by Kris Oyen | Jan 18, 2021 | Podcast
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Stephen took his last drink on January 24th, 2020. This is his story of living alcohol free (AF).
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
“The pleasures of connecting with people are much greater than the pleasures of judging people.”- Johann Hari
If we show up genuinely, we can connect with someone. If we are pretending to listen, we will not connect. Only with actual connection can we truly see each other. In a little departure from talking about quitting drinking Odette is asking us to explore being a better listener. What would that mean? What would that look like? Listening to each other has the power to heal, however it’s also very hard to do. Can we be more curious and see how this can impact relationships?
[6:01] Odette introduces Stephen.
Stephen is 33 years old and lives in Austin, TX. He enjoys exercise, teaching tennis and using his Peloton. He’s planning to return to school in the near future.
[7:30] Can you give listeners some background on your story?
Stephen said he took his first drink at the age of 15. He was curious about it and remembers finding something that made him feel relaxed. Being so focused on tennis, alcohol was mostly a secondary thing. In 2008 he joined the military to be an Airborne Ranger, which is also where he noticed his drinking changed. He left the military in 2015 and the drinking followed him. With nothing to wake up for at 5am anymore, he was able to drink differently. After a few years he walked into an AA meeting and went all in for 7 months’ time. He began drinking again for 5 months which led him to January 2020.
[14:59] Tell me more about your being in the military and the binge drinking. Did you question your relationship with alcohol?
Stephen said he only questioned his drinking in the midst of a bad hangover. He was surrounded by so many others that drank the same way, so it was very normalized. Alcohol was a temporarily release from the stressors.
[19:07] Have you shifted your thinking from that of learning to endure to finding joy?
Stephen said he is still working on this. Coming from his sports and military background he was taught to do whatever it takes to get through something. He’s learned that only works in the short term, but the emotional impact last longer. In recovery Stephen has taught himself that it’s ok when things are easy and to go with the flow. He had to allow himself to surrender to the fact that he cannot live with alcohol in his life at all.
[22:45] What has been different this time?
Stephen said this time he had to adjust his all-in mentality. He’s more tied into recovery communities with actual people and listening to their struggles and stories. He gave up the idea of being perfect but at the same time accepted that he can’t be the best version of himself while drinking alcohol.
[25:06] Have you found anything in sobriety that makes you feel relaxed and free?
Stephen said running helps him and it’s when his body feels good and his mind is at peace. He’s working on trying to be ok with his own thoughts in his own head. Having real conversations with real people makes him feel free.
[25:57] What do you do when you have a craving?
Stephen said he eats. It’s simple and it works for him. He didn’t eat when drinking because he didn’t want to ruin his buzz. Now it’s the opposite. If that doesn’t work, he reaches out.
[26:57] Tell me about this year.
Stephen said at the beginning of COVID he was still able to be collecting a paycheck. He also went through a big breakup, which was different being sober.
[29:30] What’s your everyday routine look like?
Stephen said on a daily basis about connecting with people about his life and their life. Addressing mind, body and spirit, as well as attending therapy.
[31:14] How have the interactions with family and friends been?
Stephen said his family can now see the version of him that’s able to be present. He’s having conversations with family members who are questioning their own drinking.
[34:01] Have you figured out the why of your drinking?
Stephen said he’s been exploring a lot of deeper things with his therapist. He grew up in a home where he had to walk on eggshells. So, he thinks the drinking allowed him to be free of that. However, that led to all of his emotions being repressed and without an outlet except through drinking. Drinking allowed him to feel things and feel human.
[35:38] Have you found therapy to be helpful?
Stephen said yes. He’s an analytical person by nature and having someone to be a sounding board has been helpful. He wouldn’t have gone through a lot of the childhood trauma without his therapist.
[37:36] Has your sleep improved?
Stephen said not yet. He hopes it’s the last piece of the puzzle.
[39:49] Have you gone back to AA?
Stephen said yes, he’s working through the steps again. But he primarily focuses on a larger network for his own recovery.
[41:07] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Stop trying to find clarity and happiness in a bottle. What happened to you as a child is not your fault
- What book are you reading right now?
