by Paul Churchill | Sep 24, 2018 | Podcast
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Tamara, with 88 days since her last drink, shares her story…
“There is only one line we can cross that we can’t come back from”
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255
SHOW NOTES
[4:20] Paul Introduces Tamara, and she recaps her experience with relapse and suicidal thoughts.
Tamara had a relapse after 48 days of sobriety. She just moved to a new apartment. She started the day running errands, then had a conversation with her sponsor. She was alone, felt lonely and bought vodka. She started to drink by herself. She felt guilty because she is aware of the support structures that are in place, but she still witnessed herself resorting to alcohol to try to soothe her emotional pain. She thought she had exhausted all of her options. She began to have suicidal thoughts. She recorded a goodbye message to her family. She cut her wrist and sent the message. Her parents received it and tracked her down. They got in tough with her roommate. Her roommate and her mother stopped her bleeding. She went to the ER, and a mental hospital. She realized she didn’t want to die, and that she had to change something. She found a treatment center. She stayed there for 4 weeks. Reliving it, she is reminded that she isn’t broken. She realizes how powerful alcohol is and it will take you if you let it. She didn’t know what she was living for. In the treatment center, she worked through her life experience. She didn’t consider herself a trauma victim, but then realized that she had just been ignoring some things from her past. Her pride crumbled. She was able to see just how loved she was. She was able to see the role of God in her life. She finally saw her love and worth. She felt like she came out of hiding. She doesn’t have to hide parts of herself that she struggles with. There are people in her life that accept her exactly as she is. She had to rebuild her self-image and identity. She wants to come out of her shell and live her life out in the open. She didn’t know who she was anymore. The emotional rawness from her experience enabled her to open. She realized that she is not the orchestrator of everything in her life and that there are parts of her life that she can not control. She began to focus on the present moment and not worry beyond that.
[29:45] Talk to us about the letter you received from your employer right before you left.
She had been feeling a bit out of place at her job. She took on and internalized expectations and pressure. She was open to changing everything else but she wanted to try and apply herself at her job. She received a package from her employer, and it turned out to be a letter of termination. She felt hurt. She cried but realized that she had to rebuild completely from scratch and feels like it was a gift from god.
[36:30] Tell us about what you found that can never be taken away.
She realized that no matter what is happening around her, it doesn’t have to wreck her world internally. She’s still standing, and losing her job is now empowering. She has an opportunity to rebuild her life in a way that is more authentic and meaningful to her. She wants to do the next right thing. She built her life around things that are true to her. She realized that she’s had it the entire time. She realized that she’s been loved the entire time. She feels God’s love now. She believes that we all have a purpose. She saw something in the people around her and she felt like she didn’t have it, or couldn’t grab it. After treatment, she feels more in touch with it.
[39:19] Am I right in saying that you had a full spiritual awakening?
Yes. Giving herself and life over to God has been the most liberating experience. She has faith that after the first step, the next step will present itself.
[40:53] Does one have to be religious to be spiritual?
Not at all. It’s all about one’s own personal relationship with God. Previously she felt that God’s love was punitive and based on how good or bad she had been. She was trying to achieve her way into earning love. Religion is an outward expression of the internal spiritual relationship. Religion is a practice. She loves encouraging people, cooking for people, and sharing what she’s been through. What’s changed is her feeling of spirituality.
[44:00] What advice would you have for someone that’s struggling?
It starts with openness. She thought she was open, but she was frustrated. Look at the people in your life who have something that you think you want or need. Be open to hearing what they’re doing and what they’ve been through. Humble yourself enough to be open to the idea that things are bigger than you. Be open to exploring those ideas. We’re all bonded by the desire to be loved. Tunnel vision leads to the path of pain in addiction. Open your mind to the fact that you may not see the whole picture. It’s not your fault if you can’t, but at least be open to the possibility of more.
[46:44] With 88 days in sobriety, what’s next for you?
She has no idea what’s next and that’s ok. She has some short term plans. She will continue to embrace her spirituality and be excited about her future.
[47:25] Is there anything else you’d like to add?
She believes that people are the best thing about God’s creation. If you are struggling, reach out to people. Some not conversations may not take you to anywhere but listen to people. Ask the meaningful questions and don’t fear judgement.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Sep 3, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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Jennifer, with 568 days since her last drink, shares her story…
Tracking your sobriety time – Do the numbers matter?
