RE Bonus Episode: Odette and Paul Q&A

by Kris Oyen | Feb 18, 2021 | Podcast

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1. I still find it difficult that my husband drinks every day. I don’t know why it makes me feel angry inside, but I do all the time when he drinks. How can I approach this?

Odette said, stay on your lane. The more you focus on him, the less you will focus on your healing and your journey. In learning about yourself and healing yourself, you can start to implement boundaries and assert your needs vs. obsess over how much he is drinking. Therapy helps. Pull your energies back to yourself.

2. What do you suggest I do when friends and family seem uncomfortable around me when I say I don’t drink?

Paul said you can get started on 2.0 version of your life.  So much more is packed into this than just quitting drinking. You are stepping out of the norm, roles, identities, and labels in your family.  Learn to set boundaries, overcome the need to please.  Give it time, and they’re watching. This doesn’t mean they aren’t supportive. They are on their own journey as well.

3. What are the plans for Recovery Elevator (RE)? What is in the works?

The podcast will evolve to include additional voices.  Paul will return in some capacity.

Retreats (Rustic Retreats, like Bozeman, Hotel events, retreat centers, and AF travel).

A Retreat Center is contemplated.

A Rat Park experiment, an in-person community, is being considered.

(insert link)

4. How did you best handle your early days of an alcohol-free life?  What practices do you use now daily?

Odette has used different tools but consistently exercises, sees a therapist, stays connected via on-line chats and in-person meet-ups that are COVID safe.

Paul said the most challenging and most rewarding experience in his life was quitting drinking.  Paul left Bozeman for his first month of sobriety because there were too many triggers.  He took long walks for 30 days, particularly to a fantastic waterfall. As his recovery evolved, he is mindful of the interchange.  He goes to his internal connection, and the outside triggers stopped affecting him.  He found some inner peace.

5. If you could trade your life now for being able to drink like a normal person magically, would you?

Odette said, no, senor!

In the first few years, Paul said he had thoughts of drinking, and he was in the victim role – longing for the old days when he could drink normally.  Now his energy has changed, and his life now has no space for alcohol or drinking.

6. I hear in AA all of the time that those who don’t go to meetings regularly are sure to go back out and drink.

Odette said the opposite of addiction is connection. It’s a great time to be sober with virtual meetings, sober curious groups, courses, and friends who are always focused on learning and being better.

Paul said there are infinite ways to Ditch the Booze. Paul’s buddies have ditched the booze, and AA was not part of their journey.  He believes the community is vital to long-term sobriety. It doesn’t have to be AA – and humans are social animals.

7. I’m in my second year of sobriety. The first year was a lot of filling my toolbox and learning how to survive without alcohol. When in your journey did you start to thrive and live your best life. What steps did you take to embrace the new you and live out loud?

Paul said nothing was thriving when he was drinking.  Some parts of his life started to thrive nearly immediately when he quit drinking.   Within 14 days, he felt better.  The spiritual component of his life has become vital to him.  He is more tethered and can weather emotional storms.  Today chaos, while momentary, ultimately leads to thriving for Paul.

Odette said her definition of thriving has changed.  She goes within.  Thriving is about peace, knowing herself, and understanding the reality of co-existing with others. It’s not about the perfect Instagram profile.  Odette thrives even on her dip days.  Her growing pains lead to thriving.

8. Do you think there is a risk of a substance leading me back to alcohol? Have your own experiences (or, for that matter, any new research on the potential benefits of psychedelics)? How has your experience informed you?

Paul said Dr. David Nutt (2011 UK)  said alcohol is the most addictive drug and causes the most devastating effects on society.  Number 20 was magic mushrooms. Paul’s experiences with plant medicines have been non-addictive.  In the right setting, they do not lead to a return to alcohol. The right setting is critical.  Guided therapy sessions will help the intense inner work.

9. What were your best strategies to avoid or minimize the tendency to romanticize the days of yore in the early days of sobriety?

Odette said, play the tape forward.  Romanticizing is just an illusion. She remembers not to give up what she wants for that drink.

Paul described the ism and euphoric recall. Its why women continue to have babies. They don’t accurately remember the pain. Paul’s memory was about playing football.  The mind has 60-70K thoughts a day, and most of them are wrong.  Questioning your thoughts is a great practice.

