by Paul Churchill | Jul 16, 2018 | Podcast
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Is knowledge alone enough to quit drinking?
“To know and not to do… is not to know.” – Buddhist Proverb
Are we able to successfully quit drinking by devouring books, blog posts, podcasts and internet articles? The facts about the dangerous nature of alcohol can be quite sobering. Though education is never a waste of time, knowledge alone is not enough to keep you sober. It can inspire, reinforce, or encourage you to quit, but it is not enough. Self knowledge is no match for our unconscious mind, which is where most of the internal workings of our addiction lie.
Sobriety requires knowledge, action and community.
Ky, with 10 months since her last drink, shares her story..
SHOW NOTES
[10:40] Paul Introduces Ky.
Ky is from 28 years old and is from British Columbia. She works 3 jobs and enjoys, cooking, comedy shows, movies, and crossword puzzles.
[12:50] When did you first realize you had a problem with alcohol?
She started drinking around 12 years old. She thought “This is it!” She thought it was something missing from her life. Now she realizes that many of the friendships she made through drinking were empty. She feels like she has been drinking most of her adult life. She feels like a baby in sobriety. Her dad was an alcoholic. He still drinks. In her early 20’s she drank more after a sexual assault. She had an alter ego while drunk. She moved to Hanoi, Vietnam but found that she couldn’t escape her alcoholism as she experienced a bump in income. Her drinking became more necessary. She eventually attempted suicide but kept on drinking.
[20:50] What was your mindset like before your suicide attempt?
She had felt stuck and empty for so long. She felt like she had been searching for something to make her feel good for her entire life. When she moved back to Canada she experienced a loss of purpose and increased boredom which lead to more drinking. She always assumed she would die at 27. Now she sees it as juvenile.
[24:38] What was the thinking before you attended your first meeting?
She really wanted it to not work. She went to an AA meeting just to give herself permission to drink after and she was blown away by how much she identified with the people there. The mental health side of her therapy has helped her. She’s now able to decrease the negative voice in her head that tells her she isn’t good enough or that she can’t do it.
[30:00] Are you living more in the present?
Absolutely. She was blown away when her therapist said that she wasn’t her mind. She started practicing meditation and has learned about deeper dimensions of life.
[32:12] Walk us through your first few days of sobriety.
It was really hard. The first week was difficult. She didn’t realize how hard it was going to be. She would set appointments with herself to keep herself busy. She knew she needed to get sober. She had nothing left on the drinking side of life. She was fully committed to sobriety because the other option was death, for her.
[35:18] How do you handle cravings?
The first few months were filled with cravings. She would ask for help in the morning and say thanks at night. She still gets cravings, but they get weaker and shorter. Her brother helped her get through the difficult ones.
[39:04] What is your plan in recovery moving forward?
She keeps things simple. She starts of with meditation in the morning. She focuses on gratitude. She still goes to meetings. She focuses on things that are good for her. Her life feels more full.
[39:38] What is your take on the 12-step program?
She hates the higher power / god aspect of it. She still identifies as an agnostic. She just removes the parts that are offensive to her. She just focuses on meditation and meetings. She reminds herself that she’s not alone and focuses on what she needs to do.
[40:43] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Too many. When she showed up to her job after a 3 day bender. She told her colleagues that her bf had beat her up but later on remembered that she had actually beat him up.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
That weekend where she was trying to drink on pace with her brother and limit the amount she drank. She realized that if she can’t control it, she was going to have to give it up for good.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
The AA meetings. She also loves podcasts and her therapists. The Joe and Charlie Big Book Study, The One You Feed.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
Just don’t drink today, under any and all conditions.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Just try it. If you don’t like it, you can always go back to the way your life was before. Life without alcohol is so much more fulfilling.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“you realize that all of your social media posts are related to booze.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Beyond the Influence – a book by Katherine Ketcham
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jul 9, 2018 | Podcast
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Today we hear from Jade. She’s 27 years old, from Kentucky and has had her last drink on April 14th 2018.
The Ego: The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and unconscious mind. It is in charge of reality testing and gives us a sense of personal identity. The self concept. A collection of beliefs that serve as the foundation for our bearings in life.
