by Kris Oyen | Mar 1, 2021 | Podcast
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– I can’t even imagine picking up a drink to solve something anymore. It doesn’t even cross my mind.
Kate took her last drink on August 11, 2018. She is 42 and lives in New Jersey. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Today’s sponsor is Better Help.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message
Odette has been thinking about the process of change. When she is having a down day, she wonders, am I doing recovery right? Am I making progress? Is the work worth it? It’s muddy and contradictory, particularly with our labeling minds.
We think bad days mean we are doing something wrong, and negative emotions are guides in the wrong direction. On hard days, Odette uses more tools, which probably means she is making more progress.
Holly Whittaker posted on her Instagram page a sketch that highlights the Hourglass of Change. It shows there is a range of emotions from start to goal. Odette thinks we need to learn to appreciate the hourglass of change, label-less, and accept more. Negative emotions have a place in our chapter of change. When Odette looks for peace instead of euphoria and moves gently with her feelings, she remembers compassion is critical. We need to have compassion for ourselves and others.
Let us remember that we are all on the same path, wanting to connect with others and feel like we belong. If sobriety is kicking you in the butt right now, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take it as a sign of progress. You are on the right track. You are right where you are supposed to be.
[7:30] Odette introduces Kate
Kate took her last drink on August 11, 2018. She is 42, lives in New Jersey, and works for Recovery Elevator.
Kate said she was born and raised in New Jersey. She, her husband Jay, and their cats keep life interesting. Kate works in the art world. She is crafty and knits, sews, and cross stitches. She loves to exercise and get outside.
[8:54] Give listeners some background on your history with drinking
Kate said she took her first drink at 14. She was severely inebriated and blacked out. The only other time she drank in high school, she blacked out. Kate went to college in Pennsylvania, and drinking was part of the culture. She was in a sorority, and everyone drank on the weekends. Her drinking seemed normal and what everyone was doing.
After college, she started to notice some demons.
Kate recalled in early childhood being asked to sit on the choir director’s lap at church and kiss him. She was taught to respect her elders. Looking back, she realizes her life then took an awkward turn. She developed an eating disorder. When she started drinking, the eating disorder went away. In college, she became the ultimate party girl. She worked in galleries and auction houses, and drinking was encouraged.
She moved to the UK in 2007 and was there for four years. She contrasted the drinking culture in the UK versus New York. Kate knew she had found her people. Her drinking ramped up. After her divorce, she would drink to obliteration with vodka. She learned geographic changes don’t work.
[12:51] Odette asked what was going on in her brain about her drinking.
Kate said she knew from her first drink that she shouldn’t drink. Alcoholism runs in her family. Her father has five years of sobriety. Every day was a struggle to continue keeping up appearances and be a high-functioning professional while drinking copious amounts of alcohol at night.
14:10 Did you talk to anyone about your eating disorder, drinking, or what happened during your childhood?
Kate said she was raised in a family where appearance meant everything. It went to the extreme that she and her siblings were wearing matching outfits for every holiday. Kate believes the 3 of them were struggling with who they are.
Kate told her mother about the choir director, and she didn’t believe her. Her friend’s mother found out about what was happening and sat down with Kate and talked it through. The kissing stopped, but she had to stay in the choir and see him weekly. At 14, the choir director turned it back on her in front of the entire chorus. She was embarrassed as a teenager. As an adult, she is mortified that it was allowed to happen.
[16:37] Tell me more about what happened when you were in the UK?
Kate said she moved back to the US because she was engaged to another man. When she lived in the UK, she was sexually assaulted by someone she was dating. This became a turning point. Within six months, she fled back to New York and got a job at a gallery. She then met another man who was a master manipulator, and they would drink a lot together. During Hurricane Sandy, they were stuck together. She tried to break up with him, and he would manipulate his way back. Kate’s drinking escalated due to the confusion associated with the manipulation.
[18:21] Did you notice you were drinking more? Was your tolerance increasing?