To begin with, know that it’s not a competition. We’re going for quality over quantity! We quit alcohol because we want to improve our lives. The end goal isn’t in the numbers, but in the increase in one’s quality of life. Removing alcohol was the first step in a journey of getting to know ourselves, finding out what we really want from life and making the best of each and every day. The real tracker is how you feel about who you are, where you’re going and what is meaningful in your life.
SHOW NOTES
[9:52] Paul Introduces Jennifer.
Jennifer is 36 years old from Cleveland, OH. She has 3 cats and runs a business walking dogs.
[11:52] Describe to us your background with drinking.
She started drinking at 15. She always thought it was normal to binge drink. She thought it was a part of youth. Her drinking held pretty steady until her mid 30’s. She realized that we live in a drinking culture. She has often struggled with codependency. She never thought she was the problem. She always thought it was other people.
[16:29] Where was your lightbulb moment indicating you had to stop?
4 months before this recent attempt, she appeared on a podcast about addiction and codependency. She grew up with addiction in her family. She had to be the parent as a child. She had a negative image in her head of what an addict was, and because she wasn’t close to that image, she wasn’t able to see the progression of her own addiction. She began to realize that addiction has many forms by listening to other people’s stories and it gave her permission to acknowledge her own addictive behavior.
[21:52] How were you able to finally make the change when the time came?
She was exhausted by the idea of continuing to drink. Her own drinking behavior started to wear her out and she became tired and resentful. She wanted to be able to enjoy activities without alcohol. She went through a breakup and had to seek out grounding. Her hangovers were getting darker and more difficult. She began to fear the impact it was having on her health. She couldn’t handle the shame and embarrassment. She found Recovery Elevator and it helped give her the confidence to try and quit. She realized that she’s not alone. She didn’t really connect with AA when she tried it. Her first year of sobriety she kind of transferred her alcoholism to workaholism. She didn’t realize there were options other than AA. She didn’t realize how much she needed people until she started talking to other people about being sober.
[31:30] How did you manage your early recovery?
She became hyper focused on her work. She tried to avoid social situations so she could avoid alcohol. She lost some friends.
[35:05] What are you working on now in sobriety?
She is working on maintenance. She wants to achieve big things in life but she’s trying to keep simple and to focus on taking care of herself and relaxing. She’s learning how to be kind to herself. She’s working on being able to regulate her emotional life. She realized that she used to be too focused on what others thought about her. She feels transformed on the inside, even though there is little change on the outside.
[41:00] What is the “Shift Doughnut”?
She used to work at the doughnut shop in Cleveland. She would just get a doughnut after her shift. She called them “shift doughnuts” but her coworker helped her realize that she was just stealing doughnuts.
[42:10] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Shortly after her 30th birthday, she went home with a lover and was raped after she blacked out. She tried to ignore it for a long time but in sobriety it bubbles up to the surface.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?She invented the Triple Pipe Classic, which is when you lose control of all bodily functions.
- What’s your plan moving forward?Learning to like herself, love herself, deepening her meditation practice. Learning to go slower and relax. She’s looking forward to the Café RE trip to Peru. She wants to travel more and do more things with her life.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?An app called Marco Polo. It’s like having a little therapist in your pocket. She feels like she is able to see thought patterns that she missed before. It’s easy to connect with people.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Early in sobriety, someone said “You know you can start your day over at any time..”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?Don’t compare yourself out of recovery. Your recovery is your own. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. Alcoholism is a symptom of things not going well. Be grateful for the opportunity to sort yourself out. Also, be open to the idea that you may not know yourself like you think. What if you’re wrong about yourself? The story tape reel repeating in your head about yourself might be completely wrong. Be open to a new and better and you.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“you post a video on your social media channels of you home alone, drunk, dancing to Lady Gaga and juggling cigarettes.” Or “if you complete a Triple Pipe Classic”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck – A book by Mark Manson
Marco Polo (Android) (iTunes) – An video chat app
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Aug 13, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Chris, with 96 days since his last drink, shares his story…
In sobriety, it’s possible to become more in tune with the inner workings of our minds. By stopping the intake of a numbing substance, our minds and bodies become more sensitive, and with that sensitivity comes a glimpse into the processes and systems that run under the hood. Our emotions and how we handle them (or, in early sobriety, often we will see how our emotions are handling us!), the physical sensations that return as our body heals, and how our subconscious mind has an impact on our every waking moment.