Claim Your Power by Mastin Kipp
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?
Amy’s Ice Cream: Mexican Vanilla
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?
There is no perfect recovery.Find your own path, don’t look back and you aren’t alone. There are so many people living a life without booze.
You may have to say adios to booze if…
you jump out of a plane drunk, because you are still drunk from the night before.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Only you know what is best for you. Protect your energy. What works for some might not work for you. We are all here to encourage and inspire each other. We are challenging big alcohol, you are a part of this.
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – when you show up as you are, you make all the difference for yourself and for the world – I love you guys”
by Kerri MacFarlane | Jan 5, 2021 | Alcohol Relapse, Blog, COVID, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Inner Peace, The first Year
I stopped making New Year Resolutions a few years ago. As positive, excited and motivated they would make me feel at the start of the year…oftentimes those very same resolutions would bring me down later in the year. It wouldn’t be long and I would feel like a failure for not following through. I would start thinking of myself as someone who just abandons their hopes and dreams. “Kerri, you suck.”, would play on repeat in my mind.
Counterproductive, to say the least.
Then a couple years ago, instead of making resolutions, I tried doing what I was seeing a lot of other people do. I would choose a word for the year. The chosen word wasn’t a resolution or a goal. It was more like a prayer or mantra, and I used it to help guide me in the daily actions and decisions (both large and small) I had to make. It was as if the word was a lighthouse helping to show me the way to a better version of myself.
As 2020 was coming to an end I started thinking about what my word for 2021 would be. I took me a little longer than it had in the previous years to decide on one. 2020 was strange, scary, hard, filled with uncertainty, unfamiliarity and loss. I kept hearing and reading posts and comments from people that just couldn’t wait to move past 2020, that it was a year they wanted to forget. Sorry to burst your bubble if you are in that camp…2020 is a year that will never be forgotten.
For me, if I were to pick a word to describe 2020 it would be WEIRD. And that was ALMOST going to be my word for 2021. Maybe that will be next year’s word. ?
This year my word is PEACE. ? 
Remember…this word is like a prayer or a mantra…I am using it to guide me. I want to create more peace in my life. I want to be more at peace with myself. It doesn’t mean I can just sit back, chant ‘peace’ over and over…and everything will change. I still have to do the work. Below are some of the things that I’m doing to help create and bring more PEACE into my life.
- Clear the clutter! Unclutter your living space, your work space, your mind. Ask yourself, does it bring you peace? If the answer ISN’T a HARD YES…then…get…rid…of…it! If it’s not serving you…get…rid…of…it! Clutter in your physical space, and in your mental space, creates chaos. Chaos is the opposite of peace. That is not what we want my friends.
I cleaned out my pantry and found spices that expired in 2003!! If it’s old and expired…get…rid…of…it!
2. Relax. Find a relaxation technique that works for you. A way to release and to recharge. It could be meditation, breathwork, long walks, yoga, running, music. For me it’s meditation, music and dancing…first thing in the morning. Find what works and do it.
3. Gratitude Changes Everything Every week during 2020 a dear friend of mine wrote down 1 good thing that had happened that week. She wrote it on a little strip of paper and tossed it in a jar. On New Years she read all those little strips of paper. I thought…what a cool idea! She admits that some weeks it was hard to come up with something. I mean think about it…we just lived through our first pandemic. I think that makes the exercise that much more powerful. Find something to be grateful for every week (I challenge you to do it daily.). I’m already looking forward to reading all my weekly strips of paper on New Years 2022!
4. Follow Your Bliss Before you can follow your bliss…you need to know your bliss. What makes you happy? Brings you joy? Brings you PEACE? Listen to your inner guide and take action on what brings happiness and joy into your life. The door to peace and contentment will open. My recent houseplant hobby is opening that door for me.
5. These things here could all be listed all on their own…but I wanted to give you more things you can start doing today to bring inner peace into your life.
- Set limits, boundaries
- Accept and let go
- Slow down
- Be 10 minutes early so you don’t have to rush
- Instead of guessing…ask, we are not mind readers
- Get outside
- Escape for a while – read a book, binge on Netflix
- Disconnect – screens off
- Laugh ?