A healthy ego can serve to give us something to lean on when times get tough. We believe in ourselves and are capable of handling adversity or difficult emotions.
An unhealthy ego can cause us a lot of problems. When an ego gets unhealthy, it can keep us from living in the present moment because we harbor beliefs about ourselves that aren’t congruent with reality.
Letting go of an unhealthy ego is a big step in recovery.
Jade, with about 2 months since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[11:15] Paul Introduces Jade.
Jade is a 27-year-old liquor store manager from Kentucky. She has a dog, and enjoys the outdoors, playing the piano and reading.
[13:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol?
She started at 16. She realized she had a problem at about 25. She was in a failing relationship and was dealing with a lot of stress. She turned to alcohol. She made a first quit attempt, and during those 40 days she realized that her relationship needed to end. After relapse, she made friends with people who drank as much as she did. Many parts of her life revolved around alcohol. Once she started she realized she couldn’t stop.
[17:40] How hard was it to only have 1 or 2 drinks?
Once she started, if she couldn’t continue she would get irritable. At first alcohol was very social, but eventually she didn’t want to be around people when she was drinking. She started only getting drunk alone.
[20:30] Did you make any attempts to moderate your drinking?
She would skip if she was super hungover. She switched from beer and wine to liquor. She figured it was less calories and better for dieting, and more concentrated so it was quicker getting drunk.
[22:50] How did you end up quitting?
She had been trying for two years. She started reading and listening to podcasts. She browsed the r/stopdrinking subreddit. She figured out that she couldn’t do it alone, and that she needed to join a community. She made the step to reach out. She didn’t think she was worth sobriety and she didn’t think anyone would care. She found out the exact opposite was true. It has been easier than she thought. The community made the difference for her.
[27:45] Have you had any cravings? What did you do?
She had many. She would post on Cafe RE and engage the community there. “Playing the tape forward” helped as well. The loss of control always bothered her when she was drinking.
[29:35] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety so far?
Her emotions aren’t permanent. When her emotions got difficult in the past, she thought they were going to last forever and she would respond by running away from them. Now she is learning how to deal with them in a healthy way by sitting with them and listening to what they have to say. She doesn’t need to reach for a distraction. She doesn’t have to run away from her own mind as much.
[31:31] What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced so far in sobriety?
Getting out of the routine. She feels like something is missing.
[33:42] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What’s your plan to keep adding days?
She tries to get up earlier to get a good walk in with her dog. She takes care of her dog, plays her piano. She disperses recovery nuggets throughout her day to help get her through.
[35:19] So you were a manager at the liquor store?
It hasn’t been bad at all. She feels like she’s made up her mind and doesn’t feel any temptation. She is now able to identify the alcoholics that come in. She appreciates the flexibility she gets with her job and is able to also study.
[39:40] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Blacking out and not remembering what happened.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
Instead of getting hangovers she was getting alcohol withdrawal with anxiety.
- What’s your plan moving forward?She wants to go to more meetings to meet sober people.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?She felt like a burden asking people for help. Someone told her that by sharing her struggle it helped other people to stay sober.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?To reach out and find a support system. She was surprised by the amount of support she received.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“you leave your job at the liquor store to drive to the other liquor store across town to buy alcohol so your co-workers don’t know how much you drink after work.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This podcast episode is brought to you in support by Zip Recruiter and right now, my listeners can try Zip Recruiter for free. Go to www.ziprecruiter.com/elevator and get started today.
This Naked Mind – a book by Annie Grace
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 18, 2018 | Podcast
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Compassionate Curiosity: a way we can get to the root of why we drink.
“The problem’s not that the truth is harsh, but that liberation from ignorance is as painful as being born. Run after truth until you’re breathless. Accept the pain involved in re-creating yourself afresh.” – Naguib Mahfouz
One of the biggest root causes of addition is self loathing. Feeling like we are not worthy or that we are in any way less than others is a belief often found at the center of our addictive behavior.
The cure for self loathing is self compassion, or self love. Replacing the habit that is self judgment with forgiveness, the mental rigidity with an intention of being open, or the repetitive criticism with positive messages that we can do this are some of the first steps toward distancing ourselves from addictive tendencies.
