by Paul Churchill | Jun 17, 2019 | Podcast
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Tim, with 2 days of sobriety, shares his story.
On today’s episode Paul talks about 2 articles that discuss alcohol use. Links for these articles can be found following the show notes.
The first article, published on May 7, 2019 in USA Today, says that alcohol use is soaring worldwide, with the average adult now consuming about 1.7 gallons of pure alcohol per year. Just in the past 27 years the total volume of alcohol that people consumed globally increased by 70%. Even though on a global level alcohol consumption is increasing, if you are listening to this podcast you have made it further than 95% of people out there. You are starting to make changes.
On the brighter side, an article published on January 17, 2018 in Bloomberg, reported that Americans drank less alcohol in 2018, for the third straight year. Total cases of beer, wine and spirits consumed in the US dropped by .8% in 2018. This was the third straight year that there had been a decline in consumption. So globally people are consuming more alcohol, but in the United States consumption is declining.
There’s a new term called ‘sobor curious’, which includes a large population that doesn’t necessarily have an issue with alcohol, but are waking up and are recognizing that maybe messages that big alcohol is telling us aren’t panning out to be true in real life.
SHOW NOTES
[12:30] Tim, with a sobriety date of May 13, 2019, has 2 days sober. After having this interview scheduled for about a week Tim emailed Paul to let him know that he had drank. He felt like he might not be the ideal candidate to be on the podcast. After reading the email, Paul let Tim know that he is exactly who he wants to have on the podcast.
[15:10] Paul introduces Tim.
Tim is 36 years old and was born, and raised, in Boston Massachusetts. He came from an Italian family that was in the construction industry. In middle and high school, he developed a real passion for music. He dedicated himself to hours and hours of voice, guitar and piano lessons, which led him into a career in ministry as a worship leader. Tim got married at 19 and is still married to the same woman, they are about to celebrate 17 years and have 3 children. His career in ministry is in the past and he is working as a project manager for a company that installs high end woodworking beams and bookshelves.
[16:45] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Tim started drinking at 15 and the first night he drank he got alcohol poisoning. He spent that first night in the shower throwing up and blacking out. He says he was never able to drink casually. Getting married at the age of 19, to a woman that is a couple years older than him, meant that he had someone that could buy alcohol for him. In his early 20s he was drinking about a 6-pack a day.
At the age of 25 Tim attended his first AA meeting, just to see. By this time, he was drinking 8-10 beers a day. After listening to someone’s story at that meeting, he decided that he was not an alcoholic. Tim says he went to a few more AA meetings throughout his 20s, but he continued to drink and started to mix it up with hard alcohol and found his favorite drink, Captain and Coke.
As he moved through his 30’s, Tim and his wife started to have pretty regular arguments about his drinking. Tim says he was looking for his wife to put her foot down and give him an ultimatum, but that wasn’t happening. He tried to moderate, and that didn’t work. He had some periods, 3 – 6 months, when he did not drink, but once he would consume alcohol again it would take about a week and he would be right back to daily drinking.
[21:30] In regards to those times of abstinence, what was it that brought you back to drinking?
Tim would tell himself that because he just went 3, or 6, months without drinking, that he must have control over it. The thought of having a glass of wine with his wife, while they watch the sunset, would just seem nice. That first drink always took him back to where he left off, in a matter of weeks.
In his 30s Tim started hiding alcohol and lying about how much he was drinking. He was always calculating how he was going to get that buzz.
[23:46] Did you have a rock bottom moment when you knew you had a problem?
Tim had joked about being a black out drinker in his 20s, but it wasn’t until his 30’s that he discovered he was really blacking out. He would drink and come to and realize that he had driven or would come to and not know where he was or who he was with. When he was blacking out on a regular basis, he knew he had a problem.
[25:20] What happens next?
