by Paul Churchill | Apr 22, 2019 | Podcast
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James, with a sobriety date of November 12, 2016, shares his story.
Recovery Elevator is on Instagram! Please follow Paul and Ben here .
On today’s podcast Paul discuses relapse. For some, and Paul has only met a few, relapse isn’t part of their story. But for the vast majority it is, and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Spontaneous sobriety is rare. Paul feels that the word ‘relapse’ is another word in recovery, similar to the word ‘alcoholic’, that needs to be thrown out. The word ‘relapse’ has implications of failure.
When we drink again, after having made the internal declaration not to, we are simply doing more field research, learning lessons along the way. If you find yourself in a continuous cycle of field research, self-compassion is key. Stop placing success and failure parameters on whether you drank last night or not. When we start addressing what we are using alcohol to cover up than relapse will become less frequent and even a thing of the past.
When you do find yourself on stable footing, beware of the 3 most dangerous words on this journey…I got this.
SHOW NOTES
**Listeners you can listen to James’ first interview back on episode 105 when he had 74 days of sobriety, today he has 850 days.
[8:05] Paul introduces James
James is 31 years old and lives in New Jersey with his wife and their pomsky, Milo. He works in Manhattan. For fun he likes to golf, go to the gym, and hang with his wife and pup.
[10:50] Give us a little background about your drinking.
James started drinking when he was 13, stealing beers and wine coolers from the liquor cabinet. In high school he was not a big drinker, although he remembers how drinking helped make him feel comfortable.
He started college, on a golf scholarship, became good friends with one of his teammates that was a Christian, started going to bible study and church and didn’t drink his entire freshman year. Later, one of his teammates from England, was graduating so they threw a party and James drank. He picked up right where he left off and the next three years of college he was binge drinking and dabbled in drugs.
The spring semester of his senior year his coach called him in to his office and told him not to come to practice anymore, that he was coming in smelling like liquor and bringing the rest of the team down. This was the first time that he realized his drinking was affecting other people.
[13:44] Can you tell us what it felt like to have someone on the outside call you out on your drinking.
Immediately James was embarrassed and ashamed. He walked out of the office feeling sad and like he had let everyone down. He was able to curb his drinking enough to not be a burden and make it through the last 3 months playing golf.
2010 James was in Barcelona, caddying at a nice country club, the 2nd day he caddied he met a man that offered him a job which he took a week later. This was the beginning of the end. From the time he graduated at 21 years old to 28 years old, when he got sober, it was a quick progression of drugs and alcohol. In the span of 5 years James lost his Grandfather, his uncle and his Dad. Instead of dealing with the losses he used alcohol and drugs.
At 27 he was arrested for possession of cocaine, theft, and disturbing the peace. This leads to an intervention by his family and his Mom gives him the option to go to rehab or see a therapist. He picked the therapist. He went through a number of therapists and his girlfriend of 2 years left him during this time.
[22:40] What did it feel like that moment when you told yourself you were done.
He immediately felt a sense of relief. He reached out to a friend from college, that he used to party with, but from his posts on Facebook knew that he had gotten sober. At this time neither his family, or his girlfriend, would talk to him. He went to see his friend from college the next day. Talking to him helped, and he also started 12 weeks of IOP. Everyday he would ask himself, is this going to honor my father. He knew he had to make some changes and he firmly believes his father died to save his life.
[24:45] Once you surrendered, how did you make it one week, one month, how did you do it?
One day at a time. James says he was never a half-in guy, so once he decided to get sober, he dove in. He found the RE podcast, started reading a lot, went to AA, and was going to IOP and therapy 3 times a week. Very early he burned the ships with everyone, which he says was very therapeutic. He could finally breath and no longer had all the guilt and the shame.
[28:00] What was the transition from drinking/partying like you did, to the clean and sober life, like?
James said it was hard, but that it was almost like he was going back to the person he was the whole time, and it was a relief. In the last 6 months he shifted from playing the victim and feels he is becoming exactly who he is supposed to be.
[33:05] Talk to us about your year 1 and year 2 and the differences between the two.
James says he definitely had the classic pink cloud and felt great. At the end of year 1 he started to struggle a bit but after he hit the year mark, he felt rejuvenated. He booked the trip to Peru with Café RE and between months 13-15 things took another turn. Things felt dark and he was asking himself if this was what he got sober for. It was then he had a conversation with a friend, and with Paul, about ayahuasca and stayed in Peru to attend a ceremony. James says it wasn’t a magic bullet but that ayahuasca, hiking Machu Picchu, and getting married in October, is what changed his attitude about everything.
[35:15] On a group chat we were on you said one of the lessons you learned was that you no longer have to be the biggest guy in the room, talk to us about that.
