by Paul Churchill | Jul 29, 2019 | Podcast
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Arlina took her last drink on April 22, 1994 and has been alcohol free for 25 years. This is her story.
On today’s episode Paul discuses an article that a listener sent him regarding the term, ‘sober curious’. This article was published in the New York Times and can be found here.
What is sober curious? The term is pretty straight forward, it refers to those that are curious about exploring a life without alcohol. But it can be unpacked even more. To some, sober curious may mean that they never had a drinking problem, but they had a problem drinking. In the article the author describes the sober curious as young professionals that are kind of, just a little bit, addicted to booze.
Paul feels that that bulk of this demographic of sober curious people are what would be referred to as high bottom drunks. They are beginning to experience consequences from their drinking and they are becoming curious to what a life without alcohol would look like.
SHOW NOTES
[9:30] Paul introduces Arlina.
Arlina is 50 years old and had her last drink on her 25th birthday. She grew up in Silicon Valley. She is married and has 2 sons. Arlina has a podcast, enjoys yoga, hiking and going for walks. She is soon to be the owner of a bulldog puppy.
[15:05] Give us a background on your drinking.
Arlina says she feels her drinking was garden variety. She started drinking at a young age, between 8-10 years old, and says she didn’t realize how bad she felt until she felt good from drinking. She says from her first drink to her last she wanted to be anybody but herself.
[19:00] Was there a rock bottom moment that led up to you having your last drink on your 25th birthday?
Arlina says she had a series of rock-bottom moments. She never knew what emotion to expect when she would drink, she would either be crying or fighting. Even after a night out with her sister, in which Arlina got drunk, punched her windshield a couple times, breaking it, kicked her sister (who was driving) in the face, her sister getting help from the neighbors, the police being called, and waking up with that incomprehensible demoralization, it took hearing that her sister had gone to Al-anon for her to connect her drinking with alcoholism. Arlina wrestled with that thought for 2 years.
[23:20] Talk to us about when you finally reached that conclusion.
Arlina says it was a very humbling experience because she had defined alcoholism as something so negative. Hating who she was anyway and then adding alcoholic and drug addict to it was overwhelming. What had been her solution had become her executioner.
[25:55] What was it like in early sobriety?
Arlina says it was overwhelming, but that she was relieved of the obsession to consume alcohol the day after her birthday. She discovered she was kind of high maintenance. She needed a morning routine, turning her life and her will over to God, and had to nurture a conscious contact with God throughout the day. She attended a lot of meetings a week and service played a large part.
[31:22] Let’s talk about the why behind your drinking. Do you agree that alcohol is but a symptom?
Arlina agrees 100% that alcohol is but a symptom. She says she las learned that the brain will try and protect you from your pain, and if you can’t get out of it, it will develop a distraction, and that could be alcoholism or any other addiction. Time does not heal all wounds; pain waits and lessons are repeated until they are learned.
[37:27] Earlier you talked about chasing a feeling, how do you chase that feeling without alcohol.
Arlina says the feeling that she was chasing was relief. She likes to feel happiness and joy and she finds that in the service work she does. When she can do something to alleviate someone else’s suffering she feels like she is fulfilling her purpose and that is when she feels the most joy.
[42:00] Talk to us about your podcast, The ODAAT Chat. **Arlina also has a website by the same name and you can find it here.
Arlina originally started a sales podcast, but says it was really on her heart to do one on recovery. She was conflicted because in the 12 traditions it says to maintain our anonymity at the level of press, radio and film. Following the tragic death of a friend, who had attended a 6 AM meeting called ODAAT, she decided to be bold and follow her heart. The podcast has added some pressure but also has brought joy to Arlina.
[46:40] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Puking my guts out at a San Francisco Giants game in front of a whole bunch of fancy people.
- Year 26, how’s it going to happen?
It’s going to happen one day at a time. This morning I went for a walk and broke out an amazing book called Jesus Calling and read that. I drew my Gabby Bernstein card and I use the Headspace app to do some meditation and I find if I do that routine in the morning my day goes so much better.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have ever received?