Kate said yes. A bottle of wine an evening was a standard routine. After a friend’s 40th birthday, she was so drunk it required two people to get her into her home. At 5 AM the next morning, she was passed out on the floor of her apartment, fully clothed, and she had urinated on herself. That was her first attempt to quit drinking, and it lasted about 90 days. When she went back to drinking, it progressed to 2-3 handles of vodka a week. She was working remotely most of the time, which masked much of her drinking. Her company is versed in recovery, and they encourage recovery.
[20:29] Did your drinking effect your relationship? How did that change when you quit drinking?
Kate said her husband is a heavy drinker as well, and they fueled each other as drinking partners. As her recovery has evolved, it has put some strain on her marriage. Kate and Jay didn’t discuss their drinking because they both had a problem. They are trying to rediscover who they are as a couple and learn to communicate. Kate said her husband is a rough and tumble guy who has lived a hard life, which puts him in a gender norm that he doesn’t talk about his feelings. Now that she is sober, Kate talks about all of her feelings. She has sought out other friends to express her feelings, and she wishes she and her husband could speak more openly. They have never talked about why she stopped drinking. Jay hasn’t seen all of the new dimensions of Kate that have evolved due to her sobriety.
[24:37] Tell me a little bit more about what happened after those 90 days?
Kate said start, restart, try again. She never moderated. It was black and white; there was no in-between. She walked into her first AA meeting at 24 years old but didn’t want to admit she had a drinking problem. From 2017 to 2018, Kate knew if she had continued drinking, it would kill her. She had many day one’s – she couldn’t put together stretches of time.
[26:40] What happened in August?
Kate said in July of 2018, she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. After forty “day one’s,” she put her wine down before her friend’s baby shower and said, we’re done. She googled recovery podcasts and found Recovery Elevator episode 2. She clicked play and connected with Paul’s sober date. It was the first time she heard similarities about how she drank and how other people spoke about their drinking. In August 2018, she signed up for Café RE. She discovered a community that was pursuing the same goal. The encouragement from like-minded people made a difference.
Kate did an Instagram live with Heather of Ditch the Drink, and it was so beautiful for Kate to see her recovery friends and her “regular” friends together.
[32:01] Do you still get cravings?
Kate said she does not get cravings. She likes inclusion to have an AF drink in her hand because it’s about being “part of” the event, not the alcohol in the glass.
[33:02] What do you do when you go to a party, and someone asks what you want to drink?
Kate brings her own, or she will grab a seltzer. If she is ever asked, are you sure you don’t want just one? she offers to burn down their house.
[34:10] Have you started healing, and what tools do you use?
Kate said she had two incredible therapists. Her first therapist got her through her divorce, allowing the story to unfold itself on Kate’s timetable. She lets Kate start and stop as needed.
She also had solo sessions with her couple’s therapist, who has a very different style. He has been teaching her she is valid, worth it and her thoughts and ideas are not stupid. Kate’s father believes she is too sensitive, which hurts deeply. Her therapist helped her understand that being sensitive is okay. She now understands her sensitivity is what makes her who she is. It inspires her ability to break out into song, making up new lyrics.
Odette believes that Kate’s sensitivity is her superpower.
[38:00] Tell me more about why recovery is important in your company?
Kate said the owner of the company had personal struggles with addiction, and several employees are sober. The company cheerleads Kate’s recovery, and her boss was supportive of her work with Café RE.
Odette commented about the stigma about recovery in the corporate world and how much Kate’s company gives her hope.
[40:58] What are you excited about right now?
Kate said she is excited about everything. She is excited about finishing a cross-stitch stocking and how her company is moving forward in 2021.
[42:30] Rapid Fire Round
- If you could talk to Katie when she was younger, what would you say?
OMG, you are so f*ing pretty and worth it. You are a beautiful person, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
- What is a lightbulb moment for you on this journey?
I can’t even imagine picking up a drink to solve something anymore. It doesn’t even cross my mind.
