by Kris Oyen | May 24, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 327 – trying to stop and think about, is alcohol serving me? I don’t have to decide right now, I need to get back to basics.
Chloe took her last drink on June 7, 2020. She is from the UK and is 32 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
Odette gave a shout out to Brainwashed Coffee that is one of the sponsors of the Bozeman retreat. They also donate 50% of their proceeds to those in addiction recovery.
https://www.brainwashedcoffeeco.com/ Promo Code: elevator for a 20% discount.
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Odette spoke about growing up with her brother, Charlie and playing lots of video games. Odette talked about trust and video games. Trust is earned. The more you do the next right thing and protect your sobriety, you get to the next level, just the way you level up when playing video games. Facing recovery with fun instead of fear helps you recognize your increasing skills that come with practice.
[6:09] Odette introduces Chloe
Chloe took her last drink on June 7, 2020. She said it has been a crazy journey. Chloe is 32 and lives in the UK. She has a dog, and she loves walking the dog, running, anything active.
[7:16] Tell us about your history with drinking?
Chloe started drinking at age 15. She was a binge drinker like many of her friends. She didn’t see it as a problem until her mid to late twenties. She started listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast. She reached one-year of sobriety and had a relapse that was lengthy. As of this recording she has 8 months of continuous sobriety.
[8:19] What put you on the trajectory to quit drinking?
Chloe said she wanted to drink more than she could get away with. As her moderation journey continued, her drinking got worse. She got depressed and was in a bad relationship. She attempted suicide and was put into an inpatient program for depression. She was sneaking alcohol while in the program but didn’t relate the correlation between drinking and her depression, she found AA and discovered she could have a happy life without drinking.
[11:01] Did the doctors treating your depression ask about your drinking?
Chloe said she played down her drinking. She thought everyone did that. Alcohol was such a crutch, and it was something she looked forward to, so it was hard to get her head around stopping.
[12:30] How did you end up at your first AA meeting?
Chloe said the more she tried to moderate, the more out of control her drinking became. She answered yes to every question on an alcohol quiz. She was able to relate to what people in AA said. They were able to have a happy, functional life without alcohol. It helped her change her thinking about drinking and her depression.
[14:49] What happened after your first AA meeting?
Chloe stopped drinking for a bit, then relapsed. She went into a second treatment program and got sober. She worked the steps. She achieved a year of sobriety. She started drinking after getting into a relationship with someone new. He was a drinker and she wanted to share that experience. Over the next 18 months, her drinking became progressively worse. Her thinking was muddled. She read Paul Churchill’s book; Alcohol is Sh*t! She realized she didn’t need to figure out if she was powerless, yet. She needed to get back to basics and keep trying. Even one day of sobriety is progress.
[18:08] Did the desire to fit in influence your relapse?
Chloe said she thought she could have fun with alcohol and stop again. She didn’t realize how insidious it is to continue starting and stopping over and over. Sobriety is precious. She felt crazy. She would listen to sobriety podcasts, then drink at night. She learned a lot of lessons through drinking.
[21:54] Did you share your sobriety with people outside of AA?
Chloe said she did share her quest for sobriety with the person she was in a relationship with. She had to get support when she returned to sobriety. She has great friends in AA and her family is supportive as well.
[23:02] Did sobriety help your depression?
Chloe said about six months into sobriety she noticed the feelings of joy and gratitude that she hadn’t experienced before. The depression was gone. Her life had meaning and a reason to go on.
[24:46] What motivated you to quit again?
Chloe said it was during lockdown and things were bad. Lockdown accelerated her drinking. She drank three bottles of wine a day, passed out and kept repeating it day after day. Her last night of drinking, she drank so much, she got into a fight and got violent with her partner at the time. She called the police, and they took him away. The next morning, she realized she was the one with the problem and it couldn’t happen again. The risk was no longer worth it. She felt done and resigned. She threw everything she had at sobriety. She went back to AA and attacked sobriety, stacked days and she is grateful it’s working. The first few months were tough, now she doesn’t have to work so hard to stay sober.
[28:11] Do you realize how amazing it is that you pulled it together?
Chloe said her self-esteem was strengthened. She knows she can do hard things and other things she didn’t think were possible.
[30:21] Did you start going back to meetings?
Chloe said, not immediately, but now she can attend in person meetings. She has friends in AA, she connected to people on Instagram, listened to podcasts and joined Café RE.
[31:32] How do you manage cravings?
Chloe said she is learning not to freak out. She doesn’t overthink the craving. It’s normal. Cravings are just a thought. She plays the tape forward, exercises and reaches out to friends.