The first night, of the first ceremony he did, there was a gentleman there from New Zealand who was bigger than James. (Who is 6’3” and 220 pounds, which he had always identified himself by.) During the ceremony James was weeping and this gentleman came up behind him, put his arms around him, held him like a baby, and told him to just let it all out. It was at this time he let go of feeling like always had to me the biggest guy in the room. He was supposed to do 3 ceremonies but after the first one he told the shaman that he had gotten what he needed and didn’t do the remaining 2.
[39:30] Talk to us about Cardamone Coaching.
Even as a kid James knew he wanted to help people. Wanting to become a recovery coach was something he discussed with Paul while in Peru. He realized fear was what was holding him back and that that was all bullshit, so he got certified to be a recovery coach. His goal is to help people in recovery by using his own experience.
James’ coaching website is: https://www.cardamonecoaching.com/ .
[45:06] I saw your registration come in for the Bozeman retreat, what are you looking forward to at this retreat?
Going back to Bozeman, it’s a change of pace from New York City. Seeing some of the same people and meeting new people. The retreats have changed James’ life.
[47:25] Rapid Fire Round
- What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?
Continue doing what I’m doing, stay the course, one day at a time, and helping people.
- What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?
Reading, I must have read 35 books in the last 2 ½ years, reading has really opened me up to different things.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
It gets better and you never have to feel this way again if you don’t pick up a drink or a drug.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
You are good enough
.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
If you get arrested outside of a nightclub with drugs in your pocket, a stolen credit card and no shoes on.
You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Babbel
This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try
Babbel for free. Download the app, or text Elevator to 48-48-48
Green Chef
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Apr 9, 2019 | Blog, Early Sobriety, The first Year
I was in a bookstore at the airport the other day and noticed a trend while looking at the top twenty best sellers. There were several books with clear, unambiguous titles. Our society collectively is starting to wake up and is looking for ways to unfuck themselves. These are the book titles I saw that were all clumped right next to each other. 
UnFu*ck yourself by Gary John Bishop
I used to be a miserable Fu*ck by John Kim
Calm the Fuck down – Sarah Knight
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck Mark Manson
After a quick Amazon search, I found several more books with similar titles such as
Unfuck your Brain by Faith Harper
Unfuck Yourself by Zoe Swain
I’m currently writing a book about alcohol addiction, and I’m not 100% sure of what my book title will be, but it may have the words unfu*ck yourself somewhere on the cover. I want to be clear, I had this written down on my list of potential book titles for a long time, not just because I saw a bunch of these titles in the airport:) The title at this moment is Alcohol is Shit | but it’s also the invitation. Below that title, it will say either, “control alcohol from the inside out” or “Unfuck yourself from the inside out.” Not sure yet. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
All these books, including mine, isn’t fulfilling a niche or a trend, they are representing a movement that can no longer be ignored. There’s a consciousness on this planet that is starting to say, hang on a second, this isn’t working. Those of us who struggle with addiction, sometimes think we’re the only ones who reach a rough spot on life. Not true, everyone does, and we’re reaching a critical mass, especially in America. On a global scale, people are starting to say, timeout, hold the phone, the formula that I was told to follow in life, isn’t yielding the fruits I was promised.
I recently read an article titled the Age of Anxiety in the New Republic that sheds light on this movement.
According to studies by the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 20 percent of Americans experience an anxiety disorder in a given year; over 30 percent experience an anxiety disorder over the course of their lifetimes. And the rate is rising: The American Psychiatric Association, in a May study drawing from a survey of 1,000 American adults, diagnosed a statistically significant increase in national anxiety since 2017.
Please read carefully. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Right now, at this moment, there’s nothing wrong with you. Never has been and never will be. Take a deep breath; we are okay. This anxiety is a good thing and shouldn’t be labeled in some diagnostical statistical manual as bad because this collective state of unrest will eventually show us the way.
According to the article in the New Republic, this jittery national mood has given rise to what Rebecca Jennings at Vox has dubbed “anxiety consumerism”—the rise of a plethora of products, from fidget spinners to essential-oil sprays, to weighted blankets. These weighted blankets were initially developed for people with autism and PTSD as self-administered hugs, to give the sensation of an embrace, but sales for these blankets have gone through the roof, and everyone is buying them. Perhaps the most well-known product to fall into this anxiety consumerism category is alcohol. Just about everyone on the planet right now needs a big hug.
Who is going to initiate this hug?
Those who struggle with addiction are the trailblazers in the collective unf*ck yourself movement that desperately needs to happen. Not just for those who grapple with addiction to alcohol, but for everyone. As a global community, we’re starting to see what’s not working and alcoholics were the first to see it. We are leading this movement and will eventually be the ones who hold the door open for the rest of society. Let that last sentence sink in for a second. You and me. We will be leading the global unfu*ck yourself movement for everyone. Not just those who struggle with addiction.
by Paul Churchill | Apr 8, 2019 | Podcast
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Libby, with 112 days of sobriety, shares her story.
