“I wish there was a Tinder style app for finding a sponsor.” I exclaimed with frustration to my roommate last week.
“It’s genius! Each person would have their photos, a short recovery bio, their daily routine and a list of hobbies. You could swipe right (to say yes) on the ones that seem like a good fit, left (to opt out) on the ones that obviously aren’t. Then, after some texting, see it it’s worth meeting up to work on the steps!”
It felt silly to stack recovery up against the popular dating phone app. But I was getting desperate.
To my surprise, my roommate recoiled at the thought. “That’s too easy. Half the growth comes from overcoming that fear of asking someone in person. I’m sure it’s just the first of many awkward steps you have to go through in early recovery.”
Dammit. She was right.
And she wasn’t even in recovery. Just a wise soul capable of looking right through my BS.
The fact of the matter was, I was in need of a sponsor. I had been in need of a sponsor. However, I felt as though I was facing an impenetrable wall of both external and internal obstacles. No women in my AA group. An insanely busy schedule. My upcoming move to a new city.
But the most daunting obstacle was overcoming my sense of self-worth, or lack thereof.
I’ve always been one of those oh-I’m-sorry-to-bother-you types, often going out of my way to avoid being a nuisance to others. It’s a quality I generally mask behind ostensible independence. I act like I have it all under control without the need for anyone’s help when, really, I’m simply grappling with an overwhelming sense of unworthiness.
So, of course, the thought of having to approach someone I barely knew and ask them to help me navigate the darkest, ugliest, most shameful parts of my psyche left me feeling vulnerable. I didn’t feel ready to spiritually disrobe in front of a stranger. What would they think of my soul’s lumps, wrinkles, and cellulite?
Early recovery is like being a teenager again. We’re all just a couple of pimply-faced kids awkwardly wandering through the school halls of life. Asking someone to be our sponsor is basically the equivalent of asking someone to the prom. What if they say no? What if it gets weird? What I fart during the first meeting?
And then there’s figuring out how to go about asking.
Maybe I’ll do it like I’m asking someone to prom. How about I craft a sign that says “Will you be my sponsor” in rose petals , and hold it up in front of the seemingly wisest woman in the room. Too much?
At the end of the day, there’s really no right or wrong way to go about it. The lesson here is stepping outside of our comfort zone and learning how to ask for help.
It didn’t take long after I decided to stop stressing about finding a sponsor that one came to me. I decided I would do what was in my control, and leave the rest up to the universe.
Whenever I got selected to speak, I would casually mention I was looking for a sponsor. I would chat people up after meetings, even when I didn’t know what the ‘eff to say (usually a “Oh hey, I really like what you said about blah blah blah” makes a great ice-breaker.)
Anyways, I found a sponsor. Yep. It happened. After my last meeting, a lovely young woman floated over to me and casually said, “Hey! You really need a sponsor? I really need a sponsee!”
What? You really need a sponsee?
And then it dawned on me. When it comes to sponsors, we are just as much a part of their recovery as they are to ours. And all this time I was worried about being a burden to someone, when it turns out, that someone needed me just as much as I needed them. All my fears, my doubts, my weirdness evaporated at the realization.
It was match!
just say my boyfreind need help from aa sponsor but hope you email me back thank you
Just No idea this doesn’t have to be hard does this have to
Your AA or NA sponsor needs to be completely objective and impartial. ANY sexual chemistry or attraction should be an automatic disqualification. Sex introduces a lot of unwanted complications and so it is suggested that you select a sponsor of the same gender – or the opposite for homosexuals. Try to find an AA sponsor where sexual attraction is non-exsitent on
I need sponser I’m becoming disenchanted I need guidance.I am too scared to ask anyone.I keep trying to get up the nerve.Any advice most welcome.
I need a sponsor
Hello Chelsea,
We would love to help you out and get you paired with an accountability partner. This is all included in the Cafe RE membership. You can signup at http://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere or email me at kerri@recoveryelevator.com for further assistance.
I am in need of a sponsor. Can anyone help me?
Hello Marcie,
If you would like to get paired with an accountability partner thru the REcovery Elevator Community, you would need to join. You can signup at http://www.recoveryelevator.com/cafere. We hope you will join us!
Hi. If any guys are in need of a sponsor, please feel free to reach out. I am gratefully sober and have had an experience with the 12 Steps that I can share. I live in NJ. I’m also glad to just chat and answer questions you may have about AA/sponsorship.
How do I trust a sponsor.
I’m a local truck driver .
I’ve always drive sober but after work another story.
I need help Ryan. I’ve never asked for anything from anyone. It’s wired I’m writing this . But I’m desperately trying to fix myself before it’s too late
Hi Ryan,
I’m in need of finding sponsor and would greatly appreciate your help.
Lord, this is the most difficult element of my recovery. I finally had one person take me as a sponsee, and then didn’t seem to have much interest in the calls I was (required to make). It left me feeling listless and uncomfortable. Please God send me my sponsor!!!
I’m sure you hear the same ole story everyday
Well…I’m in that story now
I need guidance and support
I’m lost and don’t know how to get a handle up.
I’ve been to CR and AA
But with no avail
I’m sure you hear the same ole story everyday
Well…I’m in that story now
I need guidance and support
I’m lost and don’t know how to get a handle up.
I’ve been to CR and AA
But with no avail
I need,to find a sponsor,but the feeling of rejection and fear is holding me back,from reaching out and getting a sponsor.