[33:55] Do you get any negative feedback from others about your sobriety?
She said, not this round. In the last round a co-worker said he didn’t trust anyone who didn’t drink.
[34:45] Have you overcome the concern about having fun sober?
Chloe had to rethink her mindset about sobriety and looks at it as a joyful, amazing journey of growth and possibility vs. misery and deprivation. She has more energy, more enthusiasm, more interests, more people in her life.
[37:34] Have you been able to identify triggers?
Chloe said stress and celebrations are her biggest triggers. She recognizes that drinking is no longer a celebration. The pause is so important.
[38:58] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Keep trying no matter what.
- What is your go to response when someone offers you a drink?
She hasn’t faced that because of lockdown. Her planned response is, yes please, I’ll have a sparkling water.
- What has recovery made possible for you?
Everything. When she was drinking, she was doing nothing. She is training for a marathon, starting a new career and happily single.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
All ice cream. She hasn’t had a bad one!
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?
Keep putting in the action, stacking the days and the result will come.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
If you are listening to podcasts about sobriety.
Odette’s Summary
We have your back. We are your safe container. The journey comes with different levels. Hit the save button when you get stuck. Take a breath, ask for help. Nothing great is ever done on our own, sobriety takes a village. Have fun along the way and trust the process.
Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We can do this!
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | May 17, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 326 – playing forward and playing it present — if I drink again, why would I want to go down that path?
Erik took his last drink on March 9, 2019. He is from upstate New York. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).
This quarter’s Recovery Elevator donation went to “The Phoenix.”
thephoenix.org
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Odette is training for a marathon. She reached out to her fitness coach Paul from RecoveryFit1 to get some guidance on training, cross-training, etc. She has noticed the training for the race is re-training her brain, rewriting her story and building her confidence. Crossing the finish line of a marathon is scary for Odette. During her childhood, she participated in the rally portion of the mini-Olympics. She fell and as a result her team was in last place. From then on, she told herself she was not a runner.
Odette recognizes we often get stuck in our stories because those stories are all we know. We need to believe we can do things differently. She is using visualization techniques to overcome her old stories. What stories are we telling ourselves about our alcohol-free journey? Are those stories holding you back or keeping you stuck? How can you re-write your story?
[8:53] Odette introduces Erik
Erik took his last drink on March 9, 2019. His journey includes ups, downs, and stability. He grew up in upstate New York and lives in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, He is 42, single and living it up in the sunshine state. Erik loves binge watching TV (COVID), meet-up.com, brunch, dinner, event planning, relaxing and baths.
[11:23] Tell us about your history with drinking?
Erik took his first drink at junior prom and found his dad’s secret stash of Manhattan’s. He didn’t drink much until college. He remembers the Bridge Street Run and he got completely wasted and was on camera when the local news covered the event. His drinking progressed from there. He moved to Los Angeles and in 2010 he got his first DUI. He knew his drinking was a problem and he started looking at his drinking more closely.
His DUI stemmed from a party that included friends from college. At 3 AM, he remembers driving home and avoiding someone on the side of the road. He passed an accident and almost ran over the cops. His recollection was foggy because he was so intoxicated. He exited the freeway on Hollywood Blvd., was arrested and the cops took him back to the scene of the accident so he could see where he almost ran the cops over.
His friends came to pick him up and told him, ‘It’s ok, it happens to everyone’.
[17:55] What happened after the DUI?
Eric looks at his drinking career through the lens of his DUI’s because he’s had three in ten years. He went to AA after the first DUI. He took one of the quizzes about problem drinking. His gut knew he had a problem, but he ignored it and went along with his friends who said it was not a big deal.
He moved to Florida and picked up where he left off. His 2nd DUI was in 2013. He remembers going out, ripping his jeans from dancing and drove from West Palm Beach to Ft. Lauderdale. He was driving 80 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. He blew a .15 and went to court.
Five years later he got his third DUI.
[21:16] What was your drinking like between the DUI’s?
After the first DUI, it scratched the surface of concern, but he kept drinking. Erik describes himself as a celebratory binge drinker.
He went to AA for four months without drinking and believed moderating would work for him. He was able to moderate successfully until the shut off valve in his brain didn’t shut off.
In 2018, Erik got his third DUI. He had a breathalyzer in his vehicle and was still positive (for alcohol) the next day. Erik took a cab to work. Erik never wants to be like that again.
[27:39] What other elements of your life (at the time) could be attributed to alcohol?