When Tim was 30, he had gotten a job offer from a huge church down in Atlanta. It was like his life’s dream, so they moved down to Atlanta. For the next 6 years Tim found himself counseling people about their drug and alcohol problems, while his drinking continued.
When Tim was 34, he went to a psychiatrist who put him on Adderall, he then was mixing alcohol and Adderall. He became addicted to the Adderall.
[30:10] Recently you had 7 months sober and then relapsed 22 days ago, tell me about that.
During those 7 months Tim was still taking Adderall and was smoking a THC vape pen. Although he was not drinking during that time he was still dealing with depression and all that comes with being an addict.
25 days ago, he relapsed, drank a lot, and crashed his truck. It was then that he went back to AA, got a sponsor, and was ready to take it seriously.
2 weeks ago, Tim’s father, who also struggled with alcoholism, but never admitted it, committed suicide. Shortly after this Tim went to a bar, had 3 beers, left and called his sponsor.
[37:30] You are on day 2, how are you feeling?
Tim says he feels great. He has energy in the morning and is getting up early to pray. He has been able to be honest with his boss, which has saved him from losing his job. He explained to his boss that he could not stay late after work because he is now going to AA, and his boss has been very supportive.
[41:00] Do you know why you drank?
Tim says alcohol helped him feel his emotions, it allowed him to cry. He wanted to ‘feel’ and alcohol did that for him.
[43:50] What are you going to do when a craving hits?
Tim starts each morning in prayer or meditation. He sets his day up and prepares for the cravings that he knows he will have. He also has multiple sponsors and a network of people that he can contact when one is not available. He listens to podcasts and also has people checking in on him.
[45:21] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
2 years ago, I made a big scene at a restaurant and embarrassed my wife and my friends. I stacked a bunch of dishes and smashed them on the table, I drank way too much and had to get thrown out.
- When was your ah ha moment?
It was something I heard on your podcast, someone said, “life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you”. That concept was so incredibly mind-blowing to me.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?
To continue on knowing that if I am isolated, which is my nature, I will not succeed at this.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Paul I’m not saying this to blow any smoke, but I listen to multiple podcasts, and for some reason yours has been my number 1.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?
Stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Don’t wait. Not one more drink, it’s always one more drink, one more day…do it right this second because life it worth it.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
In the middle of the night, drunk, you are seeing fireworks in your rearview mirror only to discover you have driven the wheel off of your truck and the brake caliper and axel are scraping and shooting sparks 15 feet into the air.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Alcohol Use is Rising Around the World
Americans Drank Less Alcohol in 2018
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 10, 2019 | Podcast
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Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
±ZX±Z8 Nick, with 101 days of sobriety, shares his story.
Paul is asking the listeners what they want to hear on the podcast. Do you want more interviews with industry professionals, such as recovery coaches, authors, and wellness leaders? Or do you like the podcast just the way it is with Paul interviewing sobriety badasses? Leave a review on iTunes and let Paul know!
On today’s podcast Paul shares that he was recently interviewed on a podcast called, Self Made and Sober by the host Andrew Lassise. Andrew asked Paul what was the difference between his first 2 ½ years of sobriety and from September 7, 2014 on. According to Paul, that was a fantastic question with an easy answer.
The first 2 ½ years of sobriety was from January 1, 2010 through August 2012. On 1/1/10 Paul made a declaration to go 30 days without alcohol. When day 30 hit Paul was at a crossroads. He had started to lose weight, feel good, his face was less puffy, life just got better. So, he decided to go another month. Going into month 3 the pink cloud showed up. But during this 2 ½ years he had a mindset of lack. A mindset that he was missing something, couldn’t do something. And as with anything, when we approach a goal with a mindset of lack, with a mindset that we will be missing something, it is not going to last. After 2 ½ years Paul went to his first AA meeting and walked away thinking “I got this.”. 2 days later he drank, picking up right where he had left off. Those first 2 ½ years were based on willpower, which does not work.