We begin with a process of self examination, wherein we compassionately do so without judgment.
“There is no moving forward without breaking through the walls of denial.” -Gabor Maté
Kim, with 1½ years since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[1:30] Paul Introduces Kim.
Kim is 37 years old from Arkansas. She’s been sober over 1½ years. She’s married with 3 kids. She works as a counselor. She enjoys her spending with her family, reading, and Kintsugi.
[6:05] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking?
She experienced complications with her pregnancy. With that came a prescription of pain medication. After she went through the pain meds, she noticed that she couldn’t stop drinking.
[9:06] Did you try to put any rules into place?
From her work with addiction, she knows that putting rules into place is addictive behavior. She was probably going through a half gallon of vodka per week. She attempted to quit throughout 2017.. nothing really stuck.
[10:35] What were some lessons you learned in your previous attempts to quit?
She has a stubborn personality. When she tried to quit using her will power, she failed. It scared her. She started researching different podcasts, and found Recovery Elevator. She was worried that she couldn’t do it alone. She began to find other stories and realized that she was on a slippery slope.
[13:20] How were you able to quit successfully?
She realized that she needed to remove triggers. She tried to eliminate stress. She hired someone to help her with small duties.
[15:50] How are you able to maintain professional distance in your job working with addicts?
When you work in a field where you give to others, you have to make sure that you are ok first. You have to give to others what you can spare, not what you need.
[17:00] Walk us through the early days of your recovery.
The first month was difficult. She had lots of cravings. She tried to keep the memory of her difficult year close. She would use the brainspotting technique. She knows people can relapse after years and years. The addiction waits to see where the hole is, and that’s where it gets you.
[23:50] Are you able to be open about your own recovery with patients?
Reaching out to Paul helped her realize how she was in denial about her addictions. She shares her recovery experience with some patients, and it’s been much more helpful.
[24:40] What are the common hangups that your patients have?
The biggest struggle is the stagma and the shame. Also, the surrendering to higher power.
[27:10] What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?
She needs to show herself the same compassion that she gives to everyone around her.
[27:40] What has been your proudest moment in sobriety?
Sharing with her clients. Showing them that she also struggles with different things.
[28:28] What are you looking forward to in Peru?
Seeing the beauty, and being a part of a recovery community.
[29:10] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Pre-parent: 17yo, on vacation with family in Mexico. Parents lied about her age so she could drink at the resort. She hung out at the bars. On the last night, she was sexually assaulted.As a parent: She used to drank in front of her young child. Her child began to copy her drinking behavior by drinking his water in a small cup with a straw.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
- What’s your plan moving forward?She would like to be a voice for recovery with mental health professionals.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her faith is strong and it helps her in her darkest moments.
The Miracle Morning. She does it daily no matter what.
Recovery Elevator podcast. She looks forward to listening weekly.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?You can’t do this alone. The magic happened when she reached out.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?A quote by Carl Jung.. “What you resist, persists. What you can feel, you can heal.”
- You might be an alcoholic if…While listening to someone else’s story you think to yourself that you need to remember it in case you relapse.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Audible is offering my listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trail membership. Go to audible.com/elevator and start listening. Or text ELEVATOR to 500-500.
In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts – a book by Gabor Maté
When Things Fall Apart – a book by Pema Chodron
The Miracle Morning – a book by Hal Elrod
Kintsuji – The japanese artform of “golden joinery”.
Brainspotting – a theraputic technique
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 23, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
A quote from “Drinking: A love Story” by Caroline Knapp sums up the theme for today’s podcast:
“Early sobriety has the quality of vigorous exercise, as though each repetition of a painful moment gone without a drink serves to build up emotional muscle.”
Life will happen. We can’t control what challenges life will send our way but we can control how we respond. Each passing trial is an opportunity to build one’s sobriety muscles, which get stronger over time as healthy habits and ways of thinking become more deeply ingrained.
Quitting drinking is difficult because not only is alcohol physically addicting, but we often turn to alcohol to help us cope with life’s many challenges. In sobriety, we find an opportunity to learn new coping skills and rewire our brain to handle difficult times without turning to alcohol for help.