Start with one thing and build on it over time. You can do this. We can do this.
“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” —Eleanor Roosevelt
Wishing you more happiness and PEACE.☮️
Until next time, be well.
Kerri Mac ??
by Kris Oyen | Dec 21, 2020 | Podcast
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Sarah took her last drink on April 22, 2019. With over a year away from alcohol (at the time of this recording), this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
We’ll be focusing more on creating a life where alcohol is no longer needed. We’ve found that when we have healthy altruistic relationships with fellow human beings, the need for alcohol or any external substance drastically reduces. For more information and to sign up, use this link.
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
Odette recently received the book Homebody by Rupi Kaur. As Odette looks at her own sobriety as a return to self, this book is very fitting for where she is in her own journey right now. Here’s your permission slip this week: take care of yourself. This time of year can be overwhelming for many. When we are overwhelmed, we may also open the door to fear. Using our tools, we can make life manageable and hold space for everything we are feeling.
list of things to heal your mood:
- cry it out. walk it. write it. scream it. dance it out of your body.
- If after all that
you are still
spiraling out of control
ask yourself if sinking into the mud is worth it
- the answer is no
- the answer is breathe
- sip tea and feel your nervous system settle
- you are the hero of your life
- this feeling doesn’t have power over you
- the universe has prepared you to handle this
- no matter how dark it get
the light is always on its way
- you are the light
- walk yourself back to where the love lives
[6:42] Odette introduces Sarah.
Sarah lives in Wisconsin with her husband and her son and their dog. She is 30 years old and works in marketing. For fun she likes running, reading and crafting. She loves live music as well.
[8:52] Can you give listeners some background on your story?
Sarah said she had her first drink around 14 or 15 years old. Form there she drank almost every weekend and became a party girl. The lifestyle continued into college. She transferred her sophomore year and focused on her health. When she turned 21 it ramped up again. Being in WI the drinking culture is strong. After college she kept partying on the weekend, but the culture of drinking kept her in it. At the age of 26 Sarah had a moment that changed it, she woke up feeling shame. In 2017 she told herself she was only going to drink on special occasions, she made it 60 days without alcohol. At a friends 30th birthday was when she drank again, and it was like old times, up until 4 am drinking. She also found out she was pregnant at the end of March 2017. While pregnant she missed drinking and was ready to get back to it. She found herself turning to alcohol as a reward. Sarah began to see that she wasn’t someone who could just have one, she always went overboard.
[21:30] Has it been cool finding different ways to unwind at the end of the day?
Sarah said she turned her beer fridge into a NA fridge. Her and her husband make mocktails. She turns to something that’s relaxing rather than alcohol to unwind.
[22:59] Talk to me about when you started this journey and being in a relationship?
Sarah said her partner was really supportive. He never said anything about her drinking, but it caused problems when she was drinking. She was worried about their relationship however because they met through partying. He however is someone who supports her no matter what.
[27:31] Did you start using social media as a way to find other sober people?
Sarah said when she was on her moderation journey, she found some accounts that were about being sober. When she got serious, she went back and found them and was amazed at how large the community had grown. Sarah found 1000 Hours Dry and enlisted a friend to do it with her. Sarah helped grow her community through Instagram. She’s co-started New Fashioned Sobriety with some friends she met through Instagram and they plan meet ups (virtual right now!).
[33:39] How was it going to the in person retreat in Bozeman?
Sarah said she was very nervous about going, but also about what her family would think. During the retreat she met and connected with so many people she wouldn’t have otherwise and really emersed herself in the event. Sarah said she came home with new tools and tons of new friends.
[37:52] Do you still get cravings?
Sarah said it’s mostly when she romanticizes her drinking, but for the most part no.
[41:28] Tell me what your most beloved tools in your toolbelt.
Podcasts are #1, this Naked Mind and the community on instgram.
[42:31] What’s your go to response when someone offers you a drink?
No thanks, it makes me feel like shit was her go to in the beginning. Now she normally brings her own so it’s not a conversation!