On September 7, 2014 something felt different. He knew that he had to quit drinking. But his mindset was different. Paul wasn’t looking at giving up alcohol as a sacrifice, but rather that space was being created, and things (alcohol) were being cleared, for better things to come. This time he wasn’t doing it out of fear, he was doing it because there was a light at the end of the tunnel, an opportunity. That opportunity shows up every day. Instead of having a mindset of lack Paul now has a mindset of opportunity.
SHOW NOTES
[18:40] Paul introduces Nick.
Nick is 29 years old and has been sobor since January 25, 2019. He says that that biggest lesson he has learned in recovery so far is personal acceptance. Nick is from Saginaw, MI. He says he is figuring out what he likes to do for fun, that right now everything is fun whereas when he was drinking nothing was fun. He enjoys being around people, disk golf, hiking, and meditation. He is divorced, a result of his addiction, but close to his family who live is Saginaw as well. For work Nick is about to start a new position with an organization called Families Against Narcotics.
[22:40] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Nick started drinking and using at the age of 14. From the first time he drank nick knew he wasn’t like other people. He realized he didn’t have an off switch. He says there was no slow progression in to alcoholism, that he was an addict the first time he took a drink. Throughout college he was binge drinking up to 5 nights a week, but that didn’t seem like a problem to Nick because that was what everyone else was doing. In 2012 his drinking and drugging amplified. But he was still doing well in school, still holding a job, still doing everything that looked normal on the outside.
[25:43] Sounds like there was some cognitive dissonance, tell us what that was like, how did that feel?
Nick said he felt powerless. He felt out of control and the only way he felt better was more drinking. There was a lot of rationalizing and minimalizing. In July of 2014 Nick went into rehab for the first time. In September 2014 his wife kicked him out. He moved back home and was doing drugs and drinking every day. On December 6, 2014 Nick overdosed. That put him in the hospital for about 2 weeks, and they weren’t even sure he was going to make it. He then went back to rehab and says that’s when there was a shift in his mindset. He finally accepted that he wasn’t in control and that his life was unmanageable. He entered into a 3-month inpatient rehab; the same one his brother was at.
[28:18] What did it feel like when you had that mind shift?
Nick said it was a huge relief, that it felt like he could let go and let God take over.
[31:15] Tell us what it was like being in rehab with your brother.
They were both there for 3 months but they kept them apart for the first month. After that they started to have some overlap with their programs. Nick said he had the mind shift but that his brother did not. On the plane ride home from rehab his brother purchased a beer. This made Nick angry and he told his brother that. His brother minimalized it.
[33:30] Take us from getting out of rehab in the beginning of 2015 to your sobriety date the beginning of 2019.
Nick has been active in recovery since getting out of rehab. He has had slip ups and relapses, never with the hard drugs, just with alcohol. The last time he drank was January 24, 2019.
[37:10] Talk to us about some of these slip ups.
It got to the point that drinking wasn’t fun anymore. Every time he would drink there was a lesson he would learn. The biggest lesson he learned from the slip ups was that alcohol was going to hold him back, just like the drugs would, and that he needed to be totally sobor to reach his fullest potential.
[40:35] Tell us more about the moment when you told your friends you were no longer drinking, and how it was after that.
The first few weeks his friends went out of their way to make him comfortable. What he had expected, that there would be problem or a change, was not the case at all. His friends stopped drinking around him at first, and things got easier fairly quickly.
[42:30] Why do you think you drank and used?
He thinks it was because he had a false narrative of who he really was. Alcohol helped numb it and made it easier to swallow that he wasn’t living his purpose. He also had a lot of emotional trauma growing up and he thinks that played a part.
[45:15] In the past 101 days have you experienced cravings and what tools have you used to get past them?
For Nick a craving is just a thought and it is all about changing that thought process. The cravings have been a lot milder than they were with the drugs. When he has a craving now, and is alone, he yells ‘STOP’, if he is with someone he thinks ‘STOP’ in his head.