Follow your heart.
- What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?
Open your mind and your heart and you’ll be amazed before you are halfway through.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You end up in an AA meeting.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/15/style/sober-curious.html
http://odaatchat.com/
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Jul 22, 2019 | Podcast
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Odette, took her last drink on December 17, 2018. This is her story.
On today’s episode Paul talks about control and how it relates to the level of an addiction. The more our drinking gets out of control the more we try and control our external environments. This is the main driver why control is such an important concept to deepen with so we can become aware of the level of control we placing on the external environment.
We are left with 2 choices. Option 1 is to do nothing, and that is not what this podcast is about. That leaves us with option 2. Get ready to saddle up. Once an addiction is been acknowledged it can no longer be ignored, and it cannot be addressed without making major life changes. Changes like a new self-image, your perception, a new consciousness, your ideas and beliefs, your entire life’s foundations. That’s a lot of change, and as humans we resist change.
SHOW NOTES
[8:10] Paul introduces Odette.
Paul first chatted with Odette on episode 128, which came out on July 31st 2017, when she had 1 week of sobriety, he encourages you to go back and listen to that episode. Today, Odette hit a big milestone…she has 6 months of sobriety.
Odette is originally from Guadalajara, Mexico, but has been living in San Diego for almost 10 years. She is married and a mom to 2 toddlers, Max and Sienna. She works fulltime at WeWork. Odette loves bowling for fun, says it’s probably her favorite thing, and she will fight anyone who says that it’s not a sport. She also loves to try new teas and lately you will find her doing puzzles.
[11:50] Give us a background on your drinking.
Odette says she’s been in the recovery world for a decade. Her dad is a recovering alcoholic and he’s about to hit his 10 year, so she was first exposed to recovery through him. She likes to say that his addiction has become the biggest gift, not just to herself, but to her entire family. Odette also developed an eating disorder, which she says is her first addiction, if it has to be labeled. Odette says that although she’s been in the recovery world for a while, in terms of drinking, she thinks she falls into the ‘gray area drinker’ category. She doesn’t have a catastrophic story to tell in terms of her relationship with alcohol.
Because of this it’s been a real journey for Odette to figure out if she really belonged here or if she didn’t belong here, if she really had a problem with drinking. What really changed things for Odette was something that she keeps telling people. You don’t have to have a serious drinking problem to have a problem with drinking, and she definitely knew that she had a problem with drinking.
[16:05] In regards to alcohol and your eating disorder, what is your thoughts on addiction whack-a-mole?
Odette thinks addiction whack-a-mole is a thing and that it is really important that we become ambassadors of being graceful to ourselves. The addictions become more manageable now, not because it’s easier, but because there’s this sense of awareness. Odette says she still sometimes eats when she’s not hungry, and that things that are part of her eating disorder chapter still come up, but she is aware of it now. She realizes that she just didn’t want to feel the feelings, so she ate.
[21:43] Talk to us about the time between when you were first on the podcast until now?
Odette struggled a lot, because, she says she is a binary person, and is like a lot of others in recovery who are in that gray area. And not just with drinking but the gray area of life. She loves fitting in boxes and labeling herself, and that is something that she really been trying to detach from these last 6 months. She stopped questioning where she belonged and if she belonged and started asking herself different questions, like how she was feeling when she drank or if she was trying to cope with something. She had to get a little creative with her questions because she was getting the same results when asking the same old questions.
[26:55] Talk to us about the unknown and how you leaned into it.
The unknown is very scary for Odette. She knew, as she was stacking days this third time around, that fear was going to creep up on her. So she grounded herself with people who have really good messages around fear because she didn’t expect that fear to go away. She learned to develop a different relationship with her fear.
[34:33] Let’s talk about the concept of internal vs. external, where do you feel you are?
Odette feels like it’s shifting, and that she is discovering a lot of things. She also believes a lot of it is linked to her eating disorder because she did not have a connection with her body was feeling at all. Odette has been focusing on the internal and the physical.
[36:40] Share with us how fun it is to meet up at our retreats, like our one coming up in Bozeman next month.