Erik said from 2016-2018 he was a mess. He was on anti-depressants and drinking and the combination and progression were not good. Erik knew peer pressure was a big deal for him. He learned to distance himself from people who drink. He acknowledges his choices and recognizes he needs to say no to others in an
[30:02] Did you have a rock bottom when you had your last drink?
Erik said the weekend after his third DUI he was drinking, and he drove a friend to the airport at 5 am. He went to AA for six months. He chaired meetings, read the books. His attorney helped him to stay out of jail by wearing an ankle monitor. He was unable to get into treatment because he already had six months of sobriety. Erik had to hack the system to get treatment. He got really drunk to make sure he could get into treatment vs. jail.
[37:54] How was your life after treatment?
Erik described treatment being a gift. There were some downsides, including losing his privacy. When he left rehab, he was required to wear an ankle monitor. He had a falling out with his sponsor. He made a choice to drink to stay out of jail. He became forthcoming with his therapist and social worker. AA was a blessing for him. He found Recovery Elevator during COVID, and he sees many similarities to AA.
Some days are hard and other days are beautiful. Sobriety is work. It’s a daily chore, but it’s so worth it for him. It works if you work it and work it because you are worth it!
Erik thirsts for Recovery Elevator to become bigger. He loves the meet ups and the chats, and it has been great for him.
[46:39] How do you relate to alcohol now?
Erik said his ankle monitor came in handy. It helped him through several situations including a funeral, a long layover at an airport. Erik knows he can have fun without alcohol, and he can be in public spaces without drinking. He is learning about who he is and who he wants to be. Time heals all wounds, and you get more comfortable with sobriety with time.
Playing it forward and playing it present helps him stay sober.
[51:01] Rapid Fire Round
- What has this journey made possible for you?
It has allowed me to get to know myself and look inside and see who I want to be as a human being and how I want to interact with the universe.
- What is your go to response when someone offers you a drink?
No, thank you.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Rocky Road
- What is an unexpected perk of this journey?
I have more patience and I’m more in the moment. You experience sunrises and sunsets differently. Florida is beautiful year around and he loves being in the moment.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?
Stick with it. Listen to your gut. We’ve all had plenty of day 1’s. Don’t minimize your sobriety. Be thankful for what you have and keep coming back.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
You have to check your car for damage after a night of drinking or can’t remember where your car is.
Odette’s Summary
One of our team members, Alan Copeland is going to share about Café RE. Check out Alan’s episode 287. Alan has been with Café RE since January 1, 2020. He helps onboard new members. Café RE includes:
- Connection with like-minded people
- Podcast
- Over 20 online chats per week
- Accountability partner
- Facebook group
- In person meet-ups with sober people (have fun without drinking)
- Courses including Restore, Ditch the Booze
- Book club
- Movie Club
- Yoga
- Fitness class
- Member listing
- Recovery Buffet (AA, Smart Recovery, Recovery Dharma friendly – we support the menu of options for recovery)
- $24 monthly membership fee
- Cancel anytime, rejoin anytime
Alan believes RE can help you overcome loneliness. You quickly understand there are like-minded people who are here to support you. Lifelong friendships are built in Café RE. We focus on the similarities. We don’t follow a specific program we are open to multiple options for recovery. The light will always be on for you here at Café RE.
Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We can rewrite our stories.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | May 10, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 325 – I used to drink at people when I was upset and those were bad nights. I believed alcohol calmed me down and got me out of the anger.
Gillian took her last drink on November 9, 2019. She is from Boston and loves playing video games. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
https://www.getgruvi.com/ discount code: recoveryelevator
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Odette has been thinking about death. She has anxiety about dying. She read a chapter in the Untethered Soul. The author, Michael A. Singer said having an active relationship with death is healthy. “It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could teach as much as death has to teach you. While someone could tell you, you are not your body, death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them away in a second. Death makes us all the same.” Keeping death at the forefront of our mind helps us stay in the moment. We can stop focusing on the future or dwelling on the past and appreciate every moment.
Full presence with her children gives Odette great joy. In the moment, Odette is learning to appreciate what she has. She knows we can avoid thinking about death, but it’s inevitable.
When we choose sobriety, we remove a huge block that prevents us from being in the moment. Odette still has other blocks, yet she is motivated to stay sober by those moments when she can understand what being fully present is. The more time she spends away from alcohol, the more presence is available to her. Value what you have, honor where you are and be grateful!
[10:25] Odette introduces Gillian
Gillian took her last drink on November 9, 2019. She lives in Boston, she is a biochemist and for fun she reads, plays video games and hangs out with her husband and kitty.
[11:29] Tell us about your history with drinking?
