RE 590: Are You Broken?
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Today we have Stef. She is 39 years old, lives in Truckee, CA, and took her last drink on March 24th, 2026.
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Bozeman 2026 – August 12th-16th, 2026
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[02:00] Thoughts from Paul:
Yes, we are all broken. Not because of a drinking problem, but because all 8 billion humans on the planet are perfectly imperfect.
While a drinking problem breaks you, it can be alchemized or transformed into your greatest strength. The transformation that someone makes when stepping into an alcohol-free life is hard to describe. Imperfection, brokenness, and flaws are not failures, but rather essential openings for growth, understanding, and hope.
“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” – Leonard Cohen
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places…” – Ernest Hemingway
Kintsugi – the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending cracks with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.
[06:10] Paul introduces Stef:
Stef is 39 years old, works in property management and has two dogs.
Stef was socially awkward growing up, but when she had her first drink, she says she felt at home. She loosened up and her personality came out. Rules were restrictive at home, so she didn’t have a lot of opportunities to party until she was kicked out. She says she floated around and did a lot of partying at that point.
When Stef was in her early 20s, her boyfriend passed away in a drunk driving accident. Stef says the only way she knew how to cope with things was to drink and forget it. It wasn’t long after that she got her first DUI. She ran from the charges for about two years and when she was picked up on a warrant, she was sent to AA meetings.
Stef says going to the first AA meeting felt like the first drink she had. She felt like she belonged there. She was 24 at the time and was able to quit drinking for six months before moving which is when she stopped reaching out to her sponsor.
Stef thought that she could use what she learned in AA to keep her from drinking alcoholically again. But as time went on, the drinking ramped back up. Stef eventually found herself unemployed, unable to pay rent, and had to move in with her grandmother in Sacramento.
Things were going well for Stef. She was able to get a job, stopped drinking and partying, but she was still hiding alcohol and drinking after everyone in the house went to bed. Not long after this, she moved to Lake Tahoe because she enjoys snowboarding. She ended up choosing the party over snowboarding and began having consequences.
Between 2014 and 2019, Stef got three more DUIs. The fourth DUI came after a rock bottom day of drinking that ended with Stef in a mental health facility swearing that if she was able to get out of there, she would return to AA. The judge ultimately mandated that Stef attend AA, so she dove in and began a four and a half year stretch alcohol-free.
Stef says the desire to drink came out of nowhere in April of 2025. I progressed to daily drinking very quickly and once she caught herself justifying driving drunk again, she knew enough was enough. This time she is quitting for herself, not a court order.
Praying, playing the tape forward and attending meetings are important resources for Stef. She hasn’t forgotten anything she learned in AA and now she enjoys being able to help others. Stef is grateful to have a clear head and be present for everyone in her life now.
Stef’s parting piece of guidance: “Give yourself a chance. See what could come from it. It’s likely going to be very positive for you. So give yourself that chance. You deserve it.”
Recovery Elevator
It all starts from the inside out.
I love you guys.
RE 587: Schedule What?
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Today we have Will. He is 32 years old, lives in Allenstown, NH and took his last drink on October 5th, 2019.
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Bozeman 2026 – August 12th-16th, 2026
[06:22] Paul introduces Will:
Will is 32 years old, lives in New Hampshire and works for the US Postal Service. Will enjoys writing, watching films, hiking and traveling.
Will grew up in a strict, religious household. From middle school through high school, Will did homeschooling which left him feeling like he didn’t really have any friends. By the time he was 15 or 16, he felt like he was missing out on a lot of life experiences. Will moved out of home with his brother when he turned 18 and says this is when his partying began as a way to make up for lost time.
Will began working in the food service industry and says it was his first taste of life outside of the religious bubble he had grown up in. While he had a level of social anxiety that kept him out of nightclubs and things of that nature, his brother enjoyed the nightlife and typically had alcohol in the house which Will would drink by himself.
Between the ages of 19 and 21, Will had found some friends he calls kindred spirits in that they were all creative and a little nerdy. He says his life was simple back then: go to work and then go hang out with his friends and play/watch video games while drinking.