Odette says she stopped calling them retreats and has started calling them “sober camp”, because they are just that much fun. Bozeman will be Odette’s 3rd retreat and says that they are such amazing fuel and that the connections and friendships she has made are now like family.
[37:50] Talk to us about a time, in the last 6 months, that it got tough and you overcame it without alcohol?
The last 3-4 months have been extremely challenging for Odette. As all the layers are coming off Odette says it feels very raw and at times very heartbreaking. She has done a lot of reconciling the last 5 months with decisions from the past. She says she is not living in the past, but reconciling with what has brought her to where she is right now.
[42:30] Talk to us about the emotion, Joy, and when it first showed up for you.
Odette used to have so many highs and so many lows it was though she was on a roller coaster. Nowadays she aims for contentment. She lets things pass her by and finds joy in the smallest things. She finds herself getting teary eyed just looking at her daughter or while listening to a song while driving. For Odette joy is found in the simple things and the quietness.
[47:05] What themes are you exploring right now in your recovery?
Intention is a big one, and not being tied to an outcome. Odette feels like she was tied to external outcomes in the beginning and she is distancing herself from that now. Also, she says she is learning to let go of control.
[51:00] Walk us through a day in your recovery.
Odette is an early riser and wakes up between 4:30-5:00 AM. Exercise is one of her biggest tools in her tool belt so she tries to get in some sort of it first thing in the morning. She does daily reading each morning and spends some quality time with her family. She goes to work, listens to a podcast or Marco Polo’s with someone, and spends her lunch outside because nature is another big tool in her tool belt. After work she is busy being mom, making dinner and lunches. She has a BBT rule…bed by ten. Her weekends are slower and way less structured.
[55:44] Rapid Fire Round
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have ever received?
You can’t do this alone…but you have to be your own cheerleader.
- What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners?
Trust your gut.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You burn all the ships and you still drink.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Jul 15, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Mark, took his last drink on April 19th, 2019 – This is his story.
On today’s episode Paul shares the status on his upcoming book release! Alcohol is Sh!t should be launched the end of July – to mid-August. Graphics for the front cover, the back, and the eBook are done. Thanks to everyone that voted on the tagline and subtitles…this is what we came up with; How to ditch the booze. Reignite your life. Recover the person you were always meant to be.
Paul also talks about calming the mind through meditation. The word meditation comes from the word meditacioun, which means to ponder, and it has been around for a very long time.
What is meditation? Meditation is about letting thoughts go. It is about loosening the energetic ties to the past and the future. It is about being present and focusing on what is, the reality you are currently witnessing. Meditation is about lowering brain waves to a more relaxed state. Meditation is a skill and it takes practice.
What meditation is not. Meditation isn’t not thinking. It isn’t about obtaining or getting anything, or discovering who you are. It is not going into a trance. Meditation isn’t selfish, it all starts from the inside out. ?
SHOW NOTES
[15:50] Paul introduces Mark.
Mark lives in Perth, Australia, which is one of the most remote cities in the world. For work he is a financial professional. He is 43 years old, married with 2 daughters. For fun Mark likes to camp, exercise and read.
[18:45] Give us a background on your drinking.
Mark started drinking in his teens and he says he pretty much to a liking to it right away. It made him feel like a different person and got him out of his shell. In his early 20s he went to college and continued drinking there. There was about 3-4 years during his 20s that he got really serious about running and would quit drinking for 49 weeks a year while he was training.
Mark says that once he stopped taking his running so serious, stopped the training, and got a job that there was a turning point and his drinking started to creep up to just about every day. Mark was in his 30s now.
In 2017, at the age of 41, Mark had his real first attempt at sobriety.
[20:50] Was there a rock bottom moment in 2017 that propelled your attempt at sobriety?
There wasn’t a rock bottom moment for Mark, he says it was more like a series of bad nights. He started to realize that his drinking was involuntary and he felt like it was something that was just happening to him.