- What has recovery made possible for you?
Recovery has made everything possible. Kate has saved $30,000 since she quit drinking and now has to buy Odette coffee.
- What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?
You have to find a community. Kate has discovered her recovery family in Café RE. It’s her #1 resource.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Rum raisin and peanut butter ripple, but not at the same time.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
This is the best decision you will ever make in your life and stop waiting.
You might want to say adios to booze if …
You are so drunk at your wedding that you fall asleep at the dinner table.
Odette’s Summary
Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We took the elevator down. We’ve got to take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Feb 22, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Gregg took his last drink 26 years ago (November 6th, 1994). This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).
Bozeman registration opens March 1st to Café RE members. On March 6th registration opens to all. You can find more details about the event here. Trust us… you don’t want to miss this!
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
It’s been a little bit of time since the 1st of the year. Those resolutions we all made might now be changing from determination and drive and into a place of the unknown. If you’ve stuck with your resolution, you are far enough in that you can’t see where you started but the end isn’t in focus yet. Not knowing how the outcome will play out can be scary. When we ask “what is going to happen?” it blocks our ability to function today and in the now. Things will work out, if we let them.
[7:52] Odette introduces Gregg.
Gregg lives in Los Angeles. He is married and has two amazing daughters. For a living he is a recovery coach and also owns a few sober living facilities. He is an advisor in many startups as well. For fun he likes to body surf, skateboard and eats ice cream (mint chocolate chip!).
[12:20] Can you give listeners some background on your story?
Gregg’s father was killed in a drunk driving accident when he was 4 years old. From a young age he understood the power of alcohol. Being raised by a single mother he always felt different. He grew up as a bully because he was scared and sensitive. Around 12/13 he discovered pot and alcohol. That “medicine” took away his shame and pain. As an adult he started with a pattern of drinking, leading to cocaine, leading to pot, leading to bad decisions. Between 22 and 25 he was arrested 8 times. He got into the drug trade and while it provided a “nice life” there was overwhelming amounts of shame regarding his life choices, and he was eventually arrested with 50 lbs of pot. The judge gave him another chance, but he was arrested again 18 days later. In the cell the next morning he heard a voice that said, “call your mother”. She told him to go to church and while there he went to confession. Unbeknownst to Gregg, the priest he gave confession to was his step fathers first sponsor in AA. He went to AA that evening.
[24:39] How were those 90 meetings in 90 days for you?
Gregg said he was accountable because he had a court card. At first he was just looking to “get the heat off”. Around day 30 the pink cloud appeared, and he felt clear headed and healthy. He found connection with some people in AA. The boxing lessons also helped his life balance. When he got sober in 1994, there were not a lot of people in their 20s doing the same thing. He lost a lot of friendships in the process.
[30:47] What bigger motivations did you have to stay the course?
Gregg said he had a good work ethic overall. So he had the desire to succeed. He chose to put what would be been drinking time into his passion. He would write scripts rather than going out. It was 8 extra hours a week he put towards something he loved, which helped him to change the mindset around his life. He never would have had the career he had if he didn’t put that time towards his passion.
[36:02] How have you transformed and processed the pain you had in your early years?
Gregg said he had done step 4 through 4 times. Someone in a meeting saw that he was blocked and told him to unpack the “backpack of shame”. Through this process he was able to explore other things he had left off his previous step work. Gregg uncovered, discovered and discarded, which allowed him to fully open and find relief.
“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can change” – Oprah
[41:21] Do you still get any cravings?
Gregg said the obsessions to drink and use has left him, the obsession to obsess has not. If he doesn’t do the work on other obsessions, they will ruin his life just like drugs and alcohol did. He will go back to step 1 and apply it to whatever obsession is holding him at that time.
[43:00] What are you excited about right now?
Gregg said he really likes connection and he’s excited about recovery. Finding other connections through recovery. He’s excited to come out of covid and what that might look like. He’s excited about his podcast “The Recovery Playbook” Find it here on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
[48:00] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Drugs and alcohol are a waste of time. Time is the most precious commodity we have.