[47:50] Tell us more about the Open Discussion, OD Movement, website.
After his grandmother’s passing in 2018 Nick wanted to do something to proactively try and address addiction. So, he created the Open Discussion Movement website, https://odmovement.com/ The OD Movement’s mission is to change the dialogue around addiction. You can find the OD Movement podcast by searching for it on most podcast platforms.
[56:00] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Driving drunk and wrecking my car and waking up in the psyche ward.
- When was your oh shit moment?
When I woke up in the ICU after my overdose in 2014.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?
My plan is to continue building the OD Movement and just continue doing the next right thing.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
The Meeting Finder app on my phone, I love that I can go to a meeting at any time.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?
You’re exactly where you need to be.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
It gets better. You have no idea how great life can be until you live a life free from the clutches of drugs and alcohol.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You wake up in the hospital and say, “man I shouldn’t have done that last night.”.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Green Chef
For a total of $75 off, that’s $25 off each of your first 3 boxes, go to www.greenchef.us/elevator75
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 1, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Ashley, with 192 days of sobriety, shares her story.
Paul talks about how alcohol is the invitation. What is this invitation? It’s called addiction. Depending on how you RSVP you could have a life filled with infinite joy. The fact that you are listening to this podcast right now is a good clue as to how you’re going to RSVP. At first the invitations may not show up with enough frequency to connect the dots. But, sooner or later, these invitations will start to show up more frequently, once a year, once every 6 months, once a week, once a day in every aspect of our lives. For many that struggle with addiction they ignore this invitation their entire lives and it is not pretty. If we stick to this long enough it will become clear that our addiction is the best thing that has happened for us.
For those of you listening, you have earned your invitation. Keep in mind the pain and suffering required to initiate this positive change in behind you. This thing called life, if it hasn’t already, is about to get good. So how will you RSVP to this invitation?
SHOW NOTES
[12:30] Paul Introduces Ashley.
Ashley lives in Chicago, IL with her sister and their 2 dogs. She is single and is 31 years old. She recently finished cosmetology school and is currently an apprentice to become a hair stylist at a salon in the city. For fun Ashley likes to cook, enjoys music and going to concerts, power lifting, meditation, and is back playing soccer.
[14:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.
She was 13/14 years old the first time she got drunk, in her neighbors’ basement. She remembers going home and telling her mom that she had been drinking, and that she got sick. During high school she hung out with a lot of different crowds so went to, and drank at, a lot of parties. She says she knew right away that she had a problem. From the moment she would start drinking she would fixate on how she could drink more.
When she got into college, she hit the ground running with partying. She did a lot of partying and blacking out, had a lot of fun and didn’t get into any sever trouble, which she says, she thinks is why she continued to drink like she did. In the back of her mind she was telling herself that once she was done with college things would change and she would grow up.
After college she moved to Chicago and continued to drink on the weekends (Thursday-Sunday), which felt normal to her. When she was 25, she woke up one morning, grabbed her phone, and Googled “what is an alcoholic?”.
At 27, after a relationship that ended badly, she found herself in a super dark place. She was depressed, having panic attacks, eating disorder flair ups, drinking, and drugging. She managed to pull herself out of that dark place, and to prove to herself that she didn’t have a problem she didn’t drink for 30 days.
[22:15] What was it like when you did prove it to yourself and not drink for 30 days?
She felt she had it under control, although she continued to do drugs. Then she slowly started drinking again until she was drinking more than she was before the 30 days. She started blacking out every time she drank.
After a really bad incident with her ex she walked into AA. She made it 65 days before she went back out for another year and ½. That year and ½ it got even worse, she was drinking hard and using a lot of drugs.
On July 23, 2018 she came clean with her doctor and walked back into AA where she found an amazing group of women and her home group.
[28:37] Comment a little more about honesty.