After one night in particular where he drank 2 bottles of wine and getting to work late feeling horrendous, he decided he had just had enough. After doing some googling on cutting back and found a website called Hello Sunday Morning, where people posted about cutting back. The website encouraged doing a 3 to 12-month time of no drinking. Mark decided to try the 3 months and after successfully doing that and feeling good he decided to go for the 12 months.
Looking back now he says it was a really good year. He got healthy and got a lot done at home and at work. But something was missing.
[22:22] Go back a little, when did you start to realize that it was getting harder to stop once you started?
Mark drank beer and wine and would find himself drinking whenever he would meet up with someone. And he didn’t just drink one or two, he drank hard. It was almost as if he was running his life around alcohol. He would never meet someone at a café, he would always meet people at a pub or bar.
[24:15] So you’re cruising through 2017 dry, on willpower, how much time did you get?
Mark says he didn’t make it the 12 months. He made it until mid-August, the same time he and his wife bought their home. He celebrated that purchase with a bottle of champagne. He says as soon as he had that bottle of champagne the wheels came off. He also felt that because he went 8-9 months without drinking that he had changed his relationship with alcohol. About a month after drinking the bottle of champagne he was back drinking just as hard as before.
[26:00] Once you were back to drinking hard a month later did you stop and think ‘oh shit’?
He really didn’t. He just got back into it and by 2018 he was telling people that after his dry year he was back to drinking and that he had a different relationship with alcohol, which he now thinks was a supreme exercise of self-deception.
[26:50] When did this self-deception end?
Mark says really only this year, around April 30th. After sharing a bottle of wine with his wife on April 29th she went to bed and he went outside with another bottle of wine. He started to think about what he was doing and started to get angry. He thought about what a great year 2017 had been and now there he was by himself drinking himself to oblivion. It was a feeling of self-disgust. He went back into the house and said, to himself, that he was done, again.
[28:45] What do you think was different that time?
Mark says its really hard to explain, but that he realized that there was no sense of joy drinking that bottle of wine.
[29:45] Talk to me about how you realized that there were no hopes in moderation.
In 2017 when he was reading blogs on that website a lot of people talked about AA. He didn’t really like the idea of AA because of the religious aspect and the surrendering part. Now fast-forwarding to 2019 he started to understand what the surrender thing was about. He has decades showing that moderation does not work for him.
[32:30] What was that first week like after April 30, 2019?
It was just a different feeling that this time it’s not a 12-month test of willpower. This time Mark just had to accept that it was over between him and alcohol. He says it felt liberating to just admit that he’d had enough and that he didn’t want to be involved with alcohol anymore.
[34:25] Talk to us about the accountability you set up this time.
His wife was the first person he told, and he waited a few weeks before even doing that. He was nervous and shaking but she told him she was proud of his and has been supportive. He has also told some guys at work and has found support there as well.
[39:48] Have you had any intense cravings since April 30, 2019?
Mark says that the cravings have not been bad, surprisingly, but he does drink non-alcoholic beer and wine and he feels it helps.
[46:00] What is on your bucket list in sobriety?
To enjoy each day and the simple pleasures that come with being sober.
[46:55] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Getting really, really, passing out drunk on my 40th and being told the next day that my oldest daughter, who was 5 at the time, was just standing there looking at me with a sense of distress.
- When was your ‘oh-shit’ moment?
That moment out in the backyard when I was sitting there with a 2nd bottle for no good reason at all.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
I have more accountability to put in place, a few more people to talk to about it. I really do want to engage more with other alcoholics.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
I’m on a blog website called Booze Musings and I have a few things on my reading list.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve received?
When I think about drinking just play the tape forward. Remember who you are. If I want that, then I can’t have this.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
When its your shot for beers you buy yourself 2.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 17, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Tim, with 2 days of sobriety, shares his story.
On today’s episode Paul talks about 2 articles that discuss alcohol use. Links for these articles can be found following the show notes.
The first article, published on May 7, 2019 in USA Today, says that alcohol use is soaring worldwide, with the average adult now consuming about 1.7 gallons of pure alcohol per year. Just in the past 27 years the total volume of alcohol that people consumed globally increased by 70%. Even though on a global level alcohol consumption is increasing, if you are listening to this podcast you have made it further than 95% of people out there. You are starting to make changes.