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Mint chocolate chip
- What book are you reading right now?
Epic which is about how we are all connected through our stories. Everyone has a story.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?
Remain willing to be willing.
You may have to say adios to booze if…
because you will die. Tomorrow or 20 years from now. The disease of alcoholism is undefeated.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Stay grounded in the present moment. Some of her favorite ways to stay grouned are:
Going for a walk
Walking barefoot on the grass
Meditation
Blasting music and dancing
Drinking tea
Touching whatever surface she’s sitting on
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – staying in the present moment is the best we can do for our future. I love you guys.”
by Kris Oyen | Feb 15, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Carolyn took her last drink on February 22, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Dehumanizing Others. After listening to Brene Brown, Odette loved Brene’s challenge of not engaging in dehumanizing others. We can’t change the world if we continue dehumanizing others. Odette was also reading Pema Chodron’s new book and concluded that polarization is most problematic when we dehumanize people. Habitually dehumanizing others about politics or behavior or clothing isn’t good. Minor differences in habits and preferences keep us fundamentally separate from others.
The division exists everywhere, even in recovery. Odette has observed others judging other’s approaches to recovery. We judge people for NA beer or not drinking NA beer, AA or no AA. We continue to create division instead of closing the gaps. Pema Chodron has a practice called “just like me.” Just like me, this person doesn’t want to be uncomfortable. Just like me, this person loses it sometimes. Just like me, this person wants friends and intimacy.
Focus on the similarities, not the differences. You can have boundaries without dehumanizing others.
[7:35] Odette introduces Carolyn
Carolyn took her last drink on February 22, 2019. She lives in Wisconsin and is 34 years old.
She lives in Wisconsin, is single, no kids, and has fun with her German shepherd pup. Carolyn loves drawing, painting, murals, golf, snowboarding, camping, hiking, etc. She works as a graphic artist. Living in the polar vortex of Wisconsin can be challenging, but it makes her appreciate the seasons more.
[11:01] Tell me about your history with drinking
Carolyn started drinking when she was 14 years old (2000). She would drink on the weekends and look forward to drinking. It was a big part of her identity and made her feel cool and accepted.
Carolyn’s drinking ramped up when she went to college. She worked in a restaurant and played rugby and had lots of opportunities to drink. Drinking continued to be a significant part of her identity.
She met her significant other in 2008, and they were drinking buddies, a party couple. She knew something was off but wasn’t sure what it was.
[13:30] Did you start questioning if alcohol was a problem at that time?
Carolyn didn’t see alcohol as a problem initially, but she was aware that several areas of her life were not jiving. Looking back, she can see many events and relationships influenced by alcohol, but she didn’t see it at the moment.
[14:49] Were you rationalizing your drinking as something sophisticated?
At her college graduation, she was surrounded by friends and family. She was drunk, and her boyfriend proposed. She said yes, even though she knew something was off. She has a lot of internal conflicts. She leveraged alcohol to help her numb her feelings. The marriage ended because she couldn’t move the relationship forward.
After her divorce, she was drinking after work every night. She found it wasn’t fun anymore. She started to develop anxiety at 22. Her drinking was no longer fun, party drinking – it was maintenance drinking. Had she not had the lull in 2014, she would not have had the tipping point
[18:32] Did you talk to a friend or a therapist about your struggles?
Carolyn knew her drinking wasn’t healthy, but she was still in denial. She brainwashed herself into believing she was a fun party-girl. She didn’t see herself as an alcoholic. She began to realize she had a problem after her divorce.
[20:21] Walk me through what happened from 2014 to February 2019.
Carolyn said her drinking progressed. Her anxiety was crippling, and she would drink when she got home. After a visit with his sister, her brother-in-law mentioned he hadn’t had a drink for two weeks. She thought that was crazy. She knew she hadn’t gone two weeks without drinking ever. She stumbled upon the “are you an alcoholic” quiz.