Samantha, with 18 days since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[7:20] Paul Introduces Samantha.
Samantha is 27 years old, from Louisiana. She has a girlfriend and a cat, works at a lawfirm, likes music, travel, reading and listens to podcasts. She’s a geography student, returning to school to finish her degree.
[8:30] When did you first notice that you had a problem with drinking?
In her early 20s. She used alcohol to deal with her anxiety. She thinks alcohol is a big part of society in Louisiana. She has family members that struggle with alcohol. An abusive relationship drove her to drinking more than normal. All of her friends seemed to drink a lot.
[12:35] What did drinking a lot look like for you?
Mostly just wine, and eventually whiskey, which became her alcohol of choice.
[13:07] Did you ever put any rules into place to try and control your drinking?
Yes, she would buy smaller bottles or only drink on weekends.
[13:50] What was your rock bottom moment? Why did you decide to quit?
Sick and tired of being sick and tired mostly. A therapist refused to see her while she was drinking. She was angry. She refused the rehab and kept drinking. A different time she had written in her journal about quitting drinking, only to go out later that night and black out again.
[18:34] What was it like to break that promise to yourself?
She woke up and felt terrible, shameful, embarrassed.
[19:55] How has sobriety affected your borderline personality disorder?
Her emotions are normally intense and fleeting. Alcohol helped her maintain an even keel. Without alcohol, she’s switched to Zoloft. It’s difficult to deal with strong emotions without alcohol. She’s now optimistic about her future and has decided to go back to school, realizing that alcohol was getting in her way.
[23:40] How has your behavior changed since you’ve quit?
She goes to bars less. She is looking for more things to do at home. She’s trying to fill the void left by alcohol with healthy activities.
[24:40] Is your partner trying to get sober?
No, she wants to stop but she is continuing. It’s difficult to see her continue, not because it makes her want to drink, but because she sees the effect alcohol is having on her.
[27:06] What benefits are you getting from quitting?
Her skin cleared up. She’s lost weight. Her emotions are easier to handle. She’s now able to see that one drink may start well but it will lead to a terrible conclusion.
[30:27] Have you lost anything to alcohol?
She feels like she lost her dignity. Various memories from drinking make her feel shameful or embarrassed.
[32:30] What advice would you give to your younger self?
Not to smoke or drink ever! She received info about substances while in school, but feels like it had no impact. She would tell herself to love herself. She thinks loving oneself is the root of many of the decisions we make.
[35:04] What is your proudest moment so far in sobriety?
She was told that she was a great student by an old professor. Also, she went to a bar and didn’t have any drinks.
[36:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?During a flood in 2016, she was caught in a flash flood and had to be rescued while drunk.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?Her gf showed her a picture of her sleeping on the ground.
- What’s your plan moving forward?She is going to connect with and stay close with sober friends. She will focus on her goals.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Other sober people. Podcasts: Recovery Elevator, The Mental Illness, Happiness Hour, Crazy in Bed, Your own Magic,
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Keep your goals in front of you. You can always go back to drinking.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?Any amount of time drinking is a win. If you mess up, don’t beat yourself up about it.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“You get drunk at 10am at your grandmother’s birthday party.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Drinking: A Love Story – By Caroline Knapp
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck – by Mark Manson
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Mar 26, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
“Your addiction will lie to you in your own voice.”
Your addiction will often appear to you as a voice in your head that sounds like your own rational thoughts. It will tell you that it’s not really that big of a deal, that you are really in control or, in many cases, will conveniently wipe your memory (the ISM or “incredibly short memory”) so you won’t recall what a tough time you had getting through that last hangover.
Be on the lookout for justification phrases such as:
“But I didn’t really have a problem before”
“Everyone else drinks like I do”
“This next time will be different”
“I’ve quit once, I can quit again”
“The only person you’re negatively affecting is yourself”
“I’m cured! I just went [X amount of time] without drinking!”
“Everyone else is having so much fun”
“I got this.”