Because of her issues with depression and anxiety her whole life she had been in/out of going to therapists. She said she always lied to them about her alcohol/drug use. After also being diagnosed bi-polar she knew she had to come clean with her doctors.
[32:15] Why do you think you drank?
She said that to begin with, alcoholism runs in her family. She wanted to escape from the feeling of having to micromanage her up/down feelings all the time and that unfortunately she thinks she was just made for it.
[36:00] How did you do it? You talked about AA, what else did you do to get sober?
She stopped going to the places where she always drank, like concerts and bars. She sought out a higher power. She started running. She made sure she got to her AA meetings and listened to the podcast, of course.
[38:00] Tell us how you got through your week-long family reunion during the early days of your sobriety.
With about a week of sobriety she tried to look at the trip as a way to take advantage of the beautiful nature, instead of a big party. She listened to podcasts and hiked. With only a week of sobriety she wasn’t comfortable telling her family yet, and she was terrified of failing if she did.
[42:15] After burning the ships on FB you mentioned you got reactions you didn’t expect, what kind of reactions did you expect??
She thought that people really wouldn’t care, or that they would think that it would change who she is. She didn’t expect all the positive response.
[43:30] Talk to us about some wins in sobriety.
She can fly with out hitting the airport bar first. She can go to concerts and remember everything. She can go out with friends and have fun without drinking.
[44:50] What is something you learned about yourself during this journey?
She is super sensitive and can feel others emotions which used to be scary, but now that she is sober, she has learned how to use it to help other people.
[46:38] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?
My mom had surgery one time and we were in the recovery room and I was so hungover, and probably still drunk, from the night before that I threw up all over the hospital room.
- What was your ‘oh-shit’ moment, indicating that alcohol had to go?
The morning I woke up and just knew I couldn’t keep doing this.
- What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
To keep building a network. Keep working the steps and stay in AA. To keep on doing what I’m doing, one day at a time.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
To take everything one day at a time.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Avoid things that are triggering to you and strive to do things that are healthy and look for self-care.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You constantly find yourself keeping tabs on other peoples’ drinking.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Dec 24, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Jeff, with over 38 days since his last drink, shares his story…
During this festive holiday season, we will, no doubt, we encouraged to drink at one point or another. We can’t think ourselves out of long-term addiction, but in the moment, there are tools we can use to help gives us the ability to say no. Follow the drink, and play the tape forward. There is plenty of data behind us to help us make an informed decision. If I have this drink, what will happen? Remember why you quit in the first place and remember all of the positive benefits you have experienced from sobriety.
We all know alcoholic beverages can pack in the calories, but does alcohol have any nutritional value? It’s safe to say that a Twinkie has more nutritional value than any alcoholic beverage. By not drinking, you are not denying yourself of any vital nutrients. In fact, alcohol inhibits general digestion in a big way.
SHOW NOTES
[8:57] Paul Introduces Jeff.
Jeff has been sober for 38 days. Jeff is 27 years old, from Quebec City, Canada. He has a corporate job and also works in digital marketing. He is trying to transition to doing his digital job full time. He owns a dog and enjoys sports and reading.
[10:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.
He started when he was 13 years old. He never felt in control. He was shy and insecure. Marijuana was his drug of choice for a long time. When he would try to quit smoking marijuana, he found himself drinking more. When he would travel for sports he would notice that eventually he would revert to the same substance abuse patterns.
[13:10] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?
Most recently, a few days before his quite date. He went to a bar with the intention of only having a few drinks but ended up staying the entire night, consuming many drinks and then driving home afterward. He feels that one can’t quit until the subconscious figures out there is a problem. He needed to re-evaluate his relationship with alcohol. He started with a 30 day sobriety challenge. He recorded a video of himself to help remind him of why he was quitting. He watched a lot of sobriety videos on YouTube.
[21:30] Did you follow a program for your 30 day sobriety challenge?
Yes, he followed a program from James Swanick. He sets a daily reminder to help keep him grateful and motivated.