She had a few three-week breaks over the years, and she could feel the fog lift; her anxiety would lessen. She returned to drinking because she couldn’t handle her social life without alcohol.
In 2018, she had to be on medication for a month. She was advised not to drink while on the drug but drank anyway. It was a terrifying realization for her. She knew at then she had to take her drinking seriously.
[25:19] Sometimes, our “best” looks different. It sounds like you had a real mental shift.
Carolyn said it wasn’t until she got scared that she decided to take it seriously. She is now thankful for the hardships that led to her tipping point.
She listened to the Recovery Elevator podcast and heard about Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind. She quit drinking the next day. She reads a lot of self-help and memoirs and credits Annie’s book with changing her life.
[28:36] How were your first few weeks alcohol-free?
Carolyn said she was anxious and sweaty during week one. She didn’t sleep well for three weeks and was emotionally sensitive. She would burst into tears at any given moment. She listened to podcasts, checked her sobriety tracker, and didn’t have many cravings. She did chain smoke. By week four, she turned a corner and felt things became more manageable. She was sleeping better, not obsessed with how many days she had. She was still emotional, but her energy was through the roof, and things started coming together.
[32:05] Carolyn asks Odette about her social circle.
Odette joined Café RE. She experienced lots of change, and she was grieving her former self.
Carolyn’s sister quit drinking three years ago. Her oldest sister has been her confidante and best friend through learning to be alcohol-free. Her sister’s sobriety became a motivator. She and her twin sister were drinking buddies. She believes her twin sister is coming to terms with drinking as well. She is learning to be transparent with her sister about her addiction.
[38:05] Tell me about your maintenance routine?
Carolyn said that fitness and nutrition have always been important to her. Now her fitness and nutrition are more therapeutic because she has no alcohol. She is nurturing her body; she feels better, keeps a gratitude journal, podcasts and talks to her older sister, and quit lit help.
[39:54] What do you do when you get a trigger, or a curveball comes your way?
Carolyn said exercise, getting outside, art projects like painting or drawing are freeing. She also dances and sings to shake it off. One podcast, Rachel Heart, focused on how your brain functions in phases of a craving (Think, Feel, Act) has been an excellent tool to overcome cravings. She quit smoking after six months AF, and her cravings were heightened at that time.
[45:32] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your Day 1 self?
Once you reach the 3–4-week milestone, things will get a lot easier.
- What is a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?
Carolyn had a tipping point and realized she could have an awesome life without alcohol. She no longer felt deprived.
- What has recovery made possible for you?
Carolyn said lots of doors have opened for her. She started a screen-printing apprenticeship. She is shopping for a home. Her self-confidence is much better.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Mint chip.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
If you continue drinking while you are on antibiotics.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Try the “just like me” practice this week with someone. When you feel judgment appear, pause, and try and lessen the gap between you. Remember, you are not alone, and together is always better. Let’s be kinder to each other and ourselves.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness, you would never
know the light – I love you guys.”
by Kris Oyen | Feb 1, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Emmy took her last drink on December 8, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
Finding Your Better You – Odette’s weekly message.
Odette spoke about a personal and very sensitive issue: she is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. She took charge of her recovery but recently identified some behaviors and coping mechanisms she was hoping to skip over that are rooted in her early years growing up in an alcoholic home. Odette realized she had been stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage for years in many aspects of her life, some more dangerous than others. Self-sabotage showed up in her relationships with friends, at school, and with her husband. While Odette doesn’t like the label of being an adult child of an alcoholic, she has come to realize she can’t wish the consequences away. Pain in our families makes our emotional state a bit disheveled. We live waiting for the other shoe to drop. We were guarded and untrusting. This state became our normal: the feeling that something is wrong all of the time.
Odette is focused on understanding the impact self-sabotage has on her behavior. She is practicing new behaviors. She is working on making small shifts – to see things differently.