On the brighter side, an article published on January 17, 2018 in Bloomberg, reported that Americans drank less alcohol in 2018, for the third straight year. Total cases of beer, wine and spirits consumed in the US dropped by .8% in 2018. This was the third straight year that there had been a decline in consumption. So globally people are consuming more alcohol, but in the United States consumption is declining.
There’s a new term called ‘sobor curious’, which includes a large population that doesn’t necessarily have an issue with alcohol, but are waking up and are recognizing that maybe messages that big alcohol is telling us aren’t panning out to be true in real life.
SHOW NOTES
[12:30] Tim, with a sobriety date of May 13, 2019, has 2 days sober. After having this interview scheduled for about a week Tim emailed Paul to let him know that he had drank. He felt like he might not be the ideal candidate to be on the podcast. After reading the email, Paul let Tim know that he is exactly who he wants to have on the podcast.
[15:10] Paul introduces Tim.
Tim is 36 years old and was born, and raised, in Boston Massachusetts. He came from an Italian family that was in the construction industry. In middle and high school, he developed a real passion for music. He dedicated himself to hours and hours of voice, guitar and piano lessons, which led him into a career in ministry as a worship leader. Tim got married at 19 and is still married to the same woman, they are about to celebrate 17 years and have 3 children. His career in ministry is in the past and he is working as a project manager for a company that installs high end woodworking beams and bookshelves.
[16:45] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Tim started drinking at 15 and the first night he drank he got alcohol poisoning. He spent that first night in the shower throwing up and blacking out. He says he was never able to drink casually. Getting married at the age of 19, to a woman that is a couple years older than him, meant that he had someone that could buy alcohol for him. In his early 20s he was drinking about a 6-pack a day.
At the age of 25 Tim attended his first AA meeting, just to see. By this time, he was drinking 8-10 beers a day. After listening to someone’s story at that meeting, he decided that he was not an alcoholic. Tim says he went to a few more AA meetings throughout his 20s, but he continued to drink and started to mix it up with hard alcohol and found his favorite drink, Captain and Coke.
As he moved through his 30’s, Tim and his wife started to have pretty regular arguments about his drinking. Tim says he was looking for his wife to put her foot down and give him an ultimatum, but that wasn’t happening. He tried to moderate, and that didn’t work. He had some periods, 3 – 6 months, when he did not drink, but once he would consume alcohol again it would take about a week and he would be right back to daily drinking.
[21:30] In regards to those times of abstinence, what was it that brought you back to drinking?
Tim would tell himself that because he just went 3, or 6, months without drinking, that he must have control over it. The thought of having a glass of wine with his wife, while they watch the sunset, would just seem nice. That first drink always took him back to where he left off, in a matter of weeks.
In his 30s Tim started hiding alcohol and lying about how much he was drinking. He was always calculating how he was going to get that buzz.
[23:46] Did you have a rock bottom moment when you knew you had a problem?
Tim had joked about being a black out drinker in his 20s, but it wasn’t until his 30’s that he discovered he was really blacking out. He would drink and come to and realize that he had driven or would come to and not know where he was or who he was with. When he was blacking out on a regular basis, he knew he had a problem.
[25:20] What happens next?
When Tim was 30, he had gotten a job offer from a huge church down in Atlanta. It was like his life’s dream, so they moved down to Atlanta. For the next 6 years Tim found himself counseling people about their drug and alcohol problems, while his drinking continued.
When Tim was 34, he went to a psychiatrist who put him on Adderall, he then was mixing alcohol and Adderall. He became addicted to the Adderall.
[30:10] Recently you had 7 months sober and then relapsed 22 days ago, tell me about that.
During those 7 months Tim was still taking Adderall and was smoking a THC vape pen. Although he was not drinking during that time he was still dealing with depression and all that comes with being an addict.
25 days ago, he relapsed, drank a lot, and crashed his truck. It was then that he went back to AA, got a sponsor, and was ready to take it seriously.