In practices like meditation, we can begin to see how our thoughts can interrupt our every waking moment. As we examine further, we can see that thoughts have a big impact on how we see ourselves, the world and, ultimately thoughts can make up who we are.
To learn to manage your thoughts, follow Paul’s first steps:
– Trust that your body knows best. – Your mind is a secondary organ to your body. You may think you are in control, but the mind is a tool that works for the body, not the other way around.
– Learn to quiet the mind. – In the early stages of recovery, especially, it’s important to recalibrate your sense of stillness. Chances are in the throws of addiction you have lost your center.
– Don’t get hooked – When you become aware of a thought entering your mind, simply notice it for what it is and let it float by. You can use a safe word to remind you to come back to the present moment. “Here”, “Stop”, “Thoughts..”
SHOW NOTES
[12:48] Paul Introduces Chris.
Chris is 37 years old, lives in Arizona. Chris is married with two kids, has two dogs, is a musician and likes to ride his motorcycle.
[14:33] When did you first realize that you had a problem with drinking? Why did you decide to quit?
He realized that alcohol had a hold on him. He couldn’t stop. It was affecting everything. He felt like the party was over. He went to get beer after his kids were asleep. Suddenly he realized that if he had gotten a DUI, no one would be able to take care of his kids. He asked a friend in recovery to help him get cleaned up. He started going to AA. He would get 30 days and then relapse. He worked at a bar and was drinking non stop. It started to take a toll on his body.
[18:56] When did your attempts to quit begin to get some traction?
He would try to moderate. He switched to wine. They moved to Arizona, and he wanted to use the chance to get clean. He found himself isolated and depressed, and anxious. He used his exercise to earn his drinks. He kept repeating the cycle.
[21:23] What are your thoughts on the “geographical cure”?
He thought he was going to start over in a new place, and leave the negativity behind. He started working quickly after the move. Anxiety started to set in, he felt uncomfortable being alone and bored. He turned to alcohol. Alcohol was the ice breaker in social situations.
[22:47] What would you consider to be your rock bottom moment?
He feels that he had many. Every time he would wake up feeling ashamed was a rock bottom moment. He felt that he couldn’t escape alcohol’s grip and he was scared. He wanted to quit but felt that he couldn’t. The night would start with one beer and end after multiple.
[24:30] What changed this last time to ensure your success so far?
He had researched a medicine called kambo. He had read that it would help him quit alcohol. He found someone in his local area and he signed up to try it. The scrape the venom off a frog from the amazon. The practitioner lights the tip of the incense stick, then marks your arm, then applies the venom to your arm. He didn’t hallucinate, but had intense bodily sensations. It’s a giant purge. He puked like crazy and felt a sharp pain. He found a blockage, and puked it out. He did another purge that evening and hasn’t craved alcohol since.
[31:39] Have you noticed any other improvements in other areas of your life?
He’s less stressed. He tries to block negative energy. He lets things roll off and relaxes.
[33:19] Did you try any other resources to quit?
He tried AA. He didn’t click with his local group. He liked the online group better. The plant medicine was sort of a last resort for him. He thinks it was a reflection of the amount of desperation he had at the time.
[36:00] What’s your proudest moment in recovery?
He was around 50 days in sobriety. He took his son to a Metallica concert without drinking.
[36:45] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
Continuing down the path. He wants to be of help to anyone trying to get sober. He is into the plant medicine world.
[39:20] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
A huge fight with his wife. He threw glasses at the wall.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
- What’s your plan moving forward?Continuing down the path. Staying active in the online group.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Cafe RE Blue. Talking with more people.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
It’s easier to stay sober than to get sober. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Just do it. Go for it. Take your time, get comfortable. Find the path for you.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“If you have to put venomous frog poison in your skin to get sober..”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
You Are the Placebo – A book by Dr. Joe Dispenza
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Aug 6, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Jodi, with over 100 days since her last drink, shares her story…
You’d think that when dealing with something as simple and common as water, there couldn’t be any confusion. Water is water, right? It turns out that not all waters are created equal.