Gillian started drinking at age 22. She was a late comer to drinking. She had a glass of wine at 18 and had such intense shame about drinking. She drank more in grad school and started with Bud Lite, and her drinking quickly escalated. She was frequently sick and within a year she was a daily drinker. Her tolerance doubled. She tried to moderate for five years. Eventually, she realized moderation would not work.
[13:27] Tell me more about the shame your experienced with your first drink?
Gillian is a rule follower. She had trouble liking who she was. She didn’t like or accept her body. At 18 she was feeling shame about food she ate. It was a difficult time in her life.
[14:39] Tell me more about your moderation attempts.
Before Gillian was a scientist, she was a teacher and she used alcohol as her fuel. She learned that when you drink, the stress goes away, and you feel better. She switched to Vodka and made cosmos daily. She knew she was drinking too much. She used a rubber band for the number of drinks, had her husband pour drinks, she bought strong wine, bought weak wine. She ended several friendships because she thought she was drinking too much with them. In her journal her goal was to limit to 25 drinks a week. She abandoned that quickly.
[17:18] Why were you so firm on making moderation work?
Gillian said she couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol. She thought it would be the death of fun. All her friends drank. It was fundamental to her socializing. She continued to try moderation. She went to a therapist and was told she wasn’t an alcoholic.
[18:58] Did your husband know you were struggling?
Gillian said she talked with her husband a lot about her moderation attempts. He knew they were well thought out. He loved her and wanted to support her but felt uncomfortable saying she should quit.
[20:48] How is your relationship now that you have been sober for over a year?
Gillian said her relationship is much better. They were having a lot of issues before she quit. She says it’s like they are dating again. They talk about their lives and their thoughts. They connect so much better. Her husband is a normal drinker.
[22:45] What made you decide to quit?
Gillian said her mental health declined for the last four years of her drinking. She developed anxiety and was up all night with panic attacks. She continued drinking and eventually she developed suicidal thoughts, which scared her. She challenged herself to not drink for 90 days. She did the 90 days and on day 91, she got drunk. She drank for a few more months and the suicidal thoughts and anxiety returned. She quit for good in November because she was afraid, she might act on her thoughts.
[25:42] You had good insights about the outcome of continued drinking. Does that ring a bell?
Gillian said she believed people would label her as a loser, a weak person. She wanted to go to parties and wineries and did not want to be the only one who wasn’t drinking.
Anger has been her biggest struggle. She would get overcome with rage. She was mad at her husband and family. She has processed the anger, and no longer has rage attacks.
Gillian said she drank at people when she was upset. She believed alcohol calmed her down and helped her deal with the anger. It was exactly opposite.
[28:37] 15 months in has your motivation shifted?
Gillian said she uses data. She knows if she returns to drinking, anxiety and suicidal ideation will return. All the gains she has made in sobriety would disappear if she returned to drinking. A recent quote she likes is, “Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything.”
[30:45] Did anything happen on November 9 that was different?
Gillian said it was the 11-year anniversary of a traumatic event. She started the day with a boozy brunch, then bought a bottle of wine, then another and by 6 pm she was destroyed. She made the decision to quit at 5:30 in the morning. She felt calm when she made that resolve and she celebrates the 9th, not the 10th.
[32:46] How did you celebrate your one-year?
Gillian and her husband went to an Airbnb in Maine with a cool hot tub. They had a great time, talked a lot, and made new memories.
[33:59] How were the first thirty days for you?
Gillian said quitting at the start of the holiday season was difficult. She went to lots of parties sober. She was the only one not drinking. She doesn’t have cravings because her acceptance is so strong. She struggles with people questioning her drinking. She made new friends who were not big drinkers. She did experience a lot of night sweats.
[37:53] Did you feel strong after the holiday season?
Gillian said it gave her lots of confidence. She feels like a pro now. There were a few times she cried. The pride has rushed in and she started going to Starbucks to treat herself when other partygoers were getting drunk or weird. She has set lots of boundaries in sobriety which feels good. She now respects herself. She deserves people who care about her and want the best for her.
[40:03] When did your career shift happen?
Gillian said that during a moderation attempt, she realized teaching was too stressful. When she moved over to science, it was a good shift with the goal of being able to moderate her drinking.
[41:32] What happens when you have challenges in life?
Gillian now bakes cookies. The act of baking helps her calm down. Her husband is incredibly supportive. Playing video games and therapy help.
Seeing others drink wine can be triggering. She feels jealous. Her company sent wine as gifts, but she was able to avoid those gifts.
[43:39] How vocal are you at work about being alcohol free?
