something of value. Providing more value to people made the biggest difference in his life.
[30:56] Walk us through that first week, that first month.
Connection with his family made the biggest difference, and understanding that he was moving away from something while moving towards something else. Instead of trying to avoid drinking he started looking forward to other things like creating content and spending time with his kids.
**Gerald wrote a book titled, My Morning Practice: How to Put Down the Bottle, Escape Mediocrity, and Master Your Morning Mindset**
[35:15] Talk to us about how changing one little habit in the morning can make a tremendous change in your life.
Gerald starting noticing that most of the most successful people on the planet all had a morning routine. A lot of those routines included exercise. Gerald decided to write 10 ideas down every morning. About a month later he heard about a bike challenge so he adding biking to his mornings. He continued to add things to his routine. This routine gave Gerald the time and the space to really think about what is important to him.
[40:00] Walk us through a good morning routine for listeners that are new in sobriety.
First thing is to cut back time from what you are doing in the evening, less TV for example, so you can get to bed a little earlier and wake up a little earlier. Then take it a bite sized piece at a time, adding only one thing at a time and being consistent with that one thing before adding more.
[47:08] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety?
He’s learned that he has a growth mindset and if there’s a skill out there that he wants to learn he can accomplish it.
[48:00] Where can we find you and your book?
You can find his book on Amazon right here. You can find Gerald himself through his email, gerald@geraldrhodes.com , or his website, https://www.geraldrhodes.com/ .
[48:30] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
My son’ 8th birthday, my ex-wife and I got into this huge fight, it was a mess and it was all because I was drunk.
- When was your ah-ha moment?
I was watching a video by Bob Proctor and the message he gave led to my big ah-ha moment.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?
My morning practice, it has served me very well.
- Apart from your morning routine, what’s your favorite resource in recovery?
A book by Gary John Bishop called Unfu*k Yourself and listening to books on Audible.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?
That I am a miracle.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Take a few minutes every day to do something that you love and to think about what’s most important to you.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You take home white wine spritzers in a to go cup.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
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“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | May 20, 2019 | Podcast
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Ryan, with 90 days of sobriety, shares his story.
On today’s podcast Paul talks about the 3 major players when it comes to sobriety. The players are; the mind, the body, and the breath. Paul likes to call this the 20/40/40 rule, because that is how we should allocate the importance to these 3 major players.
The mind (20%) should be used as a radar to scan the body, do not try and use the mind to solve addiction. The body (40%) never lies, it is your unconscious mind. The breath (40%) is like your fighter jet. Once your mind has located where on your body your energetic mass has accumulated get in your fighter jet (the breath) and start building circuits in this area.
SHOW NOTES
[12:15] Paul introduces Ryan.
Ryan lives in Sacramento, Ca. He works in sales for a large software company. He is 35 years old and got married last year. For fun Ryan likes anything outdoors. He enjoys snowboarding, hiking, running, and he is currently training for a half marathon. Ryan says he is an extrovert and gets a lot of energy hanging out and talking with people and friends.
[14:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Ryan had his first drink at 14 years old. Throughout high school he played a lot of sports and only drank on the weekends. His drinking ramped up in college. He joined a fraternity and was always the guy that you could count on to do crazy things. Looking back, he can see that his drinking ramped up in college and it never stopped once he was out of college.
Even though he would go periods when drinking didn’t seem to be a problem, he would then be back to blacking out again and drinking like he was in college.
[16:30] When did you start to realize that alcohol was a problem?
Ryan says that is tricky, because even though he would wake up and not remember things from the night before his friends were doing the same thing, and they’d be making jokes about it.
But when he was 21, he woke in the hospital and they told him he had a .39 blood alcohol level (BAC). Someone had called an ambulance. He says that that was probably not the only time his BAC had been that high. He felt the problem was the fact that he was blacking out, and that is what he tried to address, which is why he continued to drink for the next 10-15 years.
[18:25] In your 20s was there a specific moment that you tried to take action in regards to your drinking?
Ryan says no. He felt he was in his 20s and he was having fun. He was still functioning and finding success in his career. He did try putting some rules on his drinking but says he never really wanted to stop drinking during his 20s, he just wanted to stop blacking out.
[19:30] When did you realize that to stop blacking out wasn’t an option, but that you had to address the alcohol.
Ryan says he doesn’t really feel he ever had quitting on the table until 90 days ago. He took breaks, but never with the intention of quitting. Even after being diagnosed with type I diabetes at the age of 29 he didn’t think he should stop drinking, instead his thoughts were, “will I be able to drink again?”.