Water comes in many forms and despite what you might think, the differences aren’t just regional nomenclature. There are distinct differences between these types of water, and while they are somewhat slight, they’re enough to merit their own name. Here’s what you need to know:
Mineral Water
Sparkling mineral water comes from a natural spring which contains various minerals, like salts and sulfur compounds. It’s defined by its “constant level and relative proportions of mineral and trace elements at the point of emergence from the source.” Minerals aren’t added to this water and neither is carbonation (with the exception of San Pellegrino, which has additional carbonation added by the bottler). That means that the bubbles in these bottles are completely natural. You would typically drink this water as is (not mixed in a cocktail), since it’s a tad expensive and has a slight mineral-y taste.
Seltzer Water
Seltzer water is just plain water that has been artificially carbonated. This water, which contains no sodium salts, gets its name from the German town of Selters, which was renowned for its natural springs. Seltzer water was first introduced as a cheap alternative to sparkling mineral water — and it still is an economical option today.
Club Soda
Seltzer water and club soda are very similar, but there is a notable difference between the two. Unlike seltzer, mineral-like ingredients are added to club soda to enhance the flavor. If you look on the list of ingredients, you’ll likely see potassium bicarbonate and potassium sulfate listed.
Tonic Water
Just because it contains the word water in its name and is carbonated doesn’t mean that tonic water is in the same category as bubbly waters. Unlike the other carbonated options, tonic water has a distinct flavor and it certainly can’t be swapped out for carbonated water. Tonic water is a bitter drink, a result of the addition of quinine, which pairs particularly well with gin. Also unlike the other waters, Tonic contains calories — about 130 for 12 fluid ounces.
SHOW NOTES
[9:05] Paul Introduces Jodi.
Jodi is 34-year-old artist and musician living in Detroit, Michigan, with her dog. She has a podcast called “Detroit Craft Academy”. She went to art school for photography originally.
[12:20] How has sobriety affected your personal relationship with your art?
It’s been a little difficult. She had a romanticized definition of what an artist was in her mind that involved drinking. She feels it was learned. She no longer buys into it. She’s realizing that her art is now better with a sober mind.
[14:25] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking, and how did you quit?
She grew up straight edge. She started drinking with a guy she met. She enjoyed alcohol after she tried it. She feels that she’s always had an addictive personality, which worsened after she started drinking. She was always at the bar before and after class during school. She began hanging out with musicians. She began to black out, and felt that she was time traveling. She would have to investigate to find out the events from the previous night. She had a stint of sobriety for two years as her boyfriend turned out to be an addict. She started again at 22 and hid it from her partner. She tried to go to AA.
[20:25] Did you experience a rock bottom?
She had many. She didn’t consider them rock bottoms because she wasn’t ready to address the fact that she had a drinking problem, and she also thought that it was typical artist behavior. She associates her addiction with “Large Marge” from Peewee Herman.
[22:29] What was different about this particular attempt to quit that’s been successful so far?
Before quitting she had been dealing with depression and a relationship with an addict. She experienced some trauma. She started seeing a counselor. The counselor didn’t know that she had a drinking problem. Alcoholism runs in her family. Alcohol dulled the emotions she didn’t want to feel and enhanced the positive ones, but the depression didn’t go away. She tried many things to get rid of it but they didn’t work. She tried to quit drinking for a month and felt amazing. This time something different happened. She recently tried a sensory deprivation chamber. She heard a voice tell her to quit drinking. She feels her consciousness shifted. She calls it the voice of silence. She told everyone she knew that she quit drinking, creating accountability. Everyone has been supportive. She started changing her group of friends. She started going to AA. It’s been great. Every meeting has been different.
[38:44] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety so far?
With her shift in consciousness, she is trying to be open minded. She’s learning how to break down her strict boundaries. We are bigger than the boxes in which we put ourselves. She’s open to not pleasing everyone.
[40:25] How is your depression now that alcohol is removed from your life?
She still suffers from depression, but she changes how she responds to it. Before she would turn to drinking, and now she tries to face it. She’s finding different ways to deal with it. She goes for walks, calls her sponsor, focuses on art. She’s considering medication.
[42:42] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?All the holes in her memory. Playing detective to figure out what happened the night before.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?She realized that her only desire to go out was because she wanted to drink, and she had to drink to have a desire to go out.