[27:27] Elaborate more about the idea that sobriety has to be a choice for a better life.
Make sure that you don’t just stay home. Don’t deprive yourself of pleasures. You need the brain to realize that it can be sober if all sets of circumstances. He went to a hypnotherapist. He convinced him that everything had to be a conscious choice, and that there were choices happening in his life that he didn’t consider. He had to switch the words from “have to“ to “choose to”.
[32:06] Have you had any cravings or challenges in early sobriety?
He keeps listening to podcasts. He is doubling down on what is working. He is reminded of his gratitude and how much energy he has. He hasn’t experienced any cravings. His toughest moment was during a doubt of depression caused by a relapse dream. He reached out to the Cafe RE community and got support right away. Just talking about helped him a lot. Cravings are normal and just talking about them will make them go away.
[35:26] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
He wants to execute his business ideas. He wants to share his story. He wants to help other people quit alcohol and drugs. He loves traveling and sports. Sobriety gives him the energy and emotional intelligence to reach his full potential.
[36:48] What have you learned about yourself in the past 30 days?
Being vulnerable is being courageous. He has tried to act tough in the past and now he realizes that reaching out and asking for help is the better path to take. This is what true courage is about.
[38:25] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Just waking up so feeling so terrible and realizing that he could have lost everything.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
On his first day of sobriety, recording a video of why he wanted to quit, and the emotional outpouring that came with it.
- What’s your plan moving forward?Keep doing what’s working. He tries to keep his thinking positive so he doesn’t look for something to help him cope with the pain that comes with negativity.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Cafe RE. He enjoys connecting with the community. Also sobriety videos on YouTube.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
To not associate with the word “alcoholic”. He preferred to say that he was a sober person with a drinking problem. He’s still understanding that he has an issue but it helps point him in the right direction.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Rewire your subconscious. Also stack your resources. Don’t put all of your sobriety eggs in one resource basket. Create accountability.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“…it’s Sunday night and you have consumed 14 beers. You talk to your mother on the phone and she can’t tell that you’ve been drinking.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
30 Day No Alcohol Challenge – a 30 day sobriety challenge by James Swanick
Beyond the Influence – a book by Katherine Ketcham
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Oct 29, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Nel, with over 1 year since her last drink, shares her story…
Drinking is more than the average habit. To reduce our problems with alcohol to a “bad habit” is missing the bigger picture. We drink for a variety of reasons.. for example: to cope, to ignore, to numb, to hide, How to Give Up Drinking?
Digging ourselves out of alcohol dependency actually requires the changing or removal of several habits. We need to change the way we relax. We need to change the way we deal with difficult emotions. We need to become more conscious, aware, and in the moment. We have to slowly remember the version of us that didn’t need anything to be okay. We have to change everything.
When one finds themselves in the grips of alcohol, it probably takes more time, effort, and patience to return to our emotional center than it did to lose it. It doesn’t happen overnight, and there are many lessons to be learned along the way, but with patience, persistence, self-love and an open mind, we can find ourselves looking back on our time with alcohol as a distant and remote dream.
SHOW NOTES
[11:40] Paul Introduces Nel.
Nel is 52 years old, from Shannon, Mississippi. She now lives in New York. She’s married. She’s a personal trainer that loves sports, particularly fantasy football. Dolphins are her favorite sea animal.
[15:05] Give us a little background about your drinking.
She started around 16. Her parents died when she was young. She had a chaotic upbringing. She could never relax. She started drinking after her parents died. It helped her relax and she loved it. She drank mostly on the weekends with the intention to get drunk. She went on to college and started drinking a lot more. She met her first husband her senior year of college. He helped her finish school. She was already beginning to drink a lot. She always knew that she drank more than other people. All of her friends drank. She has alcoholism in her family. She partied a lot in her 20s. She worked and took care of herself. Drinking remained a lower priority. She divorced her first husband in her early 30s. She moved back to Mississippi to be with her sister and help with her family. She felt happier generally, but was always managing her alcohol. She met her second husband at 35. She moved to New York. Her new husband was a normal drinker, and it made her realize how much she drank. It caught up to her, and began to experience physical symptoms and tried to switch to marijuana. She smoked pot “like she always wanted to drink”. She knew in her heart that she was making bad choices. She continued to function despite how she felt. She would blackout multiple times. She would experience “brownouts” after a few drinks.