Gillian doesn’t tell people about her sobriety. She was able to avoid the wine deliveries by telling someone who was part of the fun committee. She was able to request an alcohol-free alternative. She has given feedback that mocktails should be included at work cocktail parties. She has given feedback without “outing” herself. A wine delivery could be disastrous for someone in early sobriety, so she is courageous about giving feedback.
[46:50] Tell me about your anxiety?
Gillian said the anxiety is completely gone.
[47:33] What about sleep?
Gillian said she sleeps like a teenager. She was so sleep deprived at the end of her drinking. Sleep is now great, and it still surprises her how good it feels. It took a few months to get out of the disrupted sleep cycle. She feels amazing now.
[49:02] How has your body image changed?
Gillian said she has always struggled with body image. In May, she realized she was looking good. Now she can look in the mirror and likes what she sees. It has been an unexpected perk of sobriety.
[51:26] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
It’s okay, you are doing fine.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Coffee Oreo.
- What has been a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?
I realize my story is not unique to me. It’s good to not be special. I am not alone. It was good to know that others had similar experience.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?
If you are worrying that you might have a problem, you know deep down that you do. It’s ok that you do. Its better on the other side.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
You are obsessing about moderation every single day and you spend most of your time thinking about your drinking.
Odette’s Summary
One of our team members, Alan Copeland wrote a poem he is going to share with you today.
Connection is The Key
For so long I was looking for the key that would open the door to a better life, a new life. One that wasn’t spiraling into oblivion.
A dark abyss of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and fear. The bottom was as far as I could keep falling – no rope to grab – no hand to grasp.
A true free fall with gravity doing what gravity does. A downward spiral.
Where is that key? What’s on the other side of that door? Will I ever find what it’s like to be free from this room that’s closing in on me?
Can I buy the key?
That’s it….I’ll buy it!
Wait…where do I buy it?
Amazon?
Apple? Is there an App?
Google will tell me, right?
Or how about I make the key! Yeah….I’ll make it to fit the door. I really can do this alone.
Wait….how will I make a key when I can’t even find the door!?
I was all alone and to feel truly alone is paralyzing.
Being alone in addiction and pending sobriety is a fear that I’ve never experienced before. Please, please…someone help me find the key.
I never found that key.
Luckily, it found me. And finally, I opened the door. The door to a better life, a new life.
Connection is the key.
To say I’m grateful for connection doesn’t give it the credit it deserves.
The key was with a group of individuals that I had never met, never would have met and in many cases – still haven’t met.
Connection is the key.
True connection is something I had never defined or thought about.
When you can share experiences, challenges and growth with another person that is also battling the raging bitch of addiction…well…that’s a connection that’s hard to put into words.
I have now experienced true connection. The ability to tell a person, “I see you”, “I hear you”, “I understand you” and “you are loved”.
Connection is the key.
The key to learning who I am….who I REALLY am.
It’s not easy, but when you have someone to lean on, someone who catches you when you fall, someone who “feels the feels” with you, cries with you and the best of all…laughs with you. Authentic self to authentic self. We realize – we can’t do this alone.
Connection is the key.
Connection is powerful.
Connection is the opposite of addiction.
Have you found the key yet? If not…don’t look now….it might have just found, you.
Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. Connection is the key. We can do this.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Apr 19, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 322 – the hardest part is relaxing into this idea that you can have the most incredibly beautiful moment followed by an incredibly dark moment and that’s just the path of life.
Marcella took her last drink on September 6, 2018. She lives in San Diego. Marcella lives in the arena and she shares her journey with the world on sobriety, parenting, and authentic Mexican food. She leads from the front in a transparent way that is very inspiring. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Odette reflected on her recent comments about judgement. When we feel judgement creeping up, we need to remind ourselves that person we are judging is a flawed human trying their best … just like me. When we bring
judgment into recovery space because someone is doing it differently than we are we invite shame. If we want to help others recover, we need to detach from our shame. We need to manage our own path. Odette referenced an Instagram post from Lara Fraser saying, “nobody gets to define your recovery but you. You don’t get to have an opinion on someone else’s recovery – that’s control. Control brings us closer to our ego and further from our soul’s expansion.
Odette referenced Demi Lovato who is being criticized for her actions in her path to recovery. The reality is we are meant to stumble, to fall and to have a messy path. When you are in the spotlight – everyone is watching your falls and judging them. Let’s give ourselves and each other permission to have our own messy journey and don’t explain ourselves to others or worry about judgment.