No matter how destructive our behavior has been in the past, we can experience new ways of being.
[9:38] Odette introduces Emmy
Emmy took her last drink on December 8, 2019. She is from Fort Worth, Texas, and she is 30 years old.
Emmy is a recreational therapist who works with children and adults with various disabilities. She is single, no kids, and lives with her five-year-old dog Petey. She has fun participating in her recovery, getting to know who she is, and learning to become her own friend.
[13:06] Can you give listeners some background on your history with drinking?
Emmy said she started drinking around 16 or 17. She was at a friend’s house where somebody had brought over a bottle of alcohol mixed with Propel and thought it was cool. She remembers the first sip giving her this sort of warm feeling inside and thinking, ‘nothing bad can ever happen with this.’ She kept that routine going every weekend as a teenager. When she went to college, she found an excuse to drink every night, whether trivia night or intramural sports. She also worked in a restaurant and could drink behind the bar. Everybody was doing it, so it didn’t seem like a problem at the time.
She graduated college and worked in a nursing home by day and a restaurant by night. She was working 50-60 hours a week, which gave her another excuse to drink because she worked so hard.
[14:45] At this point, were you starting to question your relationship with alcohol, or were you thinking this is just what people do?
Emmy said she knew as a teenager; it may become a problem in the future. She saw so many people doing the same thing and thought she would have to look at it later down the road.
[15:28] Walk me through what happened afterward, how did that progress?
Emmy went to grad school, which started drinking Round 2. She thought, I’m still in school, I can still live the same lifestyle. She graduated, got a Director job in a nursing home, with more responsibility. She was not surrounded by as many people who drank as she did.
She began putting feelers out to different people, asking if she had a drinking problem. She was asking the wrong people, the people who drank as she did. She took that as validation she didn’t have a problem.
She drank regularly for a few more years. She thought it was fun. There were many examples of alcoholism in her family. Problem drinkers have a problem every time. She believed she could maintain control and continue drinking.
[17:35] Were you creating any rules for yourself, like moderation rules?
Emmy said, don’t we all? She had rules about, don’t drink on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. She would break her rules all of the time, then double down on guilt and shame.
Emmy moved to Texas, and she wasn’t around anybody she knew anymore. She started drinking alone. She could still have a glass or two of wine and feel fine the next day. She was still getting up for work and had a really good job. Nothing was taken away from her, so she didn’t think it was a problem.
[18:36] You said the word, YET, was powerful in your journey. The inner turmoil between the heart and the brain can be exhausting, were you tired mentally?
Emmy said this is what led her to admit defeat. She found herself doing the same thing over and over again. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. She was sick of being pulled out of her life, missing amazing moments while she continued drinking.
[19:49] Did you have any people in your life who were pursuing sobriety or battling addiction?
Emmy said yes. She grew up with alcoholism in her immediate and extended family. She had little seeds planted in the past ten years by people who chose recovery.
[20:32] So what made you change your mind?
Emmy said on December 7, she was feeling unsafe and recalling a previously abusive relationship. On vacation in California, she was sneaking drinks when nobody was looking so not everyone would know how much she’d had to drink. She treated somebody pretty poorly that night. She was up all night and came out of a blackout, realizing she was yelling at someone. She looked in the mirror and told herself, you have completely lost who you are. It was an out-of-body experience, and within a few days, she reached out for help out of desperation.
[22:18] That’s a powerful moment: a self-intervention. Was the progression of your drinking a way to cope with the pain of an abusive relationship?
Emmy said, absolutely, but she doesn’t think of herself as a victim anymore. She feels empowered from the healing and counseling she has done and discovered the abusive relationship was an excuse. Self-pity became an excuse for her behaviors.
[24:48] You decided to reach out for help. What did that look like for you?
Emmy said, leading up to this day, she was drawn to a client’s mother with 30 years of sobriety. She drove her client home and walked up to the door, and just collapsed in her arms, sobbing. She was met with acceptance, told about some options, and felt safe.