[23:20] What happened 90 days ago?
More than anything Ryan says he was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. He also says his wife played a big role in it. After a work trip to Vegas and blacking out, losing his phone and credit card, and his wife not being able to get a hold of him he realized just how scared she was when he got home. Scared that something really bad could have happened to him. He knew then he had to stop drinking.
[28:15] What was the first week, the first month, after Vegas like?
He felt empowered and knew he was going to do it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do it, was definitely scared, but knew he was going to do it. First and foremost, his wife said that she would quit with him. He started reading books about alcohol/alcoholism. He started looking at all the opportunities that giving up alcohol would bring.
[33:07] What are some of the big things you’ve learned in the last 90 days without alcohol?
He’s learned to be more present and more mindful.
[36:20] Do you know why you drank?
He feels it had to do with his ego and a sense of identification. Growing up he identified himself as an athlete, in college he could no longer truly do that. College was the first time he was away from his twin brother so he was building his own identity. He became the fun, social, crazy guy and he thinks that was his why.
[39:00] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
Ryan doesn’t have a bucket list, or a list of things he wants to get done. He is just taking action in the moment when he wants to do something.
[39:38] Is there anything you would have done differently while getting sober?
He would have done it sooner.
[39:46] What’s the biggest obstacle you’ve encountered in the last 90 days?
He says it’s been the anxiety leading up to, and before, telling people about his sobriety.
[41:30] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
There’s no worst, there’s just lots of really bad memories. From being in the drunk tank, to the hospital, to passing out in random places.
- Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?
When I went to the hospital my senior year with that .39 BAC.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?
I don’t have a true plan; I think that’s part of the plan. It’s not that I’m focused on just being sober. I’m focused on being the best version of myself and that just happens to include sobriety.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Honestly, this podcast and my wife.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you’ve ever received?
Don’t let the past dictate your future.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Stop worrying about if you’re an alcoholic or not, who cares about the labels? Ask yourself, does drinking cause you problems in any part of your life? And if so, then it’s a problem and you can fix that problem by not drinking.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You refuse to listen to someone’s story about sobriety because you don’t actually want to stop drinking alcohol, you just want all the problems from drinking alcohol to magically go away.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
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Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
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“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | May 13, 2019 | Podcast
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Liz, with a sobriety date of July 8, 2017, shares her story.
Workshops for the Bozeman, MT, retreat in August are lined up! There are still a few spots left! You can find more information about this event here
On today’s podcast Paul talks about a common misconception people have as they move forward in a life without alcohol. That misconception is that when we get sober, we will finally find out who we really are. But that isn’t how it works. We do get to that point, but first we must find out who we aren’t.
During this phase; people, places, things, ideas, thought patterns, identities, that are no longer in line with your new direction in life will start to fade away. Just allow this process to happen. Recovery is all about action, but this is a process of inaction. This is a recurring process.
SHOW NOTES
[10:05] Paul introduces Liz.
Liz is 29 years old and is originally from Indiana but is now living in Frankfurt, Illinois. She is a licensed, board certified, acupuncturist and Chinese herbalist. She is married. For fun she enjoys working out, hiking, yoga, reading, going to concerts, and she is a big foodie.
[11:00] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Liz started drinking when she was about 12 or 13 years old. She was an only child and grew up in an abusive household, with addict parents (who are still active in their addictions). She was sexually abused by her father and his friends between the ages of 8-10. All of this trauma laid dormant until Liz was 21 years old.
Liz’s father would give her drugs and alcohol whenever she would ask, she believes it was his way of keeping her numb, so that she would never speak up. Her house was the party house in high school, and even middle school.
Liz dated an ecstasy dealer, which led her into an ecstasy addiction and an overdose. At the age of 20 she went to jail for underage drinking. She moved to Chicago when she was 21. She was working and going to school full time, and drinking.
[16:55] You are the first person interviewed that has said they always knew they had a drinking problem, please explain.
She knew that when she started drinking at 12/13 years old that she was drinking to cover something up. It was always a numbing agent for Liz, never a feel-good agent. It was just the way I coped with everything. Knowing she needed help she found an addictions counselor in Chicago. Within the first session the counselor was telling her she was an alcoholic and addict, needed AA and to enter inpatient treatment.
She continued to go to therapy, but did not enter into inpatient. It was during this time that the sexual abuse from her childhood started to surface and her drinking and drugging intensified.