Stay vigilant in protecting your subconscious mind from thoughts like these and you will have an easier time avoiding relapse. It’s much easier to stay sober than it is to get sober, and staying sober isn’t always easy.
Mike, with almost two years since his last drink, shares his story
SHOW NOTES
[8:05] Paul Introduces Mike.
Sober over 600 days. 37 years old, from California. A professional musician that has worked in California, Boston and around China, as well. He now lives with his girlfriend in Hong Kong. Mike does for the show notes for each podcast episode.
[11:10] You quit drinking and smoking at the same time?
Yes. Smoking was getting in the way of his singing. He read Allen Carr’s “Easy Way To Quit Smoking” and at some point he realized that he wouldn’t be able to quit smoking without quitting drinking. He committed to 30 days. Felt great so he kept going.
[13:58] When did you realize you were going to have to quit drinking also?
When he moved in with his girlfriend. He realized that his actions were having consequences that were affecting other people, and that if he really cared about this person and himself, he would have to clean up his act.
[15:45] What were the indicators that you had a problem with drinking and/or smoking?
He had a therapy session, and the therapist helped him realize that his problem was the drinking, and not what he had thought.
[18:27] At that point, did you attempt to quit or moderate?
Yes. Upon advice from his father, he tried to moderate his drinking by only drinking during work hours. It was a form of torture as his whole day became centered around waiting for work to begin. Eventually it lead to him breaking the rule and drinking all day for weeks.
[20:23] So the willpower technique was torture?
Yes. While the rules were in place he found himself constantly distracted and thinking about drinking. His brain was hijacked by both tobacco and alcohol.
[22:40] How did you get through those difficult cravings after you quit?
He started learning martial arts, and it gave him the tools he had been missing. Previously, he had been using alcohol to relax intense feelings of anxiety or discomfort, but now he was able to use the techniques that he learned at the martial arts classes.
[24:25] Was everyone kung fu fighting?
In Hong Kong, not as much, but globally, yes.. more people are practicing Kung Fu now than ever before.
[26:54] What do you do when the uncomfortable feelings or cravings come?
He focuses on the physical sensations of the craving. He tries to keep his body from becoming static, and thus paralyzed by the craving. He breathes, moves, walks, gets fresh air, whatever is necessary to keep the craving from tensing him up.
[29:19] What is it like to continue working in the nightlife now that you’re sober?
When you’re still drinking, even the thought of trying to quit seems like an insurmountable task, but once you’ve quit and, inevitably, you change the way you see things, the environment in which you were in before is not what it seemed.
[32:30] What’s on your sobriety bucket list going forward?
He’s interested in the physical activities he always turned down while he was drinking and smoking. He wants to travel more and say yes to the things he said no to in the past.
[34:05] What is it like to not have the addiction causing you to feel unsolicited fear?
It’s liberating. There are so many positive experiences to be had in life. Sobriety is an opportunity that begets other opportunities.
[34:53] What is it like to be in recovery in Hong Kong?
He knows someone who has been to AA in Hong Kong but he hasn’t been to any meetings himself, yet. He found solace in online resources, and he considers his online communities to be his recovery community.
[37:10] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
A really bad hangover in which he could barely function.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
His skype call with the therapist during which she pointed out that his main problem was probably drinking. Before that conversation with her, he had asked his friends about his drinking and they had all reassured him that it was normal. She was the first one to point out that it was probably the cause of his issues.
- What’s your plan moving forward?To continue to set my priorities on health, not overdoing it, to take it a day at a time, never say that “I got this”, to stay vigilant and positive.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?The Recovery Elevator podcast, That Sober Guy podcast, Belle’s One Minute Message podcast. The Allen Carr books.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (in sobriety)?
To begin today. If you are suffering, definitely begin today. Don’t be afraid, it’s better on the other side.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
To begin, to stay focused and to not beat yourself up.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
it’s ever an absolute emergency that you don’t have alcohol, and you find yourself planning accordingly.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Easy Way To Quit Smoking – A quit aid by Allen Carr.
30 Day No Alcohol Challenge – A quit aid by James Swanick
Standing at the Water’s Edge – A book about creative immersion by Dr. Anne Paris
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