Odette referenced a concept from Brene Brown’s book, Dare to Lead. Brene says, the biggest barrier to a safe container is shame. Everybody needs a small, safe place to act and talk about doing hard work. A place where you don’t have to be awesome or cool. You need to be un-cool, awkward, and goofy. We should strive to create safe containers where people can ask questions and be heard. Leading by fear and perfectionist cultures does not allow us to create safe containers. Perfection has no room in a safe container.
At Recovery Elevator, our goal is to provide a safe container for you. You matter, and we are here for you.
[7:33] Odette introduces Marcella
This episode was recorded in March which is Women’s Month and Odette is excited to have a fellow Mexicana share who is standing in her truth and unapologetically owning her power.
Marcella said she is flawed like others and recognizes age helps you realize you only get one shot at this life and you need to live it authentically because if you don’t and you continue pleasing others hiding your truth, you get sick and you die. Everything is on the table.
Marcella made it clear she is sharing from her own path, perspective and journey. She knows some of her views are unpopular. She comes from a long line of alcoholics and her personal journey to healing is forgetting about labels and boxes while relaxing into the idea that she can forge her own path to what it means to be happy and addiction free. She is living a happy and fulfilled life. She reminds us we are always working on the path of life – often avoiding pain, causes more pain.
[12:41] Do you remember the last time you took a drink?
Marcella had to look up an event to remember when she took her last drink. A family member she had never seen drunk was inebriated and Marcella had an incredibly negative reaction. She recognized the only way she could control this for herself was to eliminate the external element. Alcohol became an enemy. She didn’t tell anyone for weeks or months, not even her husband.
Her last drink was on September 6, 2018. She didn’t count days until she went back to look at the date which was a family party. She doesn’t have any cravings. She was a heavy drinker starting at age fourteen and once she stopped, that was it; the craving was gone. It became easy because not drinking eliminated the anxiety, drama, micro aggressions, and major aggressions from her life.
[20:21] What does your day-to-day life look like?
Marcella said she doesn’t have time to bullsh!t anymore; it takes away time from her goals. She tried AA, but it didn’t work for her. She had so many things she wanted to focus on, so alcohol had no place in her life. She was able to identify what made her want to take the edge off with alcohol. It was an association with power and coolness. Facing the darkness, she tried to diminish with alcohol gave her power: the ultimate control of her body and her emotions. It takes a lot of courage to face what is making you want to take that drink. She stopped promoting alcohol in her cooking classes because she didn’t want to be part of the marketing machine that tells people they need alcohol to survive. She doesn’t want to be a woman selling alcohol to other women.
Marcella spoke about being and Adult Child(ren) of an Alcoholic and is proud she has conquered alcohol. The horrible addiction that has been in her family forever stops with her. The massive trophy has taught her to be kind and compassionate with herself.
[30:29] How did you shift to finding a soft entry point to yourself?
Marcella said it has been a journey. In moments when she has hated herself, or she is obsessing, Carina (Marcella’s sister) reminds her of who she is and that gift she is to others. They are truly soulmates.
[32:18] Did you find the root of your addiction?
Marcella reads lots of Gabor Mate and the question he poses is: don’t ask why the addiction, ask why the pain? She identified childhood abuse, abandonment and living with alcoholism on both sides of her family. Another reason AA didn’t work for her is because she equated anonymity with shame. She has spoken “the sh!t” out of her problems very publicly. The gems, gifts and knowledge that have come from her openness have been immeasurable. Marcella believes that none of us escape trauma. It’s a broad umbrella and part of the human experience. We all experience some form (along the spectrum) of trauma. It is impossible to escape. Marcella needed to face the loneliness that comes with shame. She no longer feels like an alien. She finds healing in acknowledging her common trauma without shame and then her soul rested.
Marcella said the fear of appearing ungrateful or disloyal to our parents (particularly for Latinas) often inhibits us from sharing the trauma that came with our upbringing. You can love, be grateful and loyal to your parents and still heal. They can coexist in a space of love.
Marcella’s children are the center of her universe and her biggest teachers. When you research childhood development the magnitude of your responsibility becomes clear. One of her biggest flaws is feeling like she is a bad mother. Her children are her greatest gift. The anxiety that comes with motherhood and her thoughts and expectations of herself can be overwhelming. The role of mother is her biggest anxiety. Conquering alcohol is helpful to managing that anxiety. Marcella doesn’t believe that the more you suffer, the better a matriarch you are. La familia doesn’t require you sacrifice yourself and your authenticity. Latina women don’t need to diminish their lives to become matriarchs. The journey is so important and diminishing yourself is not a good message for your kids.