[20:24] What was it like when these memories started to bubble up?
Liz says this is when the downward spiral of her addiction really started to intensify. She was still going to work and school, but was blacking out nightly. If she didn’t go to bed drunk, she would have vivid night terrors.
[22:23] Tell us about what it was like when you were meeting with the hypnotherapist.
She assessed Liz, told her she needed AA and to stop drinking and basically told her she was not willing to work with her unless she stopped drinking. Liz told her she was unwilling to stop drinking and insisted on the therapy. The therapist agreed to proceed although she told her she may not get much out of it due to her alcohol consumption. Liz showed up for every appointment, about twice a week for 6 months. It was the most intense therapy Liz has ever gone through. She relived the trauma and was able to heal from it.
[24:45] What happened next?
She continued to see the therapist, continued to drink, and she finished school. Once she was done with school she moved to Illinois. Her drinking//drugging slowed to the weekends, although she was still blacking out and her weekends were spent hungover. She tried moderating. She started breaking out in hives when she would drink. It did not matter what she drank, or how much. One drink would lead to hives from head to toe. So, she started taking Claritin before she drank, so she could continue drinking without the hives. Her hangovers started to get worse and last longer.
She got engaged in 12/2015 and married in 8/2017. July of 2017 was her bachelorette party weekend, and July 8, 2017 is her sobriety date.
[31:16] What was it like in early sobriety?
She remembers being really scared to go anywhere, not wanting to explain anything to anyone. Feelings were new to her and made her nervous. She continued with her therapy during the first year of sobriety. She did AA for about 6 months.
[35:00] Talk to us about how acupuncture can be helpful in sobriety.
Acupuncture can help release endorphins, increase serotonin levels, help get people off of anxiety meds, and help with overall cravings.
[37:25] How has your life changed in sobriety?
She finally feels content, no longer feels restless.
[40:10] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
Liz wants to travel; Australia and New Zealand are next on her list. She would also like to find a good yoga retreat to attend. She wants to help others and to be more open about her sobriety.
[42:19] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Ending up in the hospital in Memphis for alcohol poisoning, also waking up and not having memories.
- Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?
When she couldn’t make it through a whole day of class without going across the street to the bar. Waking up without a phone or wallet. Getting arrested for underage drinking.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
Being more open about my sobriety and using my acupuncture background to help other addicts. Really being part of a good sober community.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
This podcast and hypnotherapy as well.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you’ve ever received?
You are not defined by your past traumas. Drinking is not going to fix anything.
- The best parting piece of advice you can give the listeners.
Work on your shit.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
Alcohol gives you hives, but you take a Claritin and drink anyways.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR
Babbel
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Babbel for free.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
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Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | May 6, 2019 | Podcast
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Nick, with 111 days sober, shares his story.
On today’s episode Paul discusses anxiety, depression and stress. “These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” ~ Rumi.
Depression is when mental energies are stuck in the past, anxiety is when we are living in the future, and stress accumulates when the end goal is more important than the task at hand. Liberation from all three of these dysfunctions resides in the present moment.
There is an undeniable connection between alcohol and depression. Remove alcohol and the bulk of melancholy should be lifted within a matter of months. Anxiety levels should also return to baseline after removing alcohol from your life. When we are primarily focused on the end outcome, and not the task at hand, we experience stress. Stress can be devastating to the equanimity in the body. The most powerful remedy to depression, anxiety, and stress is to ground yourself in the moment.
SHOW NOTES
[10:40] Paul introduces Nick
Nick is 32 years old and lives in Vancouver, Canada. He works in the career center at a university. He has been married for 2 years. For fun, he is still trying to figure that out in sobriety, but he enjoys having conversation and making connections with people.
[13:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Nick didn’t really start drinking until his early 20’s. He says he liked to drink, that there never really was a time that he did not enjoy it. He felt he could drink more than most and still be OK. And what that ended up doing was it basically normalized drinking large amounts of alcohol, because he wasn’t getting sick or waking up with a hangover. Things slowly escalated from there.
In 2010 Nick moved to Vancouver. There were a few times when he decided that he didn’t like how much he was drinking, and he would just stop for a few months at a time.
[17:00] What was the catalyst for you to decide to go a month or two without alcohol?
He went through a really messed up experience between his best friend and the person he was dating at the time. He dealt with that experience by drinking. What he came to realize was that alcohol just made him feel worse. So, he distanced himself from those 2 people and from alcohol. He went 3-4 months without drinking, not thinking he would never drink again, but more because he felt he needed a break from it.