2 weeks ago, Tim’s father, who also struggled with alcoholism, but never admitted it, committed suicide. Shortly after this Tim went to a bar, had 3 beers, left and called his sponsor.
[37:30] You are on day 2, how are you feeling?
Tim says he feels great. He has energy in the morning and is getting up early to pray. He has been able to be honest with his boss, which has saved him from losing his job. He explained to his boss that he could not stay late after work because he is now going to AA, and his boss has been very supportive.
[41:00] Do you know why you drank?
Tim says alcohol helped him feel his emotions, it allowed him to cry. He wanted to ‘feel’ and alcohol did that for him.
[43:50] What are you going to do when a craving hits?
Tim starts each morning in prayer or meditation. He sets his day up and prepares for the cravings that he knows he will have. He also has multiple sponsors and a network of people that he can contact when one is not available. He listens to podcasts and also has people checking in on him.
[45:21] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
2 years ago, I made a big scene at a restaurant and embarrassed my wife and my friends. I stacked a bunch of dishes and smashed them on the table, I drank way too much and had to get thrown out.
- When was your ah ha moment?
It was something I heard on your podcast, someone said, “life isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you”. That concept was so incredibly mind-blowing to me.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?
To continue on knowing that if I am isolated, which is my nature, I will not succeed at this.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Paul I’m not saying this to blow any smoke, but I listen to multiple podcasts, and for some reason yours has been my number 1.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?
Stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Don’t wait. Not one more drink, it’s always one more drink, one more day…do it right this second because life it worth it.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
In the middle of the night, drunk, you are seeing fireworks in your rearview mirror only to discover you have driven the wheel off of your truck and the brake caliper and axel are scraping and shooting sparks 15 feet into the air.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Alcohol Use is Rising Around the World
Americans Drank Less Alcohol in 2018
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 10, 2019 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
±ZX±Z8 Nick, with 101 days of sobriety, shares his story.
Paul is asking the listeners what they want to hear on the podcast. Do you want more interviews with industry professionals, such as recovery coaches, authors, and wellness leaders? Or do you like the podcast just the way it is with Paul interviewing sobriety badasses? Leave a review on iTunes and let Paul know!
On today’s podcast Paul shares that he was recently interviewed on a podcast called, Self Made and Sober by the host Andrew Lassise. Andrew asked Paul what was the difference between his first 2 ½ years of sobriety and from September 7, 2014 on. According to Paul, that was a fantastic question with an easy answer.
The first 2 ½ years of sobriety was from January 1, 2010 through August 2012. On 1/1/10 Paul made a declaration to go 30 days without alcohol. When day 30 hit Paul was at a crossroads. He had started to lose weight, feel good, his face was less puffy, life just got better. So, he decided to go another month. Going into month 3 the pink cloud showed up. But during this 2 ½ years he had a mindset of lack. A mindset that he was missing something, couldn’t do something. And as with anything, when we approach a goal with a mindset of lack, with a mindset that we will be missing something, it is not going to last. After 2 ½ years Paul went to his first AA meeting and walked away thinking “I got this.”. 2 days later he drank, picking up right where he had left off. Those first 2 ½ years were based on willpower, which does not work.
On September 7, 2014 something felt different. He knew that he had to quit drinking. But his mindset was different. Paul wasn’t looking at giving up alcohol as a sacrifice, but rather that space was being created, and things (alcohol) were being cleared, for better things to come. This time he wasn’t doing it out of fear, he was doing it because there was a light at the end of the tunnel, an opportunity. That opportunity shows up every day. Instead of having a mindset of lack Paul now has a mindset of opportunity.
SHOW NOTES
[18:40] Paul introduces Nick.
Nick is 29 years old and has been sobor since January 25, 2019. He says that that biggest lesson he has learned in recovery so far is personal acceptance. Nick is from Saginaw, MI. He says he is figuring out what he likes to do for fun, that right now everything is fun whereas when he was drinking nothing was fun. He enjoys being around people, disk golf, hiking, and meditation. He is divorced, a result of his addiction, but close to his family who live is Saginaw as well. For work Nick is about to start a new position with an organization called Families Against Narcotics.