[22:47] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?
She realized that she couldn’t trust herself anymore. She would get stoned and pick up her nephew from school and she realized she was going down the wrong path.
[25:28] Talk more about what it meant to lose trust in yourself.
She was frightened. Her biggest pillar of safety in life was her ability to self-regulate, and once she began to lose that she became extremely worried. She was negotiating with herself, and never winning. After the first line was crossed, the progression sped up because the anxiety kicked into overdrive.
[27:35] Did the drinking help you with the fact that you were flying solo in life?
She was trying to quiet the voices in her head and the anxiety and fear. She used it as a coping mechanism, as medicine.
[29:10] How did you end up making the change and finding your way out?
She wants to live a life that her family members can look up to, as an example. She realized she was off course. She didn’t want to go out like her parents. The next step was to put smoking and drinking down. Ever since then, she believes that God has been helping her. She began to do research about alcoholism and realized she had a problem, and that she wasn’t alone.
She is on the podcast because she wants to shed the shame. She didn’t know many in recovery before. She wants to reach out and let people know that there is a way out, and that they can do it.
[34:08] How did you keep the change going?
She knew one other person in recovery. Within 48 hours of her thinking about reaching out to her, she was out of her house and she coincidentally ran into her on the boardwalk. She told her everything and she stayed with her for the next few weeks. She went to an AA meeting and it was the best decision she ever made. It gave her instructions, guidance.
[37:27] Can you think of a time when self-negotiating didn’t work out?
She would go to a wedding, and tell herself she would only have two drinks. By the end of the night she lost her shoes and couldn’t remember anything. Towards the last few years she began to consistently lose the negotiations.
[38:53] What’s your plan moving forward in sobriety?
Keep it simple, do what’s working. She goes to meetings every day. She knows the rest of her life depends on whether or not she goes to those meetings. She feels more freedom now than ever before. She’s accepted that she can’t think her way out of everything. She meditates daily now, and she can easily meditate now for 15-20 minutes. She’s off her medication, her health has improved. She’s realizing that everything revolves around your thoughts. You have to practice and put in the work, but the benefits spill over into everything else in your life. She also focuses on exercise. Staying physically active and trying to take care of herself.
[42:44] Talk to us about the “why” in your drinking.
A genetic component, but also her environment. She was raised in an abusive household and was always anxious. She had low self esteem. She had voices in her head constantly criticise her. She didn’t know how to handle life without an escape plan, and she felt like alcohol was something she needed. She didn’t always have to have it, but she had to have access to it. She didn’t realize that she wasn’t her thoughts. She read “The Untethered Soul” and that plus her meditation practice has changed her relationship to her inner thoughts. She’s excited to see her new potential. When someone recommends a resource, give it a go!
[47:45 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
She went to a party and proceeded to get smashed at a party. She argued with her husband she isn’t aware about how she got back to her home. The next day her sister just left back to Mississippi.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?When she picked up her nephew at school totally stoned.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her AA group. The support and the knowledge that she gets from them. She also loves Recovery Elevator.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Keep it simple. Just one day at a time, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t try to think your way out.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?What do you have to lose? If you feel bad at yourself, what do you have to lose by trying to get sober? You can always go back to your old way of life. You have to be all in if you give it a try.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“…you’re at a baseball game, and you are more worried about the 7th inning when they’ll cut off the beer sales off.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
The Untethered Soul – A book by Michael Singer
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