At 22, Will got a DUI. This was not enough to make him feel like he needed to stop drinking but he thought he should try moderating. The financial struggles after the DUI were hard on Will and he was beginning to feel like he screwed his life up already. Between ages 22 and 24, Will references them as his rock bottom years. He was losing friends due to his behavior when he drank and felt haunted by social failures and missing opportunities.
Will tried going to therapy at 24 but didn’t address his drinking at all. The anxiety and depression were crippling, and he began having suicidal ideations. Will tried going to AA but struggled not to focus on the things he didn’t agree with. It was a TV series called Patrick Melrose that helped inspire Will to try something new. Will decided to try going to rehab.
Will started burning the ships with his family and the supervisory staff at his jobs so that he could plan to go to detox. He was there for nine days and says it was an amazing experience. He felt good about the decision to go and says he got a lot of out of it.
The cycle of starts and stops began, Will was trying to hide his drinking unsuccessfully. In this middle of this time, he had started dating someone and fell in love. They ended up moving in together. Will says the move was helpful for him, but he was still trying to drink and hide it from her.
The night before a planned trip to NYC, Will drank a couple of beers, and his girlfriend could smell it on him the next morning. They talked about it on the way to their Airbnb and Will spent his first day sober walking around the city. This experience left an impression on Will, and he recognized he could have fun sober and it made him crave more life experiences.
Will’s girlfriend was very supportive; he returned to AA meetings and got a new therapist that specialized in addiction. After several months, he began taking classes for recovery support. An internship led to a job and Will says it was life changing.
Since being in recovery, Will says that his depression is gone and he is better at holding himself accountable in his life. A lot has happened since he quit drinking, but he feels that all of the challenges have made him stronger.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down.
You’ve got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
RE 584: I’m One of Them
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Today we have Chris. He is 55 years old, from Madison, WI, and he took his last drink of alcohol on April 7th, 2015.
This episode is brought to you by:
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Café RE – THE social app for sober people
Bozeman 2026 – August 12th-16th, 2026
[02:02] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul recently gave an opening talk at a fundraising gala for Yellowstone Alliance Adventures. This is the venue where the annual Bozeman retreat is held. He shared with the guests that he holds an annual sober retreat there but initially hadn’t rehearsed sharing that he was also sober. After a few moments of silence, mid-talk, Paul shared that he is also in recovery.
Paul says he knows he didn’t have to share that part, but when he did, it felt good to be up there in front of a crowd as his authentic self. In a world that can very fake and shallow, people are craving authenticity. Paul wants to go places where he can be himself.
Listeners, where can you show up as yourself in your life? What curtains, walls, or barriers are you hiding behind where you think people don’t want to see you? While it isn’t easy to show up as your authentic self, you will be rewarded by doing so.
We are here; we are whole.
[07:03] Paul introduces Chris:
Chris is 55 years old, works in IT by day, has three kids across two marriages and for fun he likes to make music, create games, and enjoys working on art.
Chris’ parents divorced when he was young due to his father’s drinking. Because there was so much going on at home, Chris says he focused much of his attention on school, sports, drama and choir to remain out of the house. He shares that he only drank one time in high school and got caught and ended up with some consequences.
Once in college, Chris had the freedom to drinking and other drugs pretty heavily right away. Early on, he got kicked out of a bar. During is freshman year, depression kicked in and he had a suicide attempt. Chris says drinking was never good for him. He never felt like it was solving any problems, but he was entranced by it.
Chris never really saw his drinking as a problem and surrounded himself by people that drank like he did. He enjoyed playing in bands and going to bars. Over the next 15 years he began to get away from the drugs but found his alcohol use increasing to compensate. By his mid-30’s, Chris says it was just him in his basement pretending to record music or write a book, but the reality was it was just him down there drinking.
At this point in time, Chris knew he had to try and control his drinking but was unable to do so. His second marriage was to someone who drank more than he did, which he assumed meant she wouldn’t hassle him about what he was doing.