[43:33] Rapid Fire Round
- If you could talk to day 1 Sarah, what would you say?
You life is going to change so much in so many positive ways, you will still be you, you just will have a fuller life.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Blue Moon
- What book are you reading?
The Sober Lush
- What parting piece of guidance can you give people thinking about ditching the booze?
Stop thinking about all the thinking you will lose, but instead focus on the possibilities.
You may have to say adios to booze if…
you black out on Easter Sunday before American Idol premiers at 7pm.
Odette’s parting words:
Love yourself hard this week. We don’t have to drink to escape our feelings. If you need any extra help, please ask for help. You can email Odette.
Together is always better.
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – Feliz Navidad- I love you guys”
by Kris Oyen | Nov 23, 2020 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Alex took her last drink April 25, 2020. With exactly 109 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
The end of the year is the time when Odette sees a lot of “fuck-its”. Putting your goals on hold and coasting to the end of the year, to start fresh in the new year. 2020 particularly has been hard as so much was put on hold; we can now choose to make this year mean nothing or everything. Keep going, keep putting your good energy into the year. The rest of this year is a marathon, not a sprint to 2021. Hold onto your sobriety, visualize your path, see the people along the way cheering you on, see the finish line. You can do this.
[7:30] Odette introduces Alex
Alex is 28 years old. She is originally from Indianapolis, IN and just moved to Denver, CO. She loves hiking, mountain biking, being outside. She lives with a roommate and her dog. She’s the “designated ice cream friend” among her group of friends.
[10:50] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?
Alex said she was never someone who drank daily, but she found herself often in drinking situations and she wasn’t able to moderate. She moved from Chicago back to Indianapolis and the drinking didn’t change like she hoped it would. Alex began to make rules around her drinking to try to moderate. Morning after morning of not remembering nights she began to explore and consider a life without alcohol. She wanted to remember everything.
[14:04] What drew you to start listening to Recovery Elevator?
Alex said when she was questioning her drinking, she felt she couldn’t tell anyone in her circle of friends but knew there had to be something out there in the podcast world. There was one in particular that spoke to her, she saw herself in the interviewee. Alex began to get angry at the alcohol.
[17:42] What tools work for you?
Alex said she walks every day, minimum 2 hours. That’s been therapeutic for her. It allows her to slow down and focus on the little things in life. When she feels a craving, she goes for a walk.
[19:08] Do people around you know you’re sober?
Alex said everybody knows now. It started as a whisper to some people and now it’s something that is just known. When 1000 Hours Dry was looking for a host, she signed right up, giving her an extra layer of accountability.
[23:27] What’s your worst memory from drinking?
Alex said she woke up one morning, not remembering at all how she got home from the night before. She decided to take herself out to brunch, where she drank and rode herself home on her bike. She had an accident, breaking her wrist and giving herself a concussion.
[27:00] What’s your go to response when someone offers you a drink?
Alex said she says “no thank you, I have my own drink!”
[28:55] Have you gotten to the bottom of why you chose to drink?
Alex said she was lonely and seeking validation. She felt she would be more likable if she drank.
[33:28] Do you ever feel a disconnect in your age decade and when you got sober?
Alex said she was nervous about this choice and how it would affect her social life. Reframing the idea of not drinking is what helped her get through it. She wanted to remember the things that hadn’t happened yet.
[33:28] Do you ever feel a disconnect in your age decade and when you got sober?
Alex said she was nervous about this choice and how it would affect her social life. Reframing the idea of not drinking is what helped her get through it.
[36:41] What’s been the hardest part of the last few months?
Letting go of expectations and having different expectations. Having to go with the flow.
[39:16] Do you have a daily routine?
Alex said she making coffee is therapeutic to her. She focuses on the enjoyment she will get from the process and the end result. She journals while drinking the coffee. Her walking is also part of what keeps her sane. Alex has some playlists that bring her peace.
[43:42] Rapid Fire Round
- If you could talk to day 1 Dusty, what would you say?
You deserve a life without alcohol.
- What are you excited about right now?