Marcella said, you must do the work to put yourself in the company of people who can support you. It took so much work for Marcella to separate herself from certain relationships and put herself in the relationship she is in now. It took A LOT of courage, humility, re-programming and breaking down her walls to be in an authentic partnership. She emphasized, you have to do the work to attract the people who have the strength, courage, and values to support you. The universe will continue to throw the same problems at you until you figure it out.
[51:34] What does work mean to you? What tools have helped you?
Marcella did therapy early in her life, but it was cyclical and did not help. She is studious and finds a lot of her solutions in books. The philosophy of Yoga has been a massive support to her, and she has taken courses in Yoga that have aided her healing.
Marcella’s relationship with her sister is very significant and her sister often acts as her therapist. In the past ten years they dove deep into their childhood issues and verbalizing them has helped her to heal.
Marcella reminds herself of the rewards that have come because of her sobriety and she says them out loud as a reminder. Her ability to teach cooking classes and be herself are a reward of being sober.
She said if AA (or another modality) doesn’t work for you it doesn’t make you a failure. AA has served hundreds of millions of people, and some people are resistant to AA, it’s simply not their path. There are multiple other paths – just don’t give up. Recovery isn’t black and white. Be a scholar of your F’ups. Have the courage to review them and you will become what you are meant to become.
[1:04] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Everything is going to be all right
- What is an unexpected perk of sobriety?
You get your health back.
- What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?
There is more than one path, and it might take you a minute to get there. Just be patient and kind to yourself.
Odette’s Summary
Odette reminds us we are doing a great job. Be empowered to take the steps you need to stay on this path, but also to seek out and create your safe container. You deserve it.
You are not alone, together is always better! Stay weird, stay goofy, stay you.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Apr 5, 2021 | Podcast
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Episode 320 – Keep an open mind and see what happens. Reach out to people, make sober friends, and you are going to find your way. Just let go.
Cassie took her last drink on August 29, 2019. She is from Colorado and is 30 years old. This is her story of being Alcohol-Free (AF).
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Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message
Odette has been speaking with many people who got sober and stayed sober during the pandemic. She is amazed and impressed with these folks making major life choices to ditch the booze during a global crisis.
Odette wants to remind you …. you can do hard things.
As Covid begins to recede, Odette can’t help but wonder what post-Covid sobriety will look like? As we return to normal or the new normal, how do we prepare for what’s next? Odette likened this to her rehab experience and working with her rehab team to develop a treatment plan when she left rehab. Many people fear leaving rehab because you are going back into the real world without the safety of a controlled, safe space.
What does your treatment plan or sobriety toolbox look like for the “new normal” after COVID restrictions have subsided? What boundaries and guidelines do you need to set up for yourself?
Proper preparation prevents poor performance – thank you, Odette’s Dad, Carlos.
Develop a plan to protect your sobriety.
[07:53] Odette introduces Cassie
Cassie’s last drink was August 29, 2019. She is celebrating18 months and switching up some of her tools to maintain sobriety. Cassie leads Café RE’s “young people” chat.
Odette was recently contacted by a 19-year-old trying to find his place in sobriety. Cassie said it’s incredible for someone so young to start a recovery journey. She encouraged all young listeners to keep an open mind, reach out, find sober friends, let go, and you will find your people and your way!
[11:12] Tell us a bit of your background.
Cassie is 29 years old, living in Denver, and is a receptionist for a urology clinic while pursuing her Bachelor’s in nursing. She is doing pre-requisites now. She lives with her boyfriend, recently bought a house, and has two dogs. She loves snowboarding during the winter, paddle boarding, hiking, and rock climbing during the summer and hopes to explore dirt biking soon.
[13:14] Tell us about your history with drinking.
Cassie had her first drink at thirteen. One of her first memories is stealing peppermint schnapps with a neighbor at her parent’s house. She got alcohol poisoning, and her mom sent her to middle school the following day with a hangover. She had to clean up her mess after school.
By freshman year of high school, she continued to drink with friends and consumed on the school bus on the way to school. She was suspended for drinking.
Before eighteen, she was in legal trouble for drinking and quickly building a party girl’s reputation. She was all-in with alcohol; she never drank one or two drinks. She drank to fit in and did not fit in with the nerds or the popular crowd. She would hang out with the skaters, smoke pot, and throw parties at friend’s parents’ houses when they were out of town.
She got into the music scene, particularly raves, and traveled across the US to music festivals to catch different artists. She doesn’t remember many of the concerts because she was wasted.
[16:28] Were you aware that your drinking was becoming a problem?
Cassie said she was not self-aware. She knew she was a troublemaker, but her friends drank like she did. During her formative years, she didn’t go to class much. She dropped out of college because partying was her priority.