Chris says there wasn’t a definitive moment that led him to quit, it was more a gradual decent. He lost his job because he wasn’t very present, he got a DUI and then got a divorce, all within six months’ time. He had court ordered sobriety and white knuckled it for a while but ultimately planned his relapse which led to him drinking all hours of the day and realizing alcohol wasn’t working anymore.
Chris reflects that this realization was a good thing. He tried a lot of different things in the beginning: AA, SMART recovery, podcasts, Quitlit – anything to fill the void he initially felt by not drinking. He was always willing to try different things and acknowledges that some things come and go. He joined Café RE for a songwriting course as he was approaching 10 years sober. Chris knows that staying strong in his recovery daily is what will keep him from relapsing.
Chris is grateful for his sobriety as he has navigated some difficult things over the last several years. He is glad he no longer uses alcohol as a crutch to make it through life. When times are tough, he leans more into more meetings or talking to friends.
Recovery Elevator
You took the elevator down
You got to take the stairs back up
We can do this
I love you guys
RE 581: The BEST Way to Feel Better
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Today we have Lidia. She is 41 years old from Seattle, WA and she took her last drink of alcohol on August 31st, 2025.
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[01:40] Thoughts from Paul:
Some of you may have seen the title of today’s episode which is The Best Way to Feel Better. And that’s why you’re tuning in – to feel better. Maybe you’re in early sobriety and you’re not feeling good.
Paul shares with us how the best way of feeling better has taken place in his life. It comes when he may be having a bad day but has an interview with a new guest scheduled. There have been a few times where he was hoping that they wouldn’t show but has discovered that within the first few minutes of talking with them – he feels better.
The best way to feel better is to talk to another human being. Talk to someone you trust, maybe make an unplanned visit to a friend’s house. There is a reason they call it the 10,000-pound phone. Because the mind (or addiction) wants you alone. Just knowing this makes it easier to pick up the phone.
[06:09] Paul introduces Lidia:
Lidia is 41 years old, and lives outside of Seattle with her husband, their daughter and their dog. For fun, Lidia enjoys hiking, puppy yoga, her daughter’s Girl Scouts and the local community theater.
Lidia was born in Warsaw, Poland to young parents and says alcohol was a big part of the culture. She recalls having her first drink to celebrate her second or third birthday. When she was six, she and her mom immigrated to the US. Her mother worked a lot, which left Lidia to fend for herself a good bit.
During her teen years, Lidia would attend summer camps where it was easy to find older kids to buy her alcohol. The closest relationship she had was with
Throughout the teen years and college, Lidia says she was good at drinking and wore it as a badge of honor. After reaching adulthood, the drinking was a daily occurrence finding any excuse to drink whether at home or out with friends. Alcohol was correlated with fun at this time in her life.
Lidia met her husband when she was 27. They were both members of a rock-climbing community and became climbing partners. It wasn’t long after meeting that they ended up married and having their daughter. This was the first time that her relationship with alcohol was threatened because she felt they needed to be more responsible with a child.
Lidia used alcohol to cope with postpartum depression. The first red flag first showed when she realized she was drinking and driving with her daughter. Lidia didn’t know much about recovery or how to support herself through it, so she was full of shame and guilt. Eventually she told her husband and ended up enrolling in an IOP, attending AA and got sober for four years.
Because Lidia had quit for her daughter and not herself, she began to have resentments and felt like she wasn’t having any fun. Since she related fun with alcohol, she went back to drinking. It was then that others were watching her and she assured them she was fine. Lidia began trying to hide her drinking because she didn’t want to feel the judgment.
Last summer, Lidia was told by her husband that she would lose her family if she continued drinking like she was. They chose a quit date of September 1st and for motivation, Lidia registered for an RE trip to Costa Rica which was five months away.
The first 30 days went well for Lidia. The pink cloud arrived and she started feeling better physically. Month two found her crashing a bit and she began learning how to slow down. Going forward, Lidia is looking forward to spending more time with her daughter and the Girl Scout troop, getting involved in the local community theater and celebrating all of her wins, big and small.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down; we’ve got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
I love you guys.