Getting yoga certification, meeting new people.
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Graham Central Station or TJ Cookie Butter
- What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?
You don’t need a drink. You just need to be and sit through the feeling.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners?
I promise this decision is fun.
You may have to say adios to booze…
You’re only guaranteed to go to a wedding if there’s an open bar.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Commit to finishing the race. Commit to your sobriety.
Flip the question. Instead of “What’s the worst that can happen?” ask “What’s the best that can happen?”
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- You can find more information about our events here.
Grüvi discount code:
For 15% off your order with Grüvi visit their website and use the promo code recovery elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – I believe in you, Happy Thanksgiving”
by Kris Oyen | Nov 9, 2020 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Desi took her last drink July 21, 2018. With just over 2 years away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
If you haven’t checked out the RE merchandise…what are you waiting for??
You can see what we have available here!
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding your Better You…..
Hard days happen for everyone and don’t believe that highlight reel you see on Instagram! Odette calls these “dip days”. It’s ok to not thrive every single day, it’s ok to let feelings pass, it’s ok to be honest and you are not alone. 2020 is here to remind us we are stronger than we think and also what grief feels like.
Odette wants to share her tools for what helps her during these dip days.
- Eat
- Drink lots of water
- Meditate
- Laugh
- Remind yourself daily that you are not your productivity levels.
- Take your medications (if you are on any!)
[7:34] Odette introduces Desi.
Desi is 30 years old and lives in Michigan. She is finished up her Master’s in social work at University of Michigan (go blue!). In her spare time, she coaches high school lacrosse which is a huge passion of hers.
[12:38] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?
Desi said her journey started at the age of 7 with an eating disorder after being sexually abused. At the age of 14 a cousin passed away and that was a big turning point for her. Her family didn’t talk about emotions. And around this time, she started drinking as well. Her first drink wasn’t normal, and it flipped a switch: she wanted more. In college she made friends with a group of people who “didn’t make wise decisions” so neither did she. Life was very hard for Desi during this. In college she met another woman, Vera, who became her sister and she credits Vera with saving her life. In 2009 she began to have chest pains, which was always diagnosed as “anxiety”, but Desi knew it wasn’t. In 2012 her sister Lauren got her into a treatment center for her eating disorder. In her second time in ED rehab she tried to get sober. However, Desi considered herself a dry drunk. November 2014 she began drinking again.
[34:04] When you came out of treatment were you frustrated that you also had to remove alcohol?
Desi said she didn’t even think she had a problem with alcohol at first. She knew her eating disorder was killing her and that was her focus. She held onto all the other toxic things so she could cope. Desi was scared if she didn’t have other things to help her get through life.
[39:41] Tell me about the first couple months of your sobriety.
Desi said she worked a program with AA. She had severe withdrawal symptoms, but she was able to talk about it in AA. There was nothing left to hide, and Desi was very honest in her shares. She reflected back on what made her want to quit drinking in the first place. Staying connected and finding community was what helped.
[44:09] Did your anxiety get better?
Desi said yes. While she’s a naturally anxious person, her anxiety has leveled. She was able to get off medication. Where her anxiety used to sit is no longer there. She experiences anxiety just like other people do, because that’s life.
[46:28] Tell me about sharing openly.
Desi said she needed to be able to share, she looks at it as a duty. Her sharing helps other people. She tells her story for those close to her that passed away and weren’t able to tell theirs.
[50:50] Rapid Fire Round
- If you could talk to day 1 Desi, what would you say?
Hold, have hope, let people help you, and listen to others.
- What are you excited about right now?
An internship at UofM.
- What’s your go to response when someone offers you a drink?
No, I’m good.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners that are thinking about ditching the booze?
If you can think of best case scenario for your life, just know that without alcohol it’s 100% possible.
You may have to say adios to booze…
If you sneak out, get drunk, come back home, fall down the stairs, break your leg running to the bathroom to throw up.
Odette’s challenge this week:
Reach you, Odette is here for you.
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- You can find more information about our events here.
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – We took the stairs down, we gotta take the elevator back up, we can do this– I love you guys”