[17:58] How long did that chapter last?
Cassie said awhile, probably ten years. She still enjoys music but can now enjoy music sober.
[18: 33 ] Did you have to transition into adulting?
Cassie was always working during that chapter, and she changed jobs a lot because of the seasons. She started working in the medical field in 2015, and she relaxed her drinking a bit.
[19:48] Did anything happen in your life that forced you to grow up a bit?
Cassie said getting into the medical field was a real transition. She had to deal with patients and knew she had to be responsible. She was living with friends and wanted to take care of herself and maintain independence.
[21:14] How did your relationship with alcohol evolve?
Cassie said during the music festival chapter she was binge drinking because there were no rules. She transitioned from being a binge drinker to having beers after work and being a weekend warrior. Her drinking eventually got out of hand. She was only drinking on the weekends, and she tried to moderate. She leveraged the gym to keep her AF during the week. Moderation didn’t work for Cassie.
One of her roommates, a dear friend, passed away in a kayaking accident. She believes it may have been alcohol-related. It became a big turning point for Cassie. Her other roommates drank heavily to cope with the shock and grief. Cassie became a pillar of strength for them. She binged occasionally but started to see that drinking wasn’t what she wanted for herself. She moved back home, and her parents were also heavy drinkers.
Her drinking escalated, and within a year, things completely fell apart. Cassie lost herself. Going to brunch to drink in the morning or pre-gaming a baby shower with alcohol felt normal. She started sneaking beers in her room, so if she woke up in the middle of the night, she would have alcohol close at hand. Cassie is still working through feelings and learning to stop blocking her emotions.
[29:44] How did this progress into you deciding to quit?
Cassie said she wasn’t working at the beginning of 2019. She was drinking beer in her bedroom, taking tequila shots and not eating regularly, taking showers, or going to work. She lost her will to live.
One day her Dad came into her room and asked, “what do we need to do?” Cassie was afraid of the withdrawal. She went to the ER, then to medical detox for a day. She stayed home for three days, got rid of most of her belongings, and moved to Phoenix to live with her mom. She had some starts and stops in Phoenix. Then her mom moved to Texas. Cassie moved back to Colorado and told herself, “I’ve got this.” Her drinking advanced rapidly. She had a four-day bender and told her step-mom she needed to go through detox again. She did, and she hasn’t had a drink since! Cassie said the second time, she knew it was time to own up to it and take some action. She didn’t want to die.
[35:48] What was your plan after leaving detox to start stacking days?
Cassie moved in with her sister’s Dad. She wanted to move to a sober environment. Her Dad and step-mom continued to drink, and she didn’t want to ask them to stop. Her step-mom referred her to Recovery Elevator and offered to pay for her first month if she wanted to check it out. The Facebook group helped her stay accountable, and she went to her first sober meetup within 30 days. Making connections helped a lot. She also saw a therapist for the first six months. She began getting more involved in Café RE. At about a year, she started hosting webinars. Now she is doing a lot in the recovery community because it keeps her focused on her sobriety. At six to eight months, she felt a shift. After a year, she had experienced several FFT’s (F*ing first times) – first concert, first wedding, etc. Now she is exploring past traumas and learning what caused her drinking. She is going to AA meetings, looking for a sponsor and reading, “Recovery” by Russell Brand. She enjoys the structure of AA. Cassie has big plans for the future and hopes to eliminate the stigma of addiction and let people her age know that sobriety is fun! She is excited about the future. She wants to build a family, re-write her family’s sobriety trajectory, and inspire others along the way.
[46:16] Do you still get cravings?
Cassie said yes, but the cravings are seasonal depending on what’s happening in her life. Cravings are more of a fleeting thought now, and her sober circle helps her stay accountable. She is aware that cravings often come with change and external factors. If she lightens up on the self-care, the cravings creep up. She knows what tools work and can anticipate what’s coming and how to manage it.
[50:11] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you tell your younger self?
You are worth it. Have faith, and everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
It’s currently Snicker’s ice cream bars.
- What has been a lightbulb moment for you on this journey?
The more you connect, the less you think about alcohol.
- What is an unexpected perk of being sober?
Being able to do what I want at any time of day because I don’t have to worry about drinking.
- Are sober concerts better?
100% yes! It’s one of the best experiences.
You might need to say Adios to booze if …
You wear a hoodie to sneak alcohol anywhere, including your room.
Odette’s Summary
Make time this week to create your post-Covid plan. Plant a seed, create steps of action to set yourself up for success. Write it down, share it with a friend, have your own back.
You are not alone, together is always better. Sobriety is our super-power!
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