10. I seem to have a problem sometimes with a lack of structure or regiment.  When I work or have commitments, it seems like I don’t have so many thoughts in my head because I’m pretty focused on the task at hand. Fewer thoughts equal less anxiety for me.   Paul, can you share your experience with travel and structure?

Paul suggests structure in all of his courses.  The days with structure are easier to get through.  Paul has taken Spanish classes or city tours, or AA meetings to build in structure and routine.  Double down on the routine.

11. I would love to hear Odette speak on how alcohol abuse works with eating disorder recovery. The sobriety world is very diet culture-oriented and fat phobic. Any guidance on fighting the voice of needing to restrict, manage weight, and it’s ok to eat?

Odette said listen to Episode 312.  There are so many connections between alcohol and eating disorders. She took other’s hands until she could do it for herself.  She is grateful for her body.  She has bad body image days but tries to do the best for her body.  Protect your energy!  Odette is happy to speak to people about this challenge.

12. How do you not think about drinking while abstaining? I’ve had many alcohol-free days in the last few years, but those same days were sometimes consumed with thoughts of drinking. So, the drinking has gone away for you guys. But has the thinking about the drinking gone away from you too?

Paul talks about music is all about love.  Saying goodbye to alcohol is a Dear John letter.  Give yourself time to grieve and let the neurons no longer fire together. It’s a non-issue for Paul today.

Odette spoke about the progression of healing.  It does get better.

13. What supplements- if any- have you used to help “restore” the damage done by long-term use of alcohol?

Odette said sleep, vitamins, water, good food, and Vitamin D – get outside.

Paul said, get outside and get outside with your shoes off.  Lemon water, cocoa water, take a nap if you are tired.

14. I would like to hear from you about your spiritual journey as you got sober and how you find your higher being?

Paul said spirituality wasn’t his thing, but at about 3.5 years in, April 14, he recognized something beautiful was at play.  He has learned to enjoy the mystery and the magic.  He doesn’t have all of the answers and embraces that.

Odette believes that things are presented to you when you are ready.  Stay curious, be patient.  Value bomb – time has its own time.

15. How do you distance yourself from perfectionism?

Paul said, recognize with an awareness that it’s there.

Odette likes the gut check she gets when she realizes her recovering control freak is a daily practice.   She leans on friends for support.

16. How can I help a loved one get on the AF journey, too, without using too many of my own experiences and also without falling off myself?

Odette said, stay the course, don’t be co-dependent. Don’t add resistance.  Hold space for your loved one.

Paul said, be the change you want to see.  We grow from our crash and burn?

17. How did the transition between hosts come about? Did Paul seek Odette out, or did Odette send out an unconscious signal? Was there a specific sign in the universe to make this incredible event happen?

Paul and Odette are well connected, including the transition.  The idea just came, and it worked beautifully. Odette’s immediate yes came from her heart.

18. What is Paul’s most significant takeaway since stepping away from hosting the podcast? And what is Odette’s biggest takeaway so far being the host of the podcast?

We all suck at asking for and accepting help.  Paul needed help, and Odette stepped up.

Odette knows we all need each other.  When she has dip days, she shows up and gets more when she shows up for others.

19. Do you have any advice on when is a good time and how to be open & out about your sobriety (with employers, an old friend, strangers, etc.)? I struggle with thinking it’s none of my employer’s business because it doesn’t affect the job I do, and I don’t want to deal with the conversation that comes with telling them, but then find myself avoiding the truth about it and feeling bad later.

Odette said self and radical honesty is what and genuine and authentic to yourself.  Challenge yourself, but do what works for yourself, your mental accountability, and your peace.

Paul said we often disassociate ourselves from nature.  Paul knows burning the ships can be challenging, and he’s had some delicate moments.  His opportunities with vulnerability have worked with him everywhere.  It opens up the door for a deeper connection.

20. When has your sobriety been tested the most, and what did you do that happened?

Paul said he had a meltdown after his sixth episode, and he asked for help, and he was supported incredibly and learned how burning the ships worked in his favor and asking for help became an incredible experience. Vulnerability opens so many doors.