- What’s your plan moving forward?One day at a time. She journals a lot.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Cafe RE, honestly.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Don’t beat yourself up if you fail. You won’t see the successes if you concentrate on the failures.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?Tell everyone. Tell the bartender to punch you if you order alcohol.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“you lose your car, and then go to the police to help you find your car, and drop you off, and you think it might be a trap.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Right now, listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free by visiting Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jul 30, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Craig, who has been sober since 9/21/16, shares his story.
The unprecedented success of this podcast mirrors a simple approach to recovery. Just show up and continue to show up.
The future of Recovery Elevator is promising! The plan is to migrate the growing community over to a private forum and away from facebook. The focus will be on creating many local groups, in-person meet-ups, sober travel, and sobriety events .
SHOW NOTES
[14:00] Paul Introduces Craig.
Craig is 40 years old, from central Scotland. He’s married and a father of two. He works in flooring and is a part time Taekwondo instructor.
[16:53] When did you realize you first had a problem with drinking?
He started when he was about 14. His family moved a lot. Alcohol was a big presence. His first binge was extreme and he had to go to the medical center. He started to drink a case per night. Eventually whiskey entered the picture. He became more isolated. He couldn’t relax without alcohol. He would drink with colleagues after work and it progressed into something very difficult to control.
[23:07] How did you achieve your 9 weeks during your first attempt at sobriety?
He ended up in the hospital after a suspected heart attack. After some liver tests the doctor gave him a pep talk. His first attempt was sheer will power.
[24:48] What led to the following relapse?
He wanted to celebrate his 9 weeks by drinking. After he did not really try to self moderate. Eventually after a binge on a trip to Mexico he woke up with a painful hangover and decided that he couldn’t do it any more. He sought out recovery sources online and discovered the podcast. It resonated with him. He realized he wasn’t alone.
[27:47] Once you made the conscious choice, how did you stop?
His realized he was a bad example for his son.
[29:40] What were some of the other recovery resources you found?
Recovery Elevator, also Omar and Shane Ramer, the Sober Guy podcast, and the Share Podcast, the Good Dad project and Sean Croxton’s Quote of the Day.
[30:30] Walk us through the early stages of your recovery.
He had two difficult episodes with Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptom (PAWS). Fatigue, mood swings, depression, anxiety, loss of concentration. The first one was about six weeks sober. He went to his doctor and said he wasn’t feeling well. The doctor suggested AA. He realized there is life after drinking.
[35:39] When did you begin implementing what you learned into your recovery?
He started listening to motivational podcasts in addition to recovery podcasts. He started to see things in a different light. He joined different online communities and enjoyed being able to bounce different ideas off people in the forums. He examined his internal dialogues and focused on self love.
[40:36] What advice do you have for someone who is on day 1 right now?
Day 1 is where the adventure starts! Let’s look at how we can get you to day 2 and beyond. 1 day at a time. Break it down into pieces. Get through the cravings. The numbers don’t matter, you’re already worth it. Beating yourself up doesn’t work. Nobody’s recovery is exactly the same.
[44:43] Is there anything you would have done differently in your recovery?
No. He feels that he had to go through what he went through to get to where he is. He is grateful for the doctor’s presence in his life. He doesn’t regret drinking either, but he’s glad he stopped.
[46:16] What have you learned about yourself in recovery?
First all, I’m good enough. Secondly, I deserve this recovery and all its benefits. Everyone deserves it.
[46:56] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
He’s got more of a “fuck it” list. If he wants to do something he’s going to do it. He’s going to keep living and spending as much time as he can with family.
[49:40] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Not remembering three days from being 14 years old after a binge.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?Before his trip to Mexico, he drank heavily and woke up fearing death. He realized that he needed help.
- What’s your plan moving forward?Let’s get 644 days in the bag and he’ll deal with 645 days tomorrow.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?From Hank at Hope Rehab, “Take the cotton out of your ears and stick it in your mouth.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?Don’t try and do it alone. You need the community. You need accountability with the right people, the ones that can actually help you.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“you drank so much that the next day you start going into DT’s at 3pm the next afternoon.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Recovery 2.0 – A book by Tommy Rosen
Hope Rehab – A recovery center in Thailand
The SHAIR podcast – a recovery podcast
That Sober Guy podcast – a recovery podcast
The Good Dad Project – podcast
Sean Croxton’s Quote of the Day – podcast
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