[22:40] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Nick started drinking and using at the age of 14. From the first time he drank nick knew he wasn’t like other people. He realized he didn’t have an off switch. He says there was no slow progression in to alcoholism, that he was an addict the first time he took a drink. Throughout college he was binge drinking up to 5 nights a week, but that didn’t seem like a problem to Nick because that was what everyone else was doing. In 2012 his drinking and drugging amplified. But he was still doing well in school, still holding a job, still doing everything that looked normal on the outside.
[25:43] Sounds like there was some cognitive dissonance, tell us what that was like, how did that feel?
Nick said he felt powerless. He felt out of control and the only way he felt better was more drinking. There was a lot of rationalizing and minimalizing. In July of 2014 Nick went into rehab for the first time. In September 2014 his wife kicked him out. He moved back home and was doing drugs and drinking every day. On December 6, 2014 Nick overdosed. That put him in the hospital for about 2 weeks, and they weren’t even sure he was going to make it. He then went back to rehab and says that’s when there was a shift in his mindset. He finally accepted that he wasn’t in control and that his life was unmanageable. He entered into a 3-month inpatient rehab; the same one his brother was at.
[28:18] What did it feel like when you had that mind shift?
Nick said it was a huge relief, that it felt like he could let go and let God take over.
[31:15] Tell us what it was like being in rehab with your brother.
They were both there for 3 months but they kept them apart for the first month. After that they started to have some overlap with their programs. Nick said he had the mind shift but that his brother did not. On the plane ride home from rehab his brother purchased a beer. This made Nick angry and he told his brother that. His brother minimalized it.
[33:30] Take us from getting out of rehab in the beginning of 2015 to your sobriety date the beginning of 2019.
Nick has been active in recovery since getting out of rehab. He has had slip ups and relapses, never with the hard drugs, just with alcohol. The last time he drank was January 24, 2019.
[37:10] Talk to us about some of these slip ups.
It got to the point that drinking wasn’t fun anymore. Every time he would drink there was a lesson he would learn. The biggest lesson he learned from the slip ups was that alcohol was going to hold him back, just like the drugs would, and that he needed to be totally sobor to reach his fullest potential.
[40:35] Tell us more about the moment when you told your friends you were no longer drinking, and how it was after that.
The first few weeks his friends went out of their way to make him comfortable. What he had expected, that there would be problem or a change, was not the case at all. His friends stopped drinking around him at first, and things got easier fairly quickly.
[42:30] Why do you think you drank and used?
He thinks it was because he had a false narrative of who he really was. Alcohol helped numb it and made it easier to swallow that he wasn’t living his purpose. He also had a lot of emotional trauma growing up and he thinks that played a part.
[45:15] In the past 101 days have you experienced cravings and what tools have you used to get past them?
For Nick a craving is just a thought and it is all about changing that thought process. The cravings have been a lot milder than they were with the drugs. When he has a craving now, and is alone, he yells ‘STOP’, if he is with someone he thinks ‘STOP’ in his head.
[47:50] Tell us more about the Open Discussion, OD Movement, website.
After his grandmother’s passing in 2018 Nick wanted to do something to proactively try and address addiction. So, he created the Open Discussion Movement website, https://odmovement.com/ The OD Movement’s mission is to change the dialogue around addiction. You can find the OD Movement podcast by searching for it on most podcast platforms.
[56:00] Rapid Fire Round
- Worst memory from drinking?
Driving drunk and wrecking my car and waking up in the psyche ward.
- When was your oh shit moment?
When I woke up in the ICU after my overdose in 2014.
- What’s your plan in sobriety moving forward?
My plan is to continue building the OD Movement and just continue doing the next right thing.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
The Meeting Finder app on my phone, I love that I can go to a meeting at any time.
- In regards to sobriety what is the best advice you have received?
You’re exactly where you need to be.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
It gets better. You have no idea how great life can be until you live a life free from the clutches of drugs and alcohol.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You wake up in the hospital and say, “man I shouldn’t have done that last night.”.
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