She went to an AA meeting at 10 pm that night, and it was a magical moment. She felt love, acceptance, no judgment, empowerment, and she has been going to AA ever since.
[28:05] How connected are you to faith or guidance? It sounds like you were catching signs.
Emmy said she grew up in a religious home and always had God there. She believes not making him her #1 pursuit got her off track. She recently connected to the spiritual side of her program and believes God sends messages through people. Her faith has grown in the past nine months.
[32:19] Tell me about those initial months. What was it like? How did you have to adjust your daily routine?
Emmy said the first three months were just a release of emotion. She had no cravings. She was grateful to God for lifting the obsession. She was learning how to be a human, to walk soberly. She still had problems and started learning how to deal with them without alcohol.
She is getting to know God, getting to know herself. She is establishing a routine and creating stability that she never got as a little girl and felt empowered by the choice.
[34:42] What is your go for handling problems and negative emotions?
Emmy is trying to strengthen the pause, pausing before reacting. She takes 5 minutes to herself and breathes. She is working on not being impulsive. She continues to practice pausing every day.
[36:27] Tell me about your routine?
Emmy is awakened by her dog at the same time every day. They have a routine. She then does a daily devotional, journals, relaxes as her form of meditation to clear her head. She walks the dog to get outside and enjoys fresh air. Then she starts work. God and her recovery come first.
[38:51] What is your favorite part of the journey so far?
Emmy does five in-person meetings a week and talks to her sponsor when problems arise.
[39:56] What is your response when someone offers you a drink?
Emmy said it varies, and she liked to make it funny. I’m allergic. It makes me mean. No, thank you.
[40:37] Thoughts about the future (wedding, milestones)?
Emmy said she has thought about it. Will anyone come if I have a dry wedding? She is learning it’s easy to have fun without alcohol. She is learning to “stay where her feet are.” She stays in the present and is enjoying being in the present. Stay where your feet are; you are here.
[42:35] How have the relationships in your life shifted or changed?
Emmy said she feels blessed with good friends and believes she is the one that has changed. She practices being grateful for her friends, being present for them, and enjoys remembering conversations the next day. She treats people better. She feels supported and has excellent long-distance relationships.
[44:15] Where do you find inspiration from outside of your meetings?
Emmy said she loves the Recovery Elevator podcast, talking to her sponsor, prayer, and journaling.
[45:15} What do you associate with the word alcoholic?
Emmy said she doesn’t have a problem with it. She sees it as an opportunity, a relief, not a label.
[46:03] Rapid Fire Round
- What are you excited about right now? What possibilities in your life?
Helping others in recovery, giving opportunity to other people.
- What do you bring to a party when they tell you to bring your drinks?
La Croix – passion fruit
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Breyer’s chocolate truffle
- What’s a light bulb moment you’ve had in this journey?
If you don’t drink, you won’t get drunk
- What has recovery made possible for you?
Self-love
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are thinking of ditching the booze?
Keep open-mindedness and willingness. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If the thought has crossed your mind, give it a try.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
getting a drink (one drink) sounds like a waste of time
Odette’s weekly challenge:
What is in your baggage backpack that you want to get eliminate? A character defect, a challenging conversation, a task you have been avoiding. Muster the courage and go for it. You are brave and so much more capable than you realize.
If you are an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, I am with you. You are not alone and together is always better.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021) registration opens March 1st! This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you’ll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never
know the light – I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Jan 25, 2021 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Sasha took her last drink on May 19th, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
Check out the free meditations on the Recovery Elevator page here!
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
When Odette doesn’t want to forget something, she sends herself an email. Recently she found one to herself with the subject line: Positive Relationships. The body of the email said simply: “The biggest factor for cultivating resilience” (Season 17, Grey’s Anatomy)
We need resilience when embarking on this journey. Not just for this, but for everything life throws at us. Our journey is far from perfect, when we fall we need the courage to get back up and that’s why we need community. This is why together is better. Having one person in your corner can make a huge difference for you.