When Nick started to drink again, the next year or two, it wasn’t that bad.
But what came back very quickly was the familiar feeling that alcohol made him feel comfortable, safe, more confident.
The thing that tipped Nick off to drinking becoming a problem was in order to feel normal or comfortable in a situation, he needed alcohol.
[20:15] When did you realize that your drinking was a problem?
It’s hard for him to pinpoint exactly when that happened. It built very slowly over time. It snowballed and it wasn’t until many years later that he realized that he had lost control.
[22:05] When was the moment that you did stop and see that alcohol was the factor that was causing that unease in your life?
Nick says there were lots of smaller moments, but when he really knew it, it was about 6 months after a good friend died from leukemia. He started isolating and drinking alone.
[25:50] Did you have a rock bottom moment? How did you finally make the push forward into sobriety?
Nick tried to moderate, which didn’t work. He then started to go to counseling on a regular basis. He was honest with his therapist about his drinking. He started journaling which helped him to see why he was drinking. He became more self-aware and was communicating better. He was still sad and grieving. Over the next year his drinking escalated.
Around September 2018 he was listening to a lot of podcasts and just knew that he had to give up drinking. He came home one day, after listening to the RE podcast, took his earbuds out, and just cried. Part of the reason he cried was because he realized that he was not alone.
[34:05] When the tears came flowing, what did it feel like to fully lean in?
Nick says it felt terrifying and he felt very vulnerable, but also so relieved. That began a long series of day ones. On December 1st he joined the Café’RE Facebook group. After drinking a lot after a staff party on December 7, he has not picked up since.
[41:30] What was the first week like, the first month? How did you do it?
The first few days were a little rough. Because of all the journaling he had done he knew the hours that he needed to keep himself busy. He changed the route he would take as he would walk home so that he would not be passing liquor stores. He got connected and reached out to others in the group.
[44:16] With 111 days what’s he biggest challenge you’ve encountered so far?
The feeling of plateauing. He’s sober and isn’t experiencing cravings, so the question of “what now”?
[45:50] What was the Recovery Elevator Nashville event like?
It was great. As soon as he heard about the Nashville event, he knew he had to try to get himself there.
[48:30] What are you going to do next in recovery?
Nick would like to work with people in addiction and recovery.
[51:20] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Waking up and realizing that you hurt someone you care about, but you can’t remember why, is the absolute worst feeling in the world.
- Do you remember a specific ‘oh-shit’ moment?
The last night he drank. It was though the scotch he was drinking was water. It just wasn’t working anymore.
- Best advice you’ve ever received? And what advice can you give to someone who is thinking about getting sober?
Be open and vulnerable, be willing to give and receive love.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You go to slide a wine bottle under your couch, and you hear it hit another bottle, which hits another bottle.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 22, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
James, with a sobriety date of November 12, 2016, shares his story.
Recovery Elevator is on Instagram! Please follow Paul and Ben here .
On today’s podcast Paul discuses relapse. For some, and Paul has only met a few, relapse isn’t part of their story. But for the vast majority it is, and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Spontaneous sobriety is rare. Paul feels that the word ‘relapse’ is another word in recovery, similar to the word ‘alcoholic’, that needs to be thrown out. The word ‘relapse’ has implications of failure.
When we drink again, after having made the internal declaration not to, we are simply doing more field research, learning lessons along the way. If you find yourself in a continuous cycle of field research, self-compassion is key. Stop placing success and failure parameters on whether you drank last night or not. When we start addressing what we are using alcohol to cover up than relapse will become less frequent and even a thing of the past.
When you do find yourself on stable footing, beware of the 3 most dangerous words on this journey…I got this.
SHOW NOTES
**Listeners you can listen to James’ first interview back on episode 105 when he had 74 days of sobriety, today he has 850 days.
[8:05] Paul introduces James
James is 31 years old and lives in New Jersey with his wife and their pomsky, Milo. He works in Manhattan. For fun he likes to golf, go to the gym, and hang with his wife and pup.
[10:50] Give us a little background about your drinking.
James started drinking when he was 13, stealing beers and wine coolers from the liquor cabinet. In high school he was not a big drinker, although he remembers how drinking helped make him feel comfortable.
He started college, on a golf scholarship, became good friends with one of his teammates that was a Christian, started going to bible study and church and didn’t drink his entire freshman year. Later, one of his teammates from England, was graduating so they threw a party and James drank. He picked up right where he left off and the next three years of college he was binge drinking and dabbled in drugs.