Paul talks about a trend he noticed in the airport bookstore. Amongst the ’20 best sellers’ there were several books with clear, unambiguous titles. Our society is collectively starting to wake up and are looking for ways to unf*ck ourselves. He says that all of these books, including the one he is currently writing, are not fulfilling a trend or a niche, but that it’s a movement.
https://newrepublic.com/article/153153/age-anxiety
Paul recently read an article titled the Age of Anxiety in the New Republic,
According to studies by the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 20 percent of Americans experience an anxiety disorder in a given year; over 30 percent experience an anxiety disorder over the course of their lifetimes. And the rate is rising: The American Psychiatric Association, in a May study drawing from a survey of 1,000 American adults, diagnosed a statistically significant increase in national anxiety since 2017.
But listeners listen closely, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Never has been, never will be. This anxiety is a good thing. This collective state of unrest will eventually show us the way.
This jittery national mood has given rise to what Rebecca Jennings at Vox has dubbed “anxiety consumerism”—the rise of a plethora of products, from fidget spinners to essential-oil sprays, to weighted blankets. Perhaps the most well-known product to fall into this anxiety consumerism category is alcohol.
Those who struggle with addiction are the trailblazers in the collective unf*ck yourself movement. Not just for those who grapple with addiction to alcohol, but for everyone.
SHOW NOTES
[7:15] Libby how long have you been sober?
She has been sober since October 23, 2018, giving her 112 days of sobriety.
[7:40] In these last 112 days what is the biggest challenge you’ve encountered?
She says that the cravings and the obsession to drink in the first couple months was definitely the toughest time.
[9:00] Paul Introduces Libby.
Libby is 32 years old and lives in Louisville, Kentucky. She is an interior designer and is currently waiting tables at night. She has been married for 5 years, has no kids, has a dog named Boomerang, and a cat named Brice. For fun she works out, does crafts, is decorating her house, and enjoys hiking when the weather is nice.
[11:05] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Libby had her first drink at 15 and throughout high school she drank on the weekends. By early 20s she was drinking daily, but still highly functional, holding two jobs. She was coasting by until 2017 when she got fired from a job. Libby says this is when her drinking ‘got wheels’.
[12:30] What led you to seeking out alcohol to alleviate the pain?
She was fired suddenly, in a hateful way, and she had never gone through anything like that. She was devastated and started drinking all day. After a couple of weeks, she was experiencing morning tremors, or shakes, which she had never experienced before. By the end of 2017 she was drinking in the mornings just to function. During this time, she tried out AA a couple times and decided she just wasn’t ready.
[14:50] What was it like when you went to the AA meeting?
Before going into her first AA meeting Libby had the shakes so bad that she had to have a shot of alcohol. She didn’t really have any intention to stop drinking, she just wanted control over it. She wanted to stop drinking during the day and get control of her life again and just be a functional drinker. Fast forward to 2018 and she had managed to cut back on her drinking, only drinking at night. That lasted a couple months. In April 2018 she found herself drunk at work and went home and told her husband that she needed to get into a treatment program, that drinking had taken control again.
The next day, after drinking, she tried to get into an inpatient treatment program. The first place turned her away because they didn’t take her insurance, the second place allowed her to stay for 3 days for ‘medical detox’ and then released her due to her insurance as well. After being dry for 3 days she thought she had things under control, but she picked up right where she left off.
[21:40] Take us through the next steps in your journey.
Not having a day job Libby was able to drink all day. After about 2 weeks her husband, tired of coming home and finding her drunk on the couch, packed his bags and left. He called her best friend and told her that Libby was in trouble, but that he didn’t know how to help her. Her best friend made some phone calls and found a free center, The Healing Place, that would take Libby. She stayed there for 4 days while she detoxed and went home. Back at home she stayed sober for 11 days and then again was right back to where she left off. After showing up at work drunk and hitting what Libby calls her first bottom, she went back to The Healing Place and stayed for 30 days.
[26:35] Take us from when you got out after your 30 days up to your sobriety date.
After about 74 days of sobriety, meeting with her sponsor and going to 3 AA meetings a day Libby found herself at the liquor store buying a bottle without giving it any thought. Looking at this as a ‘slip’ she got right back on the wagon and back to her meetings. Sober for another 46 days she then relapsed, drinking for 6 days straight. This was her 2nd bottom, this binder ended on October 22, 2018 and she has been sober ever since.
[28:40] How do you look at those ‘relapses’?
As lessons, she learned that they start in her head first. Now when her thoughts start going in that direction, she recognizes it and has a new method to deal with it.
[33:15] Why do you think you drank?
She said that in the beginning it was just because she enjoyed it. During her 20s she had a lot of trauma and it helped her feel better. Drinking became a habit, then she physically depended on it.
[34:40] Paul and Libby discuss what steps she can take to protect her sobriety while her husband continues to drink.
[40:55] I’ve seen where sobriety thing is contagious, what are your thoughts on that?
Libby agrees, attraction rather than promotion.
[42:50] What have you learned about yourself in this journey?
She has learned she is a lot stronger than she thought she was.
[43:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?
Libby describes her last couple days of drinking.
- What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
I am going to continue working the AA program and working with my sponsor and I want to eventually help other people stay sober.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Don’t believe the lies.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Give AA a shot.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You drink mouthwash in the morning to try and get rid of the shakes before work.
A pint of beer takes 15 minutes off your life
https://www.ksbw.com/article/wine-beer-early-death-extra-glass/26532630
For someone in their 40’s every glass of alcohol above the suggested weekly threshold of 5 shortens their life by 15 minutes. Alcohol is shit.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by Robinhood. Right now, Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by wordpress | Mar 25, 2019
Asia Adventure January 20 – 31, 2020 Registration opens July 1st, 2019 Learn More Travel the world… without alcohol On Recovery Elevator sober travel trips, since we aren’t wasting time nursing hangovers in the morning, we fully take advantage of the...
by Paul Churchill | Mar 18, 2019 | Podcast
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Mina, with a sobriety date of May 30, 2017, shares his story.
You can sign up for a FREE 5-day Recovery Elevator video course here.
Paul discusses the most controversial word he has encountered in AA. The word is recovered, as in your addiction to alcohol is behind you. Although recovered is mentioned in the books of AA, after Paul said the word in an AA meeting, he noticed a shift in the energy in the room. Ty (who has been editing the podcasts for over 150 episodes straight…Thank you Ty!), found the word recovered mentioned over 20 times in The Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve.
So why is the word recovered so controversial? Is recovered even such a thing?
SHOW NOTES
[10:30] Paul Introduces Mina.
Mina with a sobriety date of May 30, 2017, is 37 years old and is from Stockholm, Sweden. He is single and has no children. He is a software engineer. For fun Mina likes to read, visit museums and exhibitions, and spend time in libraries.
[12:20] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Mina had his first real drink at the age of 17, it was his first high school party and the first time he blacked out. From 17 to 25 he was drinking hard. He was drinking on his own, drinking Friday to Monday. During those years he didn’t really mix drinks, he would have a couple beers and go straight to vodka or tequila. After a couple years it was just bottles of vodka or tequila, and he was drinking alone. After a humiliating experience in 2003 he tried to regulate his drinking for the next 3 years, which did not go well.
In 2007 he decided to move back to South Africa, where his parents were living. Before leaving his friends threw him a going away party, which ended with Mina waking up in a hospital emergency room and not knowing how he got there. For the first time he realized he had a drinking problem. The next 11 years he says he was a textbook dry drunk.
On May 29, 2017 Mina had his last drink. The following day he walked into an AA meeting, was done fighting, and introduced himself as an alcoholic.
[28:22] How did it feel when you said you were an alcoholic?
The word itself wasn’t that difficult. But saying it in front of a group of people, who then clapped, gave him a sense of relief and he started crying.
[32:45] You mentioned that you had the shakes for two weeks after your last day of drinking, what is your take on that?
He says he doesn’t even remember those first two weeks. He knows he called his AA sponsor a couple times, he took a couple days off work, and that he was doing things to take care of himself.
[35:20] What kept you going during those first two miserable weeks?
He knew he was going to die if he drank again.
[36:30] What are some of the lessons you learned in the first 30 to 60 days?
In the first 30 days he had to learn how to be honest about everything. In the first 60 days he had to learn how to trust other people. Both of these were incredibly hard to do.
[39:48] Share with me how important it is to bring other people on in your recovery.
Mina started telling his closest friends during the time he started to do his amends (AA step 9). Most of his friends were in shock because he was so good a lying that they had no idea he had a drinking problem. The friendships became closer after he told them.
[41:30] Why do you think you drank?
There are several reasons. He drank to feel normal and it helped him to socialize. When he drank alone drinking was the elixir for everything that was wrong. He drank because he wanted to die.
[43:50] Is there anything you would have done differently when getting sober?
Mina says he would have listened to his sponsor regarding dating.
[46:00] Rapid Fire Round
- What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
More spirituality, more service, and working on myself in terms of projects I never did because I was drunk.
- What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?
The practice of meditation I one. Music is another resource. The third resource is to really work on some deeper issues.
- In regards to sobriety, what is the best advice you’ve ever received?
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be at peace?
- What parting piece of guidance do you want to give to listeners?
Choose yourself today.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You wake up in your own piss and shit after a hard night drinking.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Blinkist
This episode is brought to you in support by Blinkist. Right now, my listeners can try Blinkist for free. Visit blinkist.com/elevator for your seven-day free trial.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