How many positive relationships to you have and are you fostering them?
[7:19] Odette introduces Sasha.
Sasha is from New Jersey and works in IT. She lives with her fiancé and their dog. For fun she likes to read, do jigsaw puzzles, meditate and collecting old books from estate sales.
[10:37] Can you give listeners some background on your story?
Sasha said she started drinking around the age of 18. It wasn’t anything that was intense, but she knew from the first drink it would make her be “her true self.” She got a DUI at the 20. Around 21 was when she started drinking alone. When she was 23/24 she was crying and falling apart every time she drank. Her thoughts were preoccupied with drinking all the time.
[13:48] Did the DUI make you question your drinking, or did you think that this was just something young people did?
Sasha said it was both. She knew she drank in a way that wasn’t normal but felt because she was so young it was also ok. Looking back she knew it should have been a big warning sign.
[15:36] Did you have any rock bottom moments?
Sasha said rock bottom was when she was drinking alone and miserable. She had the realization she was miserable but didn’t know how to get out of it.
[16:13] How did you get yourself out of the cycle?
Sasha said she was listening to the RE podcast and reading Eckart Tolle and doing the Sam Harris ‘Wake Up’ course and this gave her the realization she had a drinking problem. Her end goal when drinking was always to be drunk, so the solution was to have none.
[18:09] Was the podcast your first exposure to other stories of people’s drinking?
Sasha said after her DUI there was court mandated AA meetings and that was her first exposure. She loved hearing what people were going through because she could identify with them.
[21:20] What Tolle book were you reading?
The Power of Now
She was also reading In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts which covers many of the same themes.
[24:54] Were you having conversations with your fiancé about your drinking prior to May 20th?
Sasha said she always minimized it, so they never had direct conversations about her drinking. When she told him, he was very supportive and zero judgement. They continue to have conversations about her drinking.
[26:27] Did you feel relief when you told him?
Sasha said yes, a tremendous amount of relief. She was so lonely in her drinking and to have him be so accepting was what she needed.
[32:05] How was it for you right after you made the decision to stop drinking?
Sasha said for her it was like a switch flipped. She was so happy to be free from alcohol that her “pink cloud” lasted about 6 months. It helped that so many other things fell into place in that time as well. Sasha received a promotion at work, they got a dog, she was connecting with herself, reconnected with old friends and all the small things put themselves in place. It was hard for her to imagine going back to drinking.
She had a craving around month 8, but was able to play the tape forward and that tool helped her not have a drink.
[36:27] What happened after the pink cloud? What other tools do you use?
Sasha said this time quitting was different, she was able to flip a switch. She no longer romanticizes drinking. But overall she hasn’t had the white knuckling craving this time.
[39:27] Did you have a routine in your day that you had to fill with new things?
Sasha said it was when she left work. In the past she would leave work and pick-up alcohol on the way home. At first, she was distracting herself with seeing friends and taking her dog for a walk or eating. Getting out of the house was really important.
[44:55] What type of responses did you get from people when you told them about this decision?
Sasha said most people were supportive. Every once in a while, someone questions the decision. Some of the people she used to drink with have also come out and admitted they are struggling and she has tried to point them in the right direction for resources.
[46:48] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Give her a hug and tell her everything will be ok.
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?
Chocolate
- What has recovery made possible for you?
To live a life of peace and to be vulnerable with others.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?
Stick with it if you’re struggling to quit. The fact that you are even trying to do this right now is huge. Find resources that will work for you.
You may have to say adios to booze if…
it’s 2pm on a Tuesday and you’re googling, “Do I have a drinking problem?” with one eye closed because you can’t see the phone.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Make a small inventory of your relationships. Which ones would you like to see changes in? Which ones would you like to cultivate?
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – when we choose to take care of the small things, the big things seem to take care of themselves – I love you guys”