The spring semester of his senior year his coach called him in to his office and told him not to come to practice anymore, that he was coming in smelling like liquor and bringing the rest of the team down. This was the first time that he realized his drinking was affecting other people.
[13:44] Can you tell us what it felt like to have someone on the outside call you out on your drinking.
Immediately James was embarrassed and ashamed. He walked out of the office feeling sad and like he had let everyone down. He was able to curb his drinking enough to not be a burden and make it through the last 3 months playing golf.
2010 James was in Barcelona, caddying at a nice country club, the 2nd day he caddied he met a man that offered him a job which he took a week later. This was the beginning of the end. From the time he graduated at 21 years old to 28 years old, when he got sober, it was a quick progression of drugs and alcohol. In the span of 5 years James lost his Grandfather, his uncle and his Dad. Instead of dealing with the losses he used alcohol and drugs.
At 27 he was arrested for possession of cocaine, theft, and disturbing the peace. This leads to an intervention by his family and his Mom gives him the option to go to rehab or see a therapist. He picked the therapist. He went through a number of therapists and his girlfriend of 2 years left him during this time.
[22:40] What did it feel like that moment when you told yourself you were done.
He immediately felt a sense of relief. He reached out to a friend from college, that he used to party with, but from his posts on Facebook knew that he had gotten sober. At this time neither his family, or his girlfriend, would talk to him. He went to see his friend from college the next day. Talking to him helped, and he also started 12 weeks of IOP. Everyday he would ask himself, is this going to honor my father. He knew he had to make some changes and he firmly believes his father died to save his life.
[24:45] Once you surrendered, how did you make it one week, one month, how did you do it?
One day at a time. James says he was never a half-in guy, so once he decided to get sober, he dove in. He found the RE podcast, started reading a lot, went to AA, and was going to IOP and therapy 3 times a week. Very early he burned the ships with everyone, which he says was very therapeutic. He could finally breath and no longer had all the guilt and the shame.
[28:00] What was the transition from drinking/partying like you did, to the clean and sober life, like?
James said it was hard, but that it was almost like he was going back to the person he was the whole time, and it was a relief. In the last 6 months he shifted from playing the victim and feels he is becoming exactly who he is supposed to be.
[33:05] Talk to us about your year 1 and year 2 and the differences between the two.
James says he definitely had the classic pink cloud and felt great. At the end of year 1 he started to struggle a bit but after he hit the year mark, he felt rejuvenated. He booked the trip to Peru with Café RE and between months 13-15 things took another turn. Things felt dark and he was asking himself if this was what he got sober for. It was then he had a conversation with a friend, and with Paul, about ayahuasca and stayed in Peru to attend a ceremony. James says it wasn’t a magic bullet but that ayahuasca, hiking Machu Picchu, and getting married in October, is what changed his attitude about everything.
[35:15] On a group chat we were on you said one of the lessons you learned was that you no longer have to be the biggest guy in the room, talk to us about that.
The first night, of the first ceremony he did, there was a gentleman there from New Zealand who was bigger than James. (Who is 6’3” and 220 pounds, which he had always identified himself by.) During the ceremony James was weeping and this gentleman came up behind him, put his arms around him, held him like a baby, and told him to just let it all out. It was at this time he let go of feeling like always had to me the biggest guy in the room. He was supposed to do 3 ceremonies but after the first one he told the shaman that he had gotten what he needed and didn’t do the remaining 2.
[39:30] Talk to us about Cardamone Coaching.
Even as a kid James knew he wanted to help people. Wanting to become a recovery coach was something he discussed with Paul while in Peru. He realized fear was what was holding him back and that that was all bullshit, so he got certified to be a recovery coach. His goal is to help people in recovery by using his own experience.
James’ coaching website is: https://www.cardamonecoaching.com/ .
[45:06] I saw your registration come in for the Bozeman retreat, what are you looking forward to at this retreat?
Going back to Bozeman, it’s a change of pace from New York City. Seeing some of the same people and meeting new people. The retreats have changed James’ life.
[47:25] Rapid Fire Round
- What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?
Continue doing what I’m doing, stay the course, one day at a time, and helping people.
- What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?
Reading, I must have read 35 books in the last 2 ½ years, reading has really opened me up to different things.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
It gets better and you never have to feel this way again if you don’t pick up a drink or a drug.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
You are good enough
.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
If you get arrested outside of a nightclub with drugs in your pocket, a stolen credit card and no shoes on.
You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
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Green Chef
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