Odette described that parenting is tough!  Many parents try to stay sober for their kids, and parenting can be super triggering.   Odette loves her kids to death, but she is reinventing the Mommy culture.  Parenting is tough, but she knows alcohol isn’t her answer, and she has a great support system.

21. What do you think of prescription meds for or during recovery (e.g., naltrexone)?

Paul said green light for naltrexone.  It helps in the short term, great.  Paul said Antabuse is a violent fear motivator.  Your recovery is more helpful with loving yourself.

22. What have you learned the most about recovery from doing the podcasts? And what is the most common “similarity” you’ve found after all the interviews, other than we all have a desire to stop drinking, of course!

Odette said moderation works until it doesn’t, and it pretty much doesn’t do the trick.  We all just want love and acceptance. Odette appreciates the courage of everyone that dares to come on the show.

Paul discussed, there is trauma with a big T, and little t, addiction to alcohol says something in our life is out of balance, we are all fundamentally good people,

there is part of our unconscious that doesn’t want to stop drinking, and we need to overcome our fear.

23. How do I break out of the cycle of drinking with four young kids?

Odette said she doesn’t like advising busy moms – she only has two kids.  She suggested making yourself a priority, and when you do, your children will learn that as well.  Take care of yourself.  You are not exempt from pain or failure.  It takes a village to raise children, ask for help!

24. Is it possible to get addicted to feelings? I have grown up in a cycle of trauma. On a deeper level, I feel I’ve been addicted to feelings of sadness, loneliness, and shame, because I have lived with them for so long?

Paul said you could get addicted to your thoughts.  Your thoughts function in the known.  The body tries to anchor you back to your old self.

Odette said, find your new normal.

Paul added, enjoy your life. It doesn’t have to be hard.  You can ask for help.  Paul gave a big shout-out for all of the good questions and he and Odette had a blast.

RE 265: The Strategy of the Comfort Zone

by Paul Churchill | Mar 16, 2020 | Podcast

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Janine took her last drink October 6, 2019.  This is her story.

If you have ever wanted to attend a Recovery Elevator event you should get yourself to Denver in June for the Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – June 11-14th, 2020.  This event will be, essentially, the closeout event for Recovery Elevator.  You can find more information about our event here.

On today’s episode Paul talks about your comfort zone, why it’s important to have one, why it is so important to get outside of it, and how it is possible to get too far out of it.  The true authentic you doesn’t exist in your comfort zone.  Stepping outside your comfort zone even once, makes it easier that you’ll do it again.

As for ditching the booze, here are some strategies in regards to the comfort zone.  Instead of quitting forever, aim for one day, or 50% of the days in a month.  Burning the ships?  Go at your own pace.  90 meetings in 90 days too much, aim for 1 a week, then 2 a week.

[20:00] Paul introduces Janine. 

Janine is 32 years old and is from Pensacola, FL.  She is married and has a 9-month-old daughter.  Janine is a former kindergarten teacher.  For fun she likes to go to the beach with her family, walking her dog and spending time with her daughter.

[24:00] Give us a background on your drinking.

Janine took her first drink when she was 17-years-old and she immediately loved the feeling it gave her.  Through college she feels she drank like every other college student.  Janine says her drinking didn’t take off until she started her teaching career, and that gradually over the years she was drinking more and more.

When she met her husband, and knew that it was something serious, she says she knew that she was going to have to do something about her drinking.

[26:45] Talk to us about the methods you used to try and control your drinking. 

Janine said she tried them all.  Switched from liquor to wine/beer.  Still getting backout drunk after switching to wine she tried drinking a glass of water after every glass of wine.  Not drinking during the week, but even when that worked, she was still getting blackout drunk all weekend.

[28:15] Was there a time when fear came in and you didn’t think you could stop? 

Janine said yes, that that is exactly what happened.

[30:30] Can you tell us a little about postpartum depression?

Janine said for her she felt like she lost some of her identity, her whole life now revolved around another human being.  She had days when she would look in the mirror and not even recognize herself.  Her emotions were all over the place.  Janine ended up going to her doctor and getting on antidepressants, but was still drinking.

[35:00] Tell us what happened next. 

After trying to modify, by having no alcohol in the house, Janine said she went and bought 2 bottles of wine and drank them one night after the baby was in bed.  She got blackout drunk, sent strange texts, and spent the next day crying and filled with anxiety.  She couldn’t deny it anymore, she knew she had a problem and couldn’t control it.

Later that day her dad, a recovering alcoholic himself, called Janine.  She says his first words were, “I just felt I needed to call and hear your voice.”.  Janine said she just lost it and opened up to him for the first time.

[40:30] What was that first AA meeting like and what happened after that?

Janine said she was terrified to go that first meeting, but that after the meeting people came up and were very friendly.  She said she was also comforted by the fact that there were other teachers there.  She was still feeling like her life was over that first week.

[44:14] Was there a challenging moment when you wanted to drink, and how did you get past it?

Janine said she had several in the beginning.  She said when those times came up, she would call a friend, or call her sponsor.

[45:25] How has the relationship with your husband changed? 

Janine says her husband fully supports her and has also quit drinking.  She feels like their relationship has gotten a lot deeper.    

[54:30] Rapid Fire Round

1. What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

I would say when I made that last attempt to control my drinking by not having alcohol in my house

2. What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

Spending my daughter’s 1^st Christmas completely sober.

3. What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?

I am a big fan of water.

4. What are some of your favorite resources?

I enjoy this podcast; I don’t get to attend AA meetings as much as I would like but I also enjoy reading.

5. What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?

I am actually thinking about taking up blogging.

6. What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

If you know in your heart that you can’t control your drinking anymore, don’t listen to the lies that your mind is telling you.

You might need to ditch the booze if…

You get blackout drunk while watching Dateline.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

You can find more information about our event here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out.  Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here!  You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out.  We can do this.”

RE 262: Do the Work

by Paul Churchill | Feb 24, 2020 | Podcast

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Vinny took his last drink 9 ½ years ago.  This is his story.

On today’s episode Paul talks about change.  Whether you like it, or not, you are always changing.  You’re either building new circuits or adding new blockages to your energy field.  With an addiction it’s either gaining momentum or you’re lessening the energetic bonds of the addiction.  You must make time to always do the work.

[15:45] Paul introduces Vinny. 

Vinny is 61 years old and lives in Bangkok.  For fun Vinny like to read, watch a good TV series, going to meetings and helping people.

[19:20] Give us a background on your drinking.

Vinny discovered alcohol in his late teens and continued to use it for 10 years. The next 10 years involved alcohol and smoking marijuana.  He added crack to the mix and became a crack addict for the following 5 years.  He went to 2 treatment centers and didn’t get clean until 2004.  He hit his bottom while living (homeless) in Las Vegas.  He managed to get sober after that and it lasted 3 years.

[22:45] What in your message you want to get out?

Vinny says that recovery can be simple.  Simple means it’s not complicated.

[27:13] How can thinking get us into more trouble?

Vinny says that most of us do not think, or see, very clearly.  He says we act based on the false evidence we see in front of us, so obviously if we are not relating to reality, we are always going to make the wrong choices.

[30:05] What do you see is the biggest challenge that someone on this journey will face?

Vinny says he thinks that people have the illusion that they have to do it all themselves.

[38:05] What do you think addiction is and where do you think it comes from?

Vinny says he doesn’t know where addiction comes from, and that it doesn’t matter.

[44:00] Talk to us a little bit about self-loathing. 

Vinny says self-loathing is shame.

[46:35] Talk to us about burning the ships and being honest with others. 

Vinny says that sometimes we are not even aware that we aren’t honest with ourselves.

[52:30] Do you think that someone can become recovered?

Vinny says if you want to use the word recovered in the present moment, yes.  If recovered means you are cured, then no.

[54:50] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

Pepsi-Cola

2. What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

The energy here at my job, on a Saturday afternoon, seeing 30 recovering people connect with each other.

3. What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever received?

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

4. And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

Take responsibility for yourself.

You might need to ditch the booze if…

You are a healthcare provider and you are taking care of somebody that needs you, and you have ran out of booze at 3 o’clock in the morning, and you abandon him and go and get booze.

Upcoming Events and Retreats.

Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020

Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach – October 8 – 18th, 2020

You can find more information about our events here.

The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out.  Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here!  You can get the Audible version here!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

ZipRecruiter

This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator

Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com

“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out.  We can do